VIP : The Villain Improvement Program
by Hatter and Hare Productions
Summary: In the time of coming darkness, heroes and villains struggle for the very soul of the Disney Kingdom to secure their place in an existence gone very wrong…
1. Day by Day

_**Day by Day**_

By the March Hare

"Just another day at the Vogue."

_Slam!_

"Just another day at the Vogue!" Captain Hook bitterly cried, raising his hook in frustration to the sky. Slamming the door shut behind him the good captain and Jafar, one of the few villains he could call a friend, strutted into the lobby of the Villain's Vogue, walking pass the behemoth form of Chernabog. The mighty archfiend ignored the ranting Hook, his interest utterly consumed in a newspaper smaller than one of his nails. By now, though, he was used to it.

The size of the newspaper, that is, not Hook's ranting.

Well, that too.

"All we do is go to the Vogue, waste the day away on complaining about our past, and drink until we can't walk, then go home!" Hook roared as the duo made their way out of the lobby and into the showroom.

"That is, you do, my good friend." Jafar replied, his ears aching from all of the yelling. He had been listening to this since they met at thee captain's ship.

That was one mile ago.

"Now, you should know by now, that we are villains, and that is what we do." Jafar began. "We have played our part in the heroes' story , and now we must accept our existence as losers. I've moved on, Ursula's moved on, heck, even Chernabog has moved on. He hasn't complained a lick since the Bald Mountain incident. He is one of the most evil and cruel beings of us all, and he was defeated by sunlight!"

Hook wanted to give him a left **hook.**

"But their must be more!" Hook was really on a roll this morning. "Great Scott! We do nothing! Are we are men of intelligence, of good breedin', of…"

"Failures!" Jafar shouted, trying to do outdo the raging captain in volume and failing. "We were created to fail, and that is what we did! Can't you accept our lot in life?" By now the duo had made it past all the usual lower class patrons of the Vogue, and were now taking the stairs up to the second level of the establishment, laid out so that the patrons on the second floor had a look at what was going on stage at the time. Also, so that those on top could feel like they were superior to those on the bottom. Ah, the sad delusions of power we all bear.

"I mean," Jafar continued. "We have tried countless coups and none of them have succeeded! We've tried every trick in the book. We've poisoned King Mickey (which only resulted in a case of chronic diarrhea ), kidnapped Donald (he did not **shut up **for the **entire week **we had him), even tried to turn Goofy to the dark side! Need I say more!"

"I'm not talking about trying to take over Disney! I'm talking about real change!" Hook was roaring at the top of his lungs, which by now Jafar truly believed never had a true top.

"Change for the betterment of mankind!"

"Blaspheme!" cried Jafar. "A villain attempting to improve the lives of others! Have you been smoking more than tobacco lately?"

Hook wondered how he ever made friends with the spawn of Satan. He stopped in mid-stride, pausing dramatically and taking in a large whiff of air.

"It's as if" he continued, " there is a **change **in the air**! Change!" **His hands (correction, hand and hook) shook in excitement. He took another whiff of air. "I can smell it."

"Yes, I can smell it to…" Jafar paused, also pausing dramatically, joining Hook in a gaze into space. "It would be the downwind gust of the Vogue's restroom coming to us." Jafar replied with sarcastic spite.

Hook frowned, his face showing his displeasure with having the former royal vizier shoot down his grand visions **again**. "I swear," Hook replied, "when you wish upon stars, they shrivel up and die."

The two made their way onward, passing the more notable scum and villainy of the establishment. Hades was smooth talking the new busty blonde barmaid, leaning on the table liked he owned the place, which he did not. That unique (dis)honor would go to Pete, who was bedecked in a white suit and sitting at a table with Clayton, laughing and guffawing over a joke raunchy enough to make a drunken sailor blush.

"Animals." Hook muttered under his breath in disgust.

"You're no saint either, pedophile." quipped Jafar.

"Do you **want** to get shot?" Hook bit back.

"Well, **you were **hunting a boy, for," Jafar paused, his thoughtful finger on his lips, "how many years?"

"Shut-up."

Further on, there was Scar and Zira sharing a juicy gazelle leg together, which would be normal (maybe even cute, from a lion's perspective) except for the fact gazelle season ended 3 months ago.

There was one rule that each and every villain followed, down to the lowest thug to the highest monster. _"Don't know, don't ask." _Despite the homosexual jokes that abound about it, it was a serious policy and more than one man has woken up with a decapitated horse head in his bed for doing other wise. Where did the horse head come from?

Don't know, don't ask.

In fact, I don't even want to know.

Passing a few more of the usual patrons Hook and Jafar finally made it to a cozy little table in a corner, layered in darkness and having an out-of-place door on the wall situated next to it. Hook rubbed his eyes. "I need a drink."

"No, sweetheart, you need me." A prima donna's voice slithered in, wiggling in the former pirate's ears like a worm.

Hook stopped cold in fear, a cold sweat consuming him. "Oh, dear God, no..."

Hook's leg was jerked out from under him by a tentacle, his chin and the floor connecting in a jaw-breaking moment. Struggling to recover his senses, he felt the slimy limb tighten and pull, dragging the poor captain away. "Jafar!" he inquired of the sorcerer, who was at this very moment making tracks to the duo's table. "A little help here!" he grasped the ground in a panic, his hook digging into the floor.

"Not on your life!" The vizier cried back, grabbing a chair and using it to fend of a second tentacle. "Back, back!" he yelled at the tenacious thing. Out of the darkness, however, a second tentacle came out and smacked Jafar straight in the butt.

"OW!" he jumped in the air, screaming like a little girl.

"Coward!" the pirate muttered under his breath, fighting off his own slimy situation. The tentacle pulled several times in succession, making Hook extend and crunch like an accordion. "My dear!" Hook yelled to the monster. "This is precisely why I left you on the first date!"

The tentacle yanked **hard,** pulling up the poor man to the face of Ursula, her breath reeking of chewed shrimp and lipstick, most of the earlier still in her teeth. "Why, because I'm too good for you?" The _thing _chuckled darkly.

Hook nearly gagged.

"No, Miss Ursula." Replied Hook, holding back all the insults he really wanted to say in stay in good form. "You do not!" he pulled himself up in a vain attempt to undo the entrapping limb. "Know!" he pulled himself and finally grasped the limb. "Your limits!"

_**THUMP!**_

She dropped him on the floor like a wet sack of potatoes on the hard floor.

Hook laid there for a moment, listening to the ringing in his head and wondering why he always had to be in pain.

He felt the tentacles slither snake-like over him as Ursula descended from her throne. Her face showed extreme pleasure, something Hook could either give to her malicious nature or some unknown knowledge he could not fathom. Either way, he had a feeling that he was going to **hate** the following events.

"Well, if you wanna be like that," she began, a sly smile on her lips. "Then I guess you don't wanna know what I heard." She slithered past Hook ("Thank God!" he thought) as she made her way to the bar.

Hook pondered this. Did he _really_ want to know what she knew? Jafar, however, remembering her reputation as a known eavesdropper, gossiper, and all around nosy bitch, leapt on the opportunity.

"O beautiful and most magnificent Ursula." began Jafar, bowing elegantly and most humbly while he put down the chair.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you.." Hook simply stated, still laying on his back on the floor and finding the ceiling (and the thoughts of Jafar's coming suffering) to be quite comforting.

Jafar ignored the floored man and continued his kowtowing. "I, unlike the stupid and unwise actions of our simple captain, am interested in what the marvelous and graceful sea witch has to say."

Hook shook his head. "Dead men tell no tale."

Jafar glared daggers at him. "Shut-up! I'm a reporter." he said under his breath, "Flattering is just a tool of my job."

"I'm surprised," Hook finished as Jafar made his way to Ursula, "that after all these years of kissin' ass, the taste doesn't just stay there."

Jafar paused for a moment, licking his lips and tasting if they did taste like ass.

Jafar made his way to the bar, smiling and chatting with the sea witch as she flirted with him. The busty blonde barmaid was gone, and so was Hades (Don't know, don't ask!), replaced by a brunette who took the two's order and carried on.

Hook shook his head. "She's probably making this up to get him in bed." He chuckled quietly. His face suddenly warped into fear. "Just like she tried to do to _me_."

Hook quivered in fear. Ever since that date, he has join the countless number of Japanese schoolgirls that have had nightmares about being raped by tentacle monsters.

He stood up, rubbing his head and deciding that he was going to drink until his eyes crossed. Just as he was picking his hat up and straightening himself up, Jafar made his way back, a mix of maniacal glee and anticipation settled deep in his eyes. Not good.

He also had a margarita in his hand. Even worse.

"Please don't tell me she got you to go on a date with you." Hook made his way to the duo's table, marked with several bored, idle scratches from Hook's claw. "Miss, miss!" Hook snapped his fingers, catching the attention of the brunette. "Rum, and keep it comin'."

"Until when?" she asked as she prepared his order.

"'til Ursula looks like a catch and a princess falls from grace." He declared solemnly.

"Oh, great!" Jafar moaned mentally, rolling his eyes at the display. "He's waxed poetic!"

"Listen and be amazed!" The fallen vizier declared mystically, waving his hands around in imitation of a stage magician. "Do you know about the events of last night's gala in which Princess Aurora was kidnapped!"

"Yes, Jafar. it's headline news across Disney Kingdom" Hook said as he greeted the waitress, took his bottle of rum, and immediately popped the cork "But I was one of the first to know, if I remember correctly" Hook began, his tone holding an underlying anger. "A **certain former vizier **called me at **1:25 in the morning **to tell me that the royal gala was wrecked, Philip was found chained naked to a pillar, and the princess was kidnapped." He picked up the bottle, but paused. "Oh, and that the police had began a search for her."

Jafar watched in _pure horror _as Hook began drinking, and **kept drinking,** disregarding the need to breath in favor of drinking more in less time. With a _pop!_ of the bottle_**, **_the container was removed and the captain who's blood was famous for being more alcohol than actual blood 24/7 smacked his lips. His countenance switched from a complete shutdown to an overload, resulting in something that looked like a chipmunk getting a colonoscopy while conscious.

Trust me, not a pretty sight.

"You hungry?" Jafar asked as he made his way to his seat.

"Nah, food makes me sick." Hook answered. "Waitress, another bottle."

"A man eats and drinks like that and he is going to die." Jafar declared as he nursed his margarita.

"When?" Hook honestly asked.

Jafar ignored his boozer buddy's question and got back to the news. "Well, not only did the police start the search, but Philip is announcing a 500 million dollar reward for her return! You know what that means?"

"A massive increase in newspaper sales?" Hook stated offhand.

"A MASSIVE INCREASE IN NEWSPAPER SALES!" Jafar jumped up and laughed to the sky, dancing around like a fool and twirling like a jester. "MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!" he sang to the world!

People all around looked at him like he finally snapped.

Which would not be a surprise, knowing Jafar.

"How did I just know he would say that?" Hook questioned to himself silently as he took another swig of a new bottle.

"And!" Jafar stopped, leaning over his chair vulture-like as his insanity hit new heights. "If I work it out right, that royal pain-in-the-butt in command of the gazette will give me an article all my own if I can just find out before the cops do who stole the princess! Whaddya say?" he slide in next to Hook, putting his hand (with his staff in it) around Hook's neck. "Help me find out who the dreaded kidnapper is, and I'll split the reward with you right down the middle." he made a downward slicing motion in the air.

Hook finished off his bottle, wondering if he had anything better to do today than help Jafar in a madcap adventure that will most likely land him in the hospital in full traction without 500 million dollars that some hero or heroine beat them to because (at least to Jafar) they always won.

And villains would always lose.

Oh, well. As the French say, _c'est la vie ._

"Alright, Jafar." Hook stood up awkwardly, as if the connections between his brain and his body were doing the mamba. He nearly fell, but was caught at the last moment by Jafar.

"Did you ever stop and consider that the fact that you can out drink every man you know a sign that you should lay off the bottle for some time?" Jafar questioned as he pulled Hook up to his feet, keeping an eye on the hooked hand as it swung around like a swinging chainsaw.

Jafar could see it now, him in red, her in white, a lovely day outside the window, and the head doctor asking how he got a hook in his eye.

And who's hook was in his eye.

**Give ya 3 guesses!**

"Jafar, if have learned one thing in my long and bloody life, is that a man can never have enough warm drink in him." his breath smelled almost as bad as Ursula. "Now if you give me a moment, I will join you in your foolish attempt at fame and fortune." Hook made his way to the stairs, every one around him keeping an eye on him just in case he fell over on them, or did worse.

"What are you doing, Hook?" Jafar asked as he watched the swaying captain swing left and forth on his way down the stairs.

"The bathroom!" Hook yelled back, not stopping for a moment. "I gotta piss an ocean."

* * *

><p>Ah, <em>c'est la vie. <em>French for_ "_It's the life".

This is a sequel to The Trampled Rose, but you won't **need** to read it to understand this if you read it long enough. Still, I would **love **it if you did anyway!

Well, here it is, Angel. The first establishment of VIP. Hoped you enjoyed it, and forgive me if I made Ursula a tad too disgusting.

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but as of now several kittens that can play _ZZ Top _like it's no one business! They even got the beards!


	2. Snatch and Grab

**Snatch and Grab**

_By the March Hare_

_**Sorry to my third reviewer for not stating what the Villain's Vogue was. It is like a private club for villains, where they drink, listen to music, whine about their losses, et cetera. Like Mickey's House of Mouse, only darker, weirder, and a lot more fun. Though to the villains, it might as well be a retirement home\prison\psychiatric ward with drinks. Keep reading the story, and I hope you will understand why.**_

* * *

><p>The duo met back at the front door, rolled their necks, popped their joints, did a few stretches, and began their journey.<p>

They then stopped, bent over in pain, and realized they were too old to do that and look cool.

"Oh, God. Me spine!"

"What are you whining about? My neck's on fire!"

Watching the rolling reprobates on the ground, Chernabog shook his ancient head, put his hand down, and _**flicked! **_the two out the door with more.

Pain, that is.

Standing up, the pair looked back, saw the face of the scowling archfiend, and looked at each other.

"Run?" Hook asked Jafar.

"Yes."

_**BAAA-DINNGGG!**_

All that remained were little fire streaks.

Chernabog smiled.

"I love my life." He took up his newspaper and began reading again, humming a little tune by Marilyn Manson.

* * *

><p>"So," Jafar asked as he and Captain Hook made their way down the cobble streets, catching their breath and listening to the sound of The Timeless River (Disneyville's only body of water that the metropolis was built around) played in their ear. "Feel better after the bathroom break?"<p>

"Like you would not believe." Hook simply stated as he straightened his pants. "Do tell me, in greater detail, what exactly happened last night?"

Jafar looked thoughtful for a long moment, recalling the maddening events of a night that resembled a nightmare more than a night. "I had been invited to the party to report on the events of the night and it's happenings. So I did. Well at first, it was more boring than watching paint dry. Or listening to **that Sultan **ramble." He added bitterly.

"Jafar, relax."

"Yes, yes, I know." Jafar stopped chatting, took a few breaths, and began again.

"Well, I then met Doctor Facilier, who, as you can guess, was uninvited but came anyway (surprise!). Well he told me that something big was going to happen, and he wanted me, if anything bad went down, to call-" he paused, stopping completely in his stride. His face went from relaxed to "Oh, crap! What did I do now!".

Hook had a miserable feeling hit him, like that time Merlin convinced him to try his latest fruit punch concoction. Let us just say 2 things. One, it had more than fruit punch in it ( a little fact Merlin "_conveniently_" forgot to mention) and two, it had Hook on the toilet for a week, doing his best imitation of a space rocket blast off.

Hook was still trying to figure out how to get back at him for that.

"So, do tell _**me**_, who did he ask you to call?" Hook's words rolled off his tongue like venomous barbs.

Jafar gulped. Looking like he was about to commit high treason, he reluctantly said quietly, and barely audible,

"The March Hare."

Hook felt his immortal soul tremble.

"_**THE MARCH HARE!" **_Hook was ready to explode, face redder than a cherry and his hands flying **everywhere **like a loco. _**"THE MARCH HARE!" **_

Jafar freaked out, his heart dancing the waltz on speed. He threw one hand on Hook's **big **mouth and used his other one to push him in a nearby alley. "Quiet! You obnoxious fool! Someone could hear you!"

Hook pushed his hand off, but ("Thank Allah!") he quieted down.

"The March Hare! Why didn't you just drop a nuclear warhead on Mickey's castle!" He put his hook to Jafar's face, forcing the former vizier to back down. "I swear, **Jafar,** you have taken leave of your good senses!" Hook backed off for a moment, letting himself breathe while he took his hat off and rubbed his hand through his hair. "Jafar, _you know_, that the Tzarbomba should only be dropped when there is no other option!" he said these words angrily, but also displayed something other.

Concern.

Despite his utter hatred of Jafar on the worst days (something that was quite mutual also on his best days), he did not want Jafar to end up in jail for prison for life, or getting executed, or worse.

Rumor was that Mickey had special forms of torture for the worst of criminals, things that involved hooks, barbs, special poisons.

And things called "boogee-boos."

Whatever that was, it just sounded wrong.

"Plus," Hook continued, cracking a smile. "if you got into trouble, I doubt you would do well in prison. One drop of the soap and…"

"Shut up, Hook. Shut up." Jafar said, still grumpy but happy that Hook was no longer going to remove his nose with a hook.

"So," Jafar continued, recollecting his mind and resuming his stride down the alley. "Facilier convinces me to **possibly** call the big bunny, disappears, I get a tray of food-"

"Where you conveniently found Maleficent getting a tray of food herself." Hook replied, smirking.

"Good captain, do me a favor. Leave my personal life out of this, and I won't mention all those disastrous dates you been on."

"Fine, fine." Hook countered nervously. "Let's just get on with the story, **please**."

"Better." replied Jafar. "So, I got some food, ate, watched the royal couple descend (just like in their movie), sat around watching other people dance-"

"While you sat in the corner and wished you were dancing with a certain emerald lady." Hook interrupted.

"Hey! Tentacle rape. That's all I gotta say!"

"Okay! Okay!" Hook raised his hands up in defense, nervously looking around to see if anyone had heard it. "Just a little levity, that's all."

Jafar straightened himself up as the duo exited out of the alley and into a new street. "As I was saying."

"So then I go to the bathroom, and nearly threw up at how filthy they were! I mean, you would honestly think a prince and princess could afford better service. It was as if they were street rats!"

"Jafar, focus."

Jafar took a breath, cleansing his mind of all the impurities he had to endure and began anew. " I finish my business, exit the facilities, and, sweet Allah, it was World War 3! People were shooting at each other, and Facilier was having a sword fight with Prince Philip, and magic was flying everywhere, and someone was shouting "Burn the heretic, purge the unclean!". I think it was Frollo."

"I say!" Hook said. "Here comes the pervert right now!"

It was true. Walking towards the duo was Judge Claude Frollo (correction, ex-judge), taking a leisurely stroll in the summer day (at least, I think it was summer. I'm not sure…). Anyway, Frollo was walking along, minding his own business, when he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Waking up on today of all days.

"It is, isn't it!" Jafar replied, just as surprised as Hook was. "I need to talk with him about last night. Shall we do Maneuver 2.35 Drive By?"

"Yes, yes we should."

* * *

><p>Frollo saw the gentlemen, and decided that he should take an alternative route to the park. He smiled at them, they smiled back (A little too big for his taste). He turned around, sped up to a fast walk, and made a break for it.<p>

Too bad for him, he should of never even existed today.

He felt his limbs become arrested by a brace of arms, taking him away from behind like a lady being carried by two men on both sides. Discovering his lack of movement in the alternative route (in fact, it was the same direction he had come from), he recovered his senses and got nasty.

"Unhand me, you belligerent fools!" he struggled as if he had a rabid badger in his dress (correction, robe). "You heathen men! You lawless dregs!"

Jafar laughed. "Whoo-hoo! That got him mad!"

Pedestrians all around watched the bizarre display and kept their distance.

"Why Jafar!" Hook replied, tightening his grip on the squirming Frollo. "He just called you a heathen!"

"Now that's just bias!" Jafar chuckled. "I have a religion. I worship myself."

"That's almost as bad as being a Muslim!' Frollo said, grunting and kicking like a bucking stallion. "I declare, if you do not unhand me I'll sue! I'll file charges! There'll be Hell to pay!"

Jafar smiled. "Not until you help us! And take back the Muslim comment!"

"And then some?" Frollo bit back.

"Of course." Jafar replied. "I would not have it any other way. We are, obviously, all villains here."

Frollo looked hurt to the core. "I am not a villain!"

"You do not call singing a song called "Hellfire", expressing your lustful desires to make love to Esmeralda (despite her thoughts otherwise), all the while commanding an all out witch-hunt on gypsy kind and any one you **thought **was connected to gypsies," Hook took a breath, "being a villain?"

"For the second part, I was doing my duty to God! As for the first, I hold the **truth** to myself." Frollo answered, holding himself high as he said so with a contemptuous tone for the devious duo.

Hook shook his head. "Frollo, people like you give God and Jesus a bad name. And as for that tone of voice, I say we throw him in the river and see if he floats or sinks like a witch."

"This guy is a regular hypocrite, Hook." Jafar laughed.

Frollo had had enough." All right, all right! If you will stop for a moment, I will comply." He kicked and bucked some more, reminding Hook of a donkey. "Just put me down."

"I say," Hook grinned, "shall we drop this ass?"

"Agreed."

_**THUMP!**_

Frollo landed on the cobble streets, butt first. "Ah!" Rubbing his hind end, Frollo wiped the street dust off, nodded his head, said "Thank you, gentlemen", and **broke** into a run.

Jafar stuck his staff out.

_**THUMP!**_

Frollo swore his nose was broke. Snorting the dust out of his nose, he could see the shadows of the mischievous pair fall over him.

"My, my…"

Frollo looked up.

"And a liar." Hook leaned down. "You're now a double hypocrite."

The former captain extended his hand.

"Shall we try this again?"

* * *

><p>Thanks to Rose and Angel for reviewing my last chapter. I hoped you enjoyed Frollo!<p>

Yes, Angel. Eric would know, wouldn't he? MUHAHAHAHAHA! MUHAHAHAHA!

Cough, cough!

Reviews will always be loved, appreciated, and most likely to end you up on the March Hare's Wall of Love.

Requests would also be loved!

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story, but somewhere over the rainbow, I just bought a mansion made of syrup and milk chocolate.

Now, just to get there…?


	3. Catch and Fire

_**Catch and Fire**_

By the March Hare

The odd duo, now on their way down the street with a now more compliant (and more silent) Frollo, made their way down the main street of Downtown Disneyville, taking life one step at a time as they discussed (and fruitlessly tried to unravel) last night's events.

To put it in simple terms, they were **lost.**

"So, what you're saying is that… no villains save Jafar, Facilier, and Maleficent were there that night?" Captain Hook could not believe his own words.

"In a way, yes." Jafar was in similar straits. "I called the March Hare, ran home for my life, bunkered down for a police raid, and started investigating. I called every villain I had seen at the party's breakdown, except for those who I didn't have their cell phone numbers or an e-mail address for. Those who I didn't have the connections to I _had_ to contact personally-"

"And I'm sure it _killed_ you." Hook interjected mischievously.

"Hey!" Jafar raised his staff, thinking to turn Hook into something more fitting for a mouth like his (a donkey or a howler monkey came first to mind).

Hook cringed, wondering if now might be a nice time to run and check on that "roast" he left cooking this morning.

Frollo shook his head "The Black Magic Laws of 1937*, gentlemen."

Jafar's staff hit the ground harder than a ton of bricks, returning to the cobble street faster than Thumper could thump. The former vizier scanned around, making sure no one saw him raise his staff and looking more frightened than a lost puppy.

Frollo smiled, his dark eyes showing his extreme pleasure with Jafar's helplessness. "Yes, Jafar. You are just as powerless, pathetic, and impotent as…"

Hook smiled haughtily at the scowling vizier.

"Captain Hook." Frollo stated wickedly.

Hook's eyes went from shut to wider than dinner plates. "What!"

Jafar laughed, a maniacal laugh that echoed down the street and made trembling the hearts of good men.

"Why don't we get back on topic," Hook gritted through his teeth, his face turning rubicund, hand and hook shaking at his sides "instead of acting like a lot of scurvy brats?"

Jafar only laughed harder.

"Because watching you two suffer is the most fun I've had in a while." Frollo replied sadistically. "And it's _too_ easy _not_ to miss."

Hook face palmed himself.

* * *

><p>The shadows were cool in the heat of the day, sheltering the phantom from the foul touch of the Sun. It had been watching the duo since they had met Frollo, and was quite displeased with the group's intentions.<p>

"_Melborp a eb annog yeht_." whispered a voice in it's ear.

"True," he replied. "True."

They both growled in fury.

"They must be dealt with."

* * *

><p>So it was official. After what seemed to be hours (though it had only had been a few minutes) the men had discovered three very important things.<p>

One, someone had stolen the princess and had set up an illusion to throw off Jafar. Then, they cast a spell to make the world forget the events that had happened, and it worked too.

Excepting Jafar.

Two, they could not, **repeat**, could not work together.

Three, there was only two people left they had not investigated…

And one was the Mistress of All Evil, and no one wanted to confront her yet, so that left one option.

A police siren pierced the still morning.

"Doctor Facilier." declared Jafar. "He is the only villain left I've not been able to contact (without that feeling of utter annihilation hanging over my head)."

"But don't you pass his voodoo stand on the way to our meeting place?" Hook asked.

"Yes" Jafar replied. "But he was not there when I got there." Jafar's face sort of crunched in confusion. "In fact, even his stand was not there."

"That is quite unusual," Frollo added. "Being as he is the type of man that would not miss a chance to deceive some gullible fool out of his hard-earned coins."

"True, true." muttered Jafar thoughtfully as he stroked his chin. He swore something in Arabic "I wish I knew where his Emporium was!"

Hook looked surprised. "How hard is it to find his home? Just pop open a phone book and look for his address."

"That would be my first course of action," Jafar stated. "Except for the fact that his Emporium lies somewhere **between light and darkness**."

Hook looked like his just saw a cat give birth to a baby elephant. "What?"

Jafar chuckled to himself. "A while ago, some police rookies broke into the Voodoo Emporium when it lied in the Material Realm, looking to get some dirt on him for a crime he did not commit."

"Such is the life of a villain." Hook bemoaned inside himself.

"Well, not only did Facilier find out about this, but he got so mad he made a deal with his-" Jafar looked around at the shadow just in case, then whispered, "_friends on the other side_, to move his Emporium to a place where no one could find it except him."

"Wow." Hook looked surprised. "They can do that?"

"Spirits reign all around us, watching our every movement, keeping track of our weaknesses and our mistakes." Jafar said in a sort of storyteller's tone. "Some, like I, can control the energies they swim in. Others, like Facilier, make deals with the spirits for even greater power. It comes at a cost, though, as his demise proved." Jafar laughed at the man's foolishnesses. "That's why **I **am better than any spirit medium. I control my own path."

"Yes, straight into a genie's bottle." Hook countered.

Jafar's eyes twitched.

Hook took all of this newly found knowledge in with a grain of salt, yet he mulled over it. "So, Frollo, what do you think of all this?"

Frollo did not reply. He was looking at the shadows for some odd reason, his eyes focused like daggers.

"Frollo? Frollo?" Hook waved his claw in front of the Judge's face. "Earth to perv, Earth to perv."

Frollo did not deem it worthy to reply to that insult. He had more pressing things on his mind. He turned back to the duo.

"We are being followed."

Suddenly, everything got quiet.

Hook reached inside his coat, placing his free hand on his concealed pistol. Jafar focused his mind for battle. Frollo felt for his cloaked sword.

Their eyes scanned the shadows.

The summer heat suddenly became unbearable.

The buzzing of flies pierced the air.

People walked by, unaware of the danger they were in.

"Let's make haste, Jafar." Hook inquired. "Where do we go to next?"

Jafar thought for a moment. "If we can not find the man, we find the man's friends. So, who would be a friend of Facilier?"

All three of them looked at each other, and smiled, thinking of the one man that would be low enough to help the witch doctor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BOOM!<strong>_

The front door was kicked in, as the triad marched in, out for answers.

Tony pissed himself.

Drawing his Thompson Machine gun out from behind his desk, the former weasel gangster prepared himself for purgatory, crossing himself and, with a prayer to Mary for forgiveness on his lips, said

"**Drop to the ground, motherfuckers!"**

It was now the triad's turn to piss themselves.

"**Jesus Christ**, Tony! It's only us!" Hook cried out as Frollo and Jafar hit the ground, finding it more than lovelier this time of year.

"Joseph, Mary , mother of God!" Tony cried back. "Don't you idiots know how to knock!" he said as he put away his gun back behind the desk.

"Sorry, Tony." Jafar replied. "Frollo **likes** to think he owns the world."

"Pardon me!" growled Frollo. "Jafar was the one who **suggested** it!"

The gentlemen got up as Hook went over to the Tony, owner of the most notorious hotel**\ **brothel**\ **drug dealing place this side of Disneyville.

It had a lot of traffic, if you didn't guess.

"Well," the former pirate captain said as he took his ruby hat off and ran his hand through his long black locks. "Shall we try this again?"

Tony chuckled, just to relieve the tension. "Yeah, let's try this again. So, what do you guys want? A **bump** in the night? A little **pick-me **up?"

Hook laughed heartily. "Sorry, but there's only **one** thing I want from you. Plus, I have my rum to keep me happy."

Jafar and Frollo flanked Hook, Frollo leaned his back on the desk (to cover the door), and Jafar leaned on the desk and kept an eye on the stairs leading to the upper and lower floors.

"So," Tony looked around cautiously, smiling in cupidity. 'You want some dirt, don't cha?"

"Yes, me and me friends here need it _now_." Hook tensed up, the merry look in his eyes replaced by the eyes of a man used to getting things he wanted **one way or another.**

Tony thought for a moment. "Okay, ask away." he rubbed his palms avidly.

"Doctor Facilier."

Tony suddenly looked very, **very** nervous.

"You're close enough friends with him," Hook placed both hand and hook on the desk, smiling wickedly. "so we suspect you know where he is."

"What?" Tony feigned surprised. "Isn't he at his stand this time of the day?"

Hook relished putting cowards in their place.

"Listen, _mate._" Hook said menacingly, raising his shining hook to Tony's quivering face. "We know that you know where he is, so unless you want to be swimming with the **fishes**," Hook's pupils suddenly became skulls and crossbones, "**you'll tell us **_what we want."_

Tony suddenly wished he had just shot them.

The weasel gulped, but remained adamant. "I don't know **where** he is." He tried to look tough, but it is hard to look bad when the guy your trying to stare down **shoots** his own men when their _singing_ annoys him.

Hook grinned, teeth bared in savage delight. The former pirate, in a flash, slipped his hook through the shirt collar of the weasel, pulling the frightened creature over his desk. He used his other hand to pull out his pistol and put it to Tony's temple. Face to face, he stared straight into the former gangster's trembling eyes.

"**So be it." **he spat.

Hook threw Tony behind him, causing him to smash his face into the hotel floor.

"Lads," Hook announced, slipping his gun back into this coat. "Let's go upstairs."

The other men nodded, looked around one last time, and joined the captain on the stairs.

Tony leapt up. "You guys can't go up there! I got people who are trusting me!"

He jumped over the stairs, going for **gun** and blood.

"Jafar, deal with him." Hook ordered.

_**ZZZAP!**_

Jafar hit the ground with his staff, sending _**10.000**_ volts of electricity into the weasel, causing him to go shake like a maraca and revealing his entire skeletal structure.

After about 5 seconds of this, Tony hit the ground, "danced" for a while, and then fell into unconscious.

"Don't you think you could have been more subtle, Hook?" Frollo asked.

"I said it before and I'll say it again." Hook said joyfully as the men disappeared upstairs.

"I am **not** a patient man."

The men looked around as they entered the first upstairs hall.

"My suspicions, gentlemen," Hook said quietly as they made their way down the hall, rooms 1,2,3,et cetera passing by. "Is that Facilier is hiding something **or someone **in these very apartments."

Frollo laughed. "And what makes you so sure? You are hardly an investigator!"

Hook rolled his eyes. "On the book of records (which was actually a sheet of paper on the back wall) Room 13 was vacant."

Jafar whistled a little _death_ tune to lighten the mood.

Frollo looked confused. "So, what's the **importance** of Room 13?" he queried.

Hook grinned. "Room 13," he answered "Does not exist in our world. It's the room where Tony keeps his most valuable people in. It can only be accessed with a certain key…"

Jafar pulled out a key chain he had pilfered while Tony was being dragged across the desk and tossed it to Hook.

"That leads to a room that is not, and is, connected to our realm."

Hook stopped at said room. He found an innocuous little key, it's teeth shaped like little pitchforks.

Frollo looked even more befuddled. "This is not making any sense!"

"It was not suppose to," Hook opened Frollo's right hand and put the little key in it. "Here, open it for yourself."

Frollo looked at a key's teeth. They were it's shaped like little pitchforks. A "joyous" omen.

He felt his spirit reach new heights.

Frollo shook his hoary head and went for the door.

Jafar and Hook went to the door's side, leaning on the wall and taking a relaxed position.

The key was put into the lock, twisted…

_**BOOM!**_

And Frollo went flying. The former judge, twice now, was sent flying through the door behind, breaking through it, and flapping like a black crow.

**It was a shotgun.**

"Great Scott, hit the deck!" Hook cried as a second shotgun blast nearly made Hook into a bloody pile of offal.

Hook and Jafar hightailed it, like dogs with their tales betwixt their legs, into the newly "opened" room, Hook grabbing and dragging the unconscious Frollo with them to the room's sides. Taking shelter from a third blast, the cowering Jafar looked to the cowering Hook, looked down at Frollo, and said

"Eh, I never liked him anyway."

* * *

><p>*The Black Magic Laws of 1937. Simply put, villains can not use magic <strong>whatsoever.<strong> One of the many anti-villains law. More on those later…

Dear Angel- No, I did not know that Disney stole my GREAT and MARVELOUS idea! Now, how to get back at them…

I looked it up, however, and it is actually Villains **in** Vogue

Thanks for telling me though!

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers (starts crying). WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU!

Doubly thankies to Heddwyn McCloud for being my gramma nazee. I deeply appreesiate da help. Now, I jus will becum pear-a-noid ova every wurd I's writ…every wurd writ….every wurd….wurd….wurd…

No offense meant! Just a joke!

Now I just need some rope, a small jar (with holes in it), and a collection of Spanish Butterflies… We gonna party!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but ears mites. (Chews maniacally on ear!) AAAAAHHHHHH! It hurts so good!


	4. Catching Fire

_**Catching Fire**_

By the March Hare

* * *

><p>"All right!" Hook cried, huddling behind the room's mattress with the unmoving form of Frollo laying on the ground, as-<p>

_**BOOM!**_

-another shotgun blast tore through the walls, showering the room in a white mix of powder and flakes.

"**NEW PLAN!"**

Hook looked at Jafar for help. "Got anything?" He found himself spiting out the powder.

Jafar at this time was crouching near a cabinet next to the door, hands over his head, and wondering why he had listened to Hook and got into all this madness!

"Well, Frollo's dead (I think), we are under **heavy** fire, and I'm feeling a mite worried for my continued existence." Jafar announced as-

_**BOOM!**_

-a second shot blasted the vase off the cabinet he was hiding behind.

"**So, what do you got?" **Hook yelled at him.

"**F.E.A.R.**" Jafar replied. "**Fuck Everything And Run!**" Jafar raised his staff and prepared to strike the ground, planning to teleport out.

"**HELL NO!" **Hook roared. "We came here for answers and for the chance for a **hefty** **cash reward**, and I am **not** leaving without either!" Hook pulled out his pistol. "I'm going in."

_**BOOM!**_

Both men ducked down_**.**_

"Fools tread where wise men fear to go!" Jafar spoke this as if it was the last thing Hook was going to hear.

"Me Mum always said I was special." Hook replied cheekily. He drew his concealed pistol out and charged in.

_**BOOM!**_

_**BANG!**_

_**BOOM!**_

_**BANG!**_

Hook came running back in, tail betwixt legs and his coat looking a little more "holy", if you catch my drift.

"Great Scott!" he cried, taking shelter behind the mattress and covering his head. "Their dynamite!"

"And you call me the coward!" Jafar laughed.

_**BANG!**_

Jafar swore as more flakes fell down on them. "We can't take much more of this!"

Hook wanted to yell **"DUH" **at him, but this was not the time for petty actions.

Yet.

Plus he was coughing on the powder on the time.

Hook shook his head. "There's more of them, in the hall's sides and in other rooms. And, except the one in Room 13 ( I didn't get a good look at the blighter), they're all gypsies."

To prove his last statement, someone shouted something in French, and then a shot-

_**BANG!**_

-came blasting through the left wall connecting the rooms, taking Jafar's precious turban off faster than a **speeding bullet**.

_**Wait a second…**_

Jafar stopped everything, his face locked in shock and terror. He looked down at his turban.

Correction, his black and red pile of string.

Jafar's face convulsed. **"**Gypsy or no gypsy, **This means war!" **He grabbed his "turban" off the floor and shook it in the air.

"Actually**," **Hook replied. "It merits a trip to the haberdasher."

_**BOOM!**_

The great (and bald) sorcerer took up his staff, crawled over to the mattress, and gazed bitterly straight into Hook's eyes.

"Where are the street rats?"

_**BOOM!**_

Hook ducked again, as another bullet-

_**BANG!**_

-flew past his head.

Why did the tune "Had a Bad Day" suddenly get stuck in his head?

"There is the one in Room 13, another in the room right to us, one on our left peaking outside the doors, and a fourth on our right at the stairs." Hook shot all these words out as-

_**BANG!**_

-another shot tore through the mattress. Feathers flew everywhere. For a moment, Hook thought he was in a winter wonderland, snowflakes falling like a butterfly's descent, children laughing and throwing snowballs, the smell of hot chocolate tickling his nose.

_**BANG!**_

Then again, Christmas traditions usually did not involve getting trapped in a crumbling room surrounded by guns a-blazing as a form of celebration.

_**BANG!**_

"Got all of that?" he asked, returning to a quite _deadly_ reality.

Jafar was already out the door.

"Speakin' of fools." Hook muttered.

He followed in, against his better judgment..

It got ugly **quick.**

The men joined back to back, Jafar threw up a protective shield around them, its ruby sheen glowing hot with each shot it took Hook went to the right side, taking aim to kill and executing the gunman on the stairs. Some more French was shouted, this time specifically from Room 13.

"Oddly familiar…" thought Hook. The shield glowed red again, this time from shots too close for Hook's taste. They were coming from the room on the right side of the room across Room 13.

Hook charged in to that room, gun tucked away, sword drawn, and eyes aflame, crying "Let's have at it!".

The poor fool did not stand a chance.

Hook, that is.

The gypsy warrior stood a full two heads taller than Hook, had a face not even a mother could love, and delivered one _nasty_ shotgun butt to Hook's head.

"Oh, crap."

Realizing that he had made a **fatal** mistake, Hook was sent flying into a wall, his sword falling from his hand. His head collided into said wall, making it beat like a rumba dance.

"Why couldn't it be the waltz?" he thought. Fighting through the pain, he found himself looking down the barrel of a gun.

"Any last word, cap?" The massive man mumbled.

A fireball was shot outside in the hall.

"Yes." The captain replied.

He jerked his body faster than he ever thought he could, catching the gun with his hook and delivering the strongest blow he could to the gypsy's throat.

"**I!" **

The gigantic gypsy doubled over, his windpipe broken into pieces. Hook grabbed his head and gave him the knee.

"**Do not!"**

Finally, Hook took the man's lower jaw and slipped his claw into it. With a nasty tug, he tore the man's jaw off.

Whether that would be possible or not in the real world, I really do not know, but it's **kick-ass!**

The gypsy's tortured screams filled the air.

Blood splattered every where, but to Hook, it was just like the good ol' days. Scuttlin' ships, **slittin'** throats.

Filling the hearts of men with **fear** at the name of **Captain James Hook!**

Outside, another fireball was heard.

"**Give!" **

The man fell to his knees, throat collapsed, face bleeding, and jaw removed. Hook slid by him, recovered his glimmering sword from the floor, twisted around, and **decapitated** the man.

"**Last words!"**

Blood spurted from the opened wound as the body fell over, turning the white floor a scarlet tint.

Chest heaving and body sweating, Hook looked on the mess he made with a sort of maniacal glee, glee at joy of combat and the thrill of the kill. "I prefer a last smoke or drink if you don't mind."

Hook looked down at the man's jaws, still hanging on his claw like a hung man. "Hmm. Could of used a bit of flossing." He then flung it off his hook with out the slightest care.

Men live and die. To be unable to accept, in Hook's mind, made you weak and unworthy of life.

Unless you're a women. "They can get by with **anything**." he thought.

"**HEY!" **Jafar yelled as he deflected another shotgun blast. By now, Jafar had slipped into the room where the gunman on the left used to be. "**Are you going to look cool and stand there, or you going to-"**

_**BOOM!**_

"**HELP ME!"**

What was awkward about this is that Jafar was yelling at him through a **hole in the wall**.

Hook grinned like a Cheshire Cat, a demented gleam in his eye.

"Queen Anne's Revenge, sometimes I just love my life!."

_**BOOM!**_

Hook charged in, snatching up the deceased man's shotgun and his own pistol off the floor on the way. Putting his pistol away, he cocked the shotgun with one arm (because he was that **B.A.**). He caught sight of Room 13. The door was by now non-existent, blown off it's hinges from all the gunfire. He could not see the gunman that had started this mess.

Whatever Tony was hiding, he was going to be in **deep shit **after all this was done..

Hook pitied him.

Almost.

"**This is the end!"**

Hook, sweating a gallon a minute, took aim at the wall connected to the doorway, fired the last shot-

_**BOOM!**_

-for cover, and entered in, dropping the gun and pulling out his pistol and sword.

"Have at thee, scurvy knave!"

Sunlight through the window pierced his eyes.

There was no one there! Said window was opened to the outside, but besides that only holes from the gun fight showed that there had been someone there.

"Brimstone and gall!" Hook cried. "They've made an escape!"

"Out of which exit?" Jafar replied, joining the captain's side as he kicked a dead body out of the way.

Both men knew one very important thing about Room 13. Underneath the room's bed, there was a trap door that led to the Villain's Vogue, obscured by a rug. It made guessing which way the bad guy (operative word in this case) went twice as hard, that being the desired effect.

"I don't know!" Hook replied, throwing his arms up in anger, blade and pistol waving around. Jafar ducked, _just in case_.

"But I do."

The duo looked behind them, and witnessed a miracle.

Depending on your point of view, that is.

Frollo was alive! He looked like _**crap**_, but he was alive!

His robe was shredded by the blast, but now that you can take a moment and see you can now identify that there was a type of body armor underneath it.

"Sweet Allah! How are you still living!"

Frollo laughed, then nearly doubled over from the pain in his chest. "Shotgun proof body armor. Since I have made so many **heathen** enemies in my **pious **and **righteous** life, I thought it would be a worthwhile investment." The former judge announced as he drew his sword and pointed, with it, to the window. "The gunman went out **with the shotgun** through the window, and a cloaked figure wielding a butcher's knife went down through the trap door."

"Then let us divide and conquer." Hook declared, though he was still wondering where you can get body armor like that. "Frollo and Jafar, go after the cloaked figure. I'll go after the gunman."

The panting captain took immediately to the window.

"Wait, Hook!" Frollo raised his hand to stop Hook.

"What! They're getting away!" Hook roared.

"The gunman, I think, was…" he paused, hesitating.

"Doctor Facilier." Frollo spoke slowly.

Hook could not believe this.

"How do you _think_ it is Facilier?" Hook inquired.

"He was wearing sunglasses and a trench coat that covered his entire body." Frollo replied. "I recognized the hat and the skin, only this and nothing more."

Jafar interjected. "So be it. We must assume it's Facilier until further proof."

Then it hit him.

"By the name of the Prophet!" Jafar swore, sudden shock taking hold. "He must of stolen the princess! He tricked me into calling the March Hare in and stole the princess! And now I am going to be jailed with common thugs and the low bred!"

Hook ignored Jafar's paranoia (he was use to it by now) for the moment and carried on.

"His greed must knows no bounds! He will probably demand a ransom, and then Prince Philip will have no choice but to comply!" Hook yelled, his morals now in the matter. "We must stop Facilier now!"

"Agreed! That pagan cretin and his accomplice will know the fury of the Living God!" Frollo roared as he over the bed and started openning the secret escape.

Jafar looked at Hook.

Hook laughed nervously. "Have fun with Hitler."

"Thanks!" Jafar replied sarcastically. "Have fun with the Shadowman."

An interesting side note: So far, no villain has fought Facilier one-on-one in a martial battle and won.

Hook felt his morale hit the floor.

Jafar joined Frollo (half-heartily) as the two made their way down the trap door. Frollo leapt in first, the darkness consuming his very being. Jafar looked back at Hook, nodded at him with a grin, and said "The stupid things we do for money, eh?"

"Keeps us out of trouble." Hook laughed.

Jafar joined in, cackling in the stupidity of their lives.

"See you on the other side." Jafar said, then he disappeared into void, shutting the door after him. He stepped back from the hole, wiping the sweat off his brow

"**Don't ever say that again!**" Hook yelled at the hole. He pulled the rug over it and put the bed over it.

Not that it mattered, the place looked like **World War 1 **had just went through it **twice**.

"Is today going to be easy at all, God?" He looked up to the sky.

Police sirens wailed in the distance.

Looking out the window, he saw the frighten masses, their houses a flurry of fear.

The scattering crowds, their lives undeserving of the suffering today had wrought.

The approaching police cruisers, late as usual.

"I should know better than to ask stupid questions."

Pass the crowd, Hook espied a shadow darted from one alley to another.

"But, then again, 500 million dollars split in 2 or 3 ways can still afford me that new piano Jafar still owes me for. And then some!" he added cheerfully.

With a grunt and a heave-ho, he leapt out of the window**…**

And into the hunt.

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story.<p>

Now that I have the Spanish Butterflies, I just need a feather from an owl. _Here Archimedes. Come here. I won't hurt you__**…**_

Author's Note: Once again, all reviews will be most cherished and thanked for, even if they are not supporting me and me **wonderful** creations.

Double thanks to my constant reviewers, Angel, Rose, and anyone that I have missed. You are my favorite people I have never known! Which might explain why I like you so much**…**

Just joking!

Thanks again to Heddwyn for keeping me straight (on my grammar that is!). I have gone back and corrected every mistake you have shown me, so I look smarter than I really am. But now it is **my turn **to correct you! On your last review**…**

"Anyway, this was once again a great chapter, and I enjoy seeing the mystery slowly unfold. Your characterization is top notch, your settings are told well, **amnd**your narrator is overall very creepy in a very great way."

Ah, but tis just a review! Plus, you still got me on 4 accounts (plus any thing I have messed up in this chapter), so I don't think I have the right to battle the Grammar Nazis in the way of vocabulary volleys and word wars!

I admit this chapter, and a few of the following ones, will be littered with blood and violence, so please forgive me if I have offended you. This sort of story is a mix of many things, and battle and _death_ will be just apart of it as comedy.


	5. Shadows and Lullabies

_**Shadows and Lullabies **_

By the March Hare

_Thought for the day: Sanity is for the weak._

* * *

><p>The tunnel leading to the Vogue was blacker than midnight, and light was like that Christmas gift you always asked for and never got.<p>

"Watch where you are going, Frollo!"

"Get off my robe, you peremptory, Muslim fool!"

"Looks who's talking, you pernicious pervert!"

"Pervert! Is that the best you can do, you unlearned serf!"

"_No_." Jafar began with a _sickly sweet _tone. "You are a corrupt, depraved, deceptive, debased, delusive, debauched and flat-out sick animal who returns to the vomit of his past days…"

That quickly became one of **rage and utter contempt**.

"…who refuses to acknowledge it despite obvious evidence otherwise, and I would rather kiss _that sultan's _fat rear end again for a thousands years than ever serve under your tyranny!"

"silence"

Frollo's left eye _twitched_.

Jafar halted, taking a deep breath and putting his large, bony hands on both sides of the man-sized tunnel, and looked back threateningly at Frollo. The only problem with this was in total darkness you do not see the person in front of you.

_**BUMP! **_

"Watch were you are going, Frollo!"

"Now don't start that again!"

Jafar was wondering if it would be painful to kill yourself by swallowing your own staff. "Just add some salt and pepper," he thought, "and that thing should go down like fine wine. You know what they say, "a spoonful of sugar helps the staff go down. Or something like that."

Frollo picked himself up, straightening his hat and feeling as if he had just been cast into Hell to spend an eternity with a loudmouth heretic. All of a sudden, an epiphany hit him. "Wait, doesn't your staff create light?"

Jafar felt his had just gained sage advice from the village idiot. "If it had been anybody else, I would of thanked them, but for your case, I'll make an exception."

He thought he could hear steam whistling from Frollo's head.

The cobra's eyes on Jafar's staff glowed an eerie ruby-red. With a flash of light, the cavern's secrets were revealed. Sewage channels ran back and forth, sounds of flushing finally hitting their ears. Jafar stopped again. He cocked his ears to listen.

"What is it, **filth**?" Frollo bitterly inquired, though oddly happy he could see the world around him.

"Two things." Jafar replied, holding back the first insult that came to mind, something that was long, Arabic, and totally inappropriate for even the M-rated section. "One, it's almost like everyone with a sewage system in their house waited to flush until now."

Frollo shrugged. "It's the Disney Kingdom. Shit happens."

_**FLUSH!**_

A nearby piped "chimed" late into the chorus.

"Literally."

Jafar thought this over, nodding his head. "True, true."

"So what's part two of this "saga" ?" Frollo queried, annoyed at this lack of progress.

Jafar looking around. 'We are not-"

The light on Jafar's staff went out.

"-alone."

Jafar breathed in deep, and breathed out despairingly.

"Oh, boy."

* * *

><p>Hook did his best to avoid suspicion, but it's hard when you are bright red, more famous than a rock star, and a villain.<p>

He sounded like the archenemy to Barney.

Halfway out the window, people had already caught sight of him.

"**Hey, It's Captain Hook!"**

"Believe it or not!" Hook thought sarcastically.

"**He must've been a part of all this!"**

True.

"I should of taken another route!" he rued as he struggled with getting his other leg out of the window.

"**He must've stolen the princess!"**

Not true.

"**Get him!"**

_NOT GOOD!_

Hook jumped out of the window, landed (surprisingly!) on two feet, without harm (a perk!) and ran like Hell!

The mob (always the musical type) started crying _"Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'!"_

"Gaston would be proud!" Hook thought as he ducked and dodged the stones being thrown at him. "When, **or if**, I get back to the Vogue, I am goin' to walk right up to him, shake his hand, congratulate him on creating the theme song for every mob, and then **shoot him in the head!"**

Hook ducked into an old and dirty alleyway, an alleyway that seemed to straddle light and darkness, surprising himself (again) with the very speed he could produce when under _**great **_duress.

"_Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'!" _the mob cried for blood. They raced after him, with improvised weapons ranging from sticks and knives to a rubber chicken.

Hook knew he had to lose his pursuers if he had any chance of finding Facilier (or whoever it was that had stolen princess), but as of now, all he could think about was the way those people who had been lynched looked like.

Bloodied, beaten, their bodies swinging like a wind chime in the air.

But dead, mainly dead.

Needless to say, it was a source of great encouragement to the exhausted Hook.

"I'm going to take a long (_dodge!_), long (_dodge!_), **long** (_clunk!_)," he screamed in pain. "**vacation** after all this!"

* * *

><p>"This could be a problem." Jafar stated as he vainly fought with his staff to get it to work again, using every thing from matches (the fact they had these unsurprisingly did not occur to them earlier since they were too busy arguing before) to prayers to Allah to talking to his staff.<p>

If Frollo had not been so concerned with living, he would of found it funny to hear Jafar say "_Come on, sugar cups. You know you love daddy!_" as if he was talking to a pet dog.

"This **could** be a problem?" Frollo sarcastically said, his back to the now lightless former vizier. "Go talk to your staff some more while I go find that cloaked rapscallion!" He popped his neck and started to go down the tunnel.

Before Jafar could object, however, the two men heard…singing?

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes…_

"Did you just here that Jafar?" Frollo asked, suddenly panic-stricken, as he retreated back to Jafar, standing back-to-back with the former vizier.

A cold sweat broke out all over Jafar's skin.

_Goodbye…_

"Yes, someone's singing," Jafar responded, looking around in anticipation. He gripped his staff **hard, **hurting his hands as he did so.

_It was always you that I __**despised…**_

It was an enchanting voice, one of which must of belonged to a fae-like or fae women. Despite it's beauty, however, it spoke only of evil inventions, and a fear struck deep into the men's wicked hearts, the kind of fear you get when you face the invisible, the unseen.

The supernatural.

"Good, because I thought I was hearing the voices again." Frollo drew his sword, the silver blade now only a sound in the night as it swung in the air.

"Again? So you are now admitting openly you were/are insane?" Jafar countered with a chuckle, hoping a joke would cover the **fear of hearing a bodiless voice singing in the dark**.

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh, no…_

Jafar felt his body shake with barely held terror. He had dealt with the supernatural before, and whether it was a ghost, a vampire, or a even darker being, he could never resist that primeval fear.

The fear of the unknown.

He was sure, even though he could not see it, that Frollo was just as afraid as he was.

"Good!" Jafar thought. "At least I'm not alone!"

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes…_

"This would not be the time to question me on my mental condition. Also, if you tell anyone I admitted I heard the voices, I'll deny every word of it."

The men kept their ears out, but the voice, whatever it was, was all around them. It was in the walls, along the pipes, in the ground, through their feet, in their souls….

_Goodbye…_

"Trust me, I will not breathe a word!" Jafar said, his hands shaking nervously. "I'll just put it in the newspaper." he thought, letting the magic around them flow through his hands. It was weak, but sufficient. Now, if only he could create some light!

_Goodbye…_

"Frollo, you think your piousness will save us from an immaterial spirit?"

_Goodbye_

Frollo did not reply. Instead, he was reciting… a Bible verse. He was increasing in volume, as if, once again, he was finding the strength within to smite the wicked and send them to the fiery pit…

"Blessed be the Lord my strength," he chanted, "which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers-"

_Goodbye…_

"_**To fight!"**_

Screams of battle echoed through the subterranean world.

* * *

><p>The reek of the week old food, coffee grinds, and some dirty diapers saturated the rather large nose of Captain Hook, but it was either the watering of the eyes or the feeling of rope around one's neck.<p>

I would suggest the first option.

He peeked to the outside world.

So here Hook was, breathing in the latest of colognes for men _(Ode de Skunk), _quite glad that the mob in front of him was passing by.

"_Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'! Kill the cap'!" _

"None the wiser!" he mentally cheered, peeking into the outside world through the opening betwixt the lid and the container. "Now," he thought as his eyes shifted around in thought. "To find that scoundrel."

He slid out of the reeking garbage dump, quieter than a cat and smoother than fine wine. It was one of those things you perfect when hunting a certain flying fiend for more years than the fingers you had on your left hand.

_Wait a second__**…**_

He took a quick look around, wiping a banana peel off his coat and rolling his shoulders. "All's clear," he thought. "Now, where does one find a shadow?" he continued to ponder, stroking his chin.

"_**How 'bout behind you?"**_

It was Facilier, and-

_**WHAM!**_

It was Facilier's feet

Hook felt a volley of powerful kicks hit his back, sending his now-broken form into the building wall in front of him. The concrete wall did little to comfort his crash course, taking his breath away and busting his jaw. At least it was not lethal.

Unlike his opponent.

Hook flipped around with incredible speed, drawing his sword in a flash and taking a few breaths to steady himself for his fight. It did little in the long run, though, as he realized. His back was at least heavily bruised, at most splintered. He also realized another thing.

His foe had vanished.

"Damn!" he swore out loud in confusion, resisting the urge to cry out in pain. Propping his back up with his hook hand, he straggled forward, knowing most certainly that he was going to the chiropractor's soon. He looked all around, observing the alley's long, dark, menacing shadows, and wishing he had picked a better place to fight the **Shadowman **in.

"Come out, you coward!" he swung his sword around in the shadows, knowing full well he was going to lose in an unfair fight. "Have you the nerve to face a **real** man, or will you slither in the shadows," he paused for a breath, "like a snake?"

The shadows did not respond.

He hated it, almost as much as he hated facing Peter Pan.

His feet were then pulled, no, **ripped** out from underneath him. His chin collided into the cold, wet concrete of the alley, causing him to bite his tongue. Fresh blood filled his mouth. "The second (or was it third?) time today!" he mentally swore. He flipped around, keeping a tight hold on his sword, and attempted to sever the hands that had held him fast.

He swung, only to find his foe was gone ("Again!"), and instead took off the tips of his boots. "Blasted all!" he swore, looking upon his handy work. 'They were brand new!"

His face turned blood red. "I hate my life!" he roared.

He attempted to stand up, but a swish behind him and then-

_**WHAM! **_

-he found himself with a garbage can on top of him.

"Great Scott! Who turned off the lights?"

To be honest, he had never been stuck in a garbage can until today, so this was a new experience in pain and suffering for Hook.

"Think positive, old friend!" Hook's little angel on his shoulder said. "God is running out of ways to put you in pain. Now we only have 2,983,274,732,472,394,872,349,827,349,827 or so ways left!"

"Whoopee." he thought.

Finding himself still on the floor, trapped in the can, and in even more pain (if that was possible), he heard a deep, malicious laughter ring through the metal container. It did not cease there, though, it rang through his skull, his mind, his very _soul_.

"Damn acoustics!" he swore, but knew that this was not the work of science, but sorcery.

Hook struggled to get up (and out for the matter), but found the floor, in fact reality, to be shifting on him. He felt drunk, but knew for a fact it took more than a 2 bottles of rum to finish him off.

His record was 20.

So now he looked like a drunk ballerina stuck in a trash can.

He tried to push the can off, but every time he tried to felt like his stomach was ready to retch breakfast.

Which he did not eat. Another "damn!" came out.

"_Thought y'all could defeat me?"_

The voice was deep, silvery, dark, and echoing, but recognizable. Where it came from, however, was open to debate. The shadows were long, but every one of them seemed to hold a dark entity of their own.

"No, Doctor Facilier" Hook replied between breaths, finding the strength to stand up and finally get the barrel off him barely in his reach, "Just _bend_ you until you **break**."

"_You came all this way," _Facilier stated sadistically. _"Just to__** die**__." _His voice echoed in Hook's ears, like he was standing right next him, whispering in his skull.

More laughter. In his head, Hook swore a whole army of dwarves were singing "Heigh-Ho" and chiseling away at his skull.

"He must have the whole place laced with his pink powder!" Hook thought. 'I feel like I'm walking in a nightmare!"

The world swerved, and Hook fell to his knees again. The concrete floor bruised flesh on his kneecaps.

Breakfast was making an encore performance in his throat.

"_How does that feel?" _Facilier materialized out of the shadows, walking around Hook in circles, hovering like a murder of crows hungering for **warm flesh**. _"To feel like any moment of your little ol' lives will fall through, and you'll go down, down, down, to burn in Hell. For all time…"_

More laughter. Hook was **now** ready to vomit. He clutched his ears to block out the noise, doubling over in agony, but he could feel it in his stomach. It churned and ached as if there were worms in it, eating away at the linings and feasting on his heart. He could then feel it behind his watering eyes, nibbling away at his brain. His head felt like it was splitting, like Zeus' when he was pregnant with Athena. Unfortunately, instead of a goddess rising, he would have the very gates of Hell open wide and spill out all its monstrous inhabitants, all a cackling and screaming and tearing the sky asunder. He felt all this and more, but…

To die?

He was not ready to die yet, oh, no.

Oh, hell no!

He had too much to live for to die. Like getting his new piano!

Hook looked up, seeing the silhouette of the very beast that opposed him. "Funny," he pondered, "How I'm cursed to face people with living shadows for all my life." However, said shadow was oddly absent…

Not good at all.

"At least!" Hook yelled at the phantom whose violet eyes stared manically back at him. "I'll be in good company, if I am to burn in Hell!"

The Shadowman's eyes squinted, purple eyes displaying a specific **loathing** for all in his way. _"D' ya even __**know**__ what dark thangs I can do to you?"_

Hook laughed, reluctantly as his stomach was still on the fritz. "Nothing life hasn't done to me already!"

The Shadowman stopped hovering, his intentions no longer laced with little mind games. He swaggered up the Hook, but kept his distance. He knew he held the advantage, but he was no fool.

The witch doctor stared at the broken man, wondering how this alcoholic even made it out of bed this morning without pissing his drawers.

Their eyes locked.

Hook looked at those cold, violet eyes, those _unnatural_ violet eyes, masked by a skull, and saw something he could, oddly identify with.

Purpose. That same thing he had been ranting about this morning, the lack of direction so common in the lives of his fellow villains, has been found by Facilier.

Whether it was for good or evil, it was yet to be uncovered.

"_Let's finish this_." Facilier declared, rolling his neck and shoulders. Hook nodded his head in agreement. Even though he agreed to this, there was a certain little, nagging doubt at the back of his head. Facilier did not do fair fights unless it was a rule of the fight, and even then it was up in the air. That left open 3 reasons why.

One, he considered this too easy to waste the extra-effort on.

Two, he was tired of running and was going to end it here.

Three, he was going to **kill** Hook to remove a problem in his great scheme.

Wait, there were four reasons. He just wanted to **kill** Hook for fun.

Whatever it was, Facilier was out for blood. This was all right with Hook, however.

He was a bloody (former) pirate for God's sakes. Blood, water, and rum were the three liquids of his life.

The bokor drew out a machete, with blackened steel that gleamed harshly when the light hit it, and when he did draw it, the thing trembled in his hands.

"Like it was a livin' thing…" Hook mumbled.

It caught the sun, and Hook could see, clearly, what seemed to be legions of souls crying for vengeance and freedom.

Hook ran his hook along his blade, creating a screech in the air.

If Facilier was out to kill, than so was Hook.

Hook closed his eyes, thought of the things he had never been able to do, like marry, have a child or two, to actually succeed in life and not just sit around and talk about the things never achieved.

And then he heard it.

It started at low, then it started to grow. Across the seven seas it sang, across the land it rang. It was the sound of the ocean, the echo of the waves, the croon of the siren. It called out, for help, for healing, for a hand to hold. He heard it play in the puddles of the alley, the moisture in the air, the sweat on his body, the blood in his veins, the waters of his soul.

He opened his eyes.

He now had a purpose.

"Ready?" the bokor queried with his demon eyes, his blade now shaking like a rabid hellhound.

Hook grinned, and for once, he had purpose. He fell into his stance, and his only words were-

"Floreat etona."

Somewhere, where the children only cry, tubular bells began to play.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: "Long silence"<strong>

_**I LIVE!**_

**All right, where do we began! First off, much sorrow do I hold over my long (at least for me) absence. I have been forced to evacuate the previous living quarters after a fashion bust at my house by the Fashion Police forced me to move, fast. So I had to relocated from Wonderland to a little shack on a lone isle, where I shared my living space with a skipper, his first mate, a professor, a movie star, a farm girl from Kansas, and a couple richer than cow dung (money-wise, that is). So then I had to take some time and set up a internet connection using strawberry bubble gum, two coconuts, and a spare set of underwear I keep on me at all times. Well, then everyone wanted to butt on, so I then had to move in with the cannibals on the island not far from them. After killing and eating the cannibals, I now have an island all to my own, so now I can write in peace. For now…**

**Back to the basics! Thanks to all my reviewers. You make living worthwhile! (Puts gun away from head) But, there was a few things I needed to confront. **

**The song in the tunnel is called "Room of Angels" from the game Silent Hill 4. Check it out on Youtube, it is a beautiful song. Down right creepy, but a beautiful song.**

**To Angel: Normally I would say I am a genius, but for your lovely and creative mind, I'll make an exception. **

**To Heddwyn McCloud: I hope you are back and able to spell "and" right again. I am glad you are pleased with this story so, and I hope you can keep checking my grammar as you have in the past. P.S. The Spanish butterflies were actually radioactive, so they mutated and started to eat my house, my furniture, and me. That was all right, though, until they attacked the TEA BAGS! Needless to say, I ate well that night, and I glowed GREEN!**

**To Doctor Madwomen: I would of married you when I wore a younger man's clothes, but (a mournful violin begans to play in the background) I have since then been married more times than the toes I have on both feet (33 and counting). They have all been people I have met on the internet, and they have all tried to kill me one way or another. So, after my last wife set my house on fire (so that I woke up in a blazing inferno!), I called it quits on the marriage thing. But, if you wish to keep reviewing, and telling me what you loved, liked, or flat-out thought sucked, tell me so. I yearned to hark and hear!**

**As a parting note, never wear just a see-through bathrobe in public. Since then, my new nickname in prison has been "Spanky."**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but a stomach ache and chronic flatulence. Cannibals tend to have that effect on me…**


	6. Driven by Demons

Note: if you feel that this chapter is too confusing to understand or if it could have been done better, tell me what is wrong and how you think it could be improved.

Please and thank you.

**(insert mad laughter)**

Now, on to the show!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Driven by Demons<strong>_

By the March Hare

_Thought for the day: There is no art more beautiful and diverse as the art of the death._

* * *

><p>Back in the tunnels…<p>

"Come on and face me, you sulking heathen!" Frollo cried, swinging in the general area of the sound.

_**Swing!**_

"Ah! Frollo! You almost cut my head off!" Jafar screamed as he fell to the ground in an attempt to dodge.

Good things he was not wearing his turban or he would of…

Wait! He doesn't have a turban anymore, since it had been blown to the Seven Heavens!

He wanted a hug.

"_Pardon me_, but I can't kill what I can't **see**!" Frollo felt a very deep-seated rage in his chest rise again, the blood vessels in his head boiling in overdrive. "I should of brought my night vision goggles!"

"You have night vision goggles?" Jafar thought Frollo was the kind of man that forsook all form of modern technology.

"They were a gift from an old female acquaintance," he reluctantly admitted.

"Wait! This is getting better! You had a girlfriend? What kind of psycho dates you? Tremaine?"

"**Can't you just shut-up and help me kill this-"**

_**Swoosh!**_

"There they are!" Jafar yelled, standing up and swinging his staff in the process.

_**Swing!**_

_**Clunk!**_

Jafar felt contact, then he heard a thud, followed by a moan.

"Jafar!" came the muffled voice of Frollo. "You just broke my nose!"

Jafar felt it was wise not to mention that, due to the broken nose, Frollo sounded like a Munckin.

"Well, forgive me! I can't see-!"

"Where you are swinging! I know!" Frollo gripped his nose as the flow of warm blood wrapped around and went down his hand. 'Can today get any worse?" he asked God privately.

"Here," Jafar said, keeping his ears open for trouble. "Let me help you up." he fumbled around until he could find Frollo's free hand.

_**Swoosh!**_

"There they are again!"

Jafar dropped Frollo's hand (plus Frollo) and, ignoring the "Oomph!" sound, blasted a fireball down the tunnel. The flying inferno shot down the hall, illuminating like a burst of sunlight in the darkness of the void.

"Ask a stupid question," thought Frollo.

No dice. Only the dissipating light of the fire and the consuming void were visible in the subterranean world.

"Sweet Allah! We are fighting a specter!"

Frollo, picking himself off the ground, recovered his sword, wiped the dust off of him, and looked around in the darkness. "We **have** to get some form of light down here."

Jafar began to let the magic flow through his staff once again in an attempt to create light, and (much to both men's surprise) it worked, as the eyes of the cobra began to glow light red throughout the tunnel. Jafar was beaming with pride at his re-found power.

The tunnel was fully lit, but there was no one, besides them, there.

Jafar and Frollo looked behind them, in front of them, even (for some odd reason) above them, and found nil.

"Well, at least your staff is working." Frollo said in an odd moment of positivity.

"It's official!" the sorcerer cried, bitterly angry at his defeat. "We lost 'em, and the reward in the mix! Now what do we do?"

Frollo shook his head. "It's a pity the princess doesn't just fall out of the sky!"

Sometimes, the funniest things are things that no one else but you and your friend can understand.

Jafar looked, befuddled, at Frollo, and then… began to chuckle. Frollo, suddenly finding an obscure humor in what he had said, joined in, and before they knew they were both cackling like fools at the sheer absurdity of the thought.

"Yeah," laughed Jafar, "and that would be the day Hook wouldn't be in some sort of pain!"

They began again, laughing harder and harder. "Or ol' Horny (as the villains had taken to calling the Horned King behind his back) would be so up-tight!" Frollo chimed in.

And so they began to pass it back and forth, one crazy thought and another.

"Or Ratigan wouldn't freak out over being called a rat!"

"Or Ursula wouldn't be butt-ugly!"

"Or Shere Khan wouldn't be such a fraidy cat!"

"How about if Hades wouldn't be such a hothead!"

"Or Pete would go on a diet!"

"Or Maleficent wouldn't be such a bitch!"

Oh, how they laughed and laughed until they fell cackling to the floor, sides splitting. They guffawed and snickered until they were out of breath. They rolled and giggled like fools, tears rolling out of their eyes.

Until they looked up.

And there was a cloaked figure, face and form obscured in shadows and clothe, hanging over them with a butcher's knife. The thing cocked its head and giggled.

"_Having fun?" _it whispered, revealing its gender to be both female and the voice oddly familiar, and not in a good way.

Unearthly chuckling emanated from the walls as out of her shadow came… a walking shadow, cackling like a madman.

That was bad.

Then Maleficent materialized, out of a cloud of green mist, behind the cloaked woman, looking quite entertained.

Now, it's worse.

The cloaked woman looked back at the Mistress of All Evil. _"I think they called you a bitch." _A sort of mischievous delight sat floated in her voice. She giggled again, but where one would expect to hear joy, all you could hear was pain, rolling out in bursts of living agony. In the thoughts of Frollo-

"There is something deeply wrong with that girl."

"Oh, so they did…" Maleficent said, rubbing her staff with a look of pure evil intent on her lovely, green face.

"She is pondering what would be the most painful way to castrate us!" thought Jafar, thinking ironic that the one women that he had loved was going to be the women that removed his manhood.

The living shadow grinned, malicious joy beaming out of its teeth. It danced around the two men, singing a song about 40 whacks and what happens when you anger a women.

Both men just laid there, surely knowing that their doom was upon them and that all that was left to do was to scream like bloodless cowards.

"In my defense," Jafar shot out, trying (and failing) to resist the stare of The Mistress of All Evil. " I find bitch to be very attractive."

"Is that so?" said Maleficent, a sly smile gracing her fair face.

Around her form came green fire dancing around as, slowly as her form became reptilian, teeth brought forth fangs, eyes becoming orbs of yellow malice, cloak becoming massive wings, and robe hardening and separating into black scales.

The shadow and the cloaked lady laughed like bloodthirsty gods to the high heavens.

"_How does this suit you_**, **_**oh mighty sorcerer?" **_The fae said as her voice broke into a roar.

Jafar and Frollo looked at one another, then back to the shifting Maleficent, then back to the other again.

"Scream?"

"Yep."

They screamed like little girls.

* * *

><p><em>Background Music: Coheed and Cambria "Welcome Home instrumental"<em>

If the gods would of pleaded, and the angels would of cried, and the demons in all their powers said otherwise, nothing could of stopped it.

Captain James Hook and Doctor Facilier were men possessed.

It started almost as a serene dream (or was that a nightmare?). They started circling one, imitating the murder of crows that circled above the alley. Facilier's feet danced back and forth, like some lanky scarecrow jumping around a grave. Hook bounced back and forth between his front and back foot, keeping his eyes on the dancing doctor.

Wind whistled through the alley, carrying away all the ghost's of the past.

Purpose and rage were all that were left, forged like a two strips of steel to form a blade of unparalleled destruction.

Eyes locked, they bared ivory-white teeth but waited for the other.

And waited…

Waited…

Someone in the streets, a madman or preacher (for in this day and age there seems to be little difference) cried _"Rage! Rage! Against the dying of the light!"_

"Now or never…"

Hook made the first move, like a red sea eagle, lunging in for the kill with a rapier's thrust. Facilier slid to the left, avoiding the captain's countering claw, and with another slide back out of the ring.

The combatants hovered around, as the crows landed on the rooftops, watching with hungry eyes.

Humidity rose around like a mirage.

Light and shadow suddenly seemed to blur, then contrast.

Facilier leapt in, going for a flying kick to Hook's skull, only for Hook to sidestep and swing. The bokor, who was now landing in the spot Hook had just stood, ducked and charged in with a battle-cry. The captain replied with his own, catching the witch doctor's machete with his hook and bringing his blade back to sever Facilier's head from his neck.

The doctor threw his head back, bending back like a moment from the Matrix, causing Hook to divide only air, and came back with his head to Hook's forehead. Hook felt a crack ring out as he was sent to the ground. The witch doctor fell on the captain, blade swinging. Hook recovered and ignored the beating of his head, catching Facilier's gut with a two-pronged kick, forcing the doctor to the ground and sending his hat off with him.

"Had enough?" Hook struggled, successfully, to get up, shaking the pain off as he stood up. The doctor grinned, recovered his hat, and pulled it over his eyes.

"Hell, no." He stood up and rolled his shoulders. "I'm not dead yet."

"Pity. I could help you with that." Hook smiled, brazenly.

They locked eyes, ignoring their pain and the beating of the afternoon sun, sweat drenching their forehead. They breathed in heavily, both men exhausted to the core.

"What?" Facilier inquired sadistically between breaths as his eyes glowed. "Too _tired_?"

Hook replied with a smile, his glowing, white teeth reminiscent of a beast of the night. "No, only eager to see you **die**."

Hook sallied in, this time swinging in with his claw in lead and his sword sliding by the hook for another two-pronged attack. Facilier guffawed as he dodged one, then both attempts, ducking under one and sliding by the other. He then delivered a shoulder blow to Hook's ribs, causing the captain to stumble back and forcing the breath of life to leaving him.

Facilier grinned. "All too easy."

The crows now made their way to the building ladders and the window ledges, their cawing serving to contrast the battle song below. A lone raven, larger than the rest, landed and watched with growing interest.

Hook caught himself, forcing his worn body to resume proper fencing form. He watched as the bokor resumed circling, dancing back and forth like a demented friend.

"Capoeira?" chuckled Hook.

Sunlight played on the blades, on the men, but it could not touch them, so consumed in their fury were they.

Facilier nodded his head, his eyes watching every move of his foe. "Fencing?"

The crows rested themselves on the trash cans and various debris on the alley's floor, flapping and cawing impatiently for fresh blood to flow. The raven cocked it's head.

Hook grinned. "Of course. I am a gentleman and a man of my word, am I not?"

Both men laughed at reality of what Hook had just said.

Somewhere, a harp string broke.

Facilier charged in, laughing manically, as he swept in with a volley of sweeping low kicks. Hook retreated, keeping his rapier pointed at the Shadowman to hold him at bay. The captain then leapt over the kicks, leaping over Facilier and thrusting his blade in simultaneously. The bokor pushed himself down, watching as the blade made an incision through his coat. He then jumped up, twirling around as Hook landed with a twist to face his foe.

They paused for breath.

The crows began to caw and jump up viciously, flapping madly at the air in fury and intolerance. The raven sat quietly.

Hook looked sideways, seeing the "crowd" the two warriors had drawn, and smiled again. Despite the pounding of his heart and the weakness in his body, he knew that now was the time.

"Our adoring fans are anxious. Shall we give them a show to remember?" Hook felt a childish spark of energy in his heart, for is it not what men do but to fight and kill?

"_Avec plaisir," _Facilier replied.

"Amen." countered Hook.

Like samurai they took stance. Like gentlemen they acknowledged, with a nod, a worthy foe. Like generals they longed for the _coup de grace. _Like monsters they longed for the sight of red blood on black tar. Like madmen possessed they smiled.

Like knights they charged.

The raven cawed.

In a flash the passed by each other.

In a moment the blood ran free.

In a wrinkle of time, Hook felt the pain of 20,000 slaves enter his broken form. He heard children weep, mothers beg, fathers cry, families divide, and an entire nation rise in a fury both righteous and unrighteous.

He slowly looked down.

James Hook, captain of the Jolly Roger and the only man Long John Silver feared, was staring at the contents of his stomach on the ground.

"Odd's fish." was the first thing he said. "That's a new one."

He fell to the ground on his knees, landing in a puddle of stomach acid and blood. It ate away at the previous cuts on his knees, but he really could not feel pain at the moment. Looking up, he could see onto the street, the cars passing, the people in panic, the police in the middle of all it. He smiled. "How…sad." he mused.

He heard Facilier breathe in pain. Smiling at the fact that he at least landed a blow on him. "How's the leg, Doctor." He couldn't see the witch doctor, but he could hear him swearing up a storm behind him. It only made him smiled more.

"Well, then, if I've not lost my sense of smell," Facilier said through gritted teeth. "I can smell what seems to be rum." Hook heard him try to stand, then fall again. "I do believe I will be _walking," _Facilier swore something in French, then continued. "away from this one, while you," Facilier chuckled. "_Will not_."

Hook heard him struggle again, successfully rising to his feet and dragging his bad leg over to the fallen captain. He looked at the former pirate, and grinned, the powder in the air making his evil grin turn into a demon's wry, toothy smirk.

Hook felt his vision swerve, blurring the alley and making his mind balk for a moment.

"You, and all of those _fools_," Facilier began, a spark of disgust in his tone. "All y'all care about is _money._" Hook wanted to laugh, but if he did he had a feeling his stomach would pop out. "Well, for once in my life, I know of something greater and more powerful than _money_."

The bokor stood to Hook's side, blade in hand. "But what would you understand? You just chased a boy around for, Sweet Baron, how many years?"

Hook would of rolled his eyes, at how little Facilier understood about him, if he had the strength to. At this time, all he could feel was a _cold wind _whistling in his stomach.

Facilier raised the his blade horizontal to Hook's neck, casting no shadow in the setting of the Sun. "Odd's fish," thought Hook. "I don't even remember the day passin'." Maybe he was getting old, and age was catching up to him. Or maybe this was a movie, where the protagonists _has to _die dramatically as the sun sets.

"_C'est la vie" _he thought. He felt it fit the moment better than anything else he could think. Captain Hook, a man who has sailed the Seven Seas, fought an immortal boy, survived a crocodile, then a sequel, dies in an alley fight on the quest for a few dollars more.

The witch doctor pulled the machete back. "To be honest," he paused before he swung. "you were the best fight I have ever had, but now, _chere_, you lose to the _better __**man**_." he grinned, pleased that it was **his strength** that would save the life of his love. "See you in Hell, Cap'."

"Funny," Hook thought aloud as he closed his eyes, a sudden chill consuming his whole body. "How we villains feel the need to talk, gloat, or degrade the people we kill."

"Yeah," Facilier grinned. "We are a fucked-up bunch of fools."

The blade whistled through the air.

Hook smiled, listening to a song he could only understand, of impossible wishes and burning desires.

It all went black.

_Lizzie Borden took an **axe**_

_And gave her mother **forty** whacks._

_When she saw what she had **done**_

_She gave her father **forty-one**…_

* * *

><p>for the long wait! Thanks for your lovely patience!<p>

Author's Note: I am not above killing my characters to make a better story!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but at least I have a place to stay. I'm bumming out with Jafar, and we are getting along quite fine.

(Jafar walks in and shoots the March Hare with a fireball, then stomps away.)

OUCH! Should not of touched his Three Days Grace Album.

"**LET"S START A RIOT! A RIOT!"**

Now where was I? Oh, now I remember…

**(insert mad laughter)**

_Avec plaisir_ means "with pleasure" in French.

Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers! (Starts kissing personal computer, falls off chair)

I'm all right!

To Angel: Yes, my tea bags are all right, as of now, but I am now curious of two things. One, how many of you dears took that the wrong way, and two, where did my tea cups go? _**Mad Hatter! **_

(Crazy laughter in distance from Hatter)

By the way, he appreciated the one review (and only review), but he lost heart in the story and will be devoting his attentions elsewhere. I will inform you all when it is ready.

Great Scott! Now where was I…?

To McCloud: Sorry for creeping you out with the song, I hope I have not given you nightmares, like the ones I have. Of cute unicorns, and happy pixies, and (ugh) sane people! My soul _trembles_.

I am also very thankful for that lesson on the difference between "a part" and "apart". Shows how well I listen school, eh? Oddly enough, though, most of the mistakes I make are ones I know about and should not be making, so forgive me for giving you all that work.

Always appreciated!

For the record, I am the March Hare, but my good friend Mad Hatter also does a bit of writing, so when he gets his story up, check it out if you want (it will be in the Batman Comics section) and see if you like it.

"Floreat etona" is the motto of Hook's college, which is a school Hook went to when he was younger, according to his wonderful creator, J.M. Barrie. (Takes hat off in reverence while the Hallelujah Chorus plays in the background.) The motto is Latin for "Let Eton flourish," and was the last thing Hook said in the play version of "Peter Pan" before he died.

As for death, I think I will explain that one later in the story, but suffice to say for now that even if you died in your movie, you can still die **permanently** in this world.

P.S. if there is anything else you would like me to explain, I will try and do so.

To Doctor Madwomen: I forgot to add to my marriage refusal that I did, however, find you very, very attractive, based on the description of yourself you gave. It was also the first time a pagan, if you do mind me using the term, has offered her hand in marriage to me, so I am honored.

Come to think about it, if we did marry, what would the children look like? **Half-hare, half-human, all mad!**

**(insert mad laughter)**

_Cough! Cough! _All this mad laughing is hurting my throat!

Yes, knowing the lives of our beloved Jafar and Frollo, they would be use to the worst life has to offer.

And yes, one of my main goals in this story, other than making people laugh, is to make some of my favorite Disney characters BADASS, AND THEN SOME! Thanks for reading my previous stories, even though the idea of Aurora and Facilier in a romantic relationship would scare the normal people.

Once again, thanks to all my reviewers and readers!

Interesting note: For reviewers, I have a pretty pagan, a grammar nazi of the 13th Reich, and an angel of darkness, so I don't what is more interesting, my stories or the people who read them.

_Until next time..._


	7. Answers, NOW

March Hare runs on screen in chain mail an oversized horned helmet, waving a battleaxe.

"_**Valhalla!"**_

(runs off-screen roaring)

On to our "normal" program…

_**Answers, NOW**_

By the March Hare

"Easy with that staff, witch!" Frollo yelled as he and Jafar were shuffled pass the crowds by Maleficent and the cloaked lady, all of them disguised by magic to appear as peddlers and street commoners.

It made Jafar sick.

The former vizier rolled his eyes as he kept the pace one step ahead of the dagger in his back. "Shut-up, Frollo! It is because of your big mouth that we are going to die!"

"My big mouth! I was not the one who lowered his guard just because we had "lost" the quarry!"

"Correct, but you not only called **her**" the former vizier said as he pointed to the ever lovely and ever deadly Maleficent, "a bitch, but you were laughing alongside me!"

"Yes, **but**-" Frollo began.

"**Shut-up." **Maleficent's command caused both men to straighten up and goosestep in fear of the mistress' lash. She was now just a _little_ mad about not killing them when she had the chance. She was also feeling a migraine coming on, and if she was "bitch" when she was nice, she was downright evil when suffering a headache. "This is ridiculous." She looked over to her partner in crime. "Are you sure that spirit knows where its master is?"

The hooded lady thought for a moment, then nodded her head. Ahead of them, jumping from shadow to shadow, Shadow (Facilier's got a knack for groundbreaking names) led the way, sniffing like a bloodhound for a whiff of his master and best friend.

"Good, because if these two start babbling again I **will** eat them both this time."

The lady just giggled, sending chill up both men's spines.

"Please, madam, oh so lovely and fair and evil to gaze upon," began Jafar. "do forgive us for our boyish humor back down in the tunnel. We had a lapse of good manners and," the cloaked lady poked Jafar for kicks. He yelped like a dog. "_we_ would _greatly_ appreciate it if you did forgive us with your wise ways and everlasting (did I mention beautiful?) patience?"

Maleficent pondered for a moment, a sly smile on her lips. "What day is it, bitter Thorn?" The other women thought for a second, then whispered _"Saturday."_

"Thorn?" thought Frollo out loud. "Is that her name?"

Maleficent hit him with a shock of electricity. She then turned to Jafar. "No."

Jafar's jaw dropped. "But why, fair maiden? Is there not a glimmer of compassion in your heart, that would light up the darkness of our lives, and release us from our bondage?"

Frollo smacked his head. "He's gone poetic. God help us all."

"It's Saturday," was all the Mistress of Evil said.

Jafar's mighty brain, trained by royal lecturers and masters of all fields of science and literature, was thumped. **"What?"**

Maleficent just smiled. "If it were Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I would forgive you. If it were a Tuesday, Thursday, or today I would, without a shadow of a doubt, never forgive you for the smallest of trespasses."

"Wait," interrupted Frollo as he stepped up his pace, "what about Sunday?"

"I would of destroyed you both without a shade of kindness, nay quarter, and you would of died a slow, _painful_, death"

Jafar was not sure to be happy, sad, or paranoid if she has any other fancies that he would have to watch out for.

Frollo, however, was feeling like burning in Purgatory was preferable to dealing with a madwoman who decided when her forgiveness fell based on the **days of the week.**

However, there was the question of what happened to Hook and, more importantly, what is going to happen to them.

If the mighty Maleficent had not forgiven them, then they were still in deep…

Blood.

He could smell blood.

And guessing from the faces of his warden and Jafar, they could smell it too.

"What the…"

In a flash of darkness, Shadow came out of an alley up ahead, his form and face panicking like the man who had just seen Satan pass by. After a few leaps and a couple of jumpy pokes at the direction of the alley, he/it/whatever disappeared back into the alley.

"Quick, girl! To the alley!" Cried the foul fae to the cloaked lady, but words were not required, the figure darted into the alley like a cheetah on speed before the words had escaped the lips. Jafar was happy that his back was no longer in any danger of being a pin cushion. This did not last that long, however, as Maleficent banished her staff and then **lifted **both men by the collars of shirts, carrying them into the dark alley.

What they saw there was burned into their minds forever.

"Hook!"

The elegant Captain James Hook was standing over the unconscious body of Doctor Facilier, the latter alright save a nasty gash on his left leg. This could not be said, obviously for Hook, unless you consider your stomach and other internal organs hanging out of a slit in your stomach…um… _normal_.

The cloaked lady and Shadow ran to the fallen form of Facilier, both scanning his body over looking for wounds of any sorts. Besides what was previously stated, all he had now was a nasty case of bump-on-the-head.

The cloaked lady threw her hood back to get a better view, revealing her hair to be blonde, her skin pale, her eyes lake-blue, and her lips as red as the rose.

If you had not guessed by now, it was Princess Aurora.

Frollo and Jafar both had a jaw drop moment. Jafar turned to Frollo.

"_Mind screw."_

Mind screw (definition)- When a moment in your life is so traumatic, disturbing, or just so unreal and unpredicted that it is like someone took a rubber chicken and put it in one of your ears and pulled it out of the other. Or you sneeze and a shoe comes out of your head.

_Resources: The March Hare's Dictionary of the Mad World Around (and in) You._

Hook's left eye twitched.

Shadow flickered in rage, taking the form of his master as he stood, threateningly, eye to eye with the captain's shadow. Hook, between his guts hanging on the floor and the desire to rip Jafar's head off for all this trouble, just stared the Shadow straight in the eyes. The thing, reluctantly, slithered back to its master.

Enough blood had been shed.

Hook then turned his head to the one person who probably had an bleeding idea what was going on.

He looked the Mistress of All Evil in the eyes, with out a single flinch or look of pain, and said-

"Answers, **now**."

He then allowed himself the luxury of fainting.

* * *

><p><em>Soundtrack: Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus <em>

He was falling, through the sky, weightless.

Clouds _passing_ by.

He hit the water, yet the only sound he heard was _nothing_.

Where was he?

Was he dead?

He continued to sink, his body paralyzed by some unknown force.

What was if?

Fear?

Reality?

The light of day was fading, but whether it was because he was sinking that fast or the clouds above had suddenly turned gray and _tumulus_.

Rain was falling.

He must be dead, he thought.

Limbo?

Perhaps.

Fitting, that he should be sinking. He just was not sure _why_?

The water above him splashed.

A silhouette

Someone had jumped in after him.

Wow. Two new experiences in one day.

They kicked their legs (or was it leg?) and went after him, faster than a swordfish.

The person (or was it a woman) jetted behind him, sliding their limbs under his.

She was strong, he could tell.

Not strong enough.

Was she drowning?

She was going down.

Blood, in the water.

She was bleeding from a hole in her chest.

Above the water shook and roar.

He looked into her eyes.

"_Help."_

**Lightning.**

She was going to _die_.

**Thunder.**

Not on his watch.

Whether it was the strength a hero felt as he fought for the lives of others or the rage of a madman, he knew not, yet he suddenly felt his body ripple with a power he had not felt in a _long_ time.

He began to swim, keeping his eyes on her pleading face.

_I will never let you fall…_

He grabbed her hands.

_I'll stand up for you forever…_

She looked so _frail._

_I'll be there for you through it all…_

He felt his own body shake with strength, yet he felt like he couldn't go on.

_Even if saving you sends me to Heaven…_

Not this time, he swore. He will not be found **wanting**.

He was not going to let her die.

He pull higher, taking her body in his arms.

_Cause you're my…_

The surface shook, yet she couldn't wait another moment.

_You're my, my, my…_

Air, breath.

_True love, my whole heart.._

A rocky shore, bashed by waves, stood resolute in the distance.

_Please don't throw that away.._

He swam, harder than he had ever swam before. Even with the crocodile.

_Cause I'm here for you…_

He rode the waves, holding tighter than he ever had and trying to navigate pass the rocks. He body was bashed repeatedly against the stones, yet he shielded her broken form with every last bit of strength in his form.

A jagged rock delivered a nasty slice to his stomach.

"Art imitating life," he thought.

_Please don't walk away…_

He clawed his way onto the sand, dragging her bleeding form. **"Keep breathing, God, keep breathing!" **he cried.

_And please tell me you'll stay…_

She was weak, paler than a ghost. **"Damn it! Live**!"

She was not moving.

_I will never let you fall…_

Blood soaked the wet beach as the rain continued to fall down.

Tears streamed from his eyes. **"Come on, breathe!" **he tried to stop the bleeding with a tourniquet, yet there was **"**_**Please**_**."**

The storm answer his cries. Thunder shook the world.

"**Live! Live! **_**Live, live, live, live, live!" **_

She was dead.

"**I can't go on without you!"**

He body shook with sobs as he took her broken form in his arms. _"I just can't…"_

The water was rising, over his legs and hers.

"_Please…"_

The ocean was lapping at his waist. His voice broke.

"_I can't… without you."_

He cradled her, rocking back and forth.

"_You're my life."_

He threw his head back and cried-

"_**WHHHHHHYYYYYYY?"**_

-to the sky as the waters rose to his bleeding gut.

The waters overcame him.

* * *

><p>Light. Torchlight.<p>

He was in a bed. Sheets, a pillow.

Warm.

The world was dry. He was, at least, alive.

But where was she?

The rage returned more furious than ever.

He rose with a roar, tearing at his sheets in a fury to get up.

"**Where is she! Where is she!"**

This naturally scared the piss out of Jafar. "Hook!" he ran over to his friend, grapping his flaying arms in a near vain attempt to settle him down. "Hook! Hook, stop it! You're all right!"

Hook suddenly stopped, his chest beating like a jackhammer. He looked his friend in the eye and asked.

"Where is she?"

Jafar was unsure how to answer this, but thought he was referring to either Aurora or Maleficent. "Aurora's with Maleficent in the library."

"**No!' **he shook again, his voice cracking as he tried to get up. "The woman that saved me! The one with a hole in her chest!"

Jafar suspected that the healing magic had made Hook _loony tunes_. "You, minion!" he commanded to a servant goblin as he held Hook down, barely. "Find Maleficent and get her in here!"

The thing looked at him dumbfounded.

"**NOW!"**

Fire streaks were the only thing there now.

Jafar turned to Hook, who face was twisted in rage and sorrow. "What girl, Hook? What's her name?"

Hook stopped, one reason being that he suddenly remembered that he had just received a life threatening wound that had **disemboweled** him and was now perfectly fine, and two, he did not even know her name. He looked back at Jafar.

"I don't know." he began to mumble. "I don't know." He continued this as he laid back down, his fingers on his temples as he struggled to remember her. Long hair? Yes. Dark hair? Maybe. Legs? None.

He stopped there. Where the Hell were her legs?

Maleficent teleported in with a cloud of smoke (she was too tired to add the flames) in, alongside Aurora (who had ditched the cloak and was now wearing her peasant clothing), as Jafar, defeated by what must've been the longest day in his life, sat down in the seat his had previously occupied in the corner.

"What happened?" Maleficent commanded as Jafar's head sank into his hands as he rubbed his eyes.

"He woke up, starting screaming about some random woman, and I had to subdue him. He is now…"

Everyone looked upon the muttering form of Hook, shaking his head up and down, back and forth in agreement, disagreement, and a _whole lot _of maybes.

"-suffering a nervous breakdown."

A nearby minion began to laugh, until Maleficent hit him with a bit a lightning. That made him much quieter and gave him a whole lot more of an _electric_ personality.

"Hook," Aurora inquired the captain. "what's the matter, dear?"

Though he could not see all of her, Hook could see enough to see a rather large scar running down Aurora's left eye, as if someone had pinned her down and started slicing…

He had _SO_ many questions.

Aurora slipped out from behind Maleficent, placing her hands on the side of the bed as she began to look over Hook to see if anything else they had missed in their previous examination. He looked up from his muttering, looked at Aurora (who sheepishly smiled), looked at Maleficent, then back at Aurora, then back at Maleficent.

"Where are me damn answers?"

Aurora smiled. "They're in the mail."

Jafar and Maleficent fell into fits of giggles as Hook shook his head, looked at his stomach to see if it was all right (save a massive scar, it was), and he fell back into bed, covering his head with his pillow.

He felt a massive headache coming on.

* * *

><p>Tune in next time for "The Truth Hurts" or "It Only Gets Worse"!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Hey, reviewers!<strong> If you ever have a song or instrumental that you think would be better for the V.I.P. soundtrack, tell me so! I can always go back and edit things! Please and thank you!

Competition time! Who ever guesses, correctly, who will be the love interest for the elegant Captain James Hook will receive…

Drum roll please…

(Drum roll)

…

A boot to the head and a life supplies worth of tapioca pudding!

No, seriously. If you get it correct before I reveal it, I will (if I have the time and skill) write a one-shot of whatever you would like me to write after I reveal who it is! If you do not want a one-shot dedicated and made for you, I only have a basket of virtual tea bags to give you.

**AND A BOOT TO THE HEAD!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a sudden addiction to pistachios. What? Have you never just had one pistachio?

All right, explanation time!

Hook was never meant to die, I just like to mess with people! But I am serious about that statement.

To Heddwyn McCloud: Sorry about the average chapter and the grammar mistakes, though I do hope bringing Hook back from the "dead" helped. I will do better in the future reviewing my own work. But I am curious what made you a Grammar Nazi? Abusive teachers? Evil poodles? A failed assassination that involved half of your face being eaten away by acid and a Glasgow smile? _Why so serious?_

(Laughs manically, then starts chewing on what is left of his ears)

Curse you, ear mites!

Doctor Madwoman: Genetics always lies. I am a pure bred loony, so there is no way our children would stand a chance in Amsterdam of being sane. However, our grandchildren…

(runs off screaming manically)

That should be all. I hope this was a good chapter! **Now**, on to my house hunting!

(Speeds out the door with a stack of papers and a his tail playing a banjo)

Jafar (in the distance) "Thank Allah!"


	8. Defying Gravity

**_Defying Gravity_**

By the March Hare

A half hour later…

The room was dark, save for a green fire sitting in a hearth. Maleficent sat in a rather large chair positioned in the far corner of the door's left, said chair made of velvet and chinchilla fur and stuffed with goose feathers. In one hand her staff was held lazily, due to it leaning against the chair. On her shoulder perched Diablo, her pet raven and familiar, who was quite comfortable being petted by Maleficent's free hand. Since the fire's direct light missed her, it seemed to the observer that she was swathed in shadow, which (of course) was her intentions.

One did not get to be the Mistress of All Evil by acting all happy and giddy. One got there by being fouler than a fiend, crueler than a torturer, more insane than a delusional madman, and by running over bag ladies with your car every chance you got.

She had recently had to get a new front bumper.

In the other corner sat (in a hard and woody chair) Jafar, who had just got a new turban from Maleficent after she said that his bald head "looked like a baboon's buttocks". To top off his already grumpier mood, he was having a great deal of difficulty finding a comfortable position, This resulted in him moving his behind across the entirety of the chair, like some intrepid, and mad, explorer in search of new lands and precious minerals. Much like its owner, it was sore and worn from a day spent in a hellish misadventure.

On a couch positioned against the wall that sat across the fireplace, Facilier and Briar Rose nervously sat. She was rubbing her arms, said limbs littered with scars running horizontal. In the light of the green fire, her scars seemed to glow an eerie emerald..

They were deep, but the real ones ran even _deeper_…

Facilier, for his part, was even more tired than Jafar. Killing a man had its effects on the human body. He had leaned his entire back on the couch, stretching over a bit to get the full expand.

Frollo and the aforementioned man's shadow were leaning next the fire place, Shadow on the left flipping a coin idly, and Frollo was trying to get warm. Much to everyone's surprise, Maleficent's castle was one of the few, rare castles that did not have air conditioning. The castle was colder than a being stranded in the Artic Circle stark naked. When Frollo asked why, Maleficent merely smiled and, with a wicked gleam in her eyes, said that "it balanced out the raging hell fires of hatred and loathing that lay in the pits of my black soul."

Every moment spent with the wicked fae made Frollo want to pluck his eyes out in the most painful and slow way he could think of. It would be more pleasant than being with a woman that literally slept on a bed of nails.

This was the scene Hook walked into as he opened the room's door, a mass of men and madwomen that left Hook's conscience saying _"Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout!"_

He had always done a right bad job at obeying his conscience.

Everyone's attention turn to him, like a pack of wolves smelling blood.

His stomach suddenly did a little jig, the butterflies in his gut dancing to the sound of a Spanish guitar. He supposed there are worse things for your stomach to be than feeling a little nervous an hour or so after it was split open and than eviscerated.

He stood before the congregation, suddenly forgetting what exactly were the questions he had so badly wanted answering for. Looking at Jafar and seeing his new turban, the first question arrived. Just in time, too.

Maleficent was already plotting a nasty verbal jab for if words failed him.

Hook turned to Facilier, his countenance suddenly stern and, oddly enough, strong. "What's your part of this little saga?"

Facilier pondered for a moment, rubbing his chin in thought as his eyes closed in thought. Shadow was already at his side, posing as his real shadow.

He began.

"I met Rose yesterday when she stopped by my stand for a tarot readin'. She was in disguise, but I was suspicious. After she upped and vanished on me as I was fixin to finish, I felt that she was wantin more than a tarot reading'. With the help of my main man, Shadow, I was able to sneak into last's night party they was holdin'. That where I met Jafar," who at this time was looking oddly bitter. "who, since I had a feelin' there was gonna to be trouble, I asked to call Tzarbomba if things got shot to Hell, which, naturally, they did."

'_**Static'**_

Tzarbomba. That word was said only in whispers, in back alleys and illegal breweries, and any other place a right thinking man would not venture into. It was the code word for the March Hare, a being whose criminal record had a file cabinet and a couple terabytes devoted entirely to it. He had been in and out of prison so many times he and the wardens were on first name basis.

"G'day, Warden Ralph!"

"Mornin' March!"

It had gotten so bad recently that Mickey Mouse, the High King of every spot of land from the Stone Crown to the Arabyan Desert, announced a royal decree that the March Hare was Public Enemy Number One, and that the person that could detain him and hold him in custody for a week's time was to being given their weight in platinum. This, of course, only led to March Hare boldly stealing every last bit of platinum from the King's coffers.

And going by March "John Dillinger" Hare for a while.

But back to the topic. The villains got together one day and, for a hefty tribute and the promise to shelter him from the authorities, the March Hare was allowed to serve as a distraction, or a Plan Z one might say, to any of the villains' wild schemes. This, obviously, made the March Hare even more brazen, devious, and busy than ever before.

Which, of course, only made him the happier.

"**Say 'ello to my little friend!"**

(Gunfire, screaming, and a dose of the average manically laughing)

'_**Static'**_

Facilier took a deep breath, tired, sore, and emotionally exhausted. Plus, his head was beating like a ceremonial drum, thanks to Hook getting the drop on him. This made every sound amplified to the decibel range of a sonic burst.

"Well, I finally found her." he smiled. Then it turned to a frown, "Unfortunately, Prince Philip also found me. Everyone there panicked. We fought," he smiled again, "I won. Thorn and I split while Maleficent stayed to help clean up the mess. I found her a nice apartment," it took all Hook had to hold back his laughter, "and I left for the night. The next morning I was going in to check on her when I overheard you three, "he motioned his hand to the three gentlemen (gentlemen being the operative word), "and thought you folks might be trouble. So I rounded up some gypsy friends of mine and we tried to kill y'all."

Facilier paused for a moment, wondering if "sorry" would cover for all this, but decided against this. "Once that fell through, we made a get away. Thorn got Maleficent through the Vogue, and I snuck around hoping to off one of ya."

He looked up at Hook. The tension was so thick you would not be able to walk through it. He grinned impishly. "That's the truth and I's stickin to it."

Rose giggled, covering her mouth with her hand to hide it.

"Now it's your turn, m' dear." asked Hook as he pointed to Maleficent. "Tell me your part to play in our little _comedy_."

The Mistress of All Evil smiled, not because she was more than willingly to help, which she was. She was smiling because they had gotten to her favorite topic.

Herself.

"Well," she began in a sort of pay-attention-to-me-or-I'll-burn-you-alive tone, "it was one of those "let's get together and party for no reason" sort of events for the heroes and the nobles, and Rose was kind enough to invite me so she would have someone intelligent to talk to for a change."

Rose shook her head lovingly. "Dear, there are plenty of intelligent nobles and heroes to occupy my idle time. I invited you so that you would stop coming in uninvited and creating _another_ stir. Last time you told me not to invite you, you came anyway and then put some spurious curse on a man that raised his nose at you."

Maleficent laughed, loud, long, and more disturbingly than a murder of crows flying circles around your house, cawing incessantly for your soul.

Every last one of them (save Rose) had goose bumps for the rest of the night.

"My fine girl," Maleficent continued as she struggled to stop laughing. "I agree completely with you. However, you could put them all together and I would still trump them in whatever pathetic challenge they could come up with."

She paused, petting her crow and smiling like the woman possessed she is. The only sound for the moment was Jafar doing the latest dance craze, the "Bootee Scoochee".

"So, it was beginning to be more boring than a night at Jafar's house-"

Jafar stood up, face red at the thought of this woman mocking his territory. "Hey! How would you know? You've never been there!"

Maleficent just smiled, stroking her pet with claws grown long like beasts. "The right sources are like the internet, they can get you anything you want. Even information on a man who insults people without a _thought_ for their feelings, " she said as she turned to Frollo in emphasis.

The two scoundrels suddenly smelled brimstone in the air, while Thorn and Facilier started looking to the exit.

Hook rubbed his temples. He had had a long enough day _already_ without **another** disaster.

"Dear miss most cruel and fair," The captain interjected with a bow, "I have no problem with you incineratin' and eatin these two swabs when this is all over," this got Hook two I-hate-you-with-the-fiery-passions-of-Hell glares from Frollo and Jafar, but he chose to ignore them, "but for now I _ask_ that we get on with this" the good captain finished.

Maleficent, slowly and reluctantly, stopped giving the evil eye to the two men and started up on her story like nothing had happened. "So, all that the witch doctor said happened, and I stood by and watched. I had a feeling villain superiority would prevail, but I kept an eye open for when I should intervene. Knowing that this was only going to get worse, I stepped in to prevent a full scale breakdown. We would not want the Black and White Court on out tails, now would we?" she inquired.

'_Static'_

The Black and White Court.

Created after the release of **The Black Cauldron **in 1985 by King Mickey, they are like the F.B.I and C.I.A of the Disney Kingdom. They are distinguishable because they all come from Walt's original black and white creations, they are able to defy the laws of reality whenever they want to, and by all being (surprise) black and white, not colored. Step one foot out of the rules laid down by Walt Disney (not by Mickey!), and they will kill you. No questions asked, because if they think you broke one of Walt's rules, you're a walking dead man.

The scary part is this. The Disney Kingdom is full of black and white characters. You do not know that the guy you just talked to was a normal civilian or one of them…

There is a saying, "Watch out for the black and white. That is all they see."

'_Static'_

"I restrained Philip with some minor cantrips," she continued, "and let the two troublemakers escape. Then," she said with a wickedly attractive smile, "I set up a illusion to deceive the government and the fool," she said as she pointed to Jafar. He was boiling in rage again, but that only made Maleficent happier. "which, of course, was my intention. By doing this," she waved her petting hand across the room, "I got him to call the March Hare, left before all Hell broke loose, and then prepared part two of my devious plan."

Hook was, honestly, feeling sleepier now than when he entered, and was now leaning on the a nearby wall that was feeling better than a mattress at the moment. Even though he was catching every moment of this mad, mad tale, he could not stop his mind from wandering to his nightmare, to his (literally) dream girl.

"Such a poor, unfortunate soul," he thought.

"I made my way back home," Maleficent began. "and whipped out one of the most powerful spells I had in my array." Hook did not think it wise to remind her that it was illegal for villains to practice magic, being as she more sensitive to minor slights than a hormonal pregnant woman.

"I was able, with this spell" she continued, "to remove from memory certain events from the minds of the weak willed, also known as every noble and hero in this _sickly sweet _kingdom. Though I would have been unable to remove the entire night from their mind, I did remove the memory of who it was that caused all of the destruction in the palace. I worked it on everyone that had been there that night, but these three," She said with a gesture to Rose, Facilier, and Jafar.

"And it was successful!" she cried proudly raising her hands to the sky. "Those fools are utterly ignorant of it all! They are like dogs following the smell of the wind, going back and forth like naturals" She laughed manically. More goose bumps.

Then…

Suddenly stopped, rubbing her Diablo for a moment, a sad, regretful look in her eyes. She suddenly turned to Rose. "I have to confess something, dear."

A dark cloud of distinct _pain_ hit the hearts of those good men and woman.

Rose's countenance, once formerly solemn with the occasional smile, was, for all intents, utterly consumed with despair. It was like her deepest fear had been grabbed from her heart's core and tossed into the light of the Sun for the world.

"What?" her voice broke in grief, yet she had a feeling she knew what it was. Her head sank, long, blond locks covering her face. Facilier and Shadow put their arms over her. Frollo said a silent pray. Jafar and Hook watched with growing fear of the worse.

Maleficent, a being not known for compassion, love or (dare say!) ever saying sorry, looked at Rose's fallen head and said the worst thing ever she could of ever say to Rose.

"He still knows. No matter how hard I tried, there was a force greater than even I at work in that man." She paused, taking a breath and bowing her head in shame. _"_I am _so sorry." _A tear exited her eye, and she wiped without a damn for what the world thought. _"So sorry."_

There are individuals, souls stronger than others, who have the strength (however so small) to bear the world. They are like self-feeding flames, perpetual fires, that when the greatest storms rage remain unbowed. They are the ones we look up to, the ones we wake up for, the ones we love, the ones we never will know but wish to meet. Sometimes, they are even _us_.

This matters, not because it is fancy, eloquent, or wise. It is the words of a man legally mad and persecuted in more countries than he has ever visited, and to many worthy of only death. It matters because, at that moment, when the world was only getting worse for Briar Rose (when she had already hit the bottom of the barrel), she got up, brushed the hair out of her eyes, walked over to Maleficent, and hugged her. Maleficent twitched (she was not the kind of woman that had gotten many hugs in her life), but soon eased into the loving, _sickening_ embrace. No words, no "it's okays", no thanks for the effort. Things have, and will always, best be said with actions.

Rose forgave, and loved, Maleficent like the friends they were.

No one in that room had a dry eye.

* * *

><p>It was waste, every last speck of it. It was so dry that if you had mention the idea of a green plant the locals would of laughed at you.<p>

If there were any.

Back to the landscape. It was black, barren, and cold. Kind of like Hook's first girlfriend. The weather forecast was clouds, clouds, and (for a change) cumulonimbus clouds. The clouds, magically, circled around the castle in a spiral, trapped forever in the realm of the sorceress. Whether that was due to Maleficent or to the powers of hope, light, and purity trying to quell all forms of "un-good" was still up in the air.

Hook saw this desolate land, where the goblins roamed and great beast crawled in the shadow of the great rocks, all from his "comfortable" position from the tallest tower Maleficent had. He remembered this place from "Sleeping Beauty", where in the climax Maleficent took to it and started hurling bolts at Prince Philip. Oddly enough, he thought it was a good place to think. Tall. Quiet.

Alone.

Alone. A funny word. If one was to break it down, it would be "a lone". A loner? Always lone? A lone fool?

Empty. Cold. Tired. A fitting set of words for him. It was not that he was truly alone in the world. He had friends, money, and a ship that could sail him around the world. He had it all, save…

What is more important? Love, or purpose? If one has love, one has a constant friend, a soul to be one with, to bear thick and thin, strength and weakness. If one had purpose, one had direction, meaning, and success, three things a soul must have.

A cold gust blew across the land, cutting through his coat and into his bone. He wondered how Maleficent _really _handled this? Nevertheless, it felt oddly good, like the kind of wind that powered a sailing ship.

Or the kind that carried a flying bird.

He could see ravens making their way across the barren, flying with the current to far-off lands and bright Sun.

Today he had met a bird who had lost its wings and still was flying.

All his life, he had been Captain James Hook. An honorable man, to a point. Good form, until push came to shove. In reality, however, he was a bird that had forgotten how to fly, despite the fact he still had wings. Years of hatred, self-pity, and foolish pride had dragged him to a spiritual death.

Oh, but to be free! For once in his life, he honestly envied the boy that never grew up. Youth was that child's excuse, however bogus that was. He may be a stupid imbecile, to afraid to grow up, but he could always fly, not because he was taught and shown and then helped through it, but because he believed he could fly, believed he could be free. Letting go of it all, the nay-sayers, the doubts, the rules and reasons, he flew.

Hook let the cold wind hit his face, breathing it in as he stood above the height like a free man. He wanted love. He wanted purpose.

He wanted to fly.

"Hook, are you going to _jump_?"

If his cheeks would have been redder, he could of passed for an apple with a set of arms and legs.

"No, but I was considering it." Hook replied to Jafar as he got off the tower's parapets and looked back at his friend. The sorcerer found no humor in that quip, but then again, Hook was not exactly lying.

"What? It was a **joke**!"

Jafar arched an eyebrow at him. "You remember that time you joked you would castrate Peter Pan for scuttling your ship while you were asleep?"

"Yes." Hook tried to act like he was innocent.

"You told us how you woke up in a floating bed in a sinking ship and barely escaped being sucked down with it. I laughed, you laughed, everyone laughed." he said this off-hand from memory.

Hook cringed for the next part.

"Then you actually attempted to **castrate Peter Pan!**" Jafar roared. "You went out, snuck into his hide-away, and nearly maimed his manhood with your **hook!**"

"Hey, I never said that _was_ a joke!" Hook laughed nervously. "Though I would of gotten him if that crocodile hadn't followed me **on-land**." he thought.

Jafar gave him the kind of face only a best friend gives you, that I'm-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep-for-all-the-pain-you-have-caused-me face.

"You have been acting very strange lately, Hook. I would not put anything past you as of now." Jafar walked over to the parapet and looked over at the landscape.

Hook placed his elbows on the parapets, losing the "everything is all right" face he had been wearing for a while now.

A while being since Walt died in 1966.

"Who would of thought," Jafar remarked, "that a prince of our land would have lowered himself to wife-beater?"

"Not I, though I have wished many things on them for the things they have done to us." Hook admitted. "What ever happened to Happily Ever After?" he openly mused.

Jafar shrugged, his posture showing how defeated he really was. "What ever happened to the Golden Rule, the Allah-given rights of man, to the love we always talk about but never show?"

Hook pondered this. "We, as in all of us, destroyed it. We took it for granted, or were too afraid to lose it. To accept change." The captain sunk into him self, forehead being placed into the cool stone. "We forgot ourselves, to take care of our happily ever after like it was a cure-all for everything. Even sin. Even pain."

"We let ourselves fall." he announced, raising his head back to it normal position. "Every last one of us. Heroes got arrogant, villains gave up on actually living, and everyone else is suffering because of it."

Jafar and Hook let silence fall, embracing the sound of the winds sweeping across the barrens. In the distance, past the line where the Sun reappeared past the clouds and graced the Earth again, the castle of the Rose Realm's favorite "couple" stood tall and mighty.

"We should change it."

Jafar said, every since that day, that he should of just jumped off the tower right then and there. Instead, he gave his friend the most perplexed stare he had ever given anyone, even that two-face son of a parrot Iago.

"Say what?"

Hook looked back his friend, the gloomy countenance morphing into a, honest to Sweet Jesus, mischievous smile. He said it again, but this time with more elaboration.

"We should do it!" Hook stood up, hands rising up like a man possessed with sudden purpose! "We should start a revolution to change the world of Disney for the better, just like Walt wanted it to be."

Quickly taking his new turban off at the mention of Walt Disney (cue the Hallelujah chorus), Jafar wanted to rip Hook's head off! "Hook, we have talked about this already! There is no hope of us doing anything! We are condemned for our crimes the rest of our boring lives! No one will listen to us-"

But it was too late. Hook was already on a roll, and when Hook is sailing, Hook stops for no man.

"I can see it now. Revolution." the word rolled off his tongue like a miracle. "Bloodless, naturally," Hook said to his friend, "But firm. Civil disobedience. A little here, a little there, a mischievous prank every where." Hook's remaining hand danced around putting a little pixie dust on imaginary things and people.

"Are you even listening to me!" Jafar cried out, "You will be facing Kings, wizards knights, the very people will stand against you!" Stamping his foot on the ground, he cried out, red in the face, **"Hook, it would be defying gravity!"**

Hook face lit up.

You know how the characters burst into song, how they light up, and they sing their hearts out, even if they are being silly, arrogant, stupid, or just plain love-struck. Its called the Disney Magic, and it was riding in on the cold winds, through the barrens and to Hook's heart, filling the captain's chest with his first really breath of air since…

_**FOREVER!**_

Hook leapt on the parapets, and started singing. It was not rough, or cruel, or even remotely villain. It was more like a hero who knew what he was doing was right, even if no one else wanted to hear it.

It sounded a lot like older Josh Groban.

And his voice rang across the barren, through the castle, to the lost, to the found, to those who had never knew love.

He sang-

"**Defying Gravity" from the musical "Wicked"**.

_Something has changed within me! _

_Something is not the same! _

_I'm through with playing by the rules _

_of someone else's game! _

_Too late for second-guessing! _

_Too late to go back to sleep! _

_It's time to trust my instincts, _

_close my eyes, and leap!"_

Jafar was suddenly thinking about leaping off something himself. "Oh, sweet Allah! No, don't-!"

_It's time to try," _Hook declared,

_defying gravity!_

_I think I'll try _

_defying gravity, _

_And they can't pull me down!" _

Jafar had to stop him!

_Can't I make you understand?" _Jafar sang back.

_You're having delusions of grandeur!_

Hook laughed, loud and genuinely joyful!

_I'm through accepting limits _

_''cause someone says they're so! _

_Some things I cannot change, _

_but till I try, I'll never know! _

_Too long I've been afraid of _

_losing love I guess I've lost. _

_Well, if that's love, _

_it comes at much too high a cost! _

_I'd sooner buy _

_defying gravity! _

_Kiss me goodbye! _

_I'm defying gravity _

_And they can't pull me down!"_

Hook leapt off the parapet, twirled, and stopped, facing Jafar with a huge grin. "Come! Join me! Together we will be unstoppable!" He said, a glint in his eyes shining brighter than anything Jafar had even seen before. "We will take this kingdom by the helm, and sail it into liberation and justice for all!" Hook put his arm around Jafar, arching his hook across the sky!

Jafar shook his head. "Why do I do this to my self!" he bemoaned. He turned his head to Hook's, the captain's eyes bright with anticipation and future glories! Jafar knew, at that moment, that if he did not join in, Hook would probably be dead in about a week's time.

"All right!" he cried in defeat. "Allah damn it, I'm in!"

"Ha ha ha!" Hook laughed. "Let us sing then, for future glories and forever freedom!", and this they did.

Both: _Unlimited! _

_Together we're unlimited! _

_Together we'll be the greatest team! _

Hook: _"There's ever been! Dreams, the way Walt planned 'em!" _Jafar: _"If we work in tandem!" _

Both: "_There's no fight we cannot win! _

_Just you and I _

_defying gravity! _

_With you and I _

_defying gravity, _

_They'll never bring us down!" _

Hook jumped upon the parapets once again, pointing his finger to the shining castle across the sea of dirt, defying the nobles and their oppressive laws!

"_So if they care to find me!" _he sang!

"_Look to the western sky! _

_As me soul told me lately, _

_"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!" _

_And if I'm flying crazy, _

_At least I'm flying free! _

_To those who'd ground me, _

_take a message back from me! _

_Tell them how I am _

_defying gravity! _

_I'm flying high _

_defying gravity! _

_And soon I'll match them in renown, _

_and nobody in Disney,_

_no king, queen that there is or was, _

_Is ever gonna bring me down!" _

Leaping, dancing, singing, and flying Hook stopped as, lo and behold, the Sun cut through the clouds, as it had never done before, shining on the two like the Sons of Liberty! With a fresh, glorious breath of air, he roared-

"_**DOOOOOOOWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"**_

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I own <strong>nothing<strong> in this piece of fiction.

_La liberte! _Now we are cooking! This is where the rubber meets the road, where the clouds split, where the Heavens sing and the Hells trembled! Past the mediocre, past the normal, past the _**sane**_, we ride into the inferno and smoke the weed of victory! We are now officially past the introduction! After this we are rolling and not stopping until we reach our destination or crash and burn into an ball of fire! I hope you all love this, because now I get to my favorite part of Vip!

That is, Vip itself!

On to our reviewers!

The bad news is that I will have to cancel the competition due to a little problem between it and the story. If I announce the love interest, I'll ruin the story's mystery! I would never forgive myself if I did that!

(Kicks himself in the buttocks repeatedly until he can't sit down for a week)

Speaking of love interest, please check out my other work "They Spoke French,". It has a mystery pairing (though I do think it is slightly obvious) that I would like you all to guess.

I also have a question for all of you. If there was a cool, dark, and mystical name for Aurora that would represent a sort of villainess side in her, what would it be? Greek, goth, Latin, Gaelic, **whatever! **So far, I am thinking either Dusk, Thorn, or Raven. Cliché, but I like them. What do you have in mind?

McCloud: Your apology is accepted. At first, honestly, I was offended at the "tone" of writing you were using, but then I remember that this is the guy/gal/intersexual that reviews each of my chapters **thoroughly** and tells me what I did wrong politely while teaching me about bits of grammar I had forgotten (or never paid enough attention to).That is one of the top five nicest things an individual has done for me! On top of all this, this is a person **I have never met in my life!** For that, I could never repay you enough. However, if you would like to be prayed for (that goes for all of you reading) tell me so. I like to help out in anyway.

Hey, I found a use for the Spanish butterflies!

You can get a copy of my book "The March Hare's Dictionary of the Mad World Around (and in) You" by the March Hare at your local Wal-Mart and other retail stores. Just look next to the sale on "Laugh."

(Read McCloud's review on chapter six to understand)

You will see more of Shadow talking backwards, unless we have other reviewers who disagree with this. If that happens, the reviewers will pick their side of a coin and I will flip it. Whoever wins gets their desire.

_**OR A BOOT TO THE HEAD!**_

Angel: OMSAS! (Oh My Stars And Garters). I forgot my most loyal reviewer! Please forgive me! (Goes back to kicking himself in the buttocks) If I can make it up to you (in a reasonable way) tell me so! However, I will not, repeat, will not go bungee jumping without a bungee, _again_! **Forget it!**

Unknown Destination: Thanks for reviewing, and welcome to our motley crew! (Starts singing _"Dr. Feelgood" _by **Mötley Crüe**) When I checked out your profile, I saw your long list of standards and the first thing that hits my mind is "Oh, sweet mother of mercy! I have expectations!" Seriously, however, if you do see me getting out of line, tell me so. If I am not bipolar or suffering a delusion (or just using my creative licensing), I will be more than willing to edit and improve.

I also will try to walk the line when it comes to morals, but forgive me if I do otherwise. This story will have a main arch, but there will be funny, weird, or adventurous bits in it too that stray from the main plot. So just sit back, follow the main story, and laugh when I get a _little_ off-track for kicks.

Remember, if any of you have a one-shot idea for me, I would like to hear it! If I can, I will write it without delay (unless the Mad Hatter poisons my hookah again. That's why it took so long to write this!).

Well, back to my house hunting! (Goes off singing "Defying Gravity" in a high pitch and obviously _**BAD**_ voice)


	9. Preparations and New Ways

_Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company- Mark Twain_

_**Preparations and New Ways  
><strong>_By the March Hare

The next morning…

Light was absent as Doctor Facilier rubbed his eyes awake with a yawn. He stretched, cat-like, and then started crawling off of the couch, his joints crackling like a Fourth of July party. His Shadow was not far behind him, stretching itself like a long snake on the wall and swiping a card pack out of his master's jacket. Facilier got his hat, coat, and cane off the nearby rack and, dressing himself along the way, made his way up across the stone floor to a wooden door next to the couch. Taking a peek inside, he found Briar Rose sleeping tranquilly in bed. Stepping in, he came over and watched the fair lady breathe for a while, his heartbeat following her every breath. He silently stroked blonde hair out of her pale face, wishing ever so much to hold the broken heart inside. The area around her eyes were red, as if she had been crying, and the scar on her left eye glowed light green in the torchlight. His mind drifted back, to last night, when she sang a song for everyone there in the castle. With a guitar in her lap and a smile in her soul, she sang-

_Are you going to Scarborough Fair?  
><em>_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.__  
><em>_Remember me to one who lives there.  
><em>_He was once a true love of mine…_

Her angel voice rang through the castle, her soprano song carrying them all away, to the old countries, to the lands beyond the mists of the time. Before the Dark Age, before the Mouse's Rise, even before Walt's Coming, the land they all belonged, where all dreamers and childish folk go when reality dies and the truth steps in.

Even now, Facilier could feel himself tremble at the sound of his siren.

With a clandestine kiss to the forehead, he was gone.

It was a double blessing, to be honest, from above to see her in peace, for not only was she safe in this seemingly wretched castle (a weary woman had found sanctuary), but Facilier did not have to look over his shoulder every time he had to leave her. Like that night he had to leave her, the same night he stole her away from the madness of her life. After leaving her at Tony's, he did not sleep a wink, but instead kept tabs on the "hotel" for the rest of the night with Shadow. Come to think about it, he had not slept well for the last two nights. That is how he knew Hook and the gang were coming to Tony's Place.

With Rose around, he could only guess he was going to collapse out of nowhere, or either forget how to sleep entirely.

Smiling pleasantly, he made his way outside, closing the door behind him without a sound. He then made his way to a large heavy door, the morning ache now returning in full force. Keeping himself up with the knob, he leaned on the door. With another yawn and a stretch, he opened the door. Emerald light shot through the opening, partially blinding the bokor and forcing him to shield his eyes and lower his head.

"Good morning, America." he mumbled sarcastically, tired and irritated. "Note to self," he thought, "Nev-a drink the green stuff Maleficent keeps the combs in!"

Shadow was the exact opposite of his sleepy master, flying past his master and starting up a fresh batch of coffee(Hey, even villains need that _ever so _holy elixir of life), all while singing "Emoh og annaw em dna emoc thgilyad, o-yad, o-yad!"

This is what Facilier got for staying up half the night, talking with the love of his life.

The kitchen smelled all right, he guessed. It was an old and dilapidated castle, so a damp smell was predominating. Other than that, it looked worse than it really was. Facilier could only guess that Maleficent had some "keep-clean" spells somewhere in her books. If she could make people forget, she could probably keep mould a mile away from her place.

He chuckled. "The envy of every housewife," he thought. He took a seat at the table and accepted a cup of coffee from Shadow. It was burning hot, but for a man who had endured Hell, heat was of little concern. On the wall facing him, the Sun was rising over the horizon and casting its orange light into the dark room. It drowned out the green light of the torches, and consumed the world in a dream.

In the aurora, Facilier fell into thought.

"What now? I've saved a woman only for her to still love the man that beat the shit outta of her. The man in question remembers who I am, yet it is possible that no one else will believe him. Clopin will be pissed off that I got some of his boys killed, even if they were lower than earthworm crap. I've killed a man, who, as of now, walks this world possessed with a vision of a pure future."

He laughed at that last thought.

Pure.

There was a reason people like him existed, because the only purity there was in this world was pure bias. Take him for example. He was born alone, an orphan since birth. He had no one but the darkness to love him and the hatred to lead him. Voodoo was something he picked up on the way, and it gave him _power_, power to strike back at all who had beat, burned, and scorned him for his skin or his "gifts". Even if he could not hold that power he so coveted, he could still see the results of that power.

And they were _beautiful. _

Not many know this, save the government and those involved, but the person who took him off the streets and taught him voodoo was Mama Odie. She was the one to teach him how to conjure the spirits, to heal, to make charms, and to see into the future. At first she was his angel, the closest damn thing he ever had to a mother. But his ambition and hate led him down into darkness, and he rebelled, Loas forgive him for the fool he was and is! In the resulting battle her love for him was her weakness, and he overpowered that poor old lady, took her charms, her fetishes, and more.

He still kept her eyes in a jar back at the Emporium, along with the knife he carved them out with.

He pulled it out, flipping it open and closing it with a gesture of his lithe hand. It was a balisong, carved with Voodoo veves of death. The Sun caught its fearful blade, and ten thousand souls were reflected in it. Souls wailing for vengeance and blood. Souls that would know no rest until others knew the pain of others.

The perfect weapon for a man like him.

He slipped it away and got back to his coffee. Sunlight swirled in the liquid gold.

He had left that boat in the tree in the bayou, eyes in hand, machete at his side, and fiends on his heels. Her wails were the last thing he heard as he left the only home he knew in search of power and money. She did not cry in pain, she was too strong for that. She cried in agony over the boy she _loved_ and had lost to **evil**.

Even now, he wondered how he could have been so cruel to the only person that every loved him for who he was…

Nevertheless, he made his way to New Orleans, demons driving his every waking dream. Souls for power, they said. A fair enough trade at the time. Looking back, he realized that there were not enough souls in Hell to sate his ambition.

Or their _hunger_.

Taking a bit here and a bit there, no one really knew what he was after, only that he was greedy and he was right. People came to him for everything, financial issues to silly questions like "how long will my cat live?" He was always right, but he was always alone.

And afraid.

They got use to the little bits of soul he gave them. Now they wanted more. Full souls. Fresh blood. New meals. In return, more power. He did so, even going so far as to raiding graveyards and killing people. As they got hungrier, he got more paranoid. Nights when he could not sleep. Moments when they came for _him_. He was patient, but they were not. Fortunately, he got lucky. The big score came. A dumb prince and his lackey. It was kid's stuff working them over. Victory was finally in his grasp!

However, he did not see a little waitress getting in the way.

His train of thought shifted gears as he pondered how Tiana ("Now a princess," he chuckled) was able to make it in this world on hard work alone. A Negro, just like him, with the desire to live her daddy's dream. In a way she was the person most like him and most unlike him. Both were driven, but both were poor. Both were hated for their skin, both wanted to prove the world wrong. Yet…

She, in the day's end, had peace knowing that what she was doing was right, even if it was impossible. He, however, went for he quickest and easiest way and ended up only watching every shadow he once loved.

When the two collided, he lost. A one-way ticket to Hell was his reward. For what felt like millions of years, he was tortured to his limits.

Pressed. Stretched. Castrated. Dismembered. Drowned. Dehydrated. Starved. Burned. Frozen. Cut, healed, then cut again.

Everything you could think of, it happened to him.

He was losing it, and losing it **fast**.

Then one day, it stopped.

He woke up in a room where a man in a suit at a desk told him that he was an cartoon character and that what he had experienced _never_ **really** _**happened**_. He was given a chance to relive life, but only if he followed the rules. One step out, and it was Hell for _eternity_ for him.

He picked the lesser of two evils.

Let out into this new world, he discovered others like him. Villains, scum, fools.

The losers.

And there were others, the "light" of this world, the kings, queens, sidekicks.

The winners.

That is how it translated to him. He was a loser for all eternity. Until this realm collapses into Armageddon, he was stuck here, like everyone else, into his assigned role. No chance to change, no way to end. He could kill himself, but after experiencing Hell, that was the last thing on his agenda.

Then, he met _her_.

Now, he is sitting in a castle, drinking black coffee as his shadow was playing Solitaire across from him, wondering what he will do next in life.

On one hand, he was in love. In love with the Princess of the Rose Realm, a woman whose promised happily ever after was crushed into the dust of the wind. He, despite all his people reading skills, could not fathom how far she had fallen. He was still waiting for her to go all insane in the membrane and start dicing men up and putting them into little doggie bags for lunch.

Last night, he was awoken by screaming and wailing, something about "The End," and "It that walks among us,". After an eternity of running up and down dark hallways and paths that turned unto themselves, he found her room. She was sleeping peacefully, but Facilier did not trust appearances. It was only after an hour or so (or 5) that he felt comfortable enough to go back to bed.

In the next room, on the couch, across from the kitchen.

To put it in simple terms, Facilier did not sleep a wink last night all because of her (again), or, more correctly, because of his obsession with her.

Yes, for all practical terms, it was an obsession, which was now causing him to question his own sanity. He was just _**infatuated**_ with her! He loved her dryad's voice, her little giggles and smiles, her dexterous, tiny hands, her ivory skin, her long, lovely hair, her rose-red lips, her long, thin, willowy body shape that moves so graceful through day and night. Her kind heart, her compassionate ways, her ability to truly understand his pain. She was not a thing from the material realm, that was sure.

"She mus' be a wood sprite," he mumbled into his coffee, "or a nymph, or a-"

"A bein' greater than any of us combined?"

Facilier and Shadow looked up from his broodings, right hand sliding to his blade ("Jus' in case"). In a doorway leaned Captain Hook, a solemn look gracing his worn and ragged face. He looked like he did not sleep a wink last night, but he also looked like he was a man on a mission. Like a soldier fighting for a cause he was ready to die for.

This, however, could also be attributed to the green stuff Maleficent keeps the combs in. That was what Frollo called it as soon as he saw it being brought in by the goblins last night for dinner. It looked (no lie!) like the stuff barbers keep their combs in, and it tasted just like it. Whatever it really was, it had a kick that could kill a small water buffalo. However, every one was nice enough not to ask questions and drink it.

Or slip it into a nearby plant pot.

_Nasty_ stuff. Just _**nasty**_.

Back to Hook.

The captain's remaining hand did rest on an oddity, a cane, covered in red velvet and bearing an silver skull on top of it. His sword was absent. "Peculiar…" thought Facilier, "Why would he be carryin' a cane instead of his sword?"

'I must be losin' my touch," The witch doctor said out loud, "to have you of all folks sneak up on me." He meant this in good humor, grinning like a fool as he took another drink of coffee.

Shadow quietly went back to his game.

Hook laughed, shaking his head as he made his way to the table and taking a seat. "Don't feel _too_ bad. I have been sneaking around longer than Mama Odie's been alive."

Facilier's face swam momentarily with confusion, but thinking about it, it made sense. In the movie he was a man at least in his early 40's, add on the fact he was born in the 1700s or so, and then has lived an immortal life since 1966. He probably felt like a pile of walking, talking crap.

Now available in your local retail store.

"So," Facilier asked, "what do you know about Rose?"

Hook leaned back in his chair, stretching off (temporarily) his perpetual aches, then scratching his chin ever so slightly with his hook. "Just as much as everyone else. A noble of the highest order. Where she walks the blind see and the lame walk. Her tears can turn anything into gold. If she smiles at you, you can put it on your resume."

Facilier chuckled. "In other words, ya got nothing?"

"Yes." Hook shrugged. "Being as I am a villain and she is a princess with an actual job, I never had much time to talk to her. After the Dark Age, any chance of friendly communication with her was completely ruined.

'_Static'_

The Dark Age. A period of time between 1999 to 2009 in which the worse fell on the Kingdom like the Shadow of the Devil.

More on that _later…_

'_Static'_

Facilier nodded, admittedly because he was not sure what to say next. He was in love, but it was unrequited love. He was lost, but he had found someone to be lost with.

Sweet Jesus! What was becoming of him?

"Doctor Facilier," the captain addressed as an equal, as a **gentleman**, which would be the last word Facilier would describe himself as. It snapped him out of his self pity and drew his attention. "I have a proposition for you, and if you are not busy for the next few minutes, I would like your **full** attention."

Facilier's brows furrowed in suspicion and interest. "Go on…" he said with a wave of his hand.

Shadow left his card game and slunk over next to Facilier to listen.

Hook grinned. Never a good sign. Then he reached into his coat and pulled out several pieces of old, yellowed paper. He laid it on the table, one by one, so Facilier could look on them.

What he saw was life-changing.

Diagrams of a palace, ranging from blueprints of the basement and storage facilities to the servants quarters to the coveted treasury was laid out in front of the bokor. All together they formed a definitive (if not complete!) breakdown of the palace. A man could use this to sneak into the castle and steal whatever he wanted, just a whisper in the wind. There was, however (as always), one problem…

Shadow whispered into Facilier's ear, concern consuming both of their forms.

Facilier looked at Hook's grinning smile, thinking on how many ways he could up and kick those teeth those teeth down his throat. He leaned closed into the captain's face.

"You do realize that this is Sultan's Castle?"

Hook answered as if it was a casual thing. "Yes, yes I do."

"The castle that belongs third oldest regime in this entire stinkin' pit?"

Hook leaned in, his eyes revealing a mischievous gleam quite dangerous for a man his age.

"**Yes."**

Facilier cocked an eyebrow as Shadow starting circling Hook. "What are you _thinking of_? Stealin' something? **Murder?" **he finished in a nervous tone. He was done killing people, for money, for power, for **whatever! **Only love was powerful enough to move him now.

For Rose, he could 10,000 Captain Hooks or more, if she so asked.

Shadow stopped and leaned in, and to the observer it was hard to see if it was frightened or interested in causing trouble.

Hook laughed, a reassuring laugh because it held no dark undertones or a devious invention. It was a loud, God-honest laugh.

"No, no, no, no, no! Not for murder or the ilk!" he said, waving his hands in back and forth. "No, I got something even **better**."

Facilier felt a change in the air…

* * *

><p>An hour or so later…<p>

Witch doctor and shadow ran down the halls, leaping over every goblin in his way like Michael Jordan and, occasionally, landing on the tall ones.

Fret not, however. They are just comedic relief.

Back to what matters. Blazing past everyone in his way (and accidentally tackling Jafar as the former vizier exited the bathroom) he arrived, lungs bursting, in search of the one thing he has devoted his entire existence to in the last 48 hours.

Trust me, women can do that to you.

The garden was oddly beautiful, if you are into the Gothic design that consumed it. Around it, in the courtyard the castle, was an wooden fence covered in vines of rose plant, all these roses being blacker than midnight on a new moon. The garden inside this fence was a beauty to behold, a distinct contrast to the castle that look like it would sink into itself at any given moment. In it was an array of flowers never seen to the human eye until today, for they were fae flower, meant only for the realm of the Gentry.

However, when has Maleficent followed the rules?

There were flowers that folded unto themselves, flowers that had teeth and eyes, flowers that twisted in corkscrews, flowers that uprooted themselves and walked to another location. There were also plants of a less faeish nature, but no less magical in their effect. Wolfsbane, cannabis, nightshade, mandrake, hemlock, willow, et cetera, et cetera. These were also twisted in some way. Mandrakes had actually roots like a man (you could see the top of their heads popping out of the ground), willows had branches that wound and crossed each other to form Wicca symbols, and nightshades flew on wings of leaves.

Somehow, Facilier was not surprised at how bizarre and utterly fascinating this garden was, but then again, he had spent his entire life in the supernatural. There were few things in this world that could scare him.

Like Briar Rose in the mouth of an rather large Venus flytrap.

In fact, her legs were sticking out of its upraised mouth as the upper half of her body was deep inside the plant.

"Oh, Hell no! I did not just save you to have you get eaten by an oversized weed!" Facilier held on to his hat and ran like Hell!

"**I'm comin', Rose!" **he yelled, drawing his blade out thoughts of having to pick out a half digested body from a dismembered plant not making his day any better.

Then the oddest thing happened.

The plant lowered its head, and let Briar Rose slip out. Save for a bit of plant juice, she was fine. Scratch that. She was smiling!

"What the-" Facilier and Shadow were officially lost.

'Ah, you poor thing!" she said as she rubbed the plant's nose in pity. In her other hand was a rather large (and heavily digested) bone. "You had a bone stuck between your teeth! You should not eat so fast lest you get another one in there!" she scolded it like it was a child! It whined at first, but then started purring as she stroked it lovingly.

Facilier and Shadow just stood there as she made kissy faces and hugged this man-eating plant! It was so ugly it was…

Kind of cute.

Stroking the plant one last time, she bade it farewell and turned to Facilier, who had just slipped his blade away just as she turned. Hair messed up with plant saliva, eyes beaming blue with the morning glory, and smile bigger than the Cheshire Cat's, she, for once, looked happy to be living. Through the scars, the past that was so miserable, the nightmares so terrifying she survived, and thrived.

He wondered what he could of done with that attitude to life.

"Well?" she inquired, taking a delicate step forward to Facilier. He felt his knees buckle, ever so slightly "What did you want me for?"

Facilier returned the smiled, taking his hat off and flashing his own grin. Then he realized! He had totally forgotten what he was going to say!

Briar Rose watched in amusement as Facilier's mouth hung open like a landing strip for flies.

"Uh, um, um…give me a moment!" he defended himself. "I got this!"

She giggled, covering her mouth shyly. The world stopped as her laugh, ever so tiny, consumed his very thoughts.

This woman had complete and utter control over him.

Not good at all...but he didn't care!

"Let us go for a walk, if you would not mind. It might help your memory" she said, as she picked up her shawl and a watering bucket, half-full from a glance.

Or half-empty, depending on your view point.

Regardless, he nodded (quite eagerly!), and off they went.

* * *

><p>From the distance, two pairs of eyes watched.<p>

"Do you think it is wise to let them bond, Miss Maleficent?" Hook said as he stood leaning over the edge of a balcony above the gardens, too high up for the pair to hear them. Behind him stood Maleficent, who merely laughed at his fears.

"Good captain, since when have I ever been wrong? They are a match made in Heaven." she boldly proclaimed. In the distance, Diablo returned from his patrol of the wastes, flapping in and landing on his lady's extended arm.

Hook laughed, but unlike Maleficent, it was bitter and low, the laugh of a nervous man. "There is nothin' holy with what we do, and if there is, it is obscured in the darkness of this evil age. We are playing the start of a dangerous game." he declared. "Already, the Black and Whites are scouring the lands for the "kidnapped" princess," he stood up to his full height, turning slightly to Maleficent but keeping his eye on the pair down below.

"Fortunately," Maleficent said, "I have had the _luxury_" She said sarcastically, "Of them coming to my place already. I had just finished the spell when they had arrived. I would of just implanted false memories into their heads, but I was too weak from the spell to do so. They had a warrant, so I let them explore my entire place. As usual they missed the privy places, so I just got the usual warning."

Yeah, Hook knew that usual warning. "Mess-es-es-es up and we'll shove your fu-fu-fu-fucking balls down your throat." For some reason or another, his death threats were from characters with stutters.

"However, if they **do** find her, in the state she is in, there will be questions asked, m' dear." he turned fully to the fae, having lost fear of the dark lady he engaged her as an equal, something she was oddly pleased with. "Answers given would decide the fate of the realms. If the people found out that happily forever after was not a certainty there would no reason to let the rulers do as they will, in false hope that all will be good. The final binds holding this fragile realm together would break, and Chaos would reign supreme. The order set together by Walt (God rest his soul) would fall into eternal war, or into some tyrant's hands," he said as his hook snatched a glass of wine off a small table. He took it down in one drink, then coughed a bit, then some, then some more, until he was red in the face, beating his chest, and on his knees.

"Damn, woman! What do you put in that stuff!"

Maleficent, who had been watching, _quite happily_, Hook suffer yet another near death experience, smiled at him.

"Do you really want to _know_?" she asked, sadistically.

Hook, regaining his breath, swore he would not see another year with friends like this. The green stuff, now this!

"Quite right." he declared as he regained his breath. "Now,' he said as he straightened himself out, "on to the matter at hand."

"If the drudges of our society knew of what had transpired, we would all be put to death and the world would fall into darkness." Maleficent replied , "and only the Fates know what would happen to Rose.

Hook nodded. The number one priority, in this situation, was to make utterly sure that the princess was safe and that the actions taken by this little revolution would be kept in utter secrecy.

He looked back to the couple.

They were odd, indeed. He could tell from the start that Facilier was utterly consumed with her. He was very polite, very patient, very gentle with her. Almost like a school boy on a date with his childhood love. Yet, it made sense. He had, from what Hook heard, had never been a good man. From the start cold bloodied killing was not a problem for the Shadowman. However, every villain, even the foulest of the foul, always shimmered down when they discovered that they were only creation of another's mind. It was just how it was. Yet Facilier, he was different. He was better, but he had something inside of him that screamed _demon, monster…_

_Death._

But, it seemed, to every beast a beauty, and Rose was his...

Hook chuckled. "_Evangeline_."

"Well, as fun as this had all been, plotting and such," Maleficent said, "I have _other _matters, most pressing, to attend to. I bid thee good day, good captain."

"And to you," Hook said with a wave of his hand, still keeping his eyes on the couple, "fair maiden."

It was no secret what she was doing, but direct reference to any clandestine project is something to be avoided for the sake of the organization.

He continued to watch.

The pair talked on, yet on what was a mystery. Hook could only guess that it was of better times and things, for both were laughing and talking. Every now and then she would point out a plant and she would tell him about it. He would occasionally say something and she would listen, but mostly she did the talking.

Good, she needed to be human for a change. Whatever had happened back in that palace was taxing to the extreme. She was a brave girl, however, finding that remarkable strength to move on.

Hook envied her. If he had been like that with his hand, things would have been better for him. Then again, if he was merely a thought in someone's head, he had little choice in the decisions of his past.

Yet, underneath that warm disposition, there was trouble afoot. If Briar Rose still loved her husband, and was more interested in finding the soul that had done turned her love into a monster than hiding in the dark places, she would not want to sit still for long.

Not long at all.

At the same time, Hook had a plan. Maleficent and Jafar were both in, and Facilier (and his shadow) had just joined this morning (especially after Hook had mentioned "the integrating of both sides of this conflict"). Now, he just needed a little help from the princess, not because she was vital in this plan, but because **everyone **needed to keep an eye on her. Do not let that little forest maiden attitude trick you. She was sly, with a cunning and patience honed in years of statecraft, and from years of tracking and hunting, she was a forester and stalker of unequalled capabilities.

A deadly tool, if properly managed.

A raging, uncontrollable storm if not.

He was playing a dangerous game, and he knew it. He was to break the back of the kings and queens of this realm, make them comply to his wishes, and actually fix this mess they have so cheerfully ignored. Sort of a like a Magna Carta.

If not, Hook would break this whole world _asunder_…

"I have become _Death_," he muttered to himself, "the destroyer of worlds…"

If he failed however, he (and anyone else he would be working with) would be on the receiving end of a whole set of paranoid hierarchies with the intent to eradicate all forms of rebellion.

In his mind, a storm raged on a lone island, as he and the lady he never knew sank into the deep abyss.

Returning to reality, he turned back, disappearing into the stairways behind him. Shadow consumed his form.

There was much work to do.

And more questions to be answered.

* * *

><p>Briar Rose was on to the nightshades when Facilier remembered what was so important. "Pardon me, <em>chere<em>!" he interjected, a sly smiled gracing his face. "I remember what I was fixin' to tell y'all!" he twirled, shoes skidding through the dark grass. He stopped and bowed his head, hat covering his eyes.

"Oh?" she replied, interested in what kind of mischief could set the Shadowman dancing, save money. "What would that be?"

Facilier tilted his head back up, eyes glowing more vibrantly than ever.

"We're gonna hijack a castle!"

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I own nothing!<p>

The plots thickens! Hook is making the first move, as Facilier wagers his future on a chance!

In the next chapter, Jafar makes a dumb choice (and we still love him), a gift for Hook turns out to be more than it appears (Thank God!) and a certain bunny enters the fray…

Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. I love you all! (blows kisses, smacks coffee off table while blowing kisses, hot coffee lands in lap, March Hare starts Futterwacken in pain)

Guess which song Shadow was singing while he made the elixir of life **without **flipping it backwards or messing with it! The reward? I do not know, but if would like one I will do my best to give you one! I got a boot to the head, tapioca pudding by the ton, and a police cruiser I stole back in "The Trampled Rose".

In the future, due to the enormous amounts of one-shots rolling around in my ever-so tiny brain, I will be doing the following. I will write a chapter, then a one-shot, then a chapter, then a one-shot, and so on and so on. This will hopefully make future chapters better, but predictably slower to write. Have a little patience, and you will possibly enjoy my future works even more!

P.S. Please check out my one-shots now and in the future if you can. Review if you can and want, I just want to know your honest opinion on them.

On to my reviewers!

Angel: Mucho gracious, my fair reviewer! I was at loss for a moment on what Diablo was, so thank you for the correction!

To answer your question, "Phantasmagoria" is not related to Vip, but there will be some similar characters in both. If you are still interested, I will be working on my second preview for the story. Keep ye peepers open!

On how to kick yourself in the buttocks, please turn to Chapter 13 of the "The March Hare's Guide to the Mad World Around (and in) You" (which I am sure you bought alongside my other book "The March Hare's Dictionary of the Mad World Around (and in) You"). Now, following the instructions in the book, take hold on one of your feet (this is your pick, but the bigger the better). Now, with foot firmly in hand, take said foot and twist it backwards (Note: _Slight_ tingling will be felt. Ignore it and move on) Now, with twisted foot, kick foot backwards and (if you have followed instructions) your foot should contact your bum. Congratulations! You have just kicked yourself in the bum!

Warning: Unless you having meta-human regeneration, you should not perform this under any circumstances.

Yeah, a little too late for that now is it…? (Stares down at broken foot) This is going to make walking _very interesting_…

Doctor Madwoman: In the future, I will be calling you Arill, since it is a more beautiful name than Doctor Madwoman, and therefore more fitting. All right?

Hook is too epic for Valhalla. The wise All-Father knew this, and sent him back to us, with a death threat with extreme prejudice if I did not let him back into the story. Something about being chained to a rock with snake venom being dipped into my eyes. I do not know, I was too busy running away to listen.

You have a fedora! _Sweet! _You look _**HOT**_ _(sizzle_) in it! Trust me, I have sent people to the doctor!

However, I am not a genius. To be frank, I am a second rate writer who pretends greatness. Yet, I am loved, therefore, I go on. The very fact you all review truly does make my day, and your smiles, tears, and laughter make me a happier hare. If you, however, want to read truly great pieces of fan fiction, go read one of my reviewers' works (That is everyone of you!) or one of Kittie Darkhart's pieces of fan fiction. That stuff will eat your minds away in sheer epic-ness!

In the summary, I would rather you praise the forces of creation (Jesus, Allah, insert pagan gods, et cetera) for giving me this gift than the mere wielder of the gift.

Just two questions. What does Arill mean and where did it come from, and what the smurf is "AGEGIADGNEGJNSLAVNMO!U($HISNFGIE?"

This is March Hare signing off for now! Until next time! _Ow, ow, ow, ow_. (Limps off into sunset, carrying some rope, a small jar (with holes in it), and a collection of Spanish Butterflies in a tea kettle.

_Let the wind blow high_

_Let the wind blow low_

_Through the streets in m' kilt I go_

_All the lasses smiling at me_

"_Johnny, where's your trousers?"_


	10. The Adventure Begins

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**_

_**The Adventure Begins  
><strong>_By the March Hare

"This is gotta be the worst assignment in history, man!"

"Shut-up and keep looking through 'em goggles."

Bimbo looked upon on his partner, Bat, as if he was loonier than he looked. Which was saying something, as both men were from the black and white days of animation, and those were some _weird_ folk.

(Note: Not as weird as me though…)

"Listen, if you have not realized!" Bimbo began, "We've been stuck in a camouflaged jeep for almost two days now, which is starting to smell like crusty ol' doughnuts, due to the fact **you** lack the ability to clean it out! We have been staring at the frickin' Mistress of All Evil's castle walls for almost two days, to the point that I have every one of her minions-"

"Goblins." Bat interjected, taking another drink of his coffee.

"Whatever! I got all their faces memorized to each ugly line! It has been almost two days and they are not getting any prettier! I am sick-"

"And tired." Bat said sarcastically.

"AND TIRED of all this! All we got are a couple possible sightings of a few major villains, and only the perv has left the place! This is bull muffins. We are the Black and White Court for Walt's sakes! We should whip out a warrant and go all S.W.A.T. on their butts!"

Bat turned to his partner, raising an eyebrow at (yet again) another outburst. "You see this badge, kid," he said as he pulled out his badge out of his vest. "I have been doing this far longer than you have been defying the laws of physics. Trust me, we do not, repeat, do not, walk in Maleficent's place like a couple of bad asses. This chick has got such a big chip on her shoulder that she holds conversations with it. Now, we have already been up in that place, and I am not going back into that freaky joint again if I can help it."

His partner jumped up in protest, but Bat just shoved his badge down his throat. As Bimbo choked on it, Bat began anew. "So, we will not be going in there anytime soon, unless we have to or we're dead."

Bimbo, turning black as he choked, attempted to say something, but then something caught his eye. Pointing excitingly at the driver's side of the jeep, Bimbo looked, and acted, like the King himself was coming.

"What now!" mumbled Bat as he struggled to turn his fat body around.

The last thing he saw was headlights and a pair of smiling incisors hit his side of the jeep.

Maybe they shouldn't of parked near an abyss.

As they fell, the only thing they could hear was the cackling of a madman.

* * *

><p>"How long does that pig take to get dressed!" Jafar thought angrily as he leaned on the wall several halls down. "I know he loves to look his best, but by now I could of snatched Agrabah by now!"<p>

_Tap! Tap! Tap! _

You could always tell Hook was coming by the tapping of his shoes. However, when you could hear him you could usually see him. This, however, was not the case. This had either three causes.

One, these halls had very good acoustics.

Two, Hook was having a bad morning..

Three, Hook was wearer higher heel shoes than normal.

Personally, Jafar was hopping for the first.

Unfortunately, it was the second (and the third). Hook looked like he was suffering from a hangover, but Hook's experience with the sort probably meant he would be fine until after the meeting. Then he would be vomiting his brains out.

Coming around the corner like the Jolly Roger, Hook blazed in. Jafar, questioning whether or not he should run or stand his ground, had little time to take in the shining orb that suddenly was rocketing toward his face. With reflexes from hours spent training in swordplay, he snatched the orb in the air. Sadly, he underestimated the force behind. As he was sent sprawling to the wall, Hook snatched him with his claw and (pulling him by the cloak) kicked the hallway door open.

This naturally sent everyone in the next room into a comedic panic. Facilier, who was leaning back in his seat, was sent tumbling in a ball of black and purple in surprise as Maleficent nearly shot a fireball to the doorway as a reflex. Briar was the only one not in shock, as she had heard the tapping a mile or so away and was interested in seeing the witch doctor and his shadow fall backwards. Despite the love for all her friends she had, she held a deep-seated mischievous streak that could only be the result of the time she had spent with the fae.

And maybe one to many chats with Maleficent.

While Jafar was crying out about how his cloak was made of silk and therefore easily ripped, Hook dragged him to the seat next to Maleficent, kicked his butt into the chair, and made his way to the other end of the table.

As Jafar was kicked, he let the orb slip out of his hand, and as it did, it flew into the air, flying, flying, flying to Hook's end of the table.

With a deft swipe, Hook let his cane slip out his hand, caught the orb, tossed it back to Maleficent (who snatched it with a taloned hand), grabbed his cane as it bounced back up, and sat down at the table's end.

"_Smooth_, cat," said Facilier sarcastically, picking himself off the floor and dusting off his hat as his shadow started making rude hand gestures at Hook.

Hook barely noticed the witch doctor's annoyance, instead looking around at everyone else there, waiting for an answer. He gestured to the seats.

As Rose and Facilier sat down, Maleficent was studying the orb in her hand, while her raven kept his eye out like a watch dog.

To be frank, Maleficent was quite befuddled by this orb in her hand, yet she would never admit to this, yet she knew Hook was waiting for an answer on what it was. The crystal ball, in question, was small enough to be held in her hand, yet had no special qualities, in fact, no magic at all. Besides it white complexion, it was nothing at all, save glass. Maybe it was a model, or maybe Hook had finally _lost_ it.

Regardless, a telepathic link with her familiar revealed that it seemed Rose knew what it was (and panicking), yet was hiding it well.

Deciding it was better to pass fault to someone else and look fickle than admit to failing, she tossed it over to Jafar, who's attention was still engrossed in his damaged wardrobe.

"What the-"

_CLUNK!_

Despite great reflexes, Jafar failed to catch sight of the orb, which resulted in one, Jafar receiving a nasty bump on the head, and two, the sphere bouncing off the sorcerer's head and landing in the spider-like hands of the voodoo man.

Facilier looked at it, realized quickly that it was not magic, and turned to look at Hook.

"What in the name of the Baron are you tryin' to do, Cap'?"

Hook laughed, a sneaky laugh that meant he had a card up his sleeve that not even Maleficent knew. This, course, made the surprise even better.

"Some of you," Hook began, standing up and starting to make his way (in noble stride) around the table, "have heard that the elegant Captain James Hook," he said with pride, "is up to no good, plottin' to over throw the kingdom. Some of you, a few of you," he said as he rounded Maleficent and made his way next to Rose, "may of heard that the **mad** Captain Hook has a plan that will not only," he said with a wave of his hand, "change the world, but give what each of us want. You may of heard-"

"**That Captain Hook can put an audience to **_**sleep**_**!"**

Hook snarled, twisting around to see who had entered and had disturbed **his** _exaggerated_ and _overly_ dramatic speech.

There, twitchy eyed and long eared, stood the Ozzie of Oxford, the Napoleon of Napalm, the Sultan of the Swipe, the Streaker of South Street ("Let my mini-me free!" he was reported to have said), the "Lecherous Belcherous" of her Majesty (for trying to seduce Queen Minnie with his ability to belch in Latin) and nephew (twice removed) to the Most Interesting Man in the World!

Also known as The March Hare.

"Y'know, _Codfish_," the hare began, "if this gig as a revolutionary flunks like Jafar hitting on Mal" a shortened version of Maleficent, "than you could go into business as a preacher!" Pulling out what looked like two pairs of busted police badges, he began juggling them, heedless of the fact that Hook looked redder than a boiled lobster.

"Do you know, my _good_ hare," Hook gritted through his teeth, "that the only reason you are still livin' is because you are of use to me?"

The March Hare turned to him, quite surprised to find someone talking to him. "Oh, Hook, I'm sorry! Did you say something, because I can't hear you over the sound of my own **awesomeness**!" he screamed the last part, falling to the ground in a fit of giggles and cackles.

"Hook!" Jafar rose from his seat as everyone else watched in either interest (Rose and Maleficent) or for the quickest way out if this went to Hell in a hand basket (Facilier), "Do you mean to tell us that you have recruited the **March Hare** into this harebrained scheme of yours!"

"Yes, unfortunately," Hook replied as he started counting to 10 backwards and taking deep breaths ("Damn anger management classes!"). "Despite his many _foibles,_" the captain said just as March Hare was getting down on one knee and kissing Rose's hand and then Maleficent's back and forth, "he is not only willing to help out (especially after I mentioned the castle hijacking), but is a force of destruction only rivaled by the likes of the Titans."

This, of course, pissed Jafar and Facilier to no end, the latter's shadow sneaking over to strangle the hare before Facilier stopped it.

Jafar, however, was also deeply confused. It had been only, what, a little over 24 hours or so and Hook was already messing with forces beyond his ability! Did he not remember who caused the Great Plumbing Back-Up of 1979, or who jumped out of Prince Charming's 33rd birthday cake in a pink negligee and immediately began to sing "I would like to buy the world a coke"!

"Hook, campfire!" Jafar called him over with a wave of his hand and into a far corner. When this was done, Jafar let him have it.

"Captain James Hook, I do believe you have left leave of your good senses!"

Hook laughed, shaking his head. "No, I have not. You see, the March Hare was left unaffected by the spell that Maleficent had cast. Now whether this is because Maleficent is losing her touch or the March Hare has a memory that rivals that of a gold fish is beyond me. What is not, however, beyond me is that the hare is dangerous creature that has survived countless years of childish pranks and near-fatal conspiracies. Now, tell me, do you know someone more dedicated to chaos (as this line of work will require) as this brainless bunny, then you tell me and I'll just go over and shoot him right now."

Looking over their shoulders, Jafar and Hook could see the March Hare on top of the table serenading the princess with his rendition of "Someday my prince will come," while a bitter Facilier sat there, arms folded, trying his best (and failing) to hide his jealousy. Why he should be jealous was beyond Hook, for the Hare could sing just as good as Keanu Reeves could act.

To put it simple, it was just gut-wrenching to watch.

"All right, Hook! You win, again!" Jafar cried, throwing his hands up in despair. "But next time, tell me so I can be prepared! Another surprise like this and I will have to be placed in the insane asylum!"

"I thought you already were."

"**Shut-up. Just shut-up."**

Going back to the table, the two gentlemen arrived upon the March Hare now singing "Numa Numa" at the top of his lungs to Maleficent.

"March, off the table or I'll shoot you off it." Hook said as he returned to the end of the table where he had tried (and failed) to have a dramatic speech.

"All righty, boss!" With a leap and a hop he landed in Facilier's lap and puckered his lips. The Shadowman just picked him up and, despite great protest ("Hey, let me go! Only my girlfriends can touch me there! This is illegal in 25 different countries, all of which I am dictator of! And another thing-)

Facilier threw March's cocky white-ass out the window. The 72nd story window.

"Mommma!"

Hook just face palmed himself.

"So, Hook," Maleficent asked, choosing to ignore the fact that an anthropomorphic psychotic hare had just tried to serenade her, "will you, **in abbreviated format**, tell us what this orb in about?"

Hook, rubbing his temples in agony, replied in an exhausted tone, "It is a model, of the single most powerful thing in the entire universe of Disney. It has the power, correction, the unstoppable ability, to move the very tendrils of existence. It holds every thing in bond, and it, in turn, is controlled by the collective essence of every creation in Walt Disney's creation. It is-"

"The Disney Magic."

Briar Rose's icy cold voice rang through the halls, shaking even the very brimstone foundations of the castle. In the Mistress' heart, visions of power beyond understanding flashed like lightning and thunder. Jafar's mind flew with ultimate sorcery, shifting realms with thought and feeling, a god of all things. Facilier felt raw power course through his veins, Death and Life at his very fingertips, lord of the dead, oblivion manifest. Hook saw 10,000 seas bow to his gaze, leviathans and behemoths emerge from the depths and roar "Praises to the lord most high!" Even Rose felt it, though far past the desire for power. In her mind, the Wild Hunt blew its horns in the heavens, as she, Lady of the Lands and Lake, led the Hunt. Foul things and dark eyes cowered as she let loose her darts of ice and fire from the skies, piercing beast most evil and unseemly. In the corridors of the castles, in the barrens of the wasteland, in the caverns beneath it all, the goblins stirred, as old visions of conquest and bloodshed flowed through their minds. Reaching from the darkness, they struck like the culling of a harvest, led by an insatiable need to kill and reign over all.

Hook looked to Rose, smiling ever so devilish. This, however, was not a shared feeling. Rose's eye held only the desire to snap the captain in twain like a twig.

"How do you know of the Disney Magic, Captain James Hook?" Rose's voice lost its innocent touch. She was now Princess Aurora, in charge of a kingdom, and hell-bent on slaying the wicked and making the deplorable carrion for the ravens.

"That, me dear, is a secret." Hook replied elegantly, a slight nodding of the hat coming along with that answer. "What is not, however, is what I plan to do." Ignoring the stare he was getting that was making Maleficent feel even a little bit nervous, Hook turned to the crowd before him.

"The Disney Magic, in simple terms, is the source of all power, and who holds it holds the very creation of the Disney Kingdom in their hand."

"And you should have no knowledge of it whatsoever!" Rose cried, catching everyone off guard as her control was almost lost in a near blind fury as she snatched a knife off the table. Hook pulled out his sword in defense as everyone else stood in fear and awe.

However, Rose withdrew the blade, her burning eyes remaining fixated on Hook's. "Let me tell them, captain. Do this at least." Hook backed down, sheathing his blade and stepping back. Rose turned to everyone else, who at the moment were mentally begging for an answer. They all had felt it, and now they wanted to know what the deal was.

"The Disney Magic," Roe began, "is the dream of Walt made manifest. He, before he died, created it and gave it to King Mickey, with the commandment to divide it up amongst the spiritual kings and queens of this realm so no one evil thing could have it." She stopped, taking a deep breath and calming her nerves. It was obvious, from her unsteadiness and the information given, that this was something **bigger** than _everyone_ put together.

"So Mickey called us all, Snow, Cinderella, and me, together. He divided it up 4 ways, for all three households present. Over time, other Disney Princesses, heroines and their husbands, were called upon and the crystal was put back together and divided again, so it was kept constantly and evenly divided." She took another deep breath, grabbing a glass of water and taking a large drink of it. She was shaking like a candle in the wind, and Facilier was resisting the powerful urge to run up and hold her safe from the world. She, however, was far from spent.

"It is now in 11 pieces, between Mickey, Snow White, Pocahontas, Belle, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Tiana, me, Jasmine, Ariel, and Mulan. They are hidden, but besides my own, I have no idea where." She chuckled, but it was the laugh of a person feeling like a piece of crap that just got ran over by a semi-truck. "To hold one piece is powerful." She said solemnly, as she turned to Hook, her eyes full of fear. "To hold two or more is playing with the _forces of nature_. Even the Olympians fear the wielder!" She swallowed nervously. "Forgive my speech, but what the Hell are you thinking, Hook?"

Now Hook knew what that he would have to choose his next words wisely, or he was going to have heart surgery with a butter knife. So, ever so subtly, he said,

"I am going to play God."

Even Jafar had to admit, that was a ball-sy move.

Rose raised an eyebrow, but she could see through the words a deeper meaning.

Everyone else, on the other hand, were having their minds screwed.

"You don't actually mean you are gonna take control of our very reality, do you?" Facilier asked in disbelief.

Hook laughed, loud and heartily. "No, what I actually plan to do is this." Hook pulled out a map and laid it out on the table, motioning for everyone else to come near. Maleficent, always in the mood to show her power and disdain for walking, teleported over with a bang of her staff into a chair. With everyone huddled together over a map, Hook began.

"Now, all you all can see, this is the Sultan's palace. It is the location of Princess Jasmine's piece of the Magic. Now, follow me, if we can secure each piece of the orb, we will have absolute power, I mean **absolute** power"

"Whoa, whoa!" Jafar cried. "How can we trust you, or in fact, any of us, with all that power! I mean, if I get the gist, you are the Allah of the Disney Kingdom with this!"

Hook gave him the meanest glare in the history of mean glares. "I think everyone here is mature enough not to go mad with power, or are you forgetting the last time you held god-like power?"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Jafar mumbled something in Arabic.

"Now, with absolute power, you would think we would use it to make everything good again." Hook looked around for objections, but everyone agreed. "But you would be wrong. My plan is, instead of changing the space-time continuum (a nasty bit of business I would prefer to leave to God), is to use it as the world's biggest black mail and bloodhound. We can use it to force the King to equalize the laws and," he said as he turned to Rose, "to find, and destroy, the monster that warped Philip and to remove the spell from the prince."

Rose's eyes lit up like the gates of heaven had just opened up. She leapt upon Hook, giving him a rib-crushing hug worthy of a creature 10 times her size, crying "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!". On the other side of the table, however, Facilier's eyes seemed to have flickered with rage.

Trying to ignore the fact that his ribs were breaking, Hook politely asked if Rose "could kindly give him his breath back."

"Oh, sorry," she said, ashamed, but too happy to care. Bowing her head for a moment, she collected her thoughts and began to think clearly.

"How are you able to get the shards of the crystal, though? I could help you get my piece, but the others…" She began muttering to herself, doubts flowing into her heart like cracks in a dam.

"Rose," Maleficent said gravely as she stood up and put a reassuring hand on Rose's shoulder, "He will. I shall see to it, as will the rest of our little menagerie" she said as she motioned to Jafar and Facilier, both of whom faces showed the willingness to help and achieve, if not a little grumpiness at being called a "menagerie" by Maleficent.

"Not only are we powerful, me dear," Hook added, reassuringly, "but we are determined. And we have the element," He then reached over and, to Rose's amazement, pulled a coin out from behind her ear "of surprise." Shocked at the fact that someone sly enough to place a coin there, she turned suspiciously to Facilier, who grinned and said-

"We're also better than them,"

* * *

><p>The perv- I mean Frollo- who you all are interested in, was at this very moment, driving back to Maleficent's castle in her car and navigating the most dangerous roads this side of the Disney Kingdom while Maleficent's one channel radio played rock music. Make a turn and you almost hit a boulder. Swerve and you scrape a overhanging branch of some demented looking tree. Stop to look for signs and you almost get ganged banged by a horde of goblins that came out of nowhere.<p>

It was going to be hard to explain how the imprint of a some freaky looking dude on Maleficent's front bumper.

Regardless, the Mistress of All Evil should be happier with him now that he had went grocery shopping for her. He took the offer to placate the fae and to get out of that deplorable castle. The perk he got to drive one of the Disney Kingdom's fastest cars was a privilege he barely could resist abusing.

To be honest, he had never gotten use to shopping for himself, or in fact doing anything for himself. He had consoled himself with his partial existence with the belief that this was the will of God, but it was still hard. Raised an inquisitor, he had always believed that what he was doing was right. But, as he later learned, so did Hitler. True, therapy and re-socializing, but he was raised to _hate_ all ethnic minorities. It is something not easily removed from a man.

So, now he lived the life of a retired man, living on a sort of villain's welfare and doing anything to alleviate the boredom of eternity. Church was his salvation, the only place he felt he belonged. He was raised in church, taught in church, everything good in his life (save for a few moments when he had actually killed a truly evil man or woman) was in church. He went there every time he could, to be closer to his Lord and to the snow-white statues and choirs he had always loved.

Yet, there was a hole in his heart, one not meant to be filled with faith alone.

He was also raised in the justice system, taught on how to question a witness, investigate a crime, or hunt a wanted felon. All his life, that is what he did. Purge society of its evils. That was his purpose, his goal in life, his _meaning_. Some men where meant to heal, others to war, some to write poetry, others to play the harp or sing a song. His was to try and judge the good and the evil, and to separate the two.

Now…

He could never do it again.

He was now passing through a barren forest, where the only life was ravens and the beasts of the dark places.

He hated being a villain, being a monster with no destination but to suffer under the guilt and shame while others lived in paradise. He was wrong, he understood that, but to suffer for it _eternally_? There was a Heaven and Hell, and he believed he was doing what was right (for awhile). Then, when he died, he thought he was given a second chance. At least Purgatory! Now…

He was just waiting for the end.

"How about bringin' the end to them?"

Frollo swore Satan had just entered the vehicle.

Eyes turning to the review mirror, he caught sight of the silhouette of a skeleton of a man, almost entirely obscured in the darkness. The only thing visible was a pair of purple, glowing eyes that stared like Death from the void.

"Mother of God! Shadowman!" The car nearly swerved off the road in Frollo's panic, sending Doctor Facilier into a fit of laughter, a dark chuckle that echoes throughout the automobile and in the mind of the former judge. "You and your kind will be the death of me! And what about "Bringing the end to them"? One can hardly stand against the chosen of the Creator and still live to tell the tale! They are the light, and we are the darkness, and the shadows must always bow to the Sun."

At this the dark man only laughed harder, as if Frollo was the world's next Dane Cook. "_Cher_, there is a reason that the Sun goes away every night, and the stars die, and all light must bow before the limit of its power. It is because the **darkness** rules in the end, and that this " Eternal Light" is merely a passing phase, until the next long night." Facilier produced a bottle of wine out of his coat, pulling the cork off and drinking it like a maniacal demon. It was then that Frollo could see the infamous cane Facilier had in right hand.

"You are a sick and debauch cretin, and worthy only of the fires of Hell." Frollo said in disgust, as in his line of sight a castle crept out of the wood. In the back, passing shadows played over the bokor.

"Then we will burn together." Facilier said in a bitter and delighted tone. "But before we burn, I got an offer to make."

"Do not even think about it, conman. I have bought enough vacuum cleaners to arm the king's staff." Frollo said. "And all of them failed in about, oh, _let me see_… **three months!**"

"And they're all from me. Yeah, I heard this one before." Facilier said, raising his hands in defense, "But, this time, what I am selling you will _work_." Frollo raised an eye at him. "And it will last longer than 3 months."

It was quiet for a moment.

"I'm listening, demon worshipper." The witch hunter replied.

Facilier's face cracked, white pearls like canine's teeth from the dark places. Leaning forward, he placed his elbow on the front seats, and started whispering into Frollo's ear, mentally unnerving the elderly man.

"What if you could be _judge_ again?" He began. Seeing the a spark in the old man's eyes, though his face was still stone cold, he continued. "What if you could have all your dreams, all of yo life back into your hands, again?" The flame, despite the best of Frollo's intentions, was growing. "To be free to be _you_?"

Frollo, tempted sore, was almost too busy thinking about getting his life back again to drive into Maleficent's garage, resulting in him running over a few minions a little too slow to react.

Facilier ignored the sudden tremors and removed his left arm from the seat, disposing of the bottle into his coat and producing a tarot card. Seeing his "victim's" disgust at the sight of the item, Facilier just smiled. He gently placed the card into the former judge's coat and just laid back in his chair. "This is your chance."

Frollo felt like this was just another scam, like Facilier was just going to take him like a gullible fool, leaving him, once again, like a wretched mutant forced to walk the line between Heaven and Hell. But…

What the hell did he have to lose?

"I'm in!" he declared, turning back to face the Shadowman.

Only void and nothing more.

In his mind, he heard the demon whispered _"Find Hook. He knows the way."_

He pulled the card out of his coat. Immediately, he could recognize it was the Chariot.

On the radio, Breaking Benjamin's "I Will Not Bow" began to play.

_**Line line line line line line line line line line line Line line line line line line line line **_

Frollo came charging through the doors, sweat poring out of every pore as his eyes scanned, hawk like, for the man of the hour. The man of the hour, in question, was sitting back drinking a glass of wine (he was on his 15th by now) and reading over a newspaper, chuckling, ever so slightly, mad-like.

"Damn you, Hook!" Frollo cried, drawing his sword. This promptly sent the mad captain from a jolly smiling chap to filling his shorts in surprise.

"Brimstone and gall, man! It was merely an offer, not a dump on your mother's grave!" Hook returned words, drawing his rapier and throwing his glass behind him in a sudden flash.

Instead of glorious (yet totally unwelcome!) battle, Frollo gently kneeled down, placed his sword's end in the ground, and bowed his head in servitude. "You have, once again, earned my sword. Show me what must be done."

Hook was, frankly, ready to decapitate Frollo for scaring the ghost out of him (and for forcing him to get rid of a very good glass of wine). However, Hook was now a politician, not a pirate, and he needed to conduct himself as one. Plus, he was still Frollo's friend.

Unfortunately.

"Frollo." Hook said, his voice clear like a command and soothing like a comrade in arms. Frollo's eyes looked up in anticipation and curiosity. "We are brothers in this war, you and I. Rise, and stand by my side. I hold the line with no cowards." This Frollo did, though he was seriously wondering where the loud, obsessive, and arrogant Captain Hook? No longer was there the reflection of a monster in his old eyes, but a gentleman, a soldier of the higher reasons. Gone was the blood thirst, the foolishness, the sin. Replacing it was a man of honor, a warrior, a wise man, and a pure soldier of the Lord on high.

Simply put, "Where's Hook and who are you?" Frollo asked.

Hook laughed, the slight aroma of alcohol lingering in the air. "I may be drunk, but in my drunkenness I have seen the future." He put his hooked arm around Frollo, leading him out the door, out into the hall, and unto a nearby balcony where, down below them, played a group of gypsy children, guest at Maleficent's gardens and friends of the fae herself. "I have seen a future, I have seen the children cry, I have heard them laugh." Hook gestured to the little ones who danced before Maleficent who was sitting on a stone bench with Jafar clapping along with the gypsies' song. " I want them, and all of us, to laugh more than cry," he said turning to Frollo, "I want to see all of us, from the lowly goblin to the former judge," he chuckled with a gesture to the past witch hunter, "to be equal, to be _free_. I can not do that like the man I was." He stood up straight, looking Frollo in the eye. "I can not do it alone. That is why I need everyone's, _anyone's_ help in the matter. That is why I called upon you, not to serve me, but to serve in the light of our Lord, and to achieve your dream of being a judge again."

Frollo' heart was pricked, by a blade he had long needed to feel again. The blade of love, of purpose, of the nobility in all men's heart. This is what he needed, a chance to right his wrong and become the man God truly wanted him to become.

"Damn it," Frollo said, wiping a tear from his eye "don't make me cry, or I'll have to hurt you!" he joked, sending both men into a laugh.

"Then let it be known!" Hook cried," That on this date, this noble day, the a few good villains united with a kidnapped princess to save the world!" He began continued laughing, leaving Frollo on the balcony and disappearing into the darkness of the hallway.

Then reality kicked in for Frollo. Turning around, he yelled at the fading man-

"Wait, who's in this anyway! Do I have to work with that Muslim! What is the plan anyway! **Do you at least have a plan!**"

Hook just laughed, bowing elegantly as he stepped away into the void.

"Oh, don't you worry, for now. We have a plan." He teethed glowed like a shark's.

"Either the monarchs bow to our wishes, or they will watch their world burn."

* * *

><p>MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<p>

I am back, and the Hells shall tremble!

I must say, this was not what I had in mine for the tenth chapter. I still had a lot of stuff to fix, so if there is anything you need to know, just ask. Now, it will be the next chapter where things get really interesting…I hope.

Much sorrow and itching crème do I feel for my long awaited absence. The Norns, through their wisdom and anger at me spiking their mead, had sought it fit to give me Hell in a tea kettle. After I had finished the last chapter of VIP, much, of which I am not happy about, occurred to delay the inevitable one-shot and chapter update. Seeing fit for me and my eternal (reluctantly) friend to holiday in Glasgow, we ran into a gang of thugs which thought it good sport to mug us. Though we resisted their efforts, we were deceived (they offered candy) and we were drugged. Being now drugged, they offered us over to the Cubans, who gladly took for a price. Founding ourselves awake in the back of a semi-truck with other poor souls in the same conundrum, we decided to act. Against the better judgment of everyone else in the semi-truck, I (the noble and lovable and cuddly March Hare!) ate through the cages and freed the un-free. We then took over the truck (through the use of repeated groin kicks and a couple of flammable belches from yours truly) and returned the imprisoned home. We then realized that we must stop this monstrosity. We then promptly got our guns and pulled off a "Taken" on their buttocks! Cuba looked like the Guy on Cracker Night when it was all over!

Then I woke up.

Awkward.

Still, instead of figuring out how I slept for so long (I suspect the Hatter had something to do with it…), I got to my writing! I wrote my quick one-shot and went straight to VIP!

So, as the plot bunnies howl to the moon, "lettuce" began on the comments…

Heddwyn: By my right flabby but-cheek it is good to see you! I am glad to see I have made no mistakes in the eighth chapter, though I know there are a few mistakes rolling around in this one (sorry…). Now, for some explanation.

Yes, it is an introduction. If it helps, think of it as a comic book, where the hero does have a major foe to face, but there are other minor ones along the way.

I would not be feeding those Spanish butterflies too much, though. Overfeed those guys and they blow up. Everywhere. You will be scraping butterfly out of your carpet and clothes for years (looks down at own clothes). _YEARS_.

Everyone, repeat, everyone in this world has a free thinking mind, complete with personality and such boring things as rationalizing abilities. There will be a focus on the sidekicks and background characters.

I am sorry I did not mention what Frollo was doing. We (me and the Mad Hatter) were having debates over having him in the group, but he is to stay (unless I kill him off…MUHAHAHAHA-cough, cough!).

Veves are the name of a religious symbol used in Voodoo rituals, a sort of beacon and representation for a specific spirit, based on the symbol's design. At the end musical sequence "I Got Friends on the Other Side", all those symbols flying around Facilier are veves. As for a balisong, it is another name for the butterfly knife, and it is from the same place as the knife, the Philippines.

As for the mystery woman, she will be playing her "small" part to play very soon. Oh, very soon…

Finally, if you pardon me asking, what is it like to be a botanophobe? I have (no sarcasm meant) never meet a botanophobe (or even heard of a botanophobe before). Just curious, but please do not answer if you are offended. We are all friends here, so I do my best to be friendly.

Sorry about your computer, and best of wishes getting a new one!

(Breaths heavily) On to Arill!

Arill: Sorry for the weight! (I mean wait! Bad pun!) I did not know I had such a dedicated following (do you really reread this story over again?)! I honestly am _very_ disappointed with this story, but I am happy for the love anyways!

I really do not like to think of myself as a humble and noble knight. Knights charge headlong into the fight. I'm the guy _running_ from the fight, all the while throwing insults over my shoulder! That does help my predicament, but I feel better (for the moment). Plus, I am so arrogant it would shame a cat! I just like to give credit where credit is due (We're cool, right, Odin? _Please_?).

I can not wait for the next chapter of the "'The Fortuna Papers"! Keep on writing!

(Breathes deeply again) Gees, you guys have so many question! On to Angel!

Angel: I was also glad to have the couple bond a little more. I really am winging the whole bloody thing, so it is nice to find a spot for those two to show a little affection. However, I do feel a little guilty for not giving any space for Maleficent and Jafar to bond, and for making the two of them a little goofier than I should. I therefore will, in the future, give them some more seriousness and a whole lot more _love_…but nothing too graphic! Unless, of course, you want it to be…

Quick question. What kind of vehicle do you think Maleficent would drive, and why?

The good news is my foot has recovered, as you can see by my ability to serenade the pants off Maleficent. However, I am not too sure that getting thrown of a castle tower counts as being in perfect health. BTW, the couple in "They Spoke French" was Doctor Facilier and Esmeralda.

(Breathes again, even deeper) Finally, thanks to BUBBLYbuttons2me and Broken Memories for reviewing. However, BUBBLYbuttons2me, I am curious as to what to thought of my one-shot "The Love I Never Knew"? I know that when you reviewed it you wanted me to finished up this chapter, but I am still curious on to what you thought of it.

This is it, for now. I will be writing my next one-shot after this (unless you _march_ in here and threaten my life). Jafar's funny mistake is going to have to wait until the next chapter. I have a few parting questions to ask everyone however…

What is your favorite Disney Princess, Heroine (and which one you like more), Hero, Villain, and minor character and why?

Why do you like VIP, and how do you think it could get better?

If Aurora was to be evil (or at least look like villain), what would she look like (or how would you like her to look)?

Sorry about the long reply, I had a lot to make up to you lovely folks. If you do review, from now on, I would prefer a longer review to a shorter one. Why? Because as much as I love to hear how much you love my story, I am trying to improve and correct this story at all points, so I need all the comments I can get.

Loving all until the whole world hears,  
>The March Hare<p> 


	11. All Part of the Plan

_Thought for the day- Procrastinators unite!…tomorrow._

_**All Part of the Plan…  
><strong>_By the March Hare

It all began with the memo. They were made and handed out by Jafar and Frollo. It just took Jafar using the Disney Daily's printing press to do so. Without anyone's permission, of course.

One by one, villain old and young, 4 legged or 2, minor or major received a memo saying-

_Party at Sultan's palace (without his knowledge)!  
><em>_Arrive in your best!  
><em>_6:00 P.M. to 12!  
><em>_Be at Maleficent's by 5:55!  
><em>_FREE food and drinks!  
><em>**Villains and their guests only!**

Naturally, the only reason anyone would of wanted to come (besides the opportunity to wreck the Sultan's palace) was for the free food and drinks, but that would work anyway. Captain Hook just needed a big turn out, and a load of secrecy. Thankfully, March Hare had taken care of the little Black and White coverage there was, so getting in and out of the castle would be a whole lot easier.

The next part, getting the food. He left that to the March Hare, with strict instructions that there would be no midgets or any thing else non-edible hiding in the food. Hook knew that there probably would be anyway, but it was just a precautionary measure.

The drinks were easy. Facilier could sell lava to a volcano, so getting a few dozen gallons or more of booze was easy. The hard part was convincing the suckers that not a villain's lips would touch a glass of the stuff.

Yes, sad but true. Villains were banned from alcohol. Of course, that only meant that the villains had to either master making homemade alcohol or go dry. And that Hook was an very active member of the rum running society.

That left one thing to do.

He now just needed to tell everyone else how they were going to steal the Sultan's palace.

"Ladies and gentlemen, here's the elegant Captain James Hook's guide to high jacking a castle."

Huddled in Maleficent's wine cellar around an old table, with only one source of light hanging above them, colder than an Eskimo's balls, and truly convinced that Maleficent completely lacked the ability to feel temperature whatsoever, Briar Rose, Facilier, Jafar, Frollo, and the Mistress of All Evil herself gathered around to listen to the plan of a pirate turned madman.

Captain James Hook took from his coat the blueprints of the Sultan's palace, laying them out on the table for all to see. He searched through them all until he found the outer walls.

"First, we wait until the royal household leaves for their outing. That means that the cream of the guard will be gone also, but there will be plenty left to deal with. We'll need more than brute force to get through them without killing a soul. I'm sure everyone here can avoid killing? Regardless, we will stuff the guards in the storage rooms of the castle, and move on to phase two. "

"Pardon me," Frollo injected. "But why can we not kill? Not that any of us, hopefully, want to kill, but why the need?"

"Excellent question, good sir." Hook responded. "The purpose of the entire party is to produce a cover cunnin' enough to fool the royalty by appearin' to seem like one of the childish pranks we have done in the past. With the party as a cover, we can look for Aladdin and Jasmine's piece of the Magic with impunity. However, if we loose that childish appearance, we are in for more than just a minor reprimand we are use to."

"We must be careful of two things, however." Rose introduced into the dilemma, "With my recent "kidnapping", there will be more than just a little bit of extra security in the castle. Things like magical wards and elite mercenaries, or worse, are bound to appear."

"True, my friend, "Maleficent said, "but I doubt there is any elite mercenary or magical ward that can stand against the power we (I mean, "I") posses." Jafar just squirmed in anger.

"Second," Hook began again, "we open a portal from the castle to the sultan's palace after dealing with all inconveniences." He took a sip of a glass of sherry, then another, than another, then-

"Okay, Hook," Jafar said as if he was dealing with a child, snatching the offending drink from Hook. "I think we have reached your daily amount of booze for a day."

Hook laughed. "Good friend, I know my limit, and I am far from it."

Jafar looked at him in disbelief. "I'm surprised your remember it, being at your limit you tend to be _unconscious_."

"Can we just get back to the plan?" Facilier asked impatiently. Hook, despite the fact he was beginning to feel the affects of the alcohol he had been drinking for nonstop for the past 2 days, could see that something was bothering Facilier.

"Very well," Hook submitted, "After we open the portal, the guests should start arriving at Maleficent's castle. We then usher them through the portal, and the party can began. The hare said he should have everything set up on time, but knowing him, we should prepare for the worse."

"I know a few evil spirits who would love to play at the Sultan's palace for a soul or two." Maleficent added. Frollo felt a twinge of disgust, but he did his best to ignore it.

"Splendid, that should do it!" Hook announced. "Still, I will need you, Frollo, after this meeting is over, to make sure the hare picks some music we all could agree with. He's in the courtyard going through his collection of Cds he brought."

Frollo's body visibly shuddered in fear, but he nodded in agreement to it.

"The final part of the plan is simple, yet complex." Hook announced. "I've already called Cruella De Vil and asked if she would run the show while we "hang out", and she was nice enough to agree." Hook "forgot" to mention that he promised her a dance with Facilier, hoping the Shadowman too cunning for the devil woman to find or catch.

"While De Vil is runnin' the show," Hook continued, "we will begin looking' for the crystal. Now Jafar knows for certain that it is in there somewhere, but where is a complete mystery."

"I know every nook, cranny, hidden passage, and crack in that palace," Jafar said, "But I have no idea where they could of hidden it. I fear," he said worriedly, "that the item is not in the physical realm, but the immaterial side of the palace."

An awkward silence reigned.

"Wait a New York minute!" Facilier cried. "You mean we will have to cross over to find the damn thing!"

"Yes," Jafar said honestly. "But there is a positive side to all this."

Facilier and Frollo almost interjected at the same time, but Maleficent and Rose-

_SMACKED!_

-their hands over the men's mouths before they could get a word out.

"Continue." The ladies said.

Jafar, rubbing the back of his neck, said nervously "The Magic, according to my studies, can theoretically be felt. Since it is pure power, we might be able to feel it the closer we get to it."

"That's true," Rose said joyfully, "It was almost impossible to be in the same room with every last piece of the Magic, and even a little piece makes you feel like your in the presence of Disney."

For some reason, everyone fell silent.

"Well, you all get the idea," Hook said, clearing his throat, "We find the crystal piece, take it, the locals by then should of called the law in, the party gets broken up, and Mickey gives us an ear chewing we will not soon forget," he rubbed his ears, already feeling the pain, "and no one will be the wiser."

"Wait," Maleficent inquired, "Something so powerful should at least be given a casual watch. How can we walk away with it and not raise any suspicion?"

Hook smiled, a devious smile that everyone agreed he should not be wearing as much as he has as of late. "Ah, Maleficent, you never miss a beat. That is were you and Jafar come in, me dear."

Despite their power, and their two-sided hate\one-sided love relationship, the 2 sorcerers felt a bit of fear rise in their throats.

"I need you to create replica of a piece of the crystal, spot on like the original save for the actual power. Just as if you walked into the room and you could feel it."

Hook swore that he never saw the two look so dumbfounded in their lives.

"How can we create a piece of the Creator!" Maleficent said, mind trying to fathom what it would be like to create a piece of pure power.

"Are you mad Hook!" Jafar cried, mind trying to figure out how he could avoid doing so much work. He knew he could do it, but he just did not want to!

"Am I to believe," Hook said with a chuckle, "that the most powerful sorcerers of this world have met a challenge they are afraid to face?"

Jafar and Maleficent stopped, looked up to Hook and gave him the scariest death glares they could muster (though to Hook, Maleficent's was scarier, but that was due to the fact he got so many death glares from Jafar it was, by now, kind of funny. That, and Maleficent was a woman, and angry woman are just plain scarier than angry men. Period).

"I take that as a yes?" Hook said, a sly grin crossing his face. Rose, Facilier, and Frollo stepped back for the expected explosion.

The clock ticked as the world fell silent, and you could of heard a microscopic pen drop.

"I accept," Maleficent's words slithered like icy cold daggers into Hook's heart. Then, everyone (Facilier's Shadow included) looked over to Jafar, who was still staring at Hook.

"Fine!" he said, reluctantly. "But only because it is for you, Hook!"

"Good then!" Hook laughed. "We'll convene at..." Hook said taking a look at his pocket watch. It read 9:47. "4:00. Double check everything, just in case. Say your prays," he said solemnly, "We will need all the help we can get."

With that, Hook turned around and began to climb up the stairs. Just as soon as everyone began to move, he turned around and stared directly at Rose.

"Since you will be taking part of this mission, I feel it would be wiser to disguise yourself so as to avoid the fact the "kidnapped" princess is now helping villains steal the most powerful relics in the entire kingdom," He let out a small chuckle, took off his hat and bow, then turned back around and disappeared into the light. "Just a thought."

Rose's eyes stood wide in surprise, and slowly her face relaxed. Then slowly, without any one knowing it, a devious grin crossed the scarred face of the princess, and in her eyes, something dark grew…

* * *

><p>Closing and locking the guest room door behind him, Hook slumped into the chair for the room's vanity and pulled out a bottle of rum out of his coat, and began to drink it with vigor. Looking at the mirror in front of him, he frowned. He looked like a drunken mess. Not that it usually bothered him, but today everything felt on edge. He really did not mean to boss his friends around, but he knew he had to be hard to get some people to do some things. Of course, the words "some things" were going to take a whole new meaning with the actions he was going to have to do to achieve victory.<p>

He hated being a politician.

"I guess," Hook said, taking a drink, "that this is what you get when you want to change the system. Piss off a few people, kill a few people, die once-"

"Make that twice."

In the reflection of the mirror, in a shadowed corner, was the Shadowman, eyes obscured by his hat, but (to Hook's relief) he was only carrying his cane. However, he did not sound like he came in peace. More like he planned to leave Hook in pieces.

"Now what did I do to gain the wrath of the Shadowman, _again_?" Hook said, anger in his voice raising, as he placed his rum back in his coat, "Last time I checked, you and I had settled for a truce." Hook felt for his pistol, just in case.

"You broke the deal, little man." Facilier said as his lifted his head, showing eyes blazing in hate.

"I did?" Hook was shocked, in fact, offended! He stood up to face the witch doctor, "I may be one of the lowliest villains ever to grace the Disney animated picture, who perjured to little children, and attempted to kill a Native American princess and her green leotard wearing boyfriend, but I did not lie to you!"

"Then why are you helping Rose and that bastard get back together again! Huh?" Facilier cried, his body crouching ever so slightly. "Thought you could sneak that one past the ol' Shadowman, huh? Is that what it is?"

"Pardon me?" Hook cried. "I have attempted naught a single ounce of fraud on this deal. I have merely satisfied Rose for the time being. If I didn't do, do you think she would of stuck around?"

Facilier's face contorted in rage, mind trying to fathom Hook's words through a cloud of red.

"Do you think she would of wanted to help us, to be here, **with you**, if she would not of found a reason to stay? Have you let your love blind your mind? I have given her a reason to stay, to be here with you, and not to be going on some cross-country murder streak in search the of evil we all now must face!" Hook continued to yell, trying to shake Facilier out of his rage.

The beast before him simmered to a man, as the breath slowed down. However, it had not all gone. "So what you did, what you said yesterday, was just to get her to stay with me."

Hook himself breathed, glad this conversation had gone back to normal. "Yes.. and no."

The Shadowman's boil started to come back.

"I say yes, because she would have to work with us to help get Philip back." Hook sighed, fear and worry leaving the body. "But I say no, because once we get Philip back to normal, in her current mindset, she will go running back to him." Hook closed his eye, rubbing his forehead in stress as he sat down. "But if you can win her heart, if you can replace her love for Philip with you, then, she will stay."

Facilier's form sank into itself, a loss of fury leaving him like the air out of a balloon. "I see," he said morosely. "I see." he rubbed in eyes, mentally exhausted. "Sorry. I just been…all messed up lately."

Facilier fell with his back on the guest room's bed, closing his eyes as he took another deep breath of air. Hook, taking pity upon the shell of a man, got up and sat next to the witch doctor, grabbing two empty glasses and a bottle of wine off the room's table. After he sat, he poured two glasses, one for him, one for the bokor, and placed the drink in the man's hand.

"Drink, and be merry. There is always hope. Even for the fools." Hook said, taking a quick swig of his glass as the voodoo man sat up and took a sip of his drink. Facilier looked off to the wall across from him, his face blank from the former rush of painful emotions.

"How do you do it, man?" he asked the captain. "How do you live in a reality not even real?"

Hook laughed. "I drink!" he said, pouring himself another glass. This caused the Shadowman to crack up for a moment, deep laughs echoing through the room.

"But, no, seriously." Hook said, a little bit more solemn. "Truly, I reason. If we live in a world created by supernatural forces, regardless of how those forces feel about us, then we are living in a reality not our own. Even Walt lived in a world not his own, so whose to say there is no God or Allah or whatever with a bigger plan for all of us."

Facilier nodded, seeing the reason in all of it. "But, what if, we live in a world of science, ya know, if there is no great loving spirit or whatever watching over us in the end? What do we do then?"

"We drink more." Hook said simply, with little humor in his voice but much sadness in his heart. "Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die."

Hook poured himself another drink, drain it in a single gulp, and looked at the empty glass. Then he looked at Facilier. He was still on his first drink, and not going anyway fast with it.

"C'est la vie!" he cheered, throwing the glass behind him, then taking the contents of the bottle and draining it in a one big swig.

"Ya know, a man who drinks like that is going to-"

"**Die! I know, I know!"**

* * *

><p>Frollo looked on with horror as the March Hare dived into pile after pile of cassette disks , screaming out various names of modern pop and rap artists people in 2011 would like.<p>

"Lady Gaga! Rebecca Black! Britney spears! Adam Lambert!"

"Stop!" cried the former judge, hand held out like he had the power to halt the hare with a wave of his finger.

"Eminem! Rihanna! Beyonce!"

And Frollo was like **STOP FAIL**.

"Damn it, rabbit!"

"Hare!" the maniacal tea guzzler replied from within the pile of cds.

"Whatever! Hook sent me to make sure you don't ruin this evening with your music selection!"

"So he wants us to work together to achieve a desired goal?" the March Hare asked.

"In a word, yes."

"FAT CHANCE!" The hare cried, cackling as he dived back in and began to carry the list further down the rabbit hole. "Justin Bieber! Katy Perry!"

"There is no way in all that is Holy I am letting you take over this operation!" Frollo cried, thoughts of crappy pop and rap playing in his ears. Trying to figure out how to stop the March Hare from picking out another musically lacking singer/band, he found himself unable to find a (nonviolent) way to stop the hare. This left the judge with only one option left.

Yell.

"Damn it, hare!" Frollo roared, "You are so brain damaged it is unbelievable!" He reached in the pile and pulled the March Hare out, looking him dead in the eye. "I refuse, on the basis of good taste to let you pick the party's music!"

"What?" The hare replied, unfazed by the look Frollo was giving him, "You don't like any of my picks? I got yours in the back of my cruiser!" The March Hare said, pointing a finger to his bashed-up, stolen police cruiser's open trunk.

"What!" Frollo screamed. Looking over, he saw, to his horror, his entire cd collection thrown **carelessly **in the trunk. Frollo, body shaking in rage, turned slowly back to the March Hare, and gave him an ultimatum.

"Either you let me pick the music selection or I am going to punch you to the moon."

The March Hare thought for a moment, considering his place in life, what did he want out of all this, why this even matter, why is the pope's hat so big ( is he over compensating? ) , does a bear really go in the woods or does he secretly use park bathrooms, if a tree falls on a mime, and no one hears it, does any one care, and (the biggee) if the a tree falls on top of a mime, and a bear does go in the forest, why is pope's hat so big? Then he responded:

"Up yours, Catholic!"

* * *

><p>Back in Hook's room…<p>

"So, she said "Why so rough?" and I said "For your entertainment!"!"

Hook and Facilier fell into bursts of laughter, rolling around like a couple of hyenas. The joke was not even remotely funny, but the sight of two full grown men drunker than Hell was.

Then a distant "YAHOO" came to their ears.

"What the-?"

Then the March Hare came flying through the tower wall.

Sobering up (for the most part), the Shadowman and the Gentleman Pirate jumped to their feet, minds trying to comprehend why the March Hare was now the Furry Cannonball.

"What in the name of Saint George is going on!" Hook cried. "I sent you and Frollo to pick out cds, not to blow each other up!"

"What did you expect to happen with those two?" Facilier asked as the March Hare crawled out of the stone rubble. "A compromise?"

Hook face palmed himself, realizing his had just assigned the Unmovable Object to work with the Unstoppable Force.

"You know, boss!" The March Hare said as he picked himself out of the rubble, wiping the dust off himself. "That Frollo guy seriously needs to get laid!"

"I'll see if any fan girls are interested later, good hare, " Hook rubbed his forehead, waving the March Hare off, "You just go double check to see if everything is ready." He then turned to Facilier. "You check on Rose and see if she has any ideas on her costume."

Facilier laughed. "I'm working with some of the baddest folks this side of Disney and I got to help a girl pick out clothes!" He shook his head. "Call me when the trash needs taken out, okay?"

"Actually," Hook said as he saw the March Hare attempt to walk and fail, falling on his face a couple dozen times or so and saying "I'm okay!". Hook reached down and picked the hare up and tossed him over to Facilier, who grabbed him by the coat. "Can you take the dog for a walk?"

Facilier paused in thought for a moment, and then kicked the March Hare outside the door and looked back at Hook. "Nah!" He then stepped outside the door, kicking the hare like a soccer ball along the way.

The pirate captain laughed. "I do not blame you!" Hook then picked himself up and wiped the dust off his clothes. "I guess I got to help Frollo pick the songs." And while he was wiping himself off, Hook heard his back pop.

"But then again!" Hook swore his back was on fire. "Frollo can pick his own music. He's a big lad now!" He said, falling in the vanity chair again as he rubbed his back. Looking at the vanity, various things caught his eye. A brush, foundation, eye liner, a comb, a musical box-

A musical box?

"Odd's fish?" Hook wondered, grabbing the simple thing and observing it. It was black, with golden trim of ivy and in the shape of an three dimensional oval. It was held up by 4 ivory mermaids, long haired and beautiful.

"How quaint!" Hook chuckled to himself. Placing it back on the vanity, he centered it with his hook and turned the knob with his hand. Letting it start up, he leaned back. Closing his eyes, he laid back in his chair, trying to let himself relax (which was, lately, a challenge in its own right). The tiny box began to play, and soon Hook found himself humming along, humming along to a beat, to a song, he remembered but knew not.

He never really talked about it much, but everyone knew. Why else would he be on land? He hated the slow life! He needed action, not a dull and boring routine! But guess what? He still could not!

Sail, that is.

True, he had a ship, had fine sails, had a good rudder, had the helm, and he still had the fire! Had everything!

He just lacked a crew…

It is hard to sail the Jolly Roger alone unless you are Captain Jack Sparrow in Davy Jones' Locker! But then again, he had a crew of crabs, so that did not count.

Sad but true, he had no crew. Every last one of them (down to Smee!) left him for a better eternity. He understood why. No one wanted to be stuck in the past forever, and Hook could see they all wanted a better life than this, so he, one day, dug up the ship's contract (he found it under the video tapes, go figure) and took it out for all the men to see. He then said that any and all who wanted to leave could, just by scratching their name off the contract. He then placed it on a table, and placed a bottle of ink and a quill next to it, and just left it as it was.

By the time he came back out of his cabin, they were all gone. He then promptly went back in, crawled into a bottle, and that's were he stayed.

So really, it was his fault he had no crew. He should of recruited another batch, or even shanghaied a few just for kicks, but he just _couldn't_. His days as a pirate were over, and he just lost interest in doing anything involving it. So he just drank the days away, playing along with a few villainous schemes, and just letting the years roll by.

Until the day the winds changed…

He looked down at the musical box. It was done playing, but he was not. With a whistle and a song, he went off. Dancing down the halls, he dreamed of freedom, the sea…

And her…

_Two hours later…_

Striding back down the same hall (oddly enough), Hook found himself wondering what to do next. He had already taken a taxi with the hare to check on the outside world and see if there was anything of importance he should be aware of. After getting stopped for questioning more times than he even wanted to count, he discovered (with much joy) that everyone was aware of the party and the need for secrecy. He also almost got tentacle raped again, but he was not in the mood to talk about that (who ever wants to talks about the time they almost got tentacle raped?). Surprisingly, the March Hare was quite calm, even so far as tipping his hat and greeting ladies with a kiss on the hand, which of course scared them more than if he was acting stark raving mad as usual. Hook boiled it down to the reality that March Hare's mind, though far beyond help, was always at work, and he was probably planning what God-awful things he was going to do tonight.

"Hook, do you have a moment to spare…?"

Hook, recognizing the voice immediately, smiled and turned around to face the source of it.

"Anything for you, Maleficent." Hook said politely, bowing elegantly, "How can I help the Mistress of All Evil?"

Maleficent smiled, but her mind was troubled. "I mean not to take much time, as we are both busy people, but do tell," she said, raising an interested eyebrow. "Why are we taking Jasmine's piece of the puzzle instead of getting Rose to help us get hers?"

Hook was not surprised to have to answer this inquiry, honestly he had been expecting it. But, for some reason, in these cold and silent walls, planned replies and constructed thoughts seemed to have broken down to deeper meanings and chaotic emotions.

Hook leaned against the stone wall, letting the back of his head touch the icy walls. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and answered.

"I think we all know that Rose has been through enough. Sticking with a husband that suddenly starts to beat the shit out of you every day for some unfathomable reason is hard enough, having a go back into the belly of the beast," he looked at Maleficent, "may send her over the edge."

The captain reached into his coat, pulling out another bottle of rum that he opened and began to sip. He then sat down on the floor, eyes hazy with pain and drink. "You and I both know," Hook began again. "That despite her willingness to stay, she is just as powerful in spirit as you. So imagine," Hook suggested, sipping the alcohol again, "what it would be like to have the love of your life turn slowly on you, and the feeling of loss and entrapment you felt when you realized the black eye and the cuts on your body were not just an illusion."

Hook stopped to let it sink in, taking another drink. Maleficent, for her part, joined Hook on the floor, closing her eyes and let her head fall in between her knees. 'I know," she whispered. "I know she is only steps away from the end of hope. I just don't get," she said in disbelief, "how Philip could of fallen so _far_." She rubbed her temples, and then, did something Hook found almost impossible to believe.

She hugged herself.

Not very odd for most people, huh? Well, Maleficent was not most people. She could throw the Olympians down from their pedestals and laugh. She could split the ocean just as easy as someone could step on an ant. She could ride on wings of fire and crack the heavens open, if she wanted to, and demand to know what really is the meaning of life. She was a being composed of full confidence and indomitable strength, unmoving in her way, unchanging in her belief that she could do anything. She was inner conviction and complete composure incarnated. She could do it all, but…

She could not handle the thought that something more powerful than her, more cunning than her, and more evil than her just waltzed right into reality and destroyed the lives of her best girl friend and that friend's marriage. Just like that. It was impossible to fathom, and even scarier to admit. Just like that, everything you love, everything you own, will be gone, like the dust in the wind, and nothing you could do, no matter how confident and powerful you were, could stop it.

She felt a streak of fire fall down her face, and found it to be a tear. She gracefully touched it and held it on the tip of her index finger, for her eyes to behold.

"Have I grown weak, Hook? Have I fallen, and for my punishment, my friend had to suffer?"

Hook, saying a small pray (just in case), slid over and put his right arm around Maleficent's neck. Happy she was (seemingly) not offended, he began to talk.

"Maleficent, we all have grown weak. Years of boredom, heartbreak, and a promised paradise lost has left us with nothing but each other to lean on. And , worse, we have lost the will to face the ever changing future with a brave face, cowering whenever change came lurking around. It just how it goes, lass." He said solemnly. He took another drink. "Time, idleness, and our fears, have become our worst enemy."

Her head sank, tear brimming over as she silently began to mourn.

"But," he said, pointing his finger at her, "It is not your fault Rose has lost so much. With the way things are going, am surprised we have not lost it all already. What happened to Rose came out of nowhere, and it is our job to find out how it can be repaid in full." Hook grabbed her hand gently, looking her in the eyes. "We may be weak, but God help the fool that stands in our way." Standing up, he offered his hook for the lady, which she took gratefully, but carefully.

"Me dear, we have not yet began to fight, so save your tears for the day of victory." he said proudly. "So, let us fight!"

Maleficent smiled, another surprise for Hook, as it was not a mean or sickeningly sweet smile, but a smile of true happiness and hope. A small treasure, but big things come in small packages. Wiping her tears, she flashed a grin.

"Thank you, Hook." she said solemnly, bending over (she was quite the tall lady) and planting a kiss on Hook's cheek. "I'm going to take a shower, now, if you do not mind." She said as she sashayed down the hall.

"Oh, by the way!" she yelled over her shoulder, "The crystal is ready! Just go down to my lab and you'll find Jafar and it there!"

And with that, she disappeared, leaving Hook with a blush and an unusually warm cheek.

* * *

><p>"Either you make your move or I'm going to take her for my self!" Hook declared as he slammed the door open and marched into the lab.<p>

"SHE IS MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU!" Jafar roared as he turned around to face his friend, fireball ready to roast.

Hook raised his eyebrow. "It is sad that you automatically knew who I was talking about? Or is it just me?"

Blood rushed into the sorcerer's face as he realized Hook had masterfully played a trick on him. "I hate everything about you." he spat.

"The feeling is mutual. I guess," Hook said as he walked over to a shroud covered pedestal, just standing up to his waist. "It is what makes us such good friends. That and the fact you have been crushing on Maleficent since you came into existence makes you such an easy target." Hook turned back to face Jafar, flashing a mischievous grin as steam began to pour out of Jafar's turban.

"If a clawed hand ripped out of the earth and dragged you to Hell, I would not shed a tear." Jafar announced.

"Would this be the crystal?" Hook inquired, pointing to the shroud. Seeing the change in Jafar's countenance, he silently laughed, seeing how, yet again, Jafar's anger could be easily dodged with the right distraction. In this case, pointing out a prized creation.

"Yes, it would be. Now if you would kindly step back," Jafar said, pushing the captain forcefully out of the way (the distraction being not as effective as Hook thought it to be). Grabbing the cloth with both hands, he cast it aside, lighting the room in a flash of white light.

"Behold, the power of God in the hands of mortals!" Jafar laughed manically, raising the his hands in the air as the orb's light cast a shadow the size of a titan. A wave of pure energy rippled through the room, literally shaking Hook's insides.

"At least, in travel size." Jafar chuckled, picking up the orb and tossing it to Hook. It light was blinding, forcing Hook to shield his eyes, all the while sending off forces that could rend the Heavens.

"Well done, Jafar. And in just under 2 hours," Hook smiled, looking at his watch. "I knew you two could pull it off."

Jafar beamed a smile, glad to at least know someone appreciated his genius.

"However…"

Jafar's smile fell like a two hundred ton weight.

"What!" Jafar whined. "Is it not enough I was able to whip up a life-like imitation of a God-like power source! What do you want me to do? Make the real deal!"

"No, no, no!" Hook said, shaking his hook in disagreement. "It's almost perfect. We just need one more opinion on the matter and it will be perfect."

"Do you mean Aur-I mean Rose?" Jafar replied.

"Quite," Hook replied. "Now," he said as he twirled his moustache "Where is the little lass?"

* * *

><p>"There are places, places you have never seen. Inside raindrops, between glances, in a lover's heart, through a stone's eye." Rose said, picking up two gleaming white stones and putting them in front of her eyes. Placing them down and hitching up her dress, she wiped herself off and continued down the path. Moving like a whisper, disturbing not even the air, she lectured onward. "Voodoo is just one world in many." She turned her head back to look. "Do you understand?"<p>

Doctor Facilier looked like a fat woman trying to navigate through the field of mouse traps. Disaster was inevitable as he tripped, got caught in the thicket, and struggled in vain to get out. "More or less." he replied with a devilish grin. Blood was filling his cheeks as the memories of his many sly slips from the law and this little run in with Mother Nature collided.

Rose laughed, shaking her head as she glided through the bush and began picking Facilier out of the woods. "All those years of slippin' through sidewalks and I got caught by some dumb trees." Facilier laughed at himself, freeing his hand but busting his nose in the process.

"They are not dumb!" Rose snapped, scaring the ghost out of Facilier. Her eyes stared his down, making him wonder if his next set of words would be his last. "Sorry, _chere_," he politely said as he freed his foot from a vine. "I shouldn't of said that."

Her icy eyes melted into water once again, and she bowed her head in shame. "No, I should not of been so quick to anger. I am the one in need of forgiveness." She finally freed Facilier's other hand, not with force, but by unknotting the vines from his arm. "I have been a tad touchy lately."

"No, darling. Everything's been messed up lately." Facilier finally freed his other foot. "Now," he said, taking a deep breath. "Shall we move on?" He said with a wave of his cane, motioning the lady to lead the way.

Rose smiled. "Always the gentleman. We'll make a saint out of you yet." She once again took the lead through the invisible (well, to Facilier) path.

"Only if it's the saint of drinking, gambling, and sex." The Shadowman laughed, following after the woman and nearly tripping on another root. By now, Shadow had already left his master and his clumsiness and was now following the pair like a snake-like phantom spanning the way.

The forest, simply called the Dark Forest, was the only patch of continuous plant "life" in the entire barren that was Maleficent's domain. It also held the only road from mistress's castle to Disneyville, and laid smack dab on the border between the Disneyville Province and King Stephen's and King Hubert's lands. The forest, itself, was, to be frank, deadlier than a deal with the Devil if you did not know what you were doing. Rose, however, had trekked these forest back when she was an un-kidnapped princess, so she knew them like the back of her hands. What was once a refuge for the dark creatures soon became a hunting ground for the princess, and no evil thing, having committed a crime in the princess's lands, did not even dare considered hiding here anymore. Now, it was just the home of the Free Goblins, the Formorians, and the dreaded dark folk of the fairy world, the Unseelie Court.

To describe the forest itself would be like walking into a land of twists and turns. Leafless trees grew everywhere, and their branches would knot and meld together to form a living, breathing knot work. Water would careen off waterfalls only to slide down twisting branches, curved just so to catch the water, causing rivers to literally leave the ground for miles and miles at a time. It was like a madman's forest, where tormented faces grew out of the black bark and no matter where you were you could see things in the shadows, horrible, furred things that ate sin and drank souls. It was truly the home to only the evil and the insane.

Which, of course, made Facilier wonder- "Why the Hell are we here anyway?"

All he remembered was as he was making his way to Rose's room, said lady grabbed his hand out of no where and dragged him to Maleficent's car. Without any clue, or a scant piece of evidence, she drove them to the Dark Forest and began talking to Facilier about the forest, how she used to go hunting here, and about how the Disney World was one part of many places, and in itself, there was many more worlds in it.

It was exhilarating, and at the same time, hard to comprehend. He had been raised to believe in the spirits, and their infinite powers and ways, and now she was telling him how spirits were only one part of a massive spider web, and that the web in essence was never ending.

"How do you know all this?" he asked politely. "They never told me anything when I got here. They just told me what I couldn't do, and gave me a boot out the door."

For some reason, Rose did not even smile at the joke. In fact, her whole body just kind of…stopped dead. Facilier wondered suddenly if he said the wrong thing, again.

"Listen, darling…" The doctor began apologetically. "I really did not mean-"

"No, it's all right." She smiled, looking back at the Shadowman. In the dark of the forest, she seemed more alone than ever before. "I know these things because I am one of the Disney Princesses, and am entrusted with sacred knowledge not meant for every man's ears, as some of it can have world altering consequences if revealed. Now," she said, her voice hitting something of a gentle, caring lull (almost like Momma Odie's) "It is time I told you a few things about how things used to be."

She began back on the invisible trail.

"In the beginning, life was perfect. Even for the villains. Sure, they bickered and whined about how they should of won and such, but it was just how they were drawn. In the end, they were just as happy as everyone else. They held coups, but no one really got hurt. It was the way Walt set it up. It was a little paradise, where his characters played little games and no one got hurt. Everyone had fun. And then…"

She stopped.

"Walt Disney died."

The world stopped. Facilier felt the world turn to black and white, and then, white, and then…nothing.

"The world cried." Rose said, turning around to look Facilier in the eyes. Color came back into the world, however, it was duller and not as _beautiful _as before, "But nothing like we did. We owed our very existence, and more importantly, our paradise, to him. And, when he died, we, in a way, died. Our existence, always tied to the success of Disney's two-dimensional animated movies, become unsteady and our paradise soon became a living Hell. By the 1980s, we were a skeleton of our former glory. Without the success of the real world's animation, our world suffered. The skies grew black, the cattle fell to pestilence, the people fell to starvation, and all our power, magical and political, fell to naught. Rebellions spread like wild fire, our very nobles, who had sworn eternal loyalty to us, rallied against us."

She turned away to hide her tears, and began to travel again.

"Those were bloody days." She said, her voice breaking.

Facilier felt his eyes water, thoughts of a perfect world fallen tormenting his soul.

"I'm so sorry," Facilier said quietly.

"Do not, it is just how things were meant to be." Rose said, but her own voice did not seem to convince herself. "Thank God for Ariel. If she would not of shown up, we would be all but dead." Rose then halted.

"We are here."

Facilier stopped, just as Shadow became one with him. His mind was flipped like a hamburger on a grill.

"Where did _that_ come from?"

In front of Briar Rose was a body of water, lying in a natural bowl of Earth. Surrounding the bowl, was a set of giant trees rounding the entire thing. From right to left, there was one rowan, with sheltering branches encompassing all that were under it, a birch, with limbs held high to the sky, and an alder, with bark that seemed to have grown into runes, their meaning stretching far into the future. Then there was a hawthorn with branches touching the water, an apple tree with red, bight apples that seemed to glow in the darkness, and beech with many of old runes almost worn away by time. After those an ash that emerged from the waters, a yew whose branches that grew straight up like the rise of the reborn phoenix, and a oak, the largest of them all, that grew from a solid square stone as if it was meant never to be moved by either wind, rain, or earth.

The water of the bowl was clear, but the depths was unfathomable, as if you could fall in and you would sink forever. There were no visible signs of life, and looking into it was like looking into a night sky. It was void

Rose smiled, a mischievous, yet bitter, smile, and turned around to face Facilier. "This is Mortoom, the Pool of Nothingness, and this is the part, in our little play," she suddenly began twirling, and twirling, and twirling, edging closer and closer to the edge.

"Where the aurora dies-" she said, her voice like that of a little dancing girl.

Facilier's heart stopped. "Be careful!" he cried, not sure if what she was doing was silliness or suicide.

"And the darkness rises." she said, suddenly bursting into a fit of impish laughter.

And with that she twirled off the edge, and into the pool, laughing all the way.

Facilier ran, turning the world into a blur in a furious rush to drive after her. Landing on his knees, he look down, and stared into the abyss, but she was nowhere in sight. All that was left of her was an echoing laughter, ringing through the forest.

Facilier's mind balked, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

"Rose…" he muttered.

Cold steel touched his throat, and a rough, high-pitched voice growled into his ear.

"Move, and yer be feedin' da wolves."

* * *

><p>First and foremost, I am sorry about the wait. It was a ridiculously long wait (for my taste anyway) and I feel wrong to have made everyone wait. All I have to say in my defense is life is a pain in my flabby left butt cheek, 'nuff said.<p>

This chapter was bit of a pain to write, so if anyone sees any mistakes, please tell me so (not that I have to tell Heddwyn twice, but I think you all get the idea).

10 virtual drachmas to the good soul that can figure out how high Hook's blood alcohol level was!

I'm also curious, just for fun, if anyone can think of a pairing, evil or good, for Frollo outside of Lady Tremaine.

I realize I made a HUGE mistake a while ago, so please forgive for it. How could Maleficent and Diablo has a mental connection when she did not know about the Three Good Fairies when they snuck into her castle? For my failure, I must play God with our dear characters, and declare that (before the story, of course) Maleficent suddenly got the idea to create a telepathic connection to Diablo, so if someone did try to sneak into the castle again, and Diablo found out, she would know also! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Thanks once again for all reviews and readings!

Heddwyn: If I said it once, I'll have to say it a thousand times, chlorine eye droppers are not the wave of the future! But, no, seriously, thanks for another review and thanks for the help with the dark Briar Rose. It was most helpful…MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ignoring the maniacal laughter, I am quite interested in why Madame Medusa is your favorite, as she tends not to be one of those mentioned often when people talk about their favorite Disney villains.

Angel: Thanks to you also for helping out with dark Briar Rose, but now you have to tell me about Queen Leah's crazy personality. The power of Ronald McDonald compels you!

BUBBLYbuttons2me: Did I mention I love your name? Bubbles, bubbles for the world!

Until next time, fellow fanfictioneers…MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	12. Darkness Rising

**Mad Hatter **_(suspiciously)_**:** What are you doing?

**March Hare **_(innocently)_**:**Wearin' PANTS...

On to the story!

**Thought for the day: **_Some men just want to watch the world burn_**- Alfred from the "Dark Knight".**

_**Darkness Rising  
><strong>_By the March Hare

All around him, shrouded by the long shadows, camouflaged in the shrub, hidden by the branches and the knots, were foul parodies of man, with the head and the legs of a goat. Their horns were long and wicked, and their mouths were full of sharpened, decayed teeth. In their large, muscled hands were all kinds of crude instruments of war, from large cleavers to spiked shields to bows stringed with man gut and knocked with poison arrows. Their scarred human skin was pale, as if the warmth of the Sun was absent in their lives. Unlike their skin, however, their goat fur was black, and like their skin, and weapons, and scant articles (in fact, everything on them or involving their persons) was completely unwashed and stained in dirt, mire, fecal matter, and blood.

Gallons and gallons of dried blood.

These were the hoofed lords of the dark woods, the spawn of Chaos and Night.

_The Beastmen._

Facilier would not turn his head, knowing the slightest movement could set these beasts off. Though his mind was consumed with care, he knew he could do little dead, and tried to figure out what to say. However, it was the beastman that held the blade to his throat that spoke first. Its guttural tongue was crude, but ferocious, as if it cared little to talk and much to kill, but then how much it talked matter nil to what it was actually saying.

"Who was that, the smooth skin that has defiled our holy water with her clean form!" Facilier could feel the blade scrape against his throat, as if the beast's hand trembled with a near-uncontrollable rage. At the same time he said that, his comrades shook with fury roaring at the indignation. It was going to be a tense situation, but Facilier had been in worse.

At least, he thought he had been in worse.

"I think you are mistaken, _gentlemen_," The Shadowman crooned, using the word "gentlemen" lightly. "We've not defiled these sacred waters, but have _blessed_ them."

The things looked like you had just smacked them in the face, their confusion apparent as a babe's anger. Roars rang out from the herd for Facilier's immediate execution, others to hear him out.

_Part 1: Spin their heads._

The one holding Facilier at knife point, their leader, roared above the herd, silencing them with a voice that shook the trees and echoed through the forest.

"Silence! Silence! I am the lord of this herd, and I say we let the smooth skin talk!"

Mentally, Facilier wiped the sweat off the forehead. Feeling the knife leave his throat, Facilier slowly rose up, and turned around to face the beast lord.

What met his eyes was not a pretty sight. Most of the monsters stood about 6 feet high. This ugly bugger stood 9 feet high, his frame was twice the size of his comrades, and his rack consisted of four horns, two that rose up, and another two that curved downwards and then upwards by his jaws. He had a missing left eye, and where that eye was there was a massive pus bubble where an infection was taking place. However his right eye filled in for the other, as it had somehow ended up (literally) on his forehead. To the imaginative, it seemingly moved itself from the right eye socket all the way over to the forehead.

Yeah, not going to win any beauty pageants anytime soon.

Topping all this was enough scars to serve as a roadmap to Hell, and a second right arm that ended not in a hand, but a crab-like claw. The entire form of the beast was covered in crude patches of leather and chain mail, and its head was sheathed in a helmet bearing primitive runes all around it.

The leader leaned in, its one good eye staring straight into Facilier's soul. The doctor had to resist the urge to faint from the breath that had never known a drop of toothpaste in its existence.

In a low growl, it spat "Speak," it raised its clawed hand to Facilier's throat, "Or die."

"What can I do?" Facilier wondered in a flash. "I ain't got no magic, and I'm outnumbered 60 to one."

Shadow squeaked in his ear. "My bad, two to 60. Still, I need to figure out what happened to Rose, and I doubt these guys will believe for a minute I am a priest of darkness or whatever. _So…" _

The Shadowman smiled, a wicked grin that revealed an inner fire. He then, as calmly as possible, said-

"Get an damn tic tac, motherfucker."

_Go big or go home. _

The beast lord barely had time to roar before Shadow pulled its feet out from under it, causing it to fall face first on the grass. Facilier jumped back, and then jumped in, swiping a dagger hanging from the beast's belt. He then leapt upon the nearest beastman, severing its head before it drew a single breath. Arrows were fired, but Facilier flew past them all as he began sliding through their ranks, swinging gracefully the dagger and cane combo through flesh and skull. Shadow took to the archers afar off, using clawed hands to rend through the monsters as they feebly fought back or ran from the untouchable spirit. By now the beast lord had regained its footing, and was bellowing with rage as it charged to grind Facilier to fleshy pulp.

"Die, smooth skin!" It roared. "Die and pray Hell won't take your soul!"

"No, thanks! Been there…" Facilier smoothly replied, grabbing a hold of its horns and leaping over its back, "Done that!" The beast collided into the woods, creating a wreckage worthy of semi-truck hitting a sports car.

Dashing through the woods (and not on a one-horse open sleigh), Facilier and Shadow flashed through the shadows, cutting through one creature there, amputating a limb here. It was all child's play to the two, until-

_**WHOOSH!**_

The trees attacked.

"What the Hell!"

The leader had gotten back up, and was…singing? No, it was too ugly to be singing. It was more like he was… casting a spell!

The chanting rang through the boughs and bark, and the branches and the roots began to snatch at the Shadowman. Despite his dexterity, Facilier found it to be a "little" tricky to cover himself both the ground and the air. Thinking fast, he began hacking away at whatever was in his way and making a run for the pool. This did not go as planned, as Facilier's hat, then Facilier himself were grabbed by trees. Shadow tried to help its master, dashing back in a fury, but the beast lord chanted a new melody, and the shadows of the branches grabbed Shadow, much to it and its master's surprise.

"Get off me! Get off me or I swear I'll-" Facilier roared, slicing any and all things he could see until his weapons were taken from him. Shadow was no better, its limbs twisted behind its back to stop it from cutting its way out.

"Damn," he thought. "What the Hell was Rose thinkin', bringin us here?"

A web-like construct began to build around him, and before long his could not move a muscle, but he could hear well the mocking laughs of the beast lord and his minions. At least Facilier could see, as he was being held facedown, but, then again, looking at their butt-ugly smugs, it was not that good of a thing.

"Sorry, buddy!" The Shadowman yelled over to his shadow. "I think this is the end of our party!"

"_Lleh ekil truh annog si siht esuac, knurd t'nera ew taht si terger ylno ym!" _Shadow mourned.

"Oh, boy!" Facilier swore, seeing the beast under him licking their lips. "You can say that again!"

"Well, smooth skin!" The leader laughed, picking up the stolen blade and bringing it to Facilier's face. "What to do have to say for yourself? All that dancing and all you get is the honor of having your skull as my chalice!" The leader laughed, then pointed to some of his minions. "Go into those waters and search for the pale smooth skin! She may still be in there!" And the minions did immediately as it asked, shambling off with cleavers in hand. It returned his attentions to Facilier.

"Any last words," it mocked, "smooth skin?"

"Yeah," Facilier spat, "Give me my damn hat back!"

"Oh, this little thing, _boy_?" The thing whistled, and the branch holding the stolen top hat bent down to the monster's hand. The beast took it, and held it to the Shadowman's face, only to toss it into the pool, where the minions were now swimming into. Dread filled Facilier's heart.

"If she did not drown, those thugs will finish the job!" Facilier tried, oh, how he tried, to fight his way out! He swore, he struggled, his broke his skin in vain to free himself, but to no avail. All he did was to make the beasts laugh, and howl, and roar to the canopy above.

"You are funny, smooth skin, but stupid." The lord jeered. "And, here in the Dark Forest, the stupid die" the thing began to put the knife into Facilier's cheek, "_slowly_."

"**That's funny, considerin' that's what's gonna happen to you!"**

Out of the bush came the roar of a police cruiser, crashing into the ranks of the beast herd and knocking the beast lord into the pool. At the same time, fire began to enwrapped around the Shadowman and his shadow, freeing the two by burning the wooden limbs. Facilier landed on his feet, only to see the driver of the cruiser.

"Hey, Faci! You holdin' out on us!" The March Hare yelled as he sped by. Turning into a slide and crushing a few beast with his bumper, the March Hare pulled out his wooden mallet and leapt out of the car, smashing all who stood before him in a flurry of cackles and cracks. Out the back, Captain Hook charge forth, deflecting a beast's blow with his sword and ripping its throat out with his hook. On the other side of the car, Frollo came out, sword swinging and cutting all in his way. Finally, on the passenger side, Jafar emerged throwing fireballs over at the beasts on the other side of the river. Facilier and Shadow joined the fight, as more and more of the unholy herd charged from the forest.

"Back to back, men!" Hook yelled," They cannot break us if we hold fast!" The men did promptly so, as Jafar summoned a wall of fire around the group. Try as they could, the arrows could not penetrate the fire, and the beasts were too afraid of the flames to approach, circling around as the vultures around a dieing animal.

"Any ideas, men?" Hook inquired.

"Can you keep this up, Jafar?" Frollo asked.

"Indefinitely," Jafar boasted, "but I do know the farther we get apart, the harder it will be for my to protect us all!"

"And Rose is somewhere in that there pool of water!' Facilier interjected.

"That rules out escape by cruiser." Hook swore.

"Wait!" Frollo interjected. "Expand the fire wall and the rest of us will leap in and out of it! Jafar will stay in the center and we will all inch our way to the waters, where Facilier can go in after the princess!" The judge suggested.

"Sounds like the winning lottery ticket to me!" The March Hare yelled. Charging forward, he swung his hammer into one of the beast's skulls, pounding it in before leaping back into the fire wall, dodging several arrows at the same time.

"Move out, and may your blades strike true! And don't get yerself killed!" Hook ordered, and it was done. In and out, like a wry dance of death, the men racked a slowly rising tally, as Facilier waited to get in the water. In their rage, the beast could not constrain themselves away, in hopes of getting a blow on one of the men, but to no avail.

Then the beast lord stood back up. Missing a horn and a few teeth, it was nevertheless madder than Hell now (if it could of gotten madder).

"Don't you just die!" Facilier complained.

"Smooth skins, you will all die!" the beast lord in his fury declared, pointing to the gang with a clawed hand. "Die! Die! **Die!**"

"That guy's almost as ugly as you, Hook." The March Hare quipped.

"I'll shoot you later for that!" Hook barked back. "Facilier, why didn't you just talk your way out of this here dilemma?"

"There are some people" Facilier said, watching the monster rise to its feet, "You cannot smooth talk."

The thing raised its head in a roar, and began to charge into the flame. Swinging wildly with tooth, claw, blade, and hoof, it leapt into the men's defensive circle.

"Break!' Hook yelled, but words were not needed. The warriors broke rank and charged back into the enemy horde, where, unfortunately, the beasts had the advantage. All broke, but one.

With a pray to the Petro Loas on his lips, Facilier stood his ground, charging the beast as it burst through the dissipating fire wall.

Dodging the ram, Facilier did a handstand and caught the beast's left foot, tripping it in its fury.

"Ya know, you's is a stupid one," Facilier said as he nimbly leapt back to his feet.

The beast pounded the ground in rage, and it stood up to face the Shadowman. With its one good eye pounding blood red, it charged at the Shadowman. The two collided, blades locked, but the monster had the advantage, surprising Facilier with a blow from its rack of horns. Blood poured from Facilier's cracked skull, and the world shifted from consciousness to death. With a contemptuous smack from the back of its hand, the beast lord sent Facilier flying to the ground. Laughing, it walked over to the broken form of the bokor.

"You are weak, and I," he took a deep breath, filthy sweat dripping form its brow, "I am strong." It looked down on Facilier with disgust. "There is no hope for you now, smooth skin," it roared, raising its blade to the sky, "for I am-!"

Two strong tentacles suddenly lashed out of the pool and grab its legs and pull, dragging the beast down. Barely conscious, Facilier saw that the two tentacles were actually thick, black vines of thorns emerging from the water. Slowly, the beast lord was dragged down into the water, whimpering like a stuck pig. Vainly it struggled, clawing at the dirt for salvation, but _slowly_, _slowly_, _slowly_, the water raised around its thighs, then its waist, its chest, and finally, with one last pitiful roar for mercy, it disappeared into the water.

All that were left were bubbles, and then, nothing.

"What the Hell…?" Facilier struggled to get up but his body gave out, and he crashed down to the ground again. The world went fuzzy, and Facilier felt his sight go blurry. Blood ran down his head, and down his chin. He turned his gaze to the pool, silently praying Rose was still all right. But, as he looked upon the waters, the waters stirred, and out forth came a little white sprite, so bright you could not see her form. Then another white sprite, and another, and another, until all Facilier could see was a cloud, and they began to dance around him, with graceful swings and swirls no human could perform or forget. And, together, they began to sing.

_One gift, beauty rare,_

_Silver of moonshine in her hair,_

_Lips that shame the blood red rose_

_She'll walk in darkness wherever she goes!_

_One gift, the gift of song,_

_Melody, your whole life long!_

_The black raven her troubadour,_

_Bringing his sweet requiem to her door._

Like the passing of a dream, the fae slowly slipped away, one by one, until all there was none. Reflected in Facilier's eyes now was a beautiful albino maiden, covered in thousands of red scars running all across her body. She wore a dress of white cloth, that went up until it touched her arm and went down to her ankles but was shredded into long rags from her knees down. Her eyes, as kind as the moon's gaze, saw the pitiful, broken form of the man and was filled with compassion. Kneeling down, she touched his wounds, and her touch was as the kiss of the cool waters, and Facilier felt his pain die down, down, down, until it was nothing more than a dull feeling. He felt strength return to his body, and his mind sharpen.

"_Rose?"_ he began to say, but she put her hand to his lips, and he knew to be silent.

"Will you be all right?" she asked. The Shadowman nodded. He would be all right now that she was okay.

"Good." she smiled, and then, turned back to the waters. With a flick of her hand, she declared for all to hear:

"Come forth, Fen-Dweller, Treachery, and He Who Hates! The Friend of the Ironwood commands you!"

The world faded in and out, and Facilier could feel the lines between the worlds blur. The Pool of Nothingness began to bubble, and out the dark waters came three wolves, each one with coats of midnight. They were larger than horses, and their teeth were covered in the blood of the damned. Howling moon-songs and blood cries, they leapt into the fray, tearing apart any and all in storm and fury.

"Brimstone and gall, Rose! What the Hell happened to you?" Hook yelled, running his blade through a beastman, leaving his sword in as he drew out his pistol, shot another beastman running full tilt at him, sidestepping the floundering corpse, put his gun away, and drawing his sword out of the other creature's gut.

"We'll talk about it later!" She cried. With a whistle, she extended her arm out and out of the waters came flying a bow made of ironwood. With another flick, a quiver of arrows, fletched with raven feathers and headed with silver. Making no sound, she began to harvest the living. At the speed of heartbreak, her silver arrows, like shooting stars, graced the field of battle, piercing foul hearts and greasy eye sockets with the fury of an angel fallen. There was no protection from her wrath, as the arrows passed through stone and wood like phantoms to skewer the deplorable and the wicked. Roars of anguish and pain filled the field, and, in a flicker of moonlight, the hunters became the hunted.

"Flee, the light will devour us all!" the beast herd cried, and with their tails between their legs, they ran for their lives back into the woods.

"Pursue or hold our ground?" Frollo yelled, swinging his blade and sending a beastman's head flying.

"Hold!" Hook yelled. "Hold and regroup at the vehicle. We have no time for this!"

"Fen-Dweller, Treachery, and He Who Hates!" Rose yelled just as the oversized dogs had just began tearing a beastman apart. "Come!"

Immediately, the three dire wolves with chunks of meat hanging from their mouths strode over to their masters, bowing their heads in respect. She bent down, and like the bipolar chick she was, the fire in her eyes left and she began to scratch them behind their ears, calling them her puppies and telling them how cute they were.

"Rose," Jafar said, "I don't think those things were ever cute."

Rose raised an eyebrow, looked at her puppies, and smiled. "Sic him."

Hook strode back to find his second in command getting mauled by 3 oversized puppies. Shrugging this off as the usual for Jafar, he looked upon the phantom-form of Briar Rose, her hair and dress flowing in a wind not felt by mortal flesh.

"All right, lassie," he said, in his best authoritarian voice as he put his hands on his hips, "what the Hell happened and how come you didn't tell me about this little stow-away?"

Rose smiled, a childish smile that beguiled her new-found power. "I have a friend, kind of like Maleficent, that is a witch. I exchanged the illusionary magic I had placed on me by Merlin to gain the powers of the Moon and the Night."

You know that awkward moment, when no one know what the heck to say because someone just said something so out of left field no one can come up with an answer, so everyone stands around looking stupid for a moment? Well, it was kind of like that.

Everyone just kind of looked over to the March Hare, so use to his stupid comments they were expecting it. "I got nothing', man." was all the hare could say.

'Um, well, that's very… interesting, Rose." Hook kind of scratch his head. "Well!" he said, standing up straight so as to regain control of the situation (and so Rose could stop smiling at his lose of words), "We got a party to attend!"

_**Line line line line line line line Line line line line line line line Line line line line line **_

**5:30 P.M., The Sultan's Palace**

"That is one sexy looking camel." The March Hare declared, licking his lips and fanning himself as his eyes bounced to the movements of the one of the beasts of burden belonging to Aladdin's royal caravan.

"I'm more a same-species orientated man myself." Frollo snorted in disgust. Having to be put with the March Hare was already making him wonder if freedom was really worth _this_.

"Nah, man. We hares, we're good and all, but man do we bump ugly _fast_."

Frollo felt brain cells die in mass quantities. "Bump ugly?"

"Yeah, bump ugly." The March Hare said, making a very inappropriate motion with his lower extremities. "I mean, once we get started, we go wild, like, all over the place. But those hoofed gals, they got it good. They like it slow like me. Well, I do like it fast, but it always fun to play it smooth, and then, when they think they got themselves a catch, you **run** them over!" The March Hare hooted, making car sounds as he did.

Frollo just face palmed himself. Dusk had come early today, and night had just began to descend upon the ocean of sand, turning the city into bits of lamplight and fire. It reminded Frollo of the Light Festival of Corona. He had only been there once, but he was enchanted by the fresh feel of the place, the people, and (of course) the lights in the sky. His only regret was that he had no one to share the magical experience with. He was like Elijah, a lone man fighting for a cause no one else wanted any part with. Maybe, if he was good enough, God would take him up in a chariot of fire too and give him eternal peace.

His current position was a one of the house tops of the city Agrabah, dressed in a commoner's disguise, with the March Hare, who was suppose to be his very cute, _very quiet_ pet dog.

As you could tell, things were not going well.

Regardless, everything was going to plan, save for the fact they had to stage a rescue mission worthy of an A-Team episode. Apparently, Rose had gone to the another world to make a deal with a supernatural being she called the Ironwood Women, and in exchange for the illusionary magic, Rose got an appearance change, a few magical abilities, a bow that always hit its mark, and a quiver of arrows that cut wounds that never mend. She also scared the shit out of Maleficent when she walked in with a mangled batch of men who smelled as if they had slept in a pig stall. So, after a few loose ends that needed to be tied (party supplies and what not), and a shower for all the men, the plan was in motion.

Personally, Frollo was just waiting for all the supernatural stuff to end. Voodoo, hoodoo, sorcery, magical deals and wheels, Frollo had had just enough of it to last him a lifetime.

**(Author's Note: But writers can be such cruel people!) **

So, the royal pairing were going on their way. Frollo grabbed his walkie-talkie crystal (specially made by Jafar for this occasion) and radioed Hook.

"You seeing this?" Frollo asked. "The royal couple are leaving with the genie."

"Affirmative, good sir." Hook replied on the other side. "I can see them now rounding the corner."

"Sweet crumpets, Jasmine is looking' _goo_d tonight!" The March Hare moaned in the background.

"I hope that was the hare and not you." Hook laughed on the other side. Frollo was ready to pull his hair out.

"Let me hit him, just once! With the flat of my blade, I swear! He'll live!" The judge growled.

"Put the talkie to the hare's ear." Hook ordered.

Frollo, rolling his eyes, kneeled down and put the crystal to March's ear. "It's for you."

"Oh, really?" The March Hare, **totally out of character**, stood up and took the phone.

"What up, boss?" The hare asked.

Frollo watched with intrigue and delight as March Hare's eyes went from golf balls to the size of dinner plates in sheer-bloody fear. Frollo could not hear what Hook was saying, but he did not care as long it shut the hare up.

"Got cha', boss." Was all the March Hare could stutter. "Here's ya phone…judge."

Frollo smiled an evil smile. "What _did_ he say to you?"

"None ya business." Was all the March Hare would say.

_**Line line line line line line line Line line line line line line line Line line line line line **_

Jafar's face was locked in disgust. "What did he do to that baby llama?"

"Later Jafar." Hook said, wiping the dust off his disguise. "We got bigger fish to fry than March Hare's madness." Taking a look around the corner, Hook and Jafar bolted from the alleyway and began gliding through the streets. Sticking close to the shadows, they slowly crept their way to the castle wall. Bursting into a furious sprint, they hit the wall, holding on to it for all their life to avoid detection.

"So far, so good." Hook muttered. Slipping out a grappling hook (ha, ha) from a satchel, he waited for a clear coast, tossed it up, and shimmied on up it. Looking around again to see if he had been detected, he glanced down to relay the information to Jafar.

"Jafar, all's go-" Hook stopped mid-sentence. Jafar had disappeared! "Jafar? Jafar? Where is that blasted fool?" Hook smacked his hook on the wall.

"Right here." said Jafar from behind Hook.

"Blasted barnacles!" Hook jumped in surprise. "How did you get up here before **me**?"

"I teleported." Jafar said with a smirk.

Hook gave him the evil eye. "Some days, I hate you more than I do _Pan_."

"I'll take that as a compliment," sarcastically replied the sorcerer. "Now, hide. The guards are coming."

Dashing into a nearby guard tower, they slide into the cold shadows and waited. Soon, the two unaware guards came walking in, dulled a little by the night, but still as sharp as they looked.

_ZZZAAPPP!_

Which was not much.

"Since when did you learn to put people to sleep?" Hook enquired as the he pulled out a tiny little black bag out of his pocket. He then promptly began to open the bag as wide as a man's width.

"I've been warming up on my non-lethal spells lately, just for something like this," Jafar boasted as he grabbed hold of one of the men and stuffed him into the bag, which, magically, did not change size. Grabbing the other man, Jafar grunted, shrugged his shoulder, dropped the unconscious man, and used magic to lift him into the (with your deepest voice imaginable) Magic Bag of Ever-Holding!

_Available in your local Wal-Mart and other retail stores._

"Each year you get lazier and lazier, Jafar," Hook chided as he stuffed the bag back into his pocket. "Perhaps it's time I got you to the gym and made you exercise before you get fat."

"Ha, me fat!" Jafar laughed, stroking his goatee. "And lose this fan-girl loving body and face? Not on your life! I just choose to work smarter, not harder."

"Ten bucks say you gain weight before the night is over!" Hook said as he pulled out his walkie talkie out. "Facilier, are the guards on the West Wall out?"

"Why, yes, yes they are."

"Whoa!" Hook and Jafar jumped. Behind him and Jafar, Facilier stood leaning on the wall, smiling his demon's grin.

"In fact, they were out as soon as the lovebirds were out of sight." Facilier said, nonchalantly as he began drinking from one of Hook's bottles. That he got without asking. From Hook's jacket.

Hook instinctively reached into his coat to check. His fears were realized. No hooch to be handled. Damn.

"I hate you, Facilier." Hook said coldly.

"Same here, little man," Facilier said as he took another draft from the bottle.

A honest-to-God note needs to be made, right here. The standard show of thanks, affection, or barely-workable tolerance that every villain has said to each other at one point or another is "I hate you," or some other form of it. (seriously, showing positive emotions can be hard when one of your biggest moments in your life was when you got skewered, hanged, dragged to Hell, or just eaten alive by hyenas).

"Frollo, are we clear on your side?" Jafar inquired into his orb.

"Done and done," Frollo asked, as the sound of shoving and straining came from his side of the conversation. That either meant he was shoving a guard into his Magic Bag of Ever-Holding, or he was at a gay bar _getting some_. Your choice.

"That leaves the guards on the inside." Hook said, straightening his jacket. "Move quick before they notice the absence!"

Hook and Facilier crouched down and began racing below the wall, while Jafar teleported away. Sticking close to the parapets, they dashed until they reached the stairs, and slunk along the side. Breathing heavily, they entered into the palace's garden, and began to sulk along the bushes and the trees. Fragrant flowers graced the air with scented perfumes, and the fountain could be heard like the tap of rain on a silent night. Suddenly stopping, Facilier look through a tree's branches, and spotted two guards. Two massive guards to be precise, with scimitars as long as a man's arm. With arms as thick as Christmas hams. And a chest that made Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime green with envy.

"Got an idea, stick boy?" Hook raised an eyebrow in interest. Facilier gave him a stare that could kill a small baby water buffalo, and then, slowly, a large grin formed on a face that had only evil intent on its mind.

"I'm not goin' to like this, am I?" Hook felt his immortal soul shiver. Facilier nodded, pulled out the bottle from his jacket, and put in it Hook's hand. "Go get 'im, alcky!" And with a push, Hook went rolling out onto the garden walkway, right in front of the guards that probably benched 500 pounds, with nothing but a bottle in his hands.

Hook swore that he never would say the words "Facilier" and "smooth" unless there was a "not" in-between them every again.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" said one of the guards, and he sounded as if he never had been hugged once in his life. Punched a few times, but never hugged.

So Hook gave him an "honest" response. Doing his best impersonation of an alcoholic (which was actually easier than he thought it would be), he staggered back up, and began swearing like a drunken sailor (which was also an easy performance to enact).

"I gotta piss an ocean! Where's yer damn bathroom?" he bawled, swinging the bottle around like a pro.

The two guards began approach Hook, shaking their heads and muttering something about "in his cups", when they stopped dead.

"It's Captain Hook!" one cried, drawing his blade for blood.

"And I'm Doctor Facilier, _chers_."

Jumping out of the bushes behind the men, Facilier did a handstand and twirled, knocking out the two men with contemptuous ease.

"Next time, you are the drunk, and I get the guards," Hook said as he stood up, put the bottle back in his jacket, and withdrew the magic bag. Slipping the two men in the bag, Hook heard a raven crow in the distance and looked up.

"Diablo, on the top of the Palace." Hook pointed out. Facilier looked up and grinned.

"That means all's clear on the inside." Facilier said, slipping the used bag in his jacket.

"That quick?" Hook said in surprise. "Who could be that-?"

Hook and Facilier stopped and looked at each other. "Maleficent and Rose."

Marching inside, _cautiously_, the two men arrived to find Maleficent sitting on the throne, trimming her nails with a file as Rose sat whittling away at a piece of wood.

Rose looked up, and smiled a mischievous grin. "Did you want us to save you some action?"

"Its official." Hook said, looking around at the empty room. "If the woman in our lives ever attempt to mutiny, we're dead meat."

"Second that, brother." Facilier turned his head to Hook. "You ready to party?"

Hook pulled out two bottles of champagne out of his coat and smiled. "Me ma always said I was a born sinner"

_**Line line line line line line line Line line line line line line line Line line line line line **_

_Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?_

Scat Cat and his band blared their instrumental version of "Smooth Criminal" as the villains, in all shapes, sizes, and levels of sobriety, indulged themselves in all types of various pleasures. Hook had hired a few of the local brothels out to serve as waitresses, escorts, and _whatever else_ the partiers wanted. Drinks were everywhere, on the tables, chairs, floor, even the bathroom stalls, leading Jafar to wonder if anyone had yet to sit down in the wrong place…

There was a bonfire in the royal gardens where villains where throwing everything to shrubbery to clothing to smaller minions, which led to the casual outbreak of fights. Alcohol games were abound, and that is an understatement. Gaston was beer bonging entire barrels ("No one beer bongs like Gaston!"), Cruella De Vil was running around playing host and diva supreme. Clayton, Percival C. McLeach, and anyone who could shoot were using beer cans, wine bottles, and anything else not moving for target practice (the statue of the royal couple only lasted a minute before it became marble dust). There was rarely a closet, room, or bath stall not being used for lovemaking, unless it was being vomited into. If you were not drunk it was everyone's personal mission to make you drunk as **Hell!**

In other words, it's like a family reunion, with the possibility that the cops would bust in anytime. Wait, still no difference.

Jafar was wishing he had brought ear plugs, and nose plugs for that matter. Slipping through the crowd, he ignored that the nauseating smell of moonshine, rum, and Arabian wine mixed with sweat, perfume, cologne, and a tinge of tapioca pudding (it was being served alongside the chips and dip). He had been looking for Hook for the past 10 minutes, and, having not found him "drowning" in a vat of alcohol, and not having seen him shooting with the other hunters and their ilk, he had began to get worried. Either Hook had already hit his limit and was puking his brains out in some stall or he had found some "booty" and had already forgotten about the plan as he planned a boarding mission on some prostitute's deck.

"Damn that pirate! If he's not dead already, he is going to be!"

"How about you say that louder so he can hear you?"

Jafar nearly jumped out his skin. Turning around in a furious fit, he was face to face with the Mistress of Evil, dressed in a sexy, long, black, backless dress with a slit as high as an elephant's thigh. She had let her hair down for the afternoon, revealing long, serpentine, ebony locks that went down to her back. Her lips were covered in a blood-red lipstick, and her eyes were lined with pitch black that made her already unnatural stare just bore right into your soul.

Jafar nearly drooled his brains out.

"Wha-I mean-how-NO-damn!" was what came out of Jafar's mouth as he tried to ignore the vision of sheer loveliness in front of him and express his anger at her sneaking up on him. Turning away so not as to be distracted, the sorcerer began to count to ten and take deep breaths. This, ironically, forced Maleficent's eyes to wonder to Jafar's…ahem, hindquarters, and the fact that he look…very attractive in the suit he was wearing, completely black save a red dress shirt underneath and a yellow tie. Plus, he had ditched the turban and had somehow gained long black hair that was tied into a ponytail. **All right**, he looked down right _delicious_, but she would never admit to it (of course, she was too prideful to go for anything under the status of arch demon or demigod).

Turning back to face the very meaning and bane (next to Hook) of his existence, Jafar straightened his suit and looked Maleficent in the eyes. Not that those weren't gorgeous either, but at least they did not drag him into the warm embrace of the emerald skin of the Mistress of All Evil!

He felt his gaze lock with the fae's golden eyes, and he felt a stirring he could barely resist.

Wait! Damn! Her eyes are no better!

"I'm looking for Hook! Have you seen him?" Jafar questioned, eager to end this conversation and find the man he so wanted to kill!

"He's in your former dungeon," she said, pointing with her thumb to the direction. Before she could utter a syllable, Jafar was bolting for the dungeon. Flying up the stairs, around the corner, through a hall, and, with a turn on the heel, he was at-

A walk-in closet. The world's largest, walk-in closet, to be precise. From pink pajamas to green negligees, to rows of shoes with diamonds and jewels, with winter coats lined with silk to dresses the color of milk. Tiaras and crowns, necklaces and more hung from the walls, each with their own gold frames and casings. Even the shoes were not safe, looking as they had been sprinkled with pixie dust and shined till they were thinner than a spider's web. You could look and look and look but you could not find an unglamorous item in that closet. You would probably get lost and die of starvation, but you could never find a item untouched by the trappings of royalty.

The only thing really funny (or sad) about this whole arrangement was that nothing in it looked liked it belonged to Aladdin.

"What in the name of Allah happened to my secret dungeon!" Jafar screamed in impotent rage, his mind boiling at the reality before him.

"It got Jasmine-d" Hook said, approaching behind Jafar. Hook was garbed in his normal attire, save some white lace, a little bit more gold trim, and a medal or two. "Rather ironic, if I do say so myself. A mastermind's secret lair becomes one of his nemesis' favorite places in the whole world." Smacking the shocked sorcerer on the back, Hook grinned. "But, now is not the time to mourn." Wrapping his arm Jafar, he laughed. "We got a piece of the world's most powerful artifact to find."

Jafar nearly cried. "But-but-my dungeon! My evil lair!" He threw his hands up in the air. "How could I have never known!"

"Sucks to be you, Jafar." The March Hare came walking in, brandishing a smoking Thompson machinegun and wearing a suit straight out of the Godfather. He was about to follow up on the comment when Hook mouthed the words "baby lama" at him. That shut him up so quick there was a vacuum in space for a second.

"Now, let's began." Hook took his arm off of Jafar and turned around to march down the hall, Jafar and the Hare were right behind him. "Facilier and Rose are on their way to look around in the lovebird's room, and Frollo had already began to look around in the mosque, so we go to the bathrooms!"

"The bathrooms! Why the bathrooms!" Jafar inquired as the March Hare began to hum a song from 1998.

Hook laughed "Where else do you flush away crap you don't want anyone else to find?"

_**Line line line line line line line Line line line line line line line Line line line line line **_

**Before** you read any farther, I do need to announce that the Mad Hatter's long awaited Batman story is up and running. However, he is doggedly determined to do his best or not do it at all, so expect quite a few edits and waiting for future chapters. Regardless, I think he is just as good as a writer as I am, which is not that good in the first place, so I implore you to check it out yourself!

If any of you have the time, I would like you to check out my other Disney related stories. I have not gotten many reviews on them, and I would sincerely like it if you would read up on them and honestly tell me what you thought of them. Please and thank you!

Well, speaking of crap, I am not exactly fond of the first part of the story, but what is done is done, and maybe someone would like it more than me. Regardless, the world of Disney still lurks with all sorts of evil not willing to let go that easily. Anyway, I am looking for a sort of beta reader. If anyone would be up for it, I am interested in hearing you out! I'm also still looking for any interesting pairings for Frollo, so tell me if you have any, please!

I have been getting complaints from the Mad Hatter recently, however, that my stories are getting a little too "rough". If you honestly think that, please tell me so, so as to avoid offending my good readers any further.

Before we move on to my reviews, I will be honest and say this was a bit of a packed chapter, so I could not get around to all the things I wanted to say. If there are any inconsistencies or if you did not understand a part of this chapter, please tell me so!

On to the reviews (All of which I am extremely thankful for)!

Bubbly: Thank you so much for you enthusiasm! I never thought my story to be "scream-worthy" but thank you so much! And to all my screamers for that matter!

Heddwyn: Where ever you are, we are wishing the best for you.

Angel: I love it! I love it! I love it! I love it! Queen Leah going psycho sounds splendid, if not fatal! As for Frollo, well, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to sneak it into a story, so I'll just tell you. Frollo listens to medieval choir music, classical, and (to my surprise) a weakness for hard rock music that makes you feel depressed or angry inside (think Breaking Benjamin or Disturbed). Also, if you have anything against Jafar's party look, please tell me so, because I know you are a huge fan of his. All right, that is an understatement, but you get the idea.

P.S. I will be reading the second chapter of "Genesis of a Villain" as soon as I can!

Arill: Yes, I am scum for stealing a moment of your life and imitating it. Yes, I am a fecking creative genius. Yes, I am totally sexy, I just am too awed to admit it to myself.

Now, I never let my reviewers off without a question, so here it comes. Have you heard about or seen the trailers for the movies "Brave" and "Snow White and the Huntsman", and what do you think of them. Me myself, I like the way both look (then again, I love anything with swords and sorcery in them. I blame Disney.) but I fear certain elements will kill them, like Kirsten Stewart's questionable acting skills and the fact Pixar has never done a fairy tale like story before.

Up next, lucky chapter 13! Yeah!

Until next time, ciao!

(Goes off singing Foo Fighter's "My Hero)

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this chapter, but I do call dibs if Disney does give away all its rights!


	13. Thoughts Can Be A Scary Thing

Note: This is just a filler chapter. Please excuse the randomness and enjoy the following…

_A Series of Random March Hare Moments:_

"I reject reality and substitute with my awesomeness!"

"I can get crack from two dealers, Fanfiction and Bob."

"I was doing things like a BOSS before Lonely Island!"

"I tried having Sea Monkeys, but they did not taste too good."

"Why's all the tea gone?"

"I am the eyes staring at you from window…"

_Captain Hook's Thoughts on Drinking:_

"Never drink tomorrow what you can drink today."

"Only drink on days that end with "y"."

_Doctor Facilier's Thoughts on Healthcare:_

"You can always trust me. I'm a doctor!"

_Jafar's Cure to the Homeless and Hungry:_

"KILL ALL THE STREET RATS!"


	14. Hot Love And Hotter Bullets!

_In a house, in the middle of Wonderland…wherever that is…_

The silhouette of a tall, lanky, top hat-wearing man sneaks into an empty room. In the center of this room, a computer. Getting on, the man looks around, gets on, and signs into a Fanfiction account. Laughing maniacally (but quietly), he begins to type away, until…

**BOOM!**

The lights flash on, revealing the form of the Reginald Theophilus the Third (also known as the Mad Hatter), unconscious, on the ground. Standing above him, the valiant, ever-so-handsome,and mallet-wielding March Hare, Lord of the Dougie and Captain of Chaos!

"Well, folks, I must apologize for the friend's madness. Turns out that while I was gone on vacation to Italy, the git got on and wrote to you about how **I **was changing my writing direction! The audacity! Regardless I'm back now, and the world is now set in order-

(Grabs the Hatter's body and drags him away )Of a sorts.

Back to our story!"

Thought for the day: _"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."- _**Mark Twain**

_**Hot Love and Hotter Bullets! **_

By the March Hare

The room was a mess. Bed sheets were torn. Others were just rumpled half to death. Clothes were thrown everywhere. On the floor, in the corners, even underneath the bed. Perfume and cologne fouled the air, along with the copious amounts of sweat that stained the air. There was only one simple answer to this sight.

Briar Rose and Doctor Facilier looked at each other.

"Sex."

They began their search. Rose reached into her satchel and pulled out a simple willow wand, and began to gently tap it on the walls.

"You know this could take all night?" Facilier questioned as he pulled out another wand, just like hers, and began to run it along any thing he could find, to chests to lamps to jewelry.

"Yes," she calmly said, "But then again we could just find it in about 5 minutes."

Facilier shrugged his shoulders, placing the wand on a clear diamond ring. No reaction. "True." Facilier admitted, reluctantly.

A volley of gunfire ripped through air, disturbing the mild peace of the royal couple's room. Rose shook her head in a sort of parental way.

"So tell me…" Facilier asked curiously, "I never got to hear what you thought about the little "miracle" Maleficent and Jafar whipped up?"

Rose snickered. Facilier looked over his shoulder, intrigued. "What so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," She said, swiping away all concerns with her free hand. "I cannot really say what passed my mind. I think, for what it is meant to do, it will do well enough." She hastily went back to work.

Facilier shrugged and got back to work. Sometimes you have to wait for what you want, and other times you have to cheat, scam, con, hustle, and kill your way to the top. But if he had a grasp of one thing about the enigmatic Briar Rose, its that she never did anything for "nothing".

"So, tell me," she inquired, raising an interested eyebrow. "Why is it, that every time you mention Jafar around Mal, her cheeks turn redder than cherries?"

Facilier laughed nervously. He knew Rose was trying to change the subject, but he would play along for now. "I would tell you, but then I would have to kill myself to avoid both Maleficent and Jafar!"

Facilier looked back to see Rose twirl around, place her hands on her hips, place her weight on her right hip, and give him a mischievous smile. "Do you really think I would tell either one of them?"

To be honest, Facilier barely heard what she said, as he was too busy staring at her beauty. It took awhile to convince her, but Maleficent had gotten Rose to wear a dress "just because". It was actually to torment Facilier, but he was not minding it too much. It was just like Maleficent's backless dress, but white, and in the front it actually narrowed and came up into two pieces of ribbon that could be tied together in the back, like a halter. Also, it had the addition of a second, frilly skirt underneath it, as red as the rose. She was also wearing a few silver bands around her arms, and in her white hair was a black rose.

He nearly proposed to her right in the middle of the throne room, you should know. He was just standing around, chilling with all the other villains, when she walks in. Now, when I mean the whole room stared, the **whole** room stared. Some with interest, some with envy, but none with the love Facilier's felt. Right there, on his knees, he would of risked it all. Swiped a ring off of Gaston, kneeled down, and taken Rose's hand in his own. A few words was all that were needed, and she would be his for the rest of his life.

Of course, it would have been incredibly awkward if he did let himself go. Facilier asking an already married woman for her hand in marriage. Her response would have been shock, followed by rejection. While all the villains of Disneyville stared. It would have be utter humiliation, and worse, it would be the end for any chance of the two of them being together.

Hook might of just shot him to put him out of his misery.

Anyway, back to reality. Facilier had to come up with the quickest sentence to recover the five seconds he lost as his tongue fell out. "No, nope, not at all!" he threw his hands in nervous defense. "I just gotta be careful! Ya know?"

Rose just shook her head. "Some days, you are as smooth as silk," she giggled, "and others, you are as inept as a love struck fool."

"You have no idea." was all Facilier could think with a mental laugh. Good news, so far she had not figured out. Bad news, she thought he was a fool. He knew he was, he just did not like to admit it!

He chuckled, regaining his cat-like composure. "Well, you see," he said, as he got back to work. "Maleficent has had a crush on Jafar since he first teleported into the Vogue rantin' about "street rats". Likewise, Jafar has had his heart set on winning her hand since she nearly hit him with a wayward lightin' bolt."

Rose giggled, tapping another tiles on the wall. "I expected so, but she _never_ talks about him around me unless to tell me how much she _thinks_ he is below her."

"Well, darlin', that is the root of this peculiar tale." Facilier said as he ran his wand along a rather large chest. Still no reaction. He almost swore, but stopped himself before she could hear him. "You see, both of them are too high and mighty to admit they are in love. They are waiting for _the other _to admit, so they can avoid looking weak."

Rose rubbed her temples in confusion as she finished the last of the tiles. "So, in other words, this little hate game of theirs will probably go on until forever?"

"Yes," Facilier said as he finished checking underneath the bed. "Well, I think we're done here. Ain't nothing or no thing in this room that could hide a piece of that crystal."

He hoped.

"No, we're not." Rose said with a sneaky grin. To Facilier, she had the creepiest and cutest grins ever, a mix of harlequin and maniac. A sort of demented light shined in her eyes, and Facilier knew, now more than ever, he was going get the worst of whatever she was planning.

"We'll get them together!" she twirled in delight. "Of course, Maleficent and Jafar will not expect it (or like it), but if they will not admit to their feelings than who says we cannot give them a little help?" she said, emphasizing with a push on an imaginary Maleficent.

"Wait a minute, _chere_!" Facilier grabbed a hold of her. "We cannot go around tryin' to play Cupid while we are in the middle of a revolution! That's some shifty business right there, stuff I don't like to touch unless wholeheartedly necessary!"

Rose stopped, her eyes going from shining rubies to dried blood. "Forgive me," she said, stroking her arms in the sudden realization of her childishness. "I lost my bearings." She slipped out of his arms, making the way to the door. "We should be on our way." Slowly, coldly, she walked past the bed and grabbed the door knob.

Facilier watched her arms, counting the number of scars on her limbs. There had to be more than 50 on each. Facilier felt anger, nay, sheer loathing rise in her body. And then sadness. Untold sadness. When he had tried to ask about those _new_ scars, she just smiled and waltzed away. Now, keep in mind, Facilier was a professional conman, but this little princess could slip out of a bear trap with her words! It was therefore hard, at times, to remember how deeply hurt she was, when she wore that damn "everything is all right" smile every moment she was with them.

He made a decision. Even if she would never be his, he would not let her hurt any more.

"Wait, Rose…" he said, striding around the bed, grabbing a hold of her hand. He never really got a good look before, but he could now identify a crescent moon carved on her back. It looked fresher than the rest of her scars…

She turned around, painfully, but in interest. Her eyes shined like little sparks of starlight.

"_Yes?"_

"I think I can, however, find a way to make the time for a friend."

Her two sparks became infernos, and the next thing Facilier knew his chest was getting crushed by two anacondas as he was lifted into the air.

"Oh, Facilier!" she screamed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

He was about to respond, when Rose lost her footing, sending the two of them tumbling into the bed, rumpled sheets flying everywhere. Kicking and fighting, Facilier and Rose fought tooth and nail to get out of the silken trap.

"I'm so sorry, good doctor!"

"It's all right, it is! it's jus'-"

_**WHAM!**_

"I think I just hit something! Was it you, Facilier?"

Silence.

"_Owwwwww…my nose…"_

"Oh, it was!"

Right then, the door burst open, and Gaston ("No one has bad timing like Gaston!" thought Facilier"), dressed in his same clothes he wore when he proposed unsuccessfully to Belle (thank God!), came barging in with a bimbette in each arm. What laid before him was Facilier and some crazy-looking albino panting like dogs, sweating like crazy, and tangled up in royal couple's sheets.

Gaston's first thoughts: "Oh, forgive me, my fellow villains!" Gaston bellowed apologetically, if not a tad too dramatic. "I did not know this room was already occupied!"

Rose's mind went aflutter. "Wait, _occupied_?" Sudden fear of what this situation implied hit her mind, and blood flushed her cheeks! "I have just been seen in bed with another man, and I'm married."

Then, another idea hit her. One that would take all her will power to pull off…

Flipping off her back, breathing heavy, and moaning like mad, she leapt on top of Facilier, interlocking her legs with the Shadowman's legs as she began passionately kissing the man, her hands working fast to take off his purple shirt.

That got Gaston (and his bimbettes) out like a bullet.

As soon as the door was slammed shut, Rose jumped right off, red shame literally radiating off her face, leaving Facilier to only think-

"What the Hell just happened, and why did it have to end so _soon_?"

"I am dreadfully sorry, good doctor!" Rose began immediately as Facilier turned to look at her in surprise. "I just had a feeling that if I could fool Gaston into thinking I was your 'female escort' for the night, he would leave us alone and ask no questions about who I was!"

She did this all in one breath, to her esteem, leaving Facilier's mind in a very painful state.

_Messed-up._

Sittinng up in bed after realizing there was no second base, Facilier slowly nodded his head several times in wide-eyed shock. Slowly standing up (and still nodding her head), he took a few deeps breaths, mentally fighting off the "Urges", and smiled.

"It…is…all…right." he stuttered. Trying to regain the normal, he walked over to the door, opened it up, and motioned her out like a gentlemen.

She kindly (but curtly) curtsied, and bolted out the door on dainty feet. When she was a good distance down the hall, Facilier did a back flip, twisted in a turn, landed on his feet, and gave Shadow a high five.

"Facilier? What is the matter?" Rose's voice echoed down the hall.

"Nothin'!" he yelled, skipping after her with celerity (and a jump and a click of his heels)!

* * *

><p>"You would think that the Sultan of Agrabah would have cleaner bathrooms!"<p>

Hook was mad, not only because they had found nothing, but because they had to fight on a spiritual level just to stay conscious! Never mind the fact that someone had missed the toilet when they…ahem…lost their cookies, but the undeniable fact that the bathrooms had long been left to fester and rot and grow dank!

If there was one thing Captain Hook hated more than dirty facilities, it was imbeciles, because they caused dirty facilities. That, of course, raised the question of how he survived being on a pirate ship for all those years, but he was a man of many talents (and few right decisions).

"Well, that does _realistically_ improve our odds of finding our objective, now that we have the bathrooms done." The March Hare chimed optimistically, holding a clipboard that held a list of all the possible places the hidden crystal might be.

"What are our odds now?" Jafar queried as he followed the hare out. Hook was still marching down the hall, ranting and throwing his arms around about the stupidities of the idle.

"Comparing the size of the bathrooms and the royal couple's room to the rest of the palace, minus the gardens, and our current chance of success is…" the March Hare looked upon the rudimentary math he just did, and then took the paper off the clipboard and flipped it, letting it slide its way down the 20 foot long hall before barely tapping the back of Hook's left boot.

"Shit outta luck."

Jafar smacked his forehead. It was going to be a long night.

Hook, in mid-rant, stopped dead in his tracks.

"Do you smell that?" he yelled up the hall, catching the attention of his comrades in arms. He took another sniff at the air.

"Smell what, Hook?" Jafar yelled back at him.

"I didn't do it!" The March Hare cried in defense.

"Not you, fool!" Hook barked, turning back to catch the hare with his maddened eyes. He took another sniff, and then…

"_Wait…"_

He turned back around.

There, coming down the right hallway, was the shadow of the wicked cecaelia sea witch.

"Ursula the Sea Witch!" the three cried in sudden realization.

A deep primma-donna's laugh rang through the halls! "Run Hook, run!' the hare cried as he and Jafar made a split for it down the hall, taking a sharp turn, and disappearing in less than five seconds. The long list took an additional two seconds to follow.

"Damn, that was fast." Hook remarked as he ran after the two. However, he was not as fast, something he blamed on the fact he drank more than he should and smoked just as much.

Heart pumping like the clash of two fencer's swords, he ran after the two, wind whistling in his ears as he gritted his teeth and sucked up the pain. His legs burned, and his ornamental clothing did not help, but as soon as he heard the sea witch laugh again, he suddenly discovered he could run until Judgment Day.

Or until he slipped.

His world flipped, and he was weightless, free of any mortal bearing or burden. He felt as if for a moment he could fly, and he almost thought he was.

Then his head connected with the palace floors.

Now he had another reason to hate dirty bathrooms. Dirty bathrooms are wet, wet bathrooms make for wet shoes, and wet shoes make for slips on smooth floors.

Smooth, _solid marble _floors.

As sounds of a slithering behemoth came to Hook's ears, he closed his eyes and prepare for the worse, already deciding that after she got done with him he would just shoot himself in the head so he could spare himself the years of mental torment (and psychiatric bills).

And then…

Nothing.

Hook slowly opened his eyes, half-expecting to find the sea witch leaning over him, waiting to pounce. The other half thought that maybe she just passed on by, already done toying with ol' Hook.

All he saw was ceiling light, magical lamps that would burn until the world end.

Somehow, Hook felt as if he had just escaped a great reckoning. Looking around warily and drawing his sword, he found nothing, only the sand-colored walls and floors.

Ignoring the beating of his head, he turned back around cautiously and ran to find the two cowards that left him to _die_.

_Or worse._

In the throne room, the band started playing a new song.

_Every breath you take_

_Every move you make_

_Every bond you break_

_Every step you take_

_I'll be watching you…_

* * *

><p>Hook said later that it was only ironic fate that Frollo got the mosque first, since he said he flipped for whether the good judge would be rooting around in there or the wine cellar.<p>

Personally, Frollo hated being in a mosque. His heart told him to burn it to the high heavens, his mind told him to just take a quick look around and get out.

Stepping in, he found it to be small, just enough for the sultan, his daughter, his son-in-law, and the royal guard to kneel down and pray, facing Mecca (or at least, whatever direction it was before the whole stinking desert up and joined with the rest of the Kingdom). Its design however made up for the size. The walls were gold plated, with designs representing the life of the Prophet Muhammad. Jewels were inserted or crafted into the walls and designs, so that when the lamplight hit the jewels, the entire chamber just lit up in a spectrum of glory.

What made Frollo chuckle was that the stories ranged from birth to death, but none of them dared showed the Prophet's face, covering his countenance with a veil. It was not a cruel chuckle, but the kind of laugh you produce when you see something cute or quaint. Frollo knew well the practices of the Muslim, having seared the flesh of many off in his pursuit for knowledge on the heathen, the heretic, and the mutant. It was forbidden, in some circles, to show the face of the last prophet of God, and in a way Frollo could understand it. How can one, who has never seen the face of the Son, the Father, or even a saint claim to give justice to such a beautiful soul? Paints and clay and stained glass cannot show such beauty, such purity that is emitted by such beings.

His wand passed over a dove, carved into the gold that adorned the walls.

He sighed. He had only seen such beauty _once_ in his life…

* * *

><p>"Pardon me, kind sir, but do you have a coin you can spare for the orphans?"<p>

It was a cold day in December, a time when Frollo was in a oddly cheerful mood. Christmas gave Frollo hope, hope that maybe there was a being out there with so much love in them that they came down to Earth, to become flesh, to bear the weight of mankind's sins.

Even his own.

However, it was quite the cold Christmas. Crews wearing the thickest clothing they had and wearing crampons marched up and down the street spreading magical heating pebbles onto the ice. The snow was low, but it was also icy. Disneyville had just had a blizzard, and then a heat wave, and then another blizzard. Mickey publicly called it an abnormality in the fields of magic, but Jafar said that if it was just that then just shoot ourselves when someone actually does start screwing around with the weather.

Like they would admit someone so powerful had just turned the city into an ice ball, but it would be nice to have the government tell you the truth, even if it means admitting they are powerless in the face of the End.

Regardless, Frollo was walking the streets, ignoring the work crews' cries of "pervert" and "lunatic". Watching the annual Christmas tree being set up, he suddenly felt a sudden tug at his cloak.

Looking down, a wretched and pitiful sight met his eyes. A little girl, wrapped up in a old cloak and a thin, raggedy white dress (now gray) was there, tugging at his cloak and holding out a little wooden box. She had the largest, blue eyes, a petite little nose that was half eaten with frost, and pale, wispy hair that got in her eyes as she talked. She was paler than a ghost, and her name was Mary.

Frollo learned she was from the orphanage, an orphan since birth, and that she was a middle child of sorts in her misfit family. "I'm 6 years old," she proudly proclaimed when Frollo had started an idle conversation, sticking out 6 fingers with both hands. She was missing her pinky, but when asked how she lost it, she never would answer.

She was a sweet girl, full of innocence and youthful charms. She had a gap in her front two teeth, and she could whistle like a professional. When she got really happy, she would dance in circles, forcing Frollo to catch her several times as she slipped on the ice. She was a klutz, but she was all business. The only way Frollo could get her to stick around and talk was by promising her that he could give her a bigger fund back at his place. For some odd reason, she trusted Frollo, as if she could sense the good in people…

Both were obviously lonely, as no one wants to talk to a little chatter box unless they are also a good listener (a rarity in this day and age), and no one wanted to talk to the former judge unless they want something out of him.

What made her the happiest, though, was where Frollo's place turned out to be. Frollo had no home to speak of at the time, having to rent space with Clayton at the time after being fired for something he did not do. But, hey, they needed a fall guy to cover up for them, so why not it be a former villain? But, I am getting off track. Frollo, in one of the sneakiest scams he ever pulled off, invited her into the Villain's Vogue. When that little sweetheart walked into the place, smiling her heart out, no one, not even Chernabog, could resist dropping a coin in for her.

After having to borrow two more wicker baskets from Madame Mim the two, the judge and the girl, dragged home enough to fund a king's dinner. After a tearful parting at the orphanage, followed by several minutes of walking backwards waving good-bye, Frollo and Mary parted ways, promising to see each other again.

Frollo never again saw that little girl dance, never again saw her little smile, never again heard her whistle "Do You Hear What I Hear", her favorite song. That night, a burglar, definitely not a villain, snuck into the orphanage and slit her white throat red, stealing every last cent before scampering off into the night. The law never found out who did it, but a few weeks later a few fishermen found a young man's body, no more than 25, cut to ribbons, floating down the river.

The police never found the money. They did figure out, however, that the cuts were made by a large blade, a sort of long sword, and that the blows emphasized the attacker was in an enraged state.

Frollo, every last villain who saw her on her last day, and the orphans and their caretakers were the only ones to go to the funeral. It was actually quite an extravagant funeral, as even in death the villains could not help but to fund the funeral and all its expenses. The band played "Amazing Grace" and more than one man there cried along with the women.

From that day onward, the Vogue was always sure to send part of its profit to that orphanage, but Frollo always made sure to send his own separate fund.

* * *

><p>A lurching sound rang in his ears, and Frollo was sent flying back into reality. Catching himself, he realized that as he was running his wand along the walls he tapped onto a blade of grass designed onto the wall to fit in with the field of green where an oasis was.<p>

The lurching sound continue, and as Frollo stepped back, the wall slid open, revealing a gaping violet portal.

"Mother of God…"

* * *

><p>"Well, gentlemen," Hook said with biting sarcasm as he waltzed his way down into the wine cellar, "it is nice to see you still breathing and alive and all that after you left me to suffer the wrath of the <strong>Queen of Blubber!<strong>"

Thanks to Jafar's magic, the duo had been able open up the wine cellar, which had been thankfully locked with magic. If not, it would have been Hell on Earth trying to search for a magical gateway while the place was being ransacked by every villain and their mother.

""I tell you Hook," Jafar said as he ran his own wand over the wine, "you need to talk to that woman right or she will crush you like a grape!"

"She nearly has!" Hook rolled his eyes, marching past the Arabian and pulling his own wand out to investigate the walls. On the other side of the room, Hook could hear the March Hare tapping his wand on the wall while drinking away at some stolen bottle.

Just then, Frollo came scratching over the orb.

"Hook! Hook! I believe I found the portal!"

Hook's eyes went aflame. Slipping away his wand, he cried:

"Gentlemen, to the mosque! We got a crystal to snatch!"

* * *

><p><em>5 minutes later…<em>

"What we have here, dear friends, is a conundrum."

Hook, the March Hare, Jafar, Frollo, Briar Rose, and Maleficent were all gather at the mosque, deciding on a plan of action. Doctor Facilier was there also, but he was keeping as far away as possible from the portal. A certain incident involving a sucking hole to Hell had left our good doctor with a heavy fear of anything that looked like a twirling vortex. Of course, Jafar couldn't resist at times summoning the occasional spontaneous green portal out of no where in front of wherever Facilier was walking.

"I thought you said you knew this whole place like the back of yo' hand?" Facilier questioned, rubbing his head at the sight of the portal.

"So, I guess people are not allowed to upgrade their houses now, huh?" Jafar bit back.

Rose rubbed her temples. "Friends, please! We must be on our way!"

"Of course," Hook said, looking around at the group. "We must decide who will go in and who will stay out. I of course must go in, as I have the crystal, and it would be shameful of me to stay behind and not do anything."

"I'm with ya till the butt-ugly end, buddy!" the March Hare cheered, jumping next to Hook and standing tall like a proud man.

"I feel better already." Hook sarcastically said.

'Then you can count me in, too," Jafar said. " I would not give you 10 minutes alone with whatever is in that portal, and knowing Genie, he's probably got some _wild_ stuff cooked up in there."

"I refuse to remain out!" Rose said, defiantly. "I am still royalty, and I will not let my fellow man go while I stay."

"No," Facilier said. "If you go and get killed, and we get caught, there ain't gonna be nobody to say we never kidnapped you or nothin."

Rose bit her tongue and swallowed her pride. "You are right doctor." She bowed her head in shame.

Facilier felt a prick of pity. "I'll go with them, so as to keep them out of trouble," he said encouragingly to Rose. "Don't worry, we'll take care of it." he said with an encouraging smile.

Frollo looked at Hook, and Hook nodded. "I will stay behind with Rose," Frollo declared, "and keep an eye on the party."

"I, too, will stay behind then with Rose, since we can handle anything better than all of you combined." Maleficent said proudly, producing her staff out of thin air. "I will warn you of any troubles by telepathy." With that, the fae enchantress disappeared in a burst of flame, temporarily blinding the group.

"Why did she have to do that in such a _tiny_ space!" Hook moaned as he rubbed his eyes of the bright light. Recovering his senses, he turned back to Rose. She looked tired, defeated by a world gone cold. She looked Hook in the eye, regaining her composure.

"Just be cautious, alright?" Rose said, her eyes filled with concern. "Whatever in there could be anyone's guess, so be on your guard."

Hook laughed. "It will take more than a little magic to kill us!" He turned his back to her quickly, so she could not register his fear. Stiffening himself up, he pulled out his sword, and motioned the men to follow him.

With a ton of courage (and a healthy ounce of fear), the fellowship marched in.

Facilier took one last look at Rose, her face torn with a desire to serve and the realities of her situation. Facilier saluted her, gave her a cocky smile, and stepped (reluctantly) into the portal.

What met their eyes wasnot mile-high halls of gold, statues of iron warriors, and magical wards that would require moves ripped straight from a Mission Impossible Movie to get pass. What was there was a simple hall, made of stone tiles, held by 9 simple stone pillars, wide enough to line up 15 men, and 16 feet high. At the end of this hall, sitting on a sarcophagus in a waiting manner, was a tall man, tan, but obviously white skinned. His head was down, causing his dark blue, campaign hat to cover his face. However, you could tell he had long, shoulder-length, light-brown hair. He wore a post-American Civil War uniform, a dark blue with simple badges denoting him as a cavalry officer, rank… colonel.

He raised his head, revealing a hard face, a leader of men, a man of war. He had a fine nose, and a moustache, well trimmed. His eyes narrowed, observing the motley gang of warriors.

Hook was the first to speak.

"Who is tha-"

The crack of flying, hot lead followed.

* * *

><p>Here's Marchie! I'm back, and better than ever! All right, that is a little boastful, and also my opinion, so it could be wrong. This chapter could be so bad you would find the will power to spit into your computer's monitor, have it come through on the internet, and shoot me straight in the eye.<p>

_C'est la vie _and a new eye is all I got to say to that.

I thank you once again for your patience and your enthusiasm. You all are a wonderful group of readers and reviewers!

On to the replies!

**Heddwyn: **Once again, your opinion had nothing to do with "The Letter". I've already taken care of that little sucker (wrings hands on mallet). The addition of more scars is actually part of my plan, but I wish not to reveal it to you outside of the story. As for the crassness and the baby llama (_shudders_)…well, it will make a little more sense later on also. Thanks for the critiquing and the review!

**Arill: **Thanks for the review, as always! The fact you wanted to favorite this story twice either means you love it beyond words or you have a split personality that's even madder than the normal one….scary thought, huh? But yes, I have to agree. Action, supernatural madness, and arse-kicking always makes a story betterJ

**BUBBLYbuttons2me: **THANK YOU! Ten points for the love and enthusiasm, and ten more for not straining your voice while screaming on the internet like I just did. _Owww…_

**Angel: **Bad news, you will learn what Hook said to me. The good news, I still love your reviews! And yes, it does suck to have lair be turned into a princess' palace, but hey, would you want to waste space in your castle with a hideout of the man who tried to enslave your kingdom, your father, you, your pet, and try kill your boyfriend. Unless you want to be _enslaved_ by Jafar. I'm not here to judge…

Well, that's all I got to say now. The next update might take awhile, but I'll try my best! (Straps a few pots and pans to himself and goes outside with his mallet) Me and Reggie got some matters to settle…

Disclaimer: I own neither Disney nor the song "Every Breath You Take".


	15. Carpe Diem Part 1

_**Carpe Diem Part 1  
>by the March Hare<strong>__  
><em>

Briar Rose was always a patient and temperate woman, save for the few times she felt very passionate on a certain topic or issue very close to her heart. This could include something as important as true love, anti-abortion, environmentally-safe energy or the conservation and continued survival of the Attwater's Greater Prairie Chicken.

This was turning out to be one of the times.

She handled her bow impatiently, keeping a suspicious eye out for any possible incursions. The pointed spear of fear was sticking into her chest, possibly from the fact that everything that had in the last 3 days had either backfired or worked but left someone in copious amounts of pain. She did have a few things to soothe her fears. Her quiver was full, her sword was ready, and her puppies were just waiting in the other dimension for a nighttime snack. Oh, and the Mistress of (insert deep, booming voice) _**All Evil **_was only a thought away.

She took a deep breath. For once, maybe, things would be alright. Things had to improve, the dark before the dawn and all that sort of thing. She knew she was just talking to make herself feel better, but at least it had some effect. Didn't make the unbearably long minutes go by any quicker, but she still felt better.

Therefore, with little to do and much time on her hands, Rose did what Rose has always done.

She wondered.

Her rambling thoughts came upon the few good she served with. She had to admit she was growing fond of this odd fellowship of fools and fiends. Sure, Jafar was an arrogant and slimy sneak, Frollo was an over-righteous, judgmental zealot, Hook just had trouble walking straight, and the hare was just…wrong.

She shook her head, trying to cast out the foul acts he had perpetrated in all the years she knew him.

It did not work.

"_So _wrong," she muttered to herself.

However, perfection, it must be said, will always be out of reach for even the greatest of men, something Rose learned in her court years the hard way. Painful experiences had taught her never to put anyone on a pedestal, as pedestals are built on the fragile rock of dreams. Therefore, she made an oath; Love all, respect all, and care for all as you would have done unto you. It was how she became friends with Maleficent, who had before just wanted to strangle the princess with her two emerald hands. Ironically, it was a simple invitation to a party delivered to the Mistress of All Evil personally by Rose that started it all. A few awkward and forced conversations later, and both girls found the best friend they had been looking for. In the princess, Maleficent found someone without the cranky "I-lost-and-now-hate-the-world" attitude, who honestly cared about what she thought about life, and could provide intelligent conversation. In the Mistress, Rose found a kindred spirit, someone who was tired of the way things were being run on both sides of the moral spectrum. However, she also found someone who was her equal in wit and verbal parry, an honest and caring shoulder to cry on, and a great nail painter.

Who'd thunk?

Her mind wandered to Facilier. A devilish smile absentmindedly crossed her lips. It had been a long while since she had tasted a man's lips. His breath tasted like mocha, but the softness of his lips made it worthwhile. She snickered. She had never kissed such plump lips, and to be perfectly honest it was _divine_. She remembered the sensation of touching his lean body, surprised at just how muscular his body was. He was well built for his thinness, and she was happy to say that he was a soft kisser. He didn't try to break her teeth; he just let her have her way with him until she was done.

Her tongue licked her lips. She suddenly wanted a second taste…

Guilt suddenly ravaged her form, making her skin crawl and her stomach churn. How could she think that? She was married, by God's beating heart! She was married to a wonderful, caring, romantic man that took her to the forests for picnics, who skipped royal meetings to be with her, who hugged her so close she could listen to the beating of his heart! Philip, who conquered the minion army, braved the forest of thorns, and slayed the dragon for her! Philip was her _true love_, the one who woke her up from the eternal sleep!

She stood up in a huff, pacing the room in anger as she mentally ranted. She and Philip were meant to be together! There was no other way around it! They were made for each other! Prince Philip and Princess Aur-!

She looked at her arm. Her arm looked like a roadmap to Hell. She looked at her other arm, and it was the same. _Cuts_ upon _cuts_ upon _slices_ upon _slices_ upon _disfigurements_ upon _disfigurements_ upon _flaws_ upon _flaws _upon…

She grasped her hair, staring at it for the first time in long time. She gazed her form, now uncovered by want of magical illusions. She looked around, but only saw shadows. She listened, but heard only ravens cawing for flesh.

Where were the sunshine locks? The unblemished skin? There was no springtime, no nightingale to sing his sweet serenade!

She was not Aurora.

She was Hespera.

She was a monster.

Like a falling sun she fell into a sobbing heap. Look, dear reader, do you not see how far our fair maiden has fallen? Look how hideous she had become in this God-forsaken quest! Stare, and feel disgust, or pity, maybe even hate. But she was once a Disney Princess, by Chernabog's arms! She was beauty perfected, love without depths, with arms wide open and shoulders to bear the world! _"The cuts were not your fault, were they now?"_ The Fury of Vengeance whispered into her ear. She pounded her fists into the cold stone. _"They were his fault! His! Not your dearest Philip's! Never your dearest Philip's!"_

She feebly tried to get up, her arms straining in effort, but to no effect. Her broken glass heart had been shattered again, and for once she did not feel like picking up the pieces just to be beaten back down. She had had everything taken from her; her love, her joy, her self-respect. In her mind, she relived every vile moment, every sick, twisted scheme concocted by that beast! Once again she was strapped to a bed while the demon in lover's form carved her up like a turkey dinner! To see his caring hands tremble as he cut into her arms! To have his strong fists beat upon her ribs! To see that lusty look in his beautiful, brown eyes as he sliced her inner thigh!

Stomach acid climbed into her mouth, burning like the embers of Hell. She was sickened to her core, and she suddenly knew she would never be cured.

So she cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried...

Until the shotgun was put into her head.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" came a sickeningly-sweet voice. "Broke-up with your boyfriend?"

Rose looked up through tear-stained vision. Standing over her was a tall woman, with pale skin and raven black hair that was tied up in a ponytail with blackberry vine. She wore a pair of sunglasses, and on top of her was a black fedora with a purple ribbon dashing around and a white dove feather stuck in the band. She wore a skintight, black leather outfit with a pair of strapped, high-heeled boots. Over her shoulders was a high collared black trench coat that reached to her mid-shin, with sleeves the cut off just at her wrists.

She smiled, the sort of smile you see on someone who just loved to see you cry.

Or bleed.

Rose decided she had enough of both.

"What are **you **looking for, dear?" Rose said bitterly, wiping the snot off her nose as she struggled to her feet. Despite the fact she felt like crap, she was not going to take this girl lying down.

"Oh, you know," the gunslinger said with a pearly grin as her shotgun followed Rose's forehead. "There's a little bird with a high price on his head." Producing a glowing orb from her pocket, the wicked one held it acknowledgingly. The dark sphere glowed with an unholy, green light. "It says he's close by."

Rose had a bad feeling she knew who she was looking for. "Maybe you should ask my friends?" Rose suggested. "They are always glad to help."

The gunslinger raised a cautious eyebrow. This was not standard girl-at-gunpoint behavior. Then again, how often do you meet an albino chick with enough scars to look like a victim of one of Josef Mengele's hack jobs? "Sure." She said cautiously. "How could I-"

Rose struck in a flash, jerking the gun away from her as hard as she could. The gunslinger was surprised, but trained. Using the momentum, she rammed her sharp shoulder into Rose's chest, sending the archer floundering on the floor. Reaching for her knife, she only got half way up to find a pistol at her head.

"Not bad, sweetheart, but I've seen better." The gunslinger smirked, icy eyes shining through the dark glasses. "Now,_ for the last time_," she snarled as she centered the pistol, making damn sure it was aimed dead center for the head, "where is **he**?"

Rose grinned, her own dementia shining through like moonlight on fields of innocence. "I think you should be more worried about my friends."

The gunslinger barely had time to react before three sets of canine jaws filled with two inches or longer teeth came charging out of the long shadows. The gunslinger got off three shots in a second but the magical hide of the beasts deflected the blasts like tank armor. Just as she finished the three shots, she pulled out another pistol from her boot and shot at Rose without taking a look. Rose barely had time to get out the way, leaving her on the floor with a badly-grazed leg and a ruined dress. Just as the wolves were almost upon the gunslinger, a shining projectile came flying down the hall, letting out a tremendous "Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" as it crashed into the pack. The pack and the projectile were sent sprawling, but the projectile rolled up onto its feet.

The projectile was not a missile of any sorts but an anthropomorphic tiger, though it was a force of destruction only outrivaled by the likes of the H-bomb and the March Hare. It wore a white trench coat, a white fedora with a black band, a black waistcoat with silver pinstripes, and a grin that scared the bravest Kings, Emperors, and Sultans. With a tip of the hat the striped cat pulled out a morning star that glowed as the Evening Sun and crushed Fen-Dweller's head into pulp just as it regained its footing. Its brothers got wary and made room, but raged slipped out in echoing growls and unearthly snarls.

Tigger let out a triumphant holler to the high heavens. "Hey Vidia, I think we got ourselves a couple of tough guys" the tiger remarked as he launched himself at the wolves.

Vidia, however, had no chance to respond. Two silver blades, one long, the other short, were drawn by Rose in a rage that overtook every last one of her very thoughts. Vidia let cold hate steel her fear as she slipped out a combat knife and, of all things, a rather long straight razor. The two locked blades, icy, blue eyes tempering the raw, red, loathing orbs of flame.

"Come on, princess!" Vidia spat, teeth blazing in white fury. "Show me what ya got!"

Rose broke loose and came in slicing, mercy lost as power gained. Vidia parried each blow, only to have to pass another cut, resulting in circles of death that flung wildly around in a maelstrom of violence. A slight misstep, however, resulted in Vidia receiving a nasty cut to her left, lower arm that could have cost her the whole limb. Hate returned, the former fairy kneed Rose in the ribs, shockwaves of pain rippling through the warrior-princess' body.

The pale lady collapsed to the ground, clutching her side with one hand and holding back Vidia's assault with the other. It was a feeble attempt, furthered broken by two fleshy whacks that told her that her other two puppies had fallen to Tigger. Gathering out her last bit of energy, she spun around, tripping Vidia. The click of sunglasses hitting the marble revealed the blue eyes of her foe. Savoring the fear in those two wet orbs, Rose raised her sword high, point first…

A loud crack and her world went black. The sword slipped to the ground, and she fell hard against the floor. The last thing she remembered was the sound of a raven cawing in hunger…

_"Maleficent…"_

* * *

><p>Vidia was enraged.<p>

"You didn't have to save me, ya know?' she said as she rubbed the back of her head and picked up her hat. "Damn witch nearly had me." She looked down at her former foe. Her skull was cracked like a nut, with everything and its mother either showing or spread out on the floor in a giant arch. A river of blood flowed from the wound, soaking snow strands of hair as it flowed away into the shadows.

A truly wicked grin crossed her countenance. It warmed the past pixie's heart like a Christmas hearth.

Tigger, however, wasn't paying attention to the smaller details for once, a rare, true switching of roles. Rolling his eyes, he wondered why Vidia had never picked up the idea that having friends is a_ good thing_. "2 years of kickin' butt and you're still complainin' about gettin' help?" He gave her his hand, which she reluctantly accepted. "Sheesh, buddy! When ya gonna _relax_?" He said, stretching out the "relax" for effect.

"When we bag this clumsy!" she said, picking up her weapons and re-sheathing them. "That award money goin' to buy us a small island and the ocean around it!" she declared greedily, already imaging warm, balmy winds and cool ocean currents. Picking up her sunglasses she inspected them for any damage. Finding none, she smiled and put them on.

"I thought we agreed on a new car?" Tigger replied defensively, wiping the blood off his morning star on one of the dead wolves.

He was still too sharp for her to trick after all this time, but it was in her nature to lie and scheme so what could she do about it? "Fine, but only if I get to pick the color!" she said as she pulled out the orb again and began to follow the source. "I am **not **going to ride around in another bright orange Porsche again!"

"I'd of got it stripped if you would of paid the rest!" Tigger yelled back, shaking his head again. "But_ NO_, you had tah have those new heels!"

"With spikes in them!" Vidia barked back, her voice full of confidence. Picking up and checking shotgun, she put the orb away and stepped into the portal. "It would have been the perfect gadget for our operations!"

"Yeah, if ya didn't leave them **_in_** that guy back in Greece!" Tigger shook with frustration as he sheathed his mace and pulled out a magnum with his free hand. Following Vidia in Weaver Stance, Tigger could only wonder how little the reward would actually be worth after all this.

* * *

><p>First and foremost, the term "clumsy" used by Vidia is the pixie word for human. There will be times when she uses pixie terms and such so I will explain them as I go along.<p>

Well, March has come and gone and I can officially go and get my sanity back from the Jujub bird. Surprisingly, I only lost one kidney this time, but fret not, I found it. Dumpster diving has always been my specialty. Oh, and if anyone is curious as to why there is a dead cat nailed to your door I officially come out and deny it was ever me. I couldn't tell you if I even did, however, as I can recall nothing about last month save for a head of cabbage and a woman named Chuck threatening to divorce me if I started river dancing on her ottoman again.

March is never a good week for me. _Wait_, month, I meant month. See what I **mean**?

(Smacks lips)Well, let us get on to the comments.

Overall, I am glad everyone likes the story. Thank you for loving, however unwisely, a humble hare's tale. If there are any flaws or points you would like to nitpick at you're more than welcome. Just do so with good intentions, and just not to burn an old hare that has spent the last weeks in a vat of egg nog.

Thanks to Animation Nut, MermaidLover, and BUBBLYbuttons2me for your support and continued love for my…excuse me a moment. (Hacks up a hairball with a toothbrush sticking out of it) That explains so much. (Throws hairball in trash) Well, anyway, thanks and I love you all back. I would kiss you, but I'm still wood chips out of my gums after…after…whatever happened that inserted inch thick wood chips into my gums.

To _Herr_Heddwyn McCloud, one of my oldest and dearest friends I have never met in person. I thank you for your continued support in the futile attempt to correct me on all matters grammatical and otherwise. Thank you for not leaving me for better stories, and I thank you for reminding me to keep it clean. I only wish I could keep my own life just as clean (winces and removes glass from foot). I'll only say this once, so listen up. Whoever thought it was a good idea to use me to break the vending machines open at the mall is not going to like me if we ever meet.

Last but not least (takes cracked glass eye out, polishes it, and puts it back in), to the ever-lovely Angel of Darkness. Thanks for the review, and I eagerly await your own similar scenario. You are a continual suppor-**AAAHHH! **_**CRAMP!**_

(Lies on ground for half an hour doing leg stretches)

(Gets back up)-t in my hours of need.

Well, that's that for now. As you may have realized I have had to break down this chapter into to…wait, I mean too, no… _two_. Two. Yeah, I got it. This is so I work can on each piece individually and not feel overwhelmed, as I now have about half a dozen bars or so to clean up internationally and lack the time to write as much as use to.

And now, a parting question: if any of you see or hear of the current whereabouts of the Mad Hatter, please inform me. He is not/maybe/probably out of his mind as we speak and will be armed with a rubber chicken, wearing only boxer shorts and his top hat. The reward, to those who return him, is a half-drunken bottle of moonshine and a red-head I picked up in Scotland. No, not the red-hair head, just a red, pickled head.

_I was so drunk._

Now, I just really need to find out who ate my shoes. Ciao!


	16. Carpe Diem Part 2

Quote for the Day: _The best armor is staying out of gun-shot _- Italian proverb

Carpe Diem Part 2  
>by the March Hare<p>

Hook nearly missed the glint of steel as the gunman whipped a pistol from his belt, laying down fire like a machine gun. However, since he did see it, he ran for cover behind the closest pillar. Realizing just how dangerous the situation had gotten, the rest of the party split for cover also.

The firing immediately stopped.

"Had to startle the guy with the gun, didn't you?" Jafar screamed.

Heart racing, Hook barely had time to realize he had been nearly shot until he looked down and saw that his coat had been nicked 3 or so times with bullets.

"Damn." he said as he reached for his hat, only to find it had a bullet hole in it. "Big damn."

"Is he still out there?" Jafar whispered, moving ever so slightly behind a pillar. A shot chipped at the column, sending up a cloud of dust and forcing Jafar to duck.

"I think that's a yes!" The March Hare snickered.

Facilier rolled his eyes. Motioning Shadow out, the spirit slinked in the torch-lit room, getting closer to the man. The man was slowly encroaching by the side, but was still close enough in the middle to be utterly surrounded by foes. Facilier then looked back to the trio.

"On three," he mouthed, raising 3 fingers to further elaborate his point, "we attack."

All three nodded, neither one really interested in getting shot at again.

Facilier raised a finger, spiritually following his shadow as it slinked around. One finger. Hook could feel his nerve tighten. Gripping his sword tighter, he waited.

Two fingers, Jafar rubbed his thumb across his fingers tips. Fiery warmth began to form.

Three! Facilier leapt from behind the pillars, charging in. Hook followed after him, drawing his sword and taking in the sight before him. Shadow had just attacked the gunman, the surprise attack throwing him off for a few seconds. Those moments were short but effective. Facilier leapt at the gunman, who had used his own shadow to pistol whip Shadow to break its ethereal jaw. Hook, if he had the time, would have applauded on the enigmatic warrior's inventiveness, but as of now he was coming up behind Facilier. The Shadowman went in with a low kick to the gunman's legs in an attempt to trip him. The warrior jumped back just in time to save himself, pulling out another pistol simultaneously. Said pistol was aimed to paint the floor with Hook's brain, but a timely fireball from Jafar saved the captain from an early demise. It burnt the gunman, but to our roguish band's surprise he look more amused than frightened. In a dexterous motion the gunman jumped back again, dropped his left gun, pulled out a bowie knife, sidestepped a handstand kick to his head from Facilier, deflected a rapier thrust from Hook, and then took a few shots at Jafar.

To the sorcerer's dismay the first casualty of the fight was him as the shot grazed his skull, causing hot blood to flow into his right eye. To his testament he stood fast, finishing the spell he was casting to great effect. In a flash the bokor's and the captain's blade were wreathed in flame, lighting the room up like a thousand torches.

The warrior backflipped, setting his rear to the sarcophagus, commencing a stand-off. The gunman's graveyard-dirt eyes and his two silver Colt 45s held the two villains at bay.

"I am giving you three one last chance," the gunman spoke, his light baritone echoing alone in the room. "Leave" he said, pulling the hammer back on his colts, "or die."

"Who are you to stand in the way of us?" Hook demanded, tempers soaring to a new high.

The man's grim face cracked into a smile. For some reason, Hook liked the audacity of the man already.

"I'm the Colonel."

A sudden thump resounded through the chamber, as the March Hare landed a might blow with his mallet on the Colonel's head.

It did nothing.

Mouths went agape as the March Hare realized that the mallet he was holding had split into two. Looking up, he became face-to-face with the gunman. Two spheres of ice locked onto the twitchy eyes of the hare, sending waves of contempt that could only be rivaled by fires of Hell.

For the March Hare, it was love at first sight.

"Must be a Texas hat, huh?" he sheepishly asked.

Like lightning on the Oklahoma plain the Colonel swung around, slashing at the hare while taking two more shots at Hook. The mad hare bent back like he was playing a mad game of limbo, effectively dodging the slicing, sleek blade and landing on his back on the same time. The captain was not so lucky, moving only so quickly to avoid having involuntary heart surgery. Instead, he opted for rib removal, as a cracking sound and a scream of pain declared throughout the hall. Hook landed hard on his side; holding his ribs and praying for a miracle as his slid behind a pillar.

Jafar and Facilier, losing patience and fearful of a prolonged fight, attacked the Colonel. Flaming sword struck thigh, nearly dismembering the leg as the smell of burning flesh filled the air. At the same time, summoned chains raised from the floor to seize hold the limbs of the ex-soldier.

The Colonel was coldly efficient and silent as he deflected the chains with his knife and kicked the Shadowman in the head so hard it sent the thin man sprawling. Turning his gun on Jafar, the Colonel shot a few more times at the sorcerer, but this time he was more ready. With a quick burst of energy the bullets were knocked off-balance, much to the Colonel's and Jafar's surprise, for he had never even tried something like that before. Before the Colonel even had a chance to respond, Jafar shook the chains again just as the March Hare recovered his standing and jumped on his right arm, and this time they caught hold of the gunman.

Firmly subdued, the gunman stopped dead. He did nothing, but his eyes stared holes at the gang, as if their every move was watched for a single millisecond of weakness.

The March Hare let go the Colonel's arm, and landed on his feet. He rubbed his back and head. "The Matrix makes it look so easy."

Hook pulled himself out cautiously from behind the pillar, as Facilier stumbled up to his feet. "Is he bound for good?" Hook inquired nervously.

"Yes," Jafar said with a smug smile as he approached the bound man. "I must say," he hissed "your pitiful attempt at survival has reminded me that I need to get back to my studies."

The Colonel spat into his eye, which sent the sorcerer into a fit of screams. Hook and Facilier busted into chuckles, while Jafar, enraged, bashed the man on the side of his head. The blow did little but hurt Jafar's hand, but it did make the Colonel crack a smile. He continued to remain silent, his gaze as vigilant as the eyes of God.

Facilier went over to help Hook up, as the March Hare dusted himself off and recovered his split hammer. "Man," the hare said, "we are as rusty as my aunt's left eye."

The gang could only shake their heads in befuddlement. Ignoring the cold stare of the bound man, our heroes…uh, I mean villains, slowly approached the sarcophagus.

"Is this it?' Facilier asked as he carried the bleeding Hook by his side.

Jafar carefully put his hand on the tomb. Ten thousand waters from the worlds in between flowed into his mind.

"Yes," was all he could say, his voice light-years away.

Hook grinned, and he would have twirled his moustache in evil delight if not bleeding from a hold in his side. "Hare!" he barked, "smash it open!"

The March Hare cackled, raising his dual weapons in one, smooth motion over his head.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." The Colonel calmly warned over his shoulder. The hare stopped, mid-swing, and began to slowly put the hammer pieces down.

Facilier slapped his face while Jafar moaned and Hook nearly had a mental meltdown, his countenance turning a bright cherry red.

"Who do you think is your captain here?" Hook roared, his eyes bulging over in raw rage.

"You are, cap!" The March Hare answered tentatively.

"Then do as I **say!**" The room shook at his cry.

"But sir, he's a colonel!" The hare urgently responded, his body twitching in fear. "And a colonel outranks a captain!"

A small chuckle came from the Colonel.

Facilier swore that he felt a wave of fury roll through Hook's body.

"Then knock the man out and listen to ME!" roared the captain.

Suddenly, Facilier heard a sound. Acting in a flash, he grabbed Jafar, Marchie, and Hook and pulled them over the sarcophagus. The tomb shielded the concussive blast, saving for the most part everyone from harm. Everyone but the Colonel who had been knocked completely unconscious and was now bleeding from the ears.

"What was that," Jafar screamed, looking at Facilier for answers. The bokor instantly clasped his hand over the gang's mouth, using Shadow to seize the hare's mouth. Marchie wasn't saying anything; Facilier just wanted him to shut-up before he got started.

"Shut-up and let me check!" Facilier hissed. Taking his hat off, he placed it around the corner. Seeing it was not blasted into ribbons, he slowly poked his head out. He saw nobody in plain sight, but already he had Shadow going around him. Suddenly, a blast of light was shot at Shadow, and Facilier could only watch as his best mate was sent stumbling to the wall behind them.

The men gasped, fear filling their hearts. Facilier knew Shadow was still alive, as he could still feel their bond, but it was weaker, and he was unsure of his pal's condition. "I've got to go get him!" Facilier said, scrambling out of cover.

Hook hooked him back in. "You go out there and you might be joining him!"

Facilier swore. Every fiber of his being rippled in rage, and he had to pull out all his discipline not to disagree. Hook was right. Now was not the time for healing. Now was the time for vengeance.

Swearing in frustration, he looked back at the gang. "If I can't help him, then let me have first blood." Hook nodded. "First blood and more," the captain responded. Facilier took a deep breath, steadied himself, and bolted for the closest pillar.

Nothing. Facilier was neither shot, blasted, nor eviscerated by a man-eating bunny rabbit. But he could smell…fresh fields, sour plum flowers…

And a bit of pixie dust.

In his soul, Old Man Hatred got up and danced.

His muscles rippled in primal fury. He stood up, all sense lost in a violent need for revenge. The words he said next were not spoken, but growled, as if some foul jungle beast was salivating for the kill.

"I know you're here, _Vidia_."

A pained laugh rang out through halls. Everyone watched as Vidia glided out from behind the pillar, her long hair and trench coat flowing behind her with each long stride as if she was the angel of death. Each stiletto-step was like the screaming of ten thousand souls in the voodoo man's ear. She stopped and turned dramatically, center-stage like the Devil of a pantomime play. She smiled, her teeth gleaming like the polished bone of the dead.

"Oh, barnacles," Hook cursed. "It's _her_."

"Hello, doctor," she grinned, but Facilier could see a hint of regret. She had obviously hoped to never see him again after their last meeting. Her arms were crossed, probably hiding two pistols in her trench coat.

She knew he would tear her apart with his bare hands if he got his chance.

"Whaddya doin' here, _petit fille_?" Facilier replied. Controlling his darkest desires, he pulled out his machete slowly and cautiously.

"Oh, you know," she replied nonchalantly, eyes fixated on the Colonel's unconscious form. "Just collectin' my paycheck."

Facilier glanced, confused, back at the former cavalry officer. "He's yo paycheck?"

She laughed, and the laugh echoed throughout the hall, a dark creepy thing that slithered into your ear like worm. "I'm surprised, really I am. With your bloodhound scent for money, I would think you would know." She rolled her eyes while she said, and Facilier could see "Veba" again, with her saucy attitude and soft soul, always teasing him for things that never mattered. "There's a high price for wall-jumpers, sweetie." She smiled again, then unsheathed her pistols and aimed them at Facilier. "Now, with all due respect, get out of my way or get ready."

But "Veba" was the past, and this _thing _was the now.

Facilier looked at the pistols pointing at him and swore. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes inquired an answer from Hook. The captain looked quickly at the unconscious soldier. Somehow, some way, Hook felt sympathy for the guy. The Colonel was probably an alien in an alien world. He probably just came over, wearing nothing but the clothes on his back and his guns at his sides. He was probably looking for a better life, a chance to live as he wanted, not worrying about something coming up and eating him alive. He was just like everybody else, a "nobody" looking for something. What right did he have to take that away, to have him thrown into jail just for wanting to live free?

"Well?" Vidia yelled down, her natural impatience shining through the cracks. "What'll it be, captain?"

Hook looked back at Facilier. He shook his head. Facilier nodded, a savage joy emanating on his face.

"Nah, we'll just keep him." Facilier laughed boldly, his gapped-teeth displayed brazenly.

Vidia's face went cold. "Then you made your own choice." Instantly, she fired, and Facilier had to leap aside left to save his skin. At the same time, Tigger bounced from his hiding place behind a pillar, firing a few shots at the men behind the sarcophagus. The bullets were powerful enough to rip through stone, forcing Jafar to conjure up a temporary force field to save him and his fellows. The March Hare jumped outside the field to engage the bouncing tiger, while Hook hung back and took shots at Vidia.

Vidia leapt for cover behind a pillar at the right side, and swore at the bullet holes in her coat. "Good shot." She muttered. Sheathing her pistols, she swung an assault rifle from her back and took fire back.

Facilier, in the rush, crawled back and mentally connected with Shadow. He heard a low moan. "You all right?" he begged.

Another moan. _"Kunks uoyab a nath esrow sknits siht!" _Facilier laughed lightly but nervously and wiped the sweat off his brow. At least Shadow was joking. "You hang in there, buddy, and I'll get us out of here." Facilier crept into battle mode, his low form observing the course of events. Tigger was fighting with Jafar and March, and that seemed about level, and Hook and Vidia were shooting it out. That did not look so fair, as assault rifle and pistol don't mix well, so he snuck through the pillars, moving like a shadow on the wall. He was formless, unseen, moving like the spider, until the moment he struck. Leaping like the rush of wind, he came from behind her, and swung for her neck. Something, the change in energies around her perhaps, warned her and she ducked at the last moment. The machete let forth a scream as it raked the stone, and Facilier had to move quickly to avoid Vidia's sharp kicks.

"Now, of all the places to meet you again," she remarked as she took several shots in close range at him. "why here?" He barely avoided the shots again as she slung the gun over her back and took out her knife and razor. It was marked with the veve of the loa Erzulie, and made of black wood. Facilier's face twisted into indescribable rage. "Fate is a cruel madman." She stated bitterly.

"No, it isn't," Facilier grinned wickedly. "You betrayed me, _amie_" he spat, as the two began to test each other in a circle of battle, "And now, by Kriminel, I'll have your head!"

Vidia laughed sadly. "You were always so touchy." Vidia jerked, smacking Facilier's blade aside with her knife so she could deliver a cut to his arm. Facilier stepped in and smacked Vidia hard, twirling her into the floor and sending her sunglasses flying. Before she could even move, Facilier pinned her head to the ground. She swore, and Facilier could only smile at her pain.

"Same to you, darling." Facilier hissed through his gritted teeth. He took his other foot and stepped on her left hand, applying all his tall, lanky weight on it. However, she not only held on fast to the razor, she twisted her body and swept Facilier out from under his legs. He landed on his hands and did a backflip, getting back on his feet just to face off with Vidia again.

"You'll lose, Shadowman," she hissed.

"You'll fall with me!" He roared. The two got right back into it, his tall form dancing around her quick stabs, and her speed darting by his sweeps and stabs. They were equal in hatred, equal in skill, equals in all, forcing exterior forces to intervene.

A bullet pierced through her hand, crippling it and sending her knife to the floor. She gritted fought through the pain, sending a series of kicks at Facilier. Forcing the Shadowman back, Vidia took cover just as a second shot, then another, came barreling at the fairy. Facilier, given a moment's respite, backed off and hid, checked around a corner to see who was firing. To his surprise, it was Captain Hook…and the Colonel.

Hook had freed the Colonel.

"This job just keeps getting weirder and weirder." He said as he took a bottle of Hook's wine out his coat and took a just a quick drink. Without realizing it, he knew two things.

One, he was getting a whole lot more cruel lately.

Two, he didn't give a single damn about it.

* * *

><p>Sorry about the long wait. It was an extensive work, and it probably still has a lot of things wrong with it, so tell me if you see any plot holes or unexplained things. However, there are pieces I purposefully left enigmatic for later elaboration<p>

Yes, the hare is aware that _Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron _is not a Disney film. It is all a part of my grand plan, so trust me and hang on for dear life. Also, I totally forgot about Frollo in this chapter until halfway through, so I'm going back and changing so Frollo chose to stay behind with Maleficent also.

First of all, I am changing the number of crystals in the story to just those in the official Disney Princess line for time purposes. Two, after I finished this story arc, I am going back and cleaning up this story a bit. Three, I must apologize to whoever did the anonymous review that I deleted. I was trying to get rid of that chapter, utterly, and I failed BIG TIME. I have nothing against anonymous reviews, so feel free to review so.

On to the reviews!

**Angel:** Yes, I made Tigger a bounty hunter, because he is boss. But, then again, I've probably taken licentia poetica and ran it into the ground.

**BUBBLYbuttons2me:** Don't feel bad about being confused. I'm always confused with this story, and I'm writing it!

To all my former reviewers who are caught up in life because it stinks, I understand your absence and I'm hoping you folks are doing alright! Don't let it get you down, cause (clears throat) **_"THE SUN COME OUT TOMMORROW! BET YA BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT THERE"LL BE SUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN! TOMMORROW, TOMMORROW, I LOVE YA, TOMMORROW, YA ONLY A DAY !  
><em>**

(Neighbors throw various fruits, vegetables, and steak knives at March Hare)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my own ideas. Not that you would want them anyway, I got them from Salvation Army.

Part Three, and maybe the final chapter, of this adventure are coming to a theater near you! I'll be back… (puts on sunglasses and walks out with an Uzi).


	17. Carpe Diem Part 3

**Carpe Diem Part 3**  
>by the March Hare<p>

20_ Minutes before…  
><em>

Genie was lying back in his hammock, taking sips of his pink lemonade with Abu in his lap sleeping, and watching as the married couple and the Sultan swirled around on Carpet like the good old days.

The good old days. He missed the good old days.

It seemed so long ago, as if a dream. Days when the heroes would hold grand parties, massive dances, and enormous feasts, and everyone would sing and dance and laugh to their heart's content! Days when the Sun would shine brighter than ever, and the whole world would be outside running around like hamsters on a wheel, uncaring of anything but the rush of life! Even the rain could not stop the fun. Everyone would just keep on dancing, shouting, guffawing with the paradise they called home! The world was their playground, and no one could stop them from their eternal parade!

Then the villains…

He just can't believe that people given a second chance like that would just keep on pushing and pushing for more! It was like they had forgotten what had gotten them beaten in the first place! It was ridiculous, even for an oddball like himself! Weren't they just as happy with the slice of Heaven Walt offered them? Didn't they laugh and dance too?

A sudden cold chill struck him, and he realized how the night was closing in. No, these weren't the good old days. They were far worse than anything he ever saw. It wasn't like there was no more joy, or no more laughs, or no more dancing and singing. There was. But now, now it was just so empty, like the void. There was no more peace, no more trust, no more…love? Perhaps, things really _have_changed. Now, there were political meetings, economic concerns, brigands and pirates, crime, even all this Prohibition business. Nasty stuff, government is.

Maybe with the arrival of fresh faces, like Rapunzel and Merida, things would get better. He had a feeling that all of this was just the result of some cosmic off-balance, and it would just take time to fix itself up. Until then, things would be just be a little rough.

A zephyr of an origin he could not comprehend passed over him, and he felt a change in the winds. It gave him a suspicious feeling, and he suddenly considered it wise to check on the palace while the kids were playing. Just in case, ya know?

BAMF! In a poof he was at the palace. What greeted his eyes was no less than an effigy of Mickey Mouse being burned in the gardens while a horde of villains saluted him as a send-off. Raising their glasses, they all promptly had spat in them, and then tossed the contents into the flame. An enormous explosion erupted, and every last one of them fell to the ground laughing.

BAMF!

"Al…um… we got an itsty, witsy, little problem."

* * *

><p>Back at the palace, it was singed fur and battered bunny-<p>

"HARE!"

-hare as Tigger kept bouncing all around. Jafar was cursing his mother back from the dead, every fireball sent just dodged with an effortless movement. The only thing he was able to do was nearly set the March Hare on fire.

"I only got so much hair, Jafar!" he yelled to the sorcerer as he took cover behind a pillar.

"Well, maybe if you could hit him, I wouldn't have to throw so many fireballs!"

"Hey," the hare cried back defensively as he raised his two half-hammers so Jafar could see them. "I never took Dual-Wield as a feat!"

"_What?_"

The March Hare had no time to explain as Tigger balanced off an adjacent pillar and swung at the hare. The hare dodged, narrowly avoiding a blow that tore a stone chunk off the pillar. Gaining his footing, he swung back, but Tigger was already balancing off a nearby wall and rocketing at the March Hare's back. Jafar threw up a fire wall to protect the hare, throwing Tigger off his course and into the floor. Expecting an extra-crispy cat, Jafar was amazed to not only see a single hair singed, but that Tigger just rolled up on his feet and came bouncing like a cannonball back at him. Madder than Hell, Jafar muttered an incantation of hate and venom, and around him a giant serpent composed of flame emerged from air and came charging at the bouncing Tigger. Letting out a tremendous laugh, Tigger entered the snake's mouth and came the other side. Jafar had no way to stop the forceful feline, and teleported out at the last moment.

The crash was earthshattering, leaving behind in its wake a crushed coffin, a trail of broken stone floor, and a hole in the wall behind the tomb that was shaped just like a Tigger.

The entire room ceased their violent affairs to gaze in wonder as shining starlight lit up the room like the glow of a thousand suns. Hook swore.

"The crystal!"

Yes, in the resulting attack, Tigger had not only destroyed the sarcophagus, but the inner shell that hid the power of the crystal piece. The world shook, and fear took place in the heart of everyone.

Vidia saw dollar signs. "That's gotta be worth more than a stupid wall-jumper!" Leaping from her hiding place, she ran with lightning-fast speed to secure the crystal. Colonel caught sight of her first, and he opened fire, followed by Hook. At the same time, Tigger recovered himself out of the wall, whacked the birds from over his head, and leapt at the shooters. The hare leapt in to intercept, screaming "Allahu Akbar!" resulting in a collision that sent the two tumbling into the Colonel and Hook. This of course resulted in a screaming mess of angry tangled men. Jafar caught sight of Vidia, but she saw him first, firing a few shots at him to suppress. He was able; however, to throw up a wall of fire, and unlike her feline companion she caught on fire. However, she was going too fast to stop, and with a triumphant cry she leapt for the crystal. Catching it midair, she rolled onto the ground, extinguishing the flames, and laughed.

"Come on, Tigger," she barked, "Let's spli-"

Shadow leapt up suddenly and seized her, just as Facilier drove his machete deep into her back, laughing as Vidia screamed like a stuck pig. Time stopped as he twisted the blade sharply into her lungs, seizing the crystal back in his free hand. He slipped the machete out, and a shriek emanated from the cursed blade. Dropping to the floor, the broken girl laid on the ground gasping for air like a dying doe. Her eyes flittered like the wings that once bore her, and blood began to flow out her mouth. Shadow slinked down, pickpocketing a cigarette and Facilier's old razor from her body.

"No fool steals from me and lives," Facilier arrogantly stated, letting Shadow place the cigarette in his mouth and lighting it for himself. He strutted away, smoking and pocketing the razor.

"Vidia!" TIgger yelled in despair. His world crashed as he finally untangled himself from the mess. Seizing his mace, he leapt over the tomb, pulled out a potion of healing and forced it down Vidia's throat. By now, though, she was too gone to resist.

Realizing he was outnumbered, out-powered, and now fighting for a friend's life, Tigger slung his mace over his back, took hold of Vidia, gave one last, sorrowful look over his shoulder, and bounced his way out through the portal.

"Facilier!" Hook yelled, pushing Jafar off him like rag doll. "Ye just killed her! Against me orders!" He began to march forward to face the witch doctor, but Jafar held him back, shaking his weary head.

"He is past caring," Jafar stated coldly, his stance wobbly with exhaustion.

Hook swore and glanced upon the remains of the day. A few broken columns, massive streak of blood where Vidia lied, and an empty feeling was all that was left of today's bloody work. "Let's pack up and get out of here, men," he said, exhausted beyond thought. Feeling his wound, he twitched. "We got to get patched up."

"Yes, Hook," Jafar tiredly agreed. The March Hare and the sorcerer made their way to the portal, beaten by the violence of the night. Hook took another glance back, and he saw the Colonel sitting down on a piece of remaining casket, smoking a cigar. For some reason, the Colonel seemed obliged to let them go with the same thing he was probably being paid to guard. Hook could only boil it down to a life debt. Pulling out the fake crystal, Hook tossed it to him.

"Tell them ye kept it safe." Hook said. "And if ye ever around, lookin' for a job, call me up."

The Colonel smirked, shaking his head. "Got ya." The two honor-bound men tipped their hats and left it at that.

An arcane sound emanated from the portal, and Maleficent stepped forward. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her chest shook in sobs. She nearly fell into a fit of hysterics as she delivered the dark news

"Rose is almost dead, Genie is blocking all attempts to escape with magic, Aladdin's back with a whole army of heroes, and we're getting hammered!" She nearly tripped on her dress, letting her out another sob as she fell into the arms of Jafar. The sorcerer held onto her tight, holding her tight as she fell into another set of sobs.

"What!" Hook screamed. Cold sweat broke on everyone's forehead at the realization that the night was far from over.

"How could this of happened!" Hook thought. He had this whole things planned to the tee! He looked at Marchie. "Find a way to get us out of here, now!"

Marchie giggled maniacally and saluted Hook. "No prob, Cap!" Like a drunken gazelle he went flying into the portal. Right before he leapt in, he stopped, turned around to look at the Colonel, and blew a kiss and waved good-bye.

The Colonel's eyes narrow like daggers. There would be vengeance.

Hook turned to Jafar, who was preoccupied with Maleficent, who was now dragging the sorcerer in to help Rose and crying into pieces. "Do what she tells you!" was Hook's orders, but he was already gone into the portal. Facilier was gone, and Hook didn't need to guess where he went.

In the quiet hall, with only blood, destruction, and a smoking cowboy, Hook had never felt the icy hand of Death so close to him before. He reached into his jacket, only to find it empty of anything to drink.

He was going to have to pull off one of the world's most daring escapes _sober_. He began to move, and stopped suddenly. Cursing, he reached for his side.

It was not getting any better.

"I'll have to get hammered after this is all over," he stated factually, striding out through the portal.

The Colonel laughed a bitter, tired laugh right after Hook disappeared. "Dodge City all over again."

* * *

><p>Facilier felt his heart leave his chest as he burst through the portal, his eyes glowing with a raw terror. His vision bloodied with red upon spotting the trailing of blood that fed into the darkness, as if the shadows had returned for flesh. His cigarette fell to the floor. His mind collapsed unto itself. He instinctively looked around for movement from the darkness. Landing on his knees, he fought through the oncoming shadows out his mind and checked the pulse. Barely a beat, just barely, and going out like candle in the wind. He had no healing potions, no magical items, and no spells to stop the flow of life. He was powerless in the face of existence, and he cursed the Fates. He cursed the Fates with all he had, with everything he could think of. When that failed, he just cursed, and cursed, and cursed. Then, when he was out of curses, and hatred, and rage, he was left with what all men were left with in the end.<p>

Wrapping his arms around the falling sun, he did what he swore he never would do again. He prayed.

_Bon Baron Samedi, s'il vous plait  
>Ne prenez pas ma chérie<br>Ramenez mon amour  
>C'est tout ce que j'ai laissé<br>Il est d'autant que j'ai toujours voulu  
>Bonne Baron, s'il vous plait<em>

Maleficent came out the portal halfway through the pray, dragging Jafar with her. The two stopped dead as they saw the Shadowman rocking the broken Rose, praying and crying and sobbing his heart out. His clothes were heavy with blood, and his tears fell like the rain. The song he sang was of pain and hope, and he sang it with all he had.

"What is he doing?" Jafar asked in amazement.

"He prays to his god of death to give her back," Maleficent said, visibly shaken. "But I fear, tonight, there will be no gods." She looked up to the heavens as she said this, anger crossing his face at the cruelties of the night.

"And you can't do anything about it?" Jafar exclaimed.

More tears fell as the realization of her limits came crashing down. Pounding her fists in his chests, she confessed. "I am a creature of destruction, not of healing. All that I used on Hook was healing elixirs and a few minor cantrips of health I knew. Nothing I know can help her now."

It broke the sorcerer's heart. He never knew how she actually patched Hook up: he just assumed she fixed him right up quick with some all-mighty Maleficent Magic. What a fool he was! A blind and stupid fool! He had put Maleficent on a pedestal, enshrined her in the halls of glory, and yet here she was, as weak and human as they all were! Did he hate her? No. Was it a shock to see a figure you admire (very, very secretly) fall? Yes, but now at least he felt he had one connection to her.

They both wanted Rose to live.

Surprised at the lack of disgust at what he was doing (at one point in his life saving a _heroine_from near death would of sent him into coma), he slowly let go of Maleficent and marched forward. She let out a surprised gasp as he moved with a determined stride, sliding his staff down his arm. With a flick, the ruby eyes of the staff burned, and Jafar pointed it at Rose, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Hissed words fell from his mouth, and the tongue of the Arab poured forth.

_Allahumma Azhibil bas  
>Rabbannas<br>Ishfi wa anta Shafi  
>La Shifa illa Shafaok<br>Shifaal La Yoghadiro saqama_

In a flash, French prays and Arab healing collided, and suddenly the air in the room thickened like blood. Panicked panting came up the stairs as Judge Claude Frollo, stricken with panic and fears came charging up to the mosque as the shadows began to lengthen and stretch, just as Hook came striding out of the portal, the room temperature spiking to dangerously hot.

"What in the Nine Hells?" Frollo cried as Hook swore in surprise. The sorcerer's tongue and witch doctor's croons hastened. Sparks began to burst from the air and formed into serpentine forms, as the shadows on the walls took lives of their own and rose for the dying Lady of the Rose Kingdom.

"What is going on?" Hook uttered sharply, just as his arm was yanked by Frollo.

"We have to get out of here!" the former judge demanded. "Or all will be for naught!" Forcefully, Frollo seized the taller Maleficent from her shock, and pulled the two moonstruck from the mosque. "Wait for me!" cried the March Hare, hopping like mad on his two feet behind them. As they made their way out, the walls of the holy room began to break, and flashes of fire were sent flying out the hall. Like some hell-spawned song of beggars and saints, the shadows and flames twirled around the room, ripping like deep, digging claws the pictures of the holy men and woman off the face of existence.

Slowly, the fires lit the flesh of Briar Rose like the Rising Sun, and the shadows enveloped her like the nurturing hands of the Night. Caught in the eye of a monster of their own making, the men prayed and sang and shouted to the Heavens for aid, for hands that reached beyond the veil of reality and shook the dead alive. Like the slow growth of a flower, miraculously, painstakingly slow, the mortal flesh of the Princess of the Dawn returned.

Rose was being revived!

Jafar's last thoughts were "This could work!" just as the room exploded.

* * *

><p>The four runners felt their feet hit the hard palace floor, and what met theirs eyes was pandemonium. Everywhere it was their mother, brother, and the hooker they hired running around like decapitated chickens. The local police charged in, and several villains had already been captured, most remarkably Hades, who really looked bored as if he was just letting them take him for kicks. Outside, the place was even worse, as what looked like Aladdin and the royal guards were engaged in a massive fight with some Weasel thugs with a drunken itch for battle. Alcohol was being spilled everywhere, and more than a few of the ladies of the evenings were going to be spending a night in prison.<p>

All of this was not new for the villains, who as previously mentioned were masters at the art of law-evading and dumb-luck. What made this hard was that giant blue guy flying around in a WWI fighter plane, in full pilot attire, singing "War" by Edwin Starr, while shooting stunning missiles at all attempts of magic or escape.

"I'm starting to hate that overgrown smurf," Hook cursed.

"Quick, we need to find a way out!" Frollo stated,"Or we'll be strapped to the rack and scourged before the night is over."

"Thank you, Mr. Sunshine!" the March Hare screamed back.

The fellowship began to peek out the windows, their eyes scrambling for a car or automobile to flee in. Someone had already ridden out with the booze truck straight through a wall, and everyone else had arrived through the portal. The villain's own ploy had been played against them.

"Can you fly us out?" Hook implored Maleficent.

"Genie is too powerful to get by with mere force!" Maleficent cried back. "And what of Rose and Facilier and Jafar?"

"Then we cut our way out with blessed steel and fire!" Frollo declared, unsheathing his sword. "And turn back and grab them!"

"Right on, man!" The March Hare declared right alongside him. Frollo rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, a shockwave ripped the mosque apart. Shattered masonry and dust flew everywhere, raining rock from the skies. The crowd below scattered like cockroaches, several getting squished in the daze.

"That cannot be good!" The hare cried running back up the stairs.

"Let's go!" barked Hook. With the gang right behind the hare, they charged back up. With gasping chests, they stumbled upon the remains of the mosque. Only the floor was intact, no longer polished marble, but dirty, scorched rock. The portal was gone, and Facilier and Jafar were missing, but in the center of the room, lying like the pale angel of sleep, was the healed Briar Rose.

Maleficent rushed to her side, while the three men realized that two of their posse was missing.

"Hell, they were disintegrated!" Hook cursed in realization.

"Or knocked to the ground." The hare stated, looking down the tower.

This was true, for if one was to look down from the towering form of the former mosque, one would find two very, _very_, _**very**_banged-up looking guys on top of some garden bushes. They were smoking, but still alive, as they were starting to move their butts back up.

"Lucky sods!" Hook cried, rushing to the March Hare's side.

"Pity we do not share that same fortune." Frollo stated. Hook and Hare raised their heads, only to catch the side of the Blue Baron baring down on them, spitting out stun missiles from his plane.

"Duck!" Hook cried, but there was no need to. In second, the gang ducked, just as Genie flew by and strafe a line of pain that almost hit Maleficent.

"What's her condition!" The hare screamed to Maleficent as he hunkered to the floor.

"She's perfect, praise those two fools!" Maleficent screamed back.

"But not for long," Hook shouted back, "If we don't get out of this predicament!"

"Grab her and follow me down!" Frollo cried as he leapt back up and charged down the stairs. "We'll grab the two heathens on the way out!"

"You do realize I'm heathen too!" Maleficent yelled back as she de-materialized her staff and carried Rose in her arms.

"Of course," Frollo said smugly as he disappeared down the hall.

Maleficent was enraged. "You little man, you think you can torture me with your mere words!"

And that is all Hook heard as Genie came around singing "Ava Marie" at the top of his lungs while he aimed his sights at Hook. With a click, flying red bolts of light came rocketing at the captain. Caught between a rock and a hard place, Hook did what all good men did.

He aimed for the bushes.

* * *

><p>Jafar smelled Turkish coffee. This would not be bad, if not for the fact he was not in a Turkish coffee shop. He assumed this was because his cologne and singed clothes. His body ached, which was bad, but at least he was still alive, which in retrospect was not as cool as it once was. Craning his neck to look up, he saw that his suit, brand-new and as black as the desert sky on a moonless night, was never going to see another party like this.<p>

He envied the suit. At least it was at the end of the road.

A moan next to him told him the doctor was alive, but groggy.

A burning sensation began to reach up his arms from his hands, and Jafar suddenly realized an old feeling he had not felt in a long time. Power, pure, unadulterated power surged through him once again. He did not know how, or why, but the act of reaching into the wells of arcane magic had tapped him into deeper founts of dark magic. Raising his upper body in the bushes so he could sit, he looked down at his hands. They twitched responsively, ready for greater battles and even greater victories.

In March Hare's terms, he had leveled up.

He planted his feet on the ground, and raised his head. All around him, people were screaming, running amok in the chaos. Chaos, oh, how it felt so good!

"Hey, Jafar, help me up!" came Facilier's voice as he struggled to get up. "I gotta see if Rose is alright!" he sounded a mix of happy, nervous, and slightly disoriented. Jafar began to move, when another thing came surging through his system.

Pain.

"Oh, Allah damn it!" He cried infuriated. Maybe if he was not so overjoyed at his new power, he could have realized that he was still too old for this crap! "I'll be with you in minute!" he said pathetically.

"At you rate, I'll be an old whitehead!" Facilier said, throwing his body up and wincing as he heard the sound of bone's popping. Reaching for the top of his head, he realized that his top hat was lost in action. Swearing, he looked at Shadow, who separated himself from Facilier. "Go see if Rose and everyone is alright." In a flash, Shadow was off.

"We got to get moving." Jafar said, catching his breath and rolling his shoulders. "Or we'll be-"

A sword was unsheathed behind him and Jafar peaked over his shoulder.

"Hello, Razoul."

It was the captain of the guard, Razoul. His big, ugly teeth shone like daggers at the sight of Jafar on his old turf again. The sorcerer grimaced. "Hello, _villain_," spat the burly man. "I see you're back where you're _not_ supposed to be." He took a step forward, and several guards stepped forward from behind. "And I think I told _you_what was going to happen if you ever came back." He tightened his grip on the guards gathered round.

"Can you fight, Jafar?" Facilier said, drawing his machete. Neither man wanted to fight, to be frank. Jafar's right side of his head, injured in the fire fight, was now just scabbing over, and though he had gained new power he knew he could not use it in front of a hero without serious consequences. Facilier was just physically beaten, but it was good enough. All he wanted to do was see if Rose was alright, but at least Shadow would tell him that when he got back.

Now was just as good of a time to quit as ever.

"I believe…" Jafar said, lowering his hands, "I am spent." He stepped forward and let one of the guards take him in custody. Razoul looked disappointed, as if he wanted a reason to crack Jafar's skull open.

Facilier however, had a different mindset. If he was arrested, he might not be able to help Rose if she was still wounded. He also had several witnesses to him carrying a blade, so that would be a fine he would have to pay with money he did not have. There was no way out but to fight.

"Give it up, villain, or you'll be wishin' ya did." Razoul said with gritted teeth, closing in with the blade. Slowly, a black shadow grew over Razoul, and then his gang, and suddenly...

"_**Wo-o-oah!**_"

Hook landed on the guards like a meteorite, leaving only Jafar and the newbie that grabbed him. "Alone at last." Jafar smirked, and rammed his elbow in the guy's chest, coming around with a punch to his head.

"Hook, ya okay?" Facilier said, picking Hook off the unconscious guards.

"No," he sputtered, weaving back and forth, "but I'll get by." Blood was gushing from his side. Facilier knew at this rate Hook would be out like a light bulb.

"Come on; let's go before they wake-up!" Jafar said, picking up his staff from the bushes and running along the palace walls, followed by Facilier carrying Hook by his side.

* * *

><p>Back on top, things were also getting worse.<p>

"Evacuate the dance floor!" The March Hare screamed as he charged headlong, body checking any and all that got in his way, be they Huns, weasels, or other major villains as he and Frollo forced their way into the main hall. A squadron of police from the town, led by Phoebus and Hercules, had just broken into the palace, charging into the midst blades swinging. What was supposed to be an arrest turned into a brawl. Cruella De Vil came in swinging at one mean-looking sucker, only to be clobbered the side of the head. She hit the floor hard, unconscious. Gaston threw a cup at the same guard, and he was charged at, spears down. A few pirates jumped at them, and blood was split. The Sheriff of Nottingham and a few of his wolves charged back, swords drawn. What had been a brawl became something worse.

Frollo suddenly knew this was not going to be a normal party break-up. True, they normally did involve sword fights, but blood…possibly death?

"The winds have changed." He mused bitterly.

The main palace doors were blocked by guards, and the windows were crowded with escapees. One would have to either cleave his way out or jump out of one of the windows on the upper levels. Neither option sounded pleasant, but at least the latter had a chance to escape.

"Grab your hammers, hare, we're going up! Maleficent," he barked, "stick together and follow me!" The hare nodded and got down to business, grabbing his hammers and charging headfirst into the crowd. The judge forced his way out of the mess, punching, swinging, and kicking his way through. The hare followed, keeping Maleficent safe while she carried her heavy burden.

For The Mistress of All Evil, she was humiliated. She was unable to fight back with magic, reduced to having others save her. It was a shaming experience to say the least. But Rose lived, and that was good enough for her.

The three got to the opposite side of the palace just as the villain mob fell back to the superior force of the guards. Arrests were no longer being made, but broken bones and black eyes were in vogue. Frollo stayed at the bottom of the steps, letting Maleficent pass by him. Marchie followed behind Maleficent, keeping everyone off. The guards were hot on Maleficent's tail just as Frollo blocked their way. The former judge faced neither villain nor guards, but…

"Cease and desist, Frollo," Hercules said, shield and sword in hand as he sent weasel flying. "You have lost today."

Frollo almost chuckled at the words he said. He knew he had already lost; it was just a matter of time.

He tightened his grip on his sword, sweat pouring from his forehead. "We shall see, pagan."

* * *

><p>The upper halls were clearer than the rest of the place, with only the occasional man or woman running amok from the chambers. Doors rushed by, moonlight fell from the windows, screams filled the night as Maleficent realized she had no idea where she was going. But run she had to, and run she did, from the screams, from the pain, from the long-arm of the law. Her mind rushed to her friends, from Hook to Facilier to Jafar.<p>

Poor Jafar. That fool was probably already arrested.

"Hare," she said through her breath. "How can we get out?"

The hare laughed. "We find a room with a lot of blankets, a window, tie a rope, and climb out.

"You do realize that if we do there will be at least a 20 foot drop?" her voice, though stretched thin, was slightly condescending.

"No, I haven't." The March Hare said, surprised. "But if it is any comfort, I have done worse."

Not giving her any time to reply, he sharply turned into a guest room, crying "Follow me!" In a flash, he started tearing sheets off the bed, clothes off the rack, and drapes off the windows. Maleficent gently laid Rose on the bed, and began tying the various pieces together. At what was probably a crack-induced speed, the March Hare tore the room apart for every last strip of linen, tapestry, clothing, et cetera to secure victory through superior length (heh, heh). Maleficent's head was sent spinning just watching the hare work.

"You had coffee tonight, didn't you?" Maleficent inquired, tying the last pieces together.

"_Idon'tdrinkcoffee!_" he spat back, grabbing the knotted rope and, without a single thought to how stable the thing was, hopped out the window screaming "Geronimo's Cadillac!"

It would not be a lie to say Maleficent would be happier with a world minus the March Hare.

The makeshift rope kept going, going, going…

It suddenly halted, and a loud thump came following it.

"_Owwwwwwwwww_…"

Maleficent looked out the window, pleased not only to see that not only was the rope holding, but the sudden stopped had thrown the March Hare to the ground. The drop he had taken, however, was 20 feet, and was the same drop she would have to take. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to pick up Rose. A long sword touched her throat, and she was eye to eye with Phoebus, captain of the Paris Guard.

"Stand down Maleficent. No harm will come to you or your friend if you do." he boldly said, as a few guards entered the room and tied up Rose. They seemed unaware of who they were tying up; they instead looked upon her with disgust, as if some monstrous creation.

Maleficent considered her options. Her "stalwart" comrade was outside 40 feet down, and everyone else was probably arrested, unconscious, or dead. Her own skills in physical combat were lacking, to be frank, as it was easier to study magic and hurl lightning and fire than kick and punch.

But it was at least worth a try.

With all her long-legged might, she kicked Phoebus in the groin. Body slamming a guard, she grabbed Rose, and in desperation she jumped out the window. Making sure she landed first, she closed her eyes and waited for the pain.

She hit metal, not earth. Her head bashed against the surface, and she was out.

Her last thought was that she was somehow proud of herself.

* * *

><p>The March Hare was the first to admit; this was probably going to be a night to remember, and not in the "That was a blast!" way. He could feel his tiny body shake in pain, but there were advantages to being a Wonderlander and an unstable being in design. Bearing himself up, he popped his body back into place like a toy. Twisting a crick out of his neck, he smiled. Suddenly, he could hear Phoebus' voice above him giving orders. Cursing, he began to draw his hammers. Suddenly, his world went white, and the next thing he knew he was kissing a rubber tire. Unbearable weight was on top of him, its origin…a really old, rusty, red truck. It had stopped dead right on top of him.<p>

"Well, this was unexpected." He squeaked.

A thump from above shook the truck, and only put more weight on him. The engine started up again, and the hare found himself ruthlessly caught in the wheel's cycle. The truck swerved through the crowds, its dilapidated engine in full speed. He barely heard a squirrelly, little voice over the chaos all around him, but what he picked up sounded familiar.

He scarcely had time to think before the truck pivoted, smashed what sounded like a horse and his rider, and came to a sudden stop.

* * *

><p>Jafar knew where he was, but as the guards rounded up the last of the villains and hookers, he knew that unless a miracle happened they were going to have to fight their way out. Facilier was getting tired, Hook was almost unconscious with blood loss, and Jafar's head was nearly ready to explode.<p>

"Stop right there!" said a dashing voice. "Or face my frying pan, evil doers!"

It did not help that they just got surrounded by Eugene Fitzherbert and a band of Coronian Soldiers. They rode up on horses, galloping around the fellowship with frying pans. If it was not for the seriousness of the moment, Jafar would have been on the ground laughing his skinny little butt off. (Don't tell anyone I told you that!)

"Oh, please, _street rat_!" Jafar cackled bitterly. "You have nothing on me!" It was bluff, an obvious one too, but with a wounded friend and a beaten down comrade, he may have to be stupid to get out of this one. If that failed, he would use magic. True, it might cost him far more than he would have, but then desperate times called for desperate measures.

Gripping his staff, he gritted his staff and prepared for battle. Prince Fitzherbert rode up, charging full steam.

In a flash of red, Eugene and horse was sent flying as a rusty old truck with a hare on its left, front wheel came by and collided into the horse. It stopped on a dime, and its driver emerged.

"Loas save us," prayed Facilier.

The rider was as tall as Maleficent, with a set of gnarled horns emerging from a scab-red hood that concealed all of his face save his glowing red eyes. The scab-red hood was attached to a cloak of the same color, and on his shoulders was the fur of some great and terrible beast. His body was all concealed, save for a pair of skeletal hands of green flesh ending with long fingernails. The smell of death and dark, dark magic suddenly filled the air.

"The Horned King!" Jafar cried in fear. With a deep roar as if from an old grave being opened for the first time in a millennium, the Horned King spread his hands over the horse riders, and instantaneously the horses and their riders fell to the ground, their entire muscular systems crippled. Their screams were near-audible, but the fear and pain in their eyes told the inconceivable agony they were feeling.

Hook fell limp in Facilier's arm. "Jafar, Hook's out!" he cried. Jafar swore, and looked to the Horned King. Wordlessly, the lich motioned to the bed of the truck, for it only had two front seats, and strode to the driver's side. By now, other guards had noticed what was going on, and charged the truck.

"Come on!" screamed Facilier, lifting Hook and throwing him in the back. Jafar leapt into the back, and was shocked to found an unconscious Maleficent and Aurora there also.

"How!" he cried, but suddenly the old engine bawled, and the truck was off racing for the gates. Falling down, he and Facilier hunkered down and watched as the Horned King plowed through any and all in the charge. Another band of horse riders, Arabic, charged after them, unleashing a volley of arrows as they did. Facilier dodged one, and ducked another. Jafar nearly got one in the eye, but it flew by and took out a side-view mirror.

"Damn mortals," the Horned King swore as he threw a ball of pure pestilence back at them. The ball landed in the middle of them, and they fell to the ground, vomiting and screaming as flesh fell off.

"You do remember that it's illegal to use black magic?" Jafar yelled over to the ancient lich. The former king just chuckled as he sped through the palace gates, hitting a guard as he did so. They entered the cool, night streets of Agrabah, winding down the dusty lanes of the city.

"And who are you, mere sorcerer, to tell his majesty what is legal and illegal?" came the wormy words of Creeper from the passenger's seat, the Horned King's little minion and number one butt-kisser. "Sire knows all things!" he proudly declared. He looked over to his beloved lord for approval, who merely continued to drive.

Jafar shook the two screwballs off and went to check on Maleficent. She was unconscious, with a large bloody spot on her head where she hit the bed. Facilier was already done checking Rose, having cut her free of some bindings that had been previously placed on her, and was now removing Hook's jacket and pink shirt to see the extent of the damage.

"Quick, Jafar," he spurted, maintaining focus on the open wound, "cauterize it."

Jafar obeyed wordlessly with a tongue of flame from his staff, exhaustion kicking in as the vehicle sped out of Agrabah and into the night desert. Hook was paler than normal, and only slightly stirred when the wound was being burned shut.

"Think it will work?" he inquired, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah," Facilier replied, "but I'll be surprised if he is able to get out of bed for a while."

"You'd be surprised," Jafar said. "Hook's as tough as they come." He looked over the remaining party and frowned. "Where's Frollo, and March and Shadow, and," he passed in surprise, "for that matter, your hat?"

Facilier ran his hands through his hair and muttered a curse against the day. "I got no damn idea. Must've left it behind." He took a deep breath. "But I trust Shadow, he'll find a way out."

"Your hare has been on my wheel for the last 5 minutes," the decayed lich growled from the front.

Jafar leaned his aching neck back, and looked. Sure enough, there was the hare, rolling, and rolling, and rolling.

"Hi!" he spat between moments of hitting the desert road.

"He's got to be high," was all Jafar could say, putting his head back in the bed.

"Probably with himself." Facilier commented.

"Frollo is most likely dead or arrested, with more preference on the latter," Facilier said.

"Hopefully bail will not be much, considering this was his first offense." Jafar said, rolling his wrists to remove some of the soreness in them. The power was still flowing, but at least now it was settling down. At the same time, he wanted to ask the Horned King a few questions, but lethargy limited it to only one.

The sorcerer looked over to the side view mirror, to a pair of red eyes eternally filled with a lust for power. "Where is our destination, necromancer?"

"To أما البرج جنان," replied the lich. Jafar nodded with a smile. He realized the look of confusion on Facilier's face, and laughed.

"The Tower of Jinan." He said. "A low-level sorcerer's former residence now playing hideout for those involved in dark magic and crime."

Facilier nodded and ran his hands though his matted hair. "So we'll be safe there until we can find a way out of here?"

"Most assuredly," Jafar replied confidently, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

Facilier reached down and stroked the snow white hair of the princess. Blood stuck to his hand and flowed down his fingers. Her blood, red as anyone else's, shone in the moonlight. Yet it was of royalty, of blessed magicks, of something greater than all the power in the world put together.

Facilier looked up to see if Jafar or anyone else was looking at him. Creeper was squirming in his seat, the lich was just looking dead ahead, and the sorcerer was closing his eyes for some sleep on the back of the truck bed. Facilier smirked when he saw Jafar's hand sneak over and lightly hold Maleficent's.

The shadowman made his move.

Pulling out a small vial he kept in his pocket, he wringed some of Rose's hair out and captured the blood. It would not take much; there was already a considerable amount of power in it already. Sliding the container back in, his face tightened in concern.

There was no way out of it, he knew that now. He knew one day he would have to submit and admit he was a fool. The wheels were in motion, however, and he was going to have to walk both sides of the road to do what must be done. Closing his eyes, Facilier leaned back against the truck.

There was bound to be future problems like what happened tonight. Villains could never escape the reality that heroes can destroy every great plan they touched like a bumbling fool and a stack of cards. How tonight was destroyed was beyond him, but at least Vidia and that other cat would think twice before messing with him.

He touched the blessed razor in his coat pocket with a victorious, wry grin. He would have many opportunities to put it to good use.

There were 10 more crystals to go.

Jafar opened his eyes, his head still thumping but slowly lessening. Checking on Maleficent one last time, he looked back at the disappearing Palace. It glowed bright in the night, as if some star had fallen into the desert lands. Slowly, that light faded away, leaving nothing but the void of the starry night.

"This is going to be harder than we thought." He said to Facilier.

The witch doctor was already asleep.

* * *

><p>And that is the end of one crystal. Facilier's pray was made up by me and translated into French by Google, and Jafar's chant was based on an Islamic pray of healing. I'm open to any suggestions on what to do next because at the moment I have no solid structure. Thank you for sticking with me this long, but I must warn you that my next story arc will take some more planning, so please be patient. I do, however, have some funny one-shots I will try to be writing for Disney and a few other fandoms, so you might see more I my weird works soon.<p>

From the bottom of my heart, thank you

Sincerely,  
>The Marvelous March Hare<p> 


	18. Battle Hangovers

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."-Winston Churchill

Battle Hangovers  
>by the March Hare<p>

Hook was starting to get use to waking up in strange beds with a throbbingin his head and an extreme soreness in various parts of his body. Raising his head, a thousand cricks erupted from his neck. With a grunt of pain, he bit his lip and forced his back up. His lower back popped, and he grunted again.

"This is ridiculous!" he shouted.

"But it is sure fun to watch!" Jafar chimed in, eating a bowl of cereal as he watched from the doorway. "Did you know that the Tower of Jinan has an all-you-eat-breakfast?"

Hook pondered for a moment. "We are in the Tower of Jinan? I had a feeling I recognized this place." He turned his neck to face his friend, and a loud crack came in response.

"How do you know this place?" Jafar inquired.

"You know that time I almost made love to that one Agrabarian sorceress?"

"The one that tied you to the bed and nearly hacked you up?"

"Yeah, that one…" Hook regretfully admitted. "Well, this is where she took me."

"_Oh_." Jafar acknowledged and then took another bite of cereal.

"Now don't just stand there, Jafar! Help me up!" Hook bawled.

Jafar chuckled. "Can't you see I'm busy eating my cereal?" he said, taking another spoonful in his smiling jaws.

"When I get up, you better be gone." Hook said coldly as he twirled his arms around to get them moving. His face twisted and screwed in pain. "Brimstone and gall! Why am I so _stiff_?"

"Because we had to buy a healing potion from a second-rate alchemist to patch you up ." Jafar took another bite from the bowl. "Seems to have an adverse effect, though."

Hook gritted through his teeth as he began to loosen his back. "Pray that this is the only-_AH_- side-effect!"

"Hey!" Jafar said, defending himself. "At least you don't have a gaping hole in your side anymore!"

"It was merely a flesh wound!" Hook grunted.

"You're right, blood and booze flowing out of your side like drunken Jesus is really just a sign you have a slight fever!" Jafar rolled his eyes.

Hook growled. "Let's just get on to business!" What happened after I blacked out, and why are we here?"

"We are here because the Horned King said 'Screw the rules'." Jafar replied with a mouthful of cereal.

"The Horned King!" Hook gasped. "That monster has not been seen since 1985, and you're telling me that-"

"Oh, look!' Jafar interrupted, scooping up a Mickey Mouse marshmallow head. "The Mouse himself! You know, they only have a _**single **_mouse head for every 10 boxes!' With that happy chime he chomped down hard on the spoon and swallowed with a smug delight.

Hook knew Jafar was purposely messing with him, but in his current position he was not in range to wrap his hook around Jafar's throat. "'Screw the rules'," Hook gritted through the pain as he twisted his spine, "is a very vague and common phrase amongst villains," he said to the floor as a certain fear crossed his face, "which means _he_did something that was bigger than the average 'screw the rules' moment." Hook took a deep breath as disappointment anchored on his mind. He looked back up to Jafar. "How many died?"

Jafar laughed. "None…_to my knowledge_," he whispered to himself. Hook leaned in to hear better, stretching his side as he did. "In fact, we all nearly died," Jafar relented, "Maleficent and Marchie barely escaped Phoebus and a gang of Parisian soldiers, and were picked up _coincidently_," he added suspiciously. "By the Horned King."

"You mean you still don't know why the Horned King has come from the wastes of Prydain to miraculously save us?" Hook cried, baffled.

"Have you ever tried to persuade a 10 foot tall lich to spill the beans?!" Jafar shouted back. He slurped the last of the cereal down, teleported the bowl and spoon to the sink downstairs, and approached Hook, looking over his shoulder. "I fear," he whispered, "That we are dealing with a being whose power has grown exponentially since he has last been seen."

Hook paused as he was stretching his legs. "He was last seen in 1985!" the former pirate realized the danger they were in. "He has had over 25 years to dedicate to his dark arts unchallenged!" Hook pointed his finger at Jafar. "Keep an eye on him until we know the truth of these events!" Putting his feet on the floor, he shook his legs and looked back at Jafar. "Oh, and one more thing!"

Jafar conjured his staff back into reality and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

_SMACK!_

* * *

><p>Rose also woke up with a splitting headache. However, she had just been resurrected, so mild ailments as aches and pains could be understood. Standing up in bed, she pushed the white hair out of her face and smiled at the light that floated through the air. Surprise took her out of the place between wake and dreaming, and she frowned. Where was she? She knew she was not dead, and the smell of the desert graced her nose. Her gear was on the wall next to her nightstand; her dress was exchanged out for a white nightgown that went down to her feet.<p>

"Alright, I'm lost."

"We almost died, for a start."

Rose jumped, reaching instinctively for her blade. It wasn't until Dr. Facilier walk out of the shadows did she put it down. "Oh, God's blood, don't do that!" she scolded him.

Facilier chuckled. "Sorry, _chere_. It's a habit," he admitted, slightly ashamed. "Hidin' in the dark that is." He grabbed a chair that was leaning on the wall, and positioned it to face Rose. Smiling innocently, he sat down with folded hands.

Rose's face changed to concern. "Doesn't that kill you? Doesn't that leave you cold inside" she placed her feet on the floor, never for a second losing her gaze on Facilier. "Even shadows need light."

Facilier chuckled again, but this time it was bitter. "Sweetie, I'm a villain." He took his hat off and bowed his head. "I was made to do things no one with a conscience would want to do, and unlike the other villains I don't play around with good." He gazed out at the Sun and frowned. "I just do what I gotta do."

Rose shook her head. "So why are you helping Hook and his 'mad' plan to save the world." For some reason, Rose found it funny. "Wow, I never thought I would pretend that saving the world was nothing." For some reason, she began to rub her arms without thinking.

A frown came upon Facilier. "I think we've been a bad influence on you."

Rose looked up and smiled. "No, I think it's the other way around."

Facilier stood up straight and crossed his arms. "How so?"

Rose stood up on the floor and look down on Facilier, a regal form in her stance. "I have seen the light in you, Facilier. You may think you are a monster, but I have seen you have gone out and routinely face what opposes the cause of good." She bent down and cupped Facilier's head in her hands, feeling his skin crawl with shock as he did.

"You are one of the bravest men I have ever known, and I neither care whether you walk in the darkness or the light, but that you walk in good."

Facilier's eyes tear up, and he blushed. "Thanks, I needed that." Brushing her hands off, he smiled and put his hat on. "Your one in a million, darling." The two of them stood up and smiled, eyes locked.

"Now," Rose said with a giggle, "what the _Hell_ happened?"

* * *

><p>The Tower of Jinan was a simple structure, a marble inn tacked onto a stone tower that the rose to 10 stories. The tower had a multitude of rooms that were once former chambers used for magical experimentation, which explains why the place had a reputation for being haunted. Only the desperate or cunning came here anyway, but few stayed longer than necessary. Plus, the place lacked an elevator <em>and<em>made you pay successively more for each level you went down. However, as it was tucked in a canyon in the middle of the desert, it was practically impossible to find without prior knowledge. Who owned it, no one knew, but everyone knew that it was the safest place for desert scum in Agrabah.

Hook was still not happy, even though he had walloped Jafar one quite splendidly. They were now safe from the outside world (possibly), but he had questions and answers were slow in coming. Plus, the stairs to this place seemed to go on forever!

The two men made their ways out the door and down the stairs, bouncing along as Hook struggled to put together his gear.

"We escaped in that?" Hook said pointing to the rusty truck with chipped, red paint as he put his coat on. It looked like it had been through 9 miles of rough-hell and then some.

"It kind of boggles the mind, doesn't it?" Jafar stated. "So, as I was saying, we were saved by the Horned King, I cauterized your wound, and we got here through some portal that led to the canyon we currently preside in. Maleficent and Rose are still asleep but healthy, the hare and Creeper are gambling in the inn, and Facilier is nowhere to be seen."

"Frollo?" Hook asked as he slid his scabbard in position.

"I do not know." Jafar admitted. "The last time I saw him was at the party."

"He's probably arrested." Hook said, placing his hat firmly on his head. "We'll have to bail him out before he decides it is better in prison than with us. The crystal?"

Jafar look hesitant. "Safe with the hare."

Hook's mind balked. "Why did you give one of the most demented creatures in the kingdoms a piece of godlike power?"

"I was busy, and everyone else was unconscious or untrustworthy!" the sorcerer spurted. "It's not like he will gamble it off!"

The two men stopped, exchanged glances, and booked it down the stairs.

"What… about… the… king?" Hook spouted between breaths.

Jafar stopped dead in his tracks, fear in his eyes. "Sitting in the same spot I left him _last night_."

The duo had arrived at the bottom of the stairs, sans oxygen. Hunched over and breathless, Hook still managed shock at seeing the grisly sight of the Horned King, sitting in a chair in the corner of the inn and staring blankly out onto the world. He had not changed a bit since he had last laid eyes on him all those years ago. Still scary as Hell and twice as nasty looking. However, Hook could feel a certain drive that had not been there before now forcing the monster forward, as if he too could feel the change in the winds.

"I'll go talk with his majesty." Hook said, standing up and straightening himself for the verbal duel ahead.

Hook marched across the inn, avoiding all the unsavory types that were watching him. On the other side of the place the March Hare and Creeper was playing poker with a couple of ruffians that looked like they belonged to Sa'luk's old gang.

Hook bowed gracefully to the lich, taking his hat off and smiling his most innocent smile as he did. "Good morning, your majesty." He enunciated nobly.

"_Hmm_," the old thing growled. "_I suppose you are wondering why I came to rescue you and your… kin_?"

Hook was taken aback by the king's reply. "Jafar wasn't as subtle as he thought." Hook bemoaned as he stood back straight up and planted his hat firmly on his head.

"_No_," the king replied. "_He is most subtle, as the snake that lies under the desert stone_," he rasped, "_but I know that enigmatic events raise questions_." He finished his sentence as he reached over and raised a goblet of red wine from the table next to him. Taking a drink, the liquid seemed to fall, fall, fall down a great abyss. A sound like water pouring on stone echoed from his gullet.

Hook was alarmed to say the least. "You still have not answered my question." He stated firmly.

The lich chuckled. "_I cannot answer your questions now, there are too many ears_." He placed his goblet back on the table. "_We shall go to my hideaway and then we shall discuss the matters at hand_."

The captain raised a suspicious eyebrow. "And why should we trust you? It has been almost three decades since you popped out whatever hole you were hiding in; coming at what I must say is the most impeccable time."

The Horned King chuckled again. "_I assure you that if I had wanted you dead, you would have been screaming as the flesh fell from your bones as soon as I laid eyes upon you_."

"Has anyone ever told you were quite the charmer?"

"_Eeeeeeeveryday_." The necromancer bemoaned. Hook almost questioned who had the gall to mock the Horned King every day, but the hare had cheated in his poker game, and Hook had to rush over to break up the fight.

* * *

><p>Maleficent was the third victim of the enigmatic "Splitting Headache" plague that was striking our poor fellowship. True, she had whacked her head on the floor of a truck bed after a 40 foot drop, so it was expected.<p>

It still sucked.

Pushing the covers off, she took time to observe her environment. Shabby, low-rent, ill-kept. Not fit for someone of her standing. She sat up in the bed, and placed her feet on the floor.

She groaned, long, black hair falling in her face. "I should've just blasted Phoebus through the wall."

A knock came at her door. "How far do you want to fly?" she half-heartedly yelled at the door, conjuring her staff up.

"Do you want breakfast in bed or not?"

Maleficent's eyerbrows raised in suspicious and shock. "Jafar?"

"Who else?" he said back. "Now can I come in? This tray is kind of heavy."

Maleficent let out a little smile. "No."

Jafar huffed. "Come on!" There was a pause. "How often do you have breakfast in bed?" he asked, quite slyly.

"Nice try," Maleficent chimed, "But I always have my servants bring me breakfast in bed."

A frustrated grunt came from the other side of the door. "That's it! I'm coming in!"

Maleficent screamed. "I'm not even dressed!" But it was too late. A red puff of smoke busted into the room and there stood Jafar, huffing and puffing and holding a tray of scrambled eggs, orange juice, bacon, sausage, and a haggis composed of werewolf heart, goblin liver, and drake lungs wrapped in troll stomach and stuffed with minced black onion, corrupted oatmeal, ogre suet, a couple of fairy spices, and salt that writhed on its accord all prepared in stock from an old hag's kitchen.

He nearly dropped all of it upon seeing Maleficent stark-naked as the day she was born save for a sheet she had hastily wrapped around herself. He also nearly dropped the tray due to the fact he had just seen the angel of his dreams with messy, long hair that shined in the sunlight and yellow eyes that glowed like a thousand suns. Her tired features somehow appeared…enchanting as her vulnerable eyes shot wide in fear. Love struck first…

Then Reality came in for a close second.

"Why are you naked?!" Jafar screamed in surprise.

"Close those peepers or lose them!" Maleficent screamed, brandishing a set of claws. Jafar's eyelids locked down, and he wisely pushed the tray forward as an offering.

The fairy took a few deep breaths, yanked the tray _carefully_ from the sorcerer's hands, and ordered him out. Jafar, without opening his eyes, _poofed_back out.

Maleficent stared out at the door, and listened as he quickly stepped away and down the stairs. Looking at the tray, and smiled upon seeing the haggis. With a triumphant, yet girlish, giggle she fell back onto the bed.

"He's made the first move!"

* * *

><p>"You made the first move!"<p>

"So did you!" Jafar pointed out to Facilier as the two argued over a cup of coffee.

"My girl-correction-my possible girl is not a spiteful, power-mad destroyer of joy and prosperity throughout the kingdoms. Plus, she kills flowers with frost! How crazy is a girl that kills flowers!"

"Hey! Flora never did a thing for Mal! Why should we-"

"Wait!" Facilier stopped him in his tracks. "Mal!" the shadowman's jaw fell to the floor. "You're calling her Mal!?"

"Well, yeah," Jafar said, suddenly uncomfortable.

Facilier shook his head. "_Chere_, the fact you made the first move is dangerous! She now thinks you are her plaything, and she gonna string you out for all yo' worth!"

"Well, I've waited over a decade for her, and now I'm giving up my pride for love," Jafar had a sudden realization, "LIKE YOU!"

Facilier told him he was number one with the "wrong" finger.

* * *

><p>"So, step one worked," Rose said picking up her gear. "As I expected," straightening her hair, she smiled. "But you must tell me, how did you convince him to make the first move?" Rose was now wearing a white abaya and niqāb, an Islamic dress and face-covering.<p>

"Oh, it was easy," Facilier said, checking the last of his packages. "This morning, while you were asleep, I threw out a joke to Hook about how Jafar was just being cowardly with Maleficent. I made sure Jafar overhead us, and then I 'dropped' a breakfast menu from the Vogue on the floor while Jafar was behind me. I heard him pick it up and go to the bathroom. From there, I assumed he warped back to the Vogue, got her breakfast, and came back."

"Marvelous!" Rose proclaimed. "Now, come on!" she said, grabbing her package and racing out the door, Facilier on her tail. "Hook's meeting is soon to occur!"

* * *

><p>"You made the first move?" Hook chortled in disbelief. The location was the bathroom for the main part of inn, a place not as dirty as expected, to the relief of Hook. "You are growing softer and softer every year, like the stone-"<p>

"That is beaten on the shore!" Jafar finished. "If you want to sound classy, can you at least use original ideas?"

Hook put his hand to his chest. "I'm hurt you think I'm _not_classy!"

"And furthermore I did make the first move, and I made the first move proudly!" Jafar stood up tall, sticking his chin.

"Good, then you are strong enough to face humiliation when she makes you her-"

"Don't even say it." Jafar stuck a finger straight in Hook's face. "I will never let a woman turn me into her…slave." He gathered himself and closed his eyes. "We, if we are meant to be, will have a balanced relationship based on mutual compromise and affection."

"Did you read that out of book or something?" Hook said, adjusting his collar and tipping his hat just right.

"Yes, out of the same book you got your fashion sense out of."

Hook gave him a venomous glare, but left it at that since he had already hit the guy with his hook.

"Is everyone here?" Hook inquired, straightening his cravat and re-tilting his hat.

Jafar peeked out the door. The table they were using was the former gambling table, and was the only table large enough to fit the entire party, so the wise gamblers saw it quite kindly to quit their game and move to other activities when Maleficent walked up and told them to move it or lose it, cupping her claws as if removing a certain parts of the male anatomy.

"You realize she has been threatening castration quite casually as of late?" Jafar said to Hook when the two saw Maleficent in action.

"She's never been hesitant to _seize_the objective." Hook quipped.

Regardless, the round table was large enough to fit the party. The Horned King was at the far end of table, with Creeper, the March Hare, 2 empty chairs for the men, Maleficent, Briar Rose, and Facilier all on the right of him, respectively. The only light was from the outside, a single window with the late morning Sun shining through and on the back of Rose.

"Is everything clear?" Hook asked. Jafar stepped back and closed the door. Shutting his eyes, he stood in concentration for a few seconds and opened his eyes again.

"We're good, but watch the bartender; he's nosy."

Hook checked himself in the mirror one last time, straightened his coat out, and walked out of the bathroom, Jafar right behind him.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," the elegant captain said with a bow. "As you know, I have gathered you today to-"

A tremendous snore came from the other side of the table, forcing eyes to turn to the origin of that sound. Predictably, the March Hare had fallen asleep instantly to the Hook's voice, and was now face-first in a bowl of cereal.

Hook was low on patience for the hare. "Facilier, please _smack_him for me!"

"With pleasure."

_SMACK!_

"OW!" The hare screamed, as his face was beaten down into the bowl. Straightening right up, he glared through a milky field of shredded wheats at Facilier. "Why the heck did you do that, you tea bag!"

Creeper was on the floor laughing, the girls were rolling their eyes, and the men were just tired. "Because, dear bunny," Hook began.

The hare fell straight back into slumber.

"FACILIER!"

_SMACK!_

"OW! Why the heck did you do that, you tea bag!" the hare screamed.

"Stay awake or I'll shoot you next time!" Hook roared, drawing his pistol. The bartender from the other side of the room ducked instinctively to the floor.

The hare looked offended, nay, insulted to be threatened with a mere pistol. Nevertheless, Facilier was aching to smack him again, and the hare knew (from multiple collisions with concrete) that he only had only so much skin on his face. Sulking in his chair, he stuck out his bottom lip and sat there, quietly pouting.

Hook sighed, putting the pistol away (much to the relief of the bartender). "Now, as I was saying, I gathered you together to speak of matters weighing heavily on our minds since events of last night. We have all been wondering," Hook said, throwing his arms over the table as if casting some spell, "as to why the enigmatic Horned King has taken to the world again to save our miserable, misbegotten little hides?"

The ancient lich laughed, a deep, gravely one that echoed through time and space to the void in the heart of everything. "_It is true; I have been hiding for many years_" the Horned King stood up, and suddenly the whole room was towered by his size. "_Exiled by mistrust from the realm of man, I found it best to work on my arts and prepare for a day such as this._" He raised a hand to the sky and an orb conjured slowly faded into reality to his extended limb. "_One day, as I scried the realms, I came upon a little party, held in honor of the continual bond between Prince Philip and Princess Aurora."_He said nothing about the fact that the princess was only a seat from him, but Hook could tell he knew all too well.

"_Pardon me for one moment,_" he said slyly, he words dripping with unconcealed delight. His gaze turned to the bartender, who had been washing clean glasses as he listened into the conversation. With a flick of his withered hand, a green, snake-like bolt shot forward and hit the bartender, knocking him unconscious and breaking the glass he had in his hand.

Maleficent nodded her head in healthy respect, but Hook frowned and muttered something about "bad form".

"_As I was saying, I saw what happened that night."_ His guard was down, now that the bartender was out. "_Facilier swept the fair maiden from the monster and Maleficent covered the story up. I felt it was best to follow, but not participate, in this tale until best fit_."

"So you've been following us since that night!" Facilier exclaimed.

"_Yes_," the Horned King said with a smile. "_But, before you inquire_," he said, raising a clawed finger to Facilier, "_All I did was what I thought best for your survival_."

"So you've been following us since the beginning," Hook said, taking a drink of rum as he did. "Which means you know about the..." he suddenly looked down at Jafar for solidarity. Jafar nodded an "all-clear" and Hook continued. "Crystals."

The Horned King chuckled again, but before he could speak Creeper popped in. "Our glorious sire already knew about the crystals!" With a growl, the lich reached down and choked the Creeper blue before tossing him aside.

"_Yes_," he continued, ignoring the fact he had just nearly killed his one, faithful henchman again. "_I had already known about the crystals, but having already dealt in powers beyond my control I felt it was wiser to accept reality and perfect my own arts_."

Underneath the table, swords, daggers, a hammer that was duct-taped together, and two fireball spells were dismissed.

"But how did you discover the crystals?!" Rose said, alarmed that others outside the royalty and her trusted companions knew about the relics.

"_One day, a few years back, I was bored and passing the time by scrying. I happened to have stumbled upon a meeting between the royalty and the new couple, Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen. You did not have the Lord Wizard Yensid with you as you normally do, a fact pointed out in the meeting, which is why no one knew I was listening. What I heard was quite the intriguing bit of news, but I accepted it as a matter of life and moved on. It was not until recent events that I had reason to think further on such matters_."

Rose looked unsettled, and to everyone's surprise the Horned King bowed humbly. "I beg your forgiveness, my highness, for I understand the implications of what I have just said."

"If you know about it," Rose filled in, readjusting her pose to one more brave "then that could mean others less noble may know about it." Facilier and Maleficent put their arms around Rose, and she let herself fall back into despair.

"Then it is clear that our mission is two-fold," Jafar said, breaking his silence. "We must not only hunt the pieces, but protect them at all costs, lest someone else knows."

"But where are we going to put them until we use?" Maleficent inquired. Instantly, 7 minds went into overdrive, scouring countless years of hideouts and holes in which one could hide such powerful artifacts.

"How about the Vogue?" Jafar suggested.

"Way too close to the throne to be safe." Rose dismissed.

"We could put it in a chest and place it in the ocean?" Hook suggested. Though the thought was funny, the idea was not without merit. "The ocean is vast, and even all the merfolk in the kingdom could not scour every sea!"

"But the merfolk are creatures of pure fantasy!" Maleficent stated. "They will sense the magic far easier than humans can!"

This type of talk went on for a while, the only break being the Horned King zapping the bartender unconscious again. Finally, after several minutes of discussion, the March Hare, unusually quiet throughout all this, jumped up and declared "Wonderland!"

Everyone was gobsmacked. "Why!?" was all Rose could manage, her kind features riddled with a lack of understanding.

"Wonderland can only be accessed by Wonderlanders!" he said, leaping on top of the table. "And no Wonderland worth his weight in pounds would not betray a noble cause!"

"But you're all a bunch of freaking whack jobs!" Jafar cried.

"But we have our laws!" The hare defended, "and we have our morals!"

"Tell us of these laws, and morals!" Hook derided. "For you obviously do not follow them!"

Everyone laughed or politely stifled a chuckle, but the hare was serious. "Never speak less spoken too, run twice as fast to any direction, never kill time, think of 6 impossible things before breakfast, et cetera, et cetera!"

By now, the humor of the situation had worn off and old grudges against the hare were boiling to a head again, but the Horned King raised his hands over the crowd and without a word silenced the crowd.

"The hare speaks true," he proclaimed, "Not a soul can enter Wonderland unless Alice allows them to. Even the most powerful magics cannot pierce that veil. "

"You're right," said Maleficent agreeing. "The realm is powerful enough to stand on its own, and does not need the power of Disney to thrive. None of its inhabitants need more power, they have plenty of it."

"Brilliant!" Rose cried, wrapping her arms around the hare, "You're a mad genius, hare, a mad genius!" The hare was smiling and gushing, right up to the point Rose dropped him in sudden terror. "But Alice will soon know if we do! It is her land after all!"

"Don't worry, girlfriend!" the hare heartedly comforted. "I'm a personal friend of the lady herself! She'll listen to me, and there is no doubt she will aid our noble cause! After all, she knows what it is like to fight for order and peace."

The whole table was alight with firm handshakes, hearty hugs, and warm laughs, and for once… all was right.

* * *

><p>Far away, in a chamber devoid of light and joy save for a single hearth fire, a lone figure held aloft a crystal ball. Its back is to the fire, and all you can see are piercing eyes burning for power.<p>

"They have the crystal now, and the Horned King has now joined their ranks." The figure remarked, and then wickedly laughed. "All to perfect, all too perfect!"

It stopped suddenly and, smiling a demon's smile, waved a hand over the orb. In a flash, the orb was out, leaving only the fire and the creature too cold for love.

* * *

><p>My baby is 18 now and going to move out! What am I going to do! I'll be alone and unloved and surrounded by millions of cats! <em>Wait<em>, it's just story. My bad…

Thanks for all the reviews, the reading, the love, and the honesty. But, time for the bad news…

_5 minutes later…_

Now, for the bad news. I will be occupied for quite some time with real life, and so my chapter updates will be coming a little slower. Sorry, but as we all know, life stinks. However, to balance that out, I will try to focus more on Vip and less on side projects unless I need a break from it.

Now, to have a talk with Heddwyn. (Sits Heddwyn down)

ONE, Tigger is not a stripper (at least to my knowledge).

TWO, you can only imagine how hard Vidia hit that guy back in Greece with the heels to leave them in DEEP.

THREE, having your back flipped does hurt, speaking from personal experience.

FOUR, you actually are funny, and sometimes I really screw-up in my writing and grammar, therefore providing grand fodder.

FIVE, the men do not have one heart. However, they do have one bladder, which explains why they go to the bathroom a lot.

SIX, the reason I put "very, very secretly" in parenthesis was to emphasize just how much he tried to hid it, by placing it as separate from his conscious thought (or in this case, the sentence) as he could without utterly removing it.

SEVEN, just out of curiosity, do any of my spelling mistakes really take away from the story, or do they just put a little bump in the road? AND…

SEVEN, the plotline came later than expected, actually.

There, now that didn't hurt much, now did it?

Well, that is all for today. Once again, thank you, and have a _wonderful _day…

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the original ideas in this story.


	19. The Chapter of Blondes and Not-Blondes!

The Chapter with Blondes and Not-Blondes  
>by the March Hare<p>

It was comforting to be back in Disneyville after all that had happened, but Jafar had business on his mind. The hare was on his way to Wonderland alongside Rose, while everyone else was already at the Horned King's castle via teleportation trying to find out where the next crystal is. As for him…

"You know, I'm surprised you don't have a vehicle of your own, oh grand vizier," mocked Mother Gothel.

He was stuck having to bum a ride with a low-class hedge witch. He had been assigned the unenviable job of fetching Frollo out of prison. Since Jafar had been use to walking or teleporting everywhere, he did not find a need to have a car. The one he use to have was totaled in a wreck involving the March Hare and a runaway ice cream truck, and he was too broke at the time to get it a new one. Fortunately he still had a phone, so he called Gothel and offered her an interview in the newspaper for a ride.

Now, as buildings blurred by in the rapid rush of day, he had regretted calling her at all.

"No, I do not have a car. The March Hare destroyed it a few years back." He curtly replied, working ferociously on a newspaper article he was writing. He had been lucky in that regard; he still had a well-paying job. Laptop in lap, he typed word after word describing the night's events. When it came down to it, the only reason he still had this job was because he was a semi-trustworthy villain. He had access to all the goings and comings of the slimy underworld of Disney…and all the stories that would sell millions.

"That's disappointing." Gothel remarked. "And all this time I had you pegged as just some slacker who lived off the welfare of others!"

"Know your place, newcomer," Jafar barked, an evil eye gazing from the laptop to her. "I will not be pushed around by a witch who knows only a few measly cantrips and potions!"

"I could just kick you out, right now," she bit back, but Jafar smiled.

"And lose your place in a newspaper. That sounds like _such_a waste…" he hissed.

She became very quiet, but hate did not leave the car until they arrived at the prison. By then, Jafar had finished his article. Slipping it into his laptop into his robe, he smiled. No matter how tough these lowlifes thought they were, they had only the barest taste of true power.

"I'll be right back," he stated. "When this is over, you will get your interview." While she did not respond, he knew she had heard him.

The prison had all the charm of Alcatraz. Stone walls rose high, with nary a window save for a few office rooms. Mostly, it was a large rectangle, unimaginative in shape, but perfect for function. No light could reach the cells, no communication was provided to those inside, and no gifts could be given. It was for the most dangerous of men, and it treated them like such.

Jafar frowned. He hated the place, and all it stood for. It was not a place of correction, but entrapment, and it knew no love or forgiveness. He had only been inside a few times, and it was fortunately not on the other side of the bars. They, the Heroes, had built it to contain anything and anyone they didn't like but couldn't kill, like the supernatural beings, immortal beasts, or undying and unholy spirits.

In other words, the Villains.

Well, that's not exactly true. It was built to contain the villains, but over time as the Villains wised up to everyone's (especially to the villain's) surprise, it has served a multitude of functions. Mostly, it was filled up with criminals deemed "unredeemable" (a term which boiled Jafar's blood), and were now working off their time by serving as factory workers creating simple yet vital things for the kingdoms. There were, however, things, horrible things, that needed to be kept away from _everything_.

That was the only reason Jafar could even stand the place.

It was fortunate that Frollo was a first time offender with a good record. All he had to do was pay bail. Otherwise…well, Frollo was going to need a Bible and a few magazines subscriptions to pass the time. Oh, and a bottle of arthritis medicine after the first few thousand wheels he put together.

He looked at the massive front doors. Above it were the letters "Disneyville Penitentiary."

"_Arbeit macht frei_. " he thought.

Jafar walked in.

Inside was just as cold and impersonal, and if he didn't know any better it looked more like an insane asylum. The walls were stone, bare and clean of any color save grey. Occasionally you would find a scratch or nick in the walls where something or somebody ran up against it. The lights were white and bright, almost blinding and mind-altering so, and caged in a metal grid.

Walking up to the desk, he requested the whereabouts of one Claude, Frollo.

"Down Hall A and to the left, _sweetheart_," rasped the slug-like clerk. Jafar breathed a sigh of relief. Hall A was for the least offensive of offenders, and barely guarded. He would not have to be surrounded by barrel- armed guards breathing down his neck.

"Thank you…" he looked at the name tag. "Roz."

With that, he was off. Following the directions, he arrived at a thick, stone door, with a sliding latch that would allow someone to look outside, but not in.

"Hello!" he said, knocking on the door, "Is anyone here?"

The latch slid open, and a pair of dark, brown eyes stared back at him. Her voice was commanding, but possessed a certain softness to it. "Name?"

"Jafar," he replied. "I'm here to see about paying bail for Claude Frollo. Is that possible?"

"One moment," she replied. The hatch shut, and Jafar could sense she was looking over something. A moment later, she opened it back up. "You're clear." A loud, mechanical sound rang from the door, and it opened slowly. It revealed a simple room, a desk and a computer to one side, and down the hall were all the prison cells.

Before Jafar stood Miranda Wright. Naturally tall, with blonde hair that went to her shoulders, she had a stiff posture, yet Jafar's eyes could see a kindness in her that was first hinted at from her voice. The kind of stuff do-gooders were made of and the kind of stuff Jafar loved to watch squirm and beg for mercy.

She did look oddly…_pale_, however.

"You got the money?" she inquired with a suspicious raise of her eyebrow.

"50 gold coins for the release of a first time offender." Jafar stated, producing a bag and placing in her hand. "Show me the man."

"You know, he's in pretty hot water." She stated, walking down the hall. Already, Jafar could spot many of his fellows in drunken hangovers lying bed. It was sad when a trip to prison was the rare time you could have all your friends in the same place.

"What did he precisely do?" he inquired.

Miranda laughed. "Nothing really, except for owning a weapon, but he did kick Hercules' ass."

Jafar laughed. The fanatic kicked the son of Zeus's ass. Will wonders ever cease? "Is that a crime, winning a battle against a hero?"

"No, fortunately for him." Miranda said. "Though he was tested to see if he could use magic."

"What?" Jafar belted. "Frollo can't use magic!"

"Whatever it was, it was apparently powerful." Miranda said. "Witnesses say Hercules was blasted through the palace wall by a bolt of light. After Herc went down, he let the guards take him."

"Fascinating." Jafar muttered, stroking his goatee. He would have to talk to the former judge when all was said and done.

"Here we are." She said, stopping at a cage that lacked light. "Frollo, you're free," she said, unlocking the door and sliding it open. Low muttering, probably a prayer, came from the cage, and Miranda had to run her baton on the bars to get his attention. "Pardon me, judge, but your prayers have been answered."

Slowly, Jafar could hear shuffling, probably Frollo rising from his knees, and slowly, surely, as if reborn, the judge stepped forward. "Thank you, Miss Wright," he simply stated, walking past her and Jafar as he did. Miranda went to say something, but let it go.

"Well, if that's all," Miranda said, looking hopefully at the cells around her.

"Sorry, I can't bail the rest out," Jafar said.

"Damn," she muttered. Taking a few deep breaths, she nodded. "Well... have a good day," she said, politely raising her hand for a departing shake.

Jafar, ever the gentleman, bent down to kiss the lady's hand.

And promptly realized he had just kissed _right through_her hand.

Suddenly comprehending what just happened, he looked back up. She was still there, but not, as if somehow in and out of existence. Her eyes glazed over, and she raised her hand to her face. She stared at it for a while, her face as pale as the lights above. She looked back at Jafar, and the sorcerer could feel the icy hands of the void reaching out towards her.

"I hope you have a good day," she said, as if unsure if this was the last person she would talk to. With those words she walked back to her desk, where she materialized back to herself and went back to work, seemingly unbothered.

* * *

><p>"She is fading away," Frollo remarked from the back of the car. "She is brave, God bless her, but she knows her days are numbered."<p>

"I know," Jafar said, somewhat moody. He looked over to Mother Gothel from the passenger side. "Gothel, could we save the interview for later, I'm just not feeling up to it."

Gothel, starting up the car, was surprised to see Jafar so disturbed. "What happened?" She asked.

"My lady, when you were created, you were fortunate." Jafar stated calmly. "Like me and Frollo here, we came from films that will last beyond the current generations. Our films are already classics, masterpieces, fondly _remembered_. Miranda Wright, the young lady who runs part of the prison, came from a simple 1990s cartoon called 'Bonkers'. Since her series is over, and since they will no longer be running reruns for it, she will be forgotten. Once the last mortal who remembers her loses that last precious memory of her..."

"Her duty is done." Frollo stated with a heavy heart.

Gothel's heart stopped. "And what will happen to her then?" She managed to ask, fear in her voice.

"No one knows" Jafar bitterly muttered.

* * *

><p>Wonderland was a most unwelcoming place. Tall trees, long shadows, pitch-black darkness, and bright colors. It felt unnatural, like walking in a dream, where one minute you were alone in the dark and next everything is bright and in your face, trying to suffocate you.<p>

The hare seemed at ease in the place, walking down the path into the ever darkness. Briar Rose followed quite briskly, hoping, praying for them to find the castle/manor/hole-in-the-ground where The Champion of Wonderland spent her days.

"You alright, Rosebud?" The March Hare said, looking over his shoulder.

"No," she honestly said, "But I will be once we are done. Let us be quick."

"All rightie, sweetie," he said, and like that, the next turn in the forest there was a small house, a pleasant little Victorian estate.

There, in the middle of the front yard, was a little table, and at that little table was Nobody.

"Alice!" Marchie screamed. "Oh, Alice!" No answer from the house. "Hm, she must be busy. Let's have a cup while we wait."

"Are you sure?" Rose asked, as the two walked into the courtyard.

"She'll show up. When you call for her, she always hears." He stated as if some all-present fact. Sitting down at the table, he grabbed a cup and began to drink from it, seemingly oblivious to the fact it was empty. Rose knew a thing or two about Wonderland, and grabbed an empty cup and also began to drink. Suddenly, she could taste a warm, bitter liquid pour down her throat.

She put it down. "Not bad."

"It's Earl Gray!" The March Hare said almost offended. "How can it be bad!"

"So," Rose asked. "How long does it usually take for her to arrive?"

"However long Time wants it to be." He said, taking another sip.

"That is not optimal," Rose flatly stated.

"Yet isn't it how it always works?" came a thick, upper-crust English voice from behind Rose. Rose twisted around in her seat, unsure of this voice.

"Hello, Ali-?" Rose began, but did not finish. It looked like Alice, to some degrees. The same outfit, it was, and it felt like the same girl, but it was not the same girl. This girl was taller, had large, emerald eyes, and dark, brunette hair. Her apron was bloody, and in her hand was a butcher's knife engraved with floral designs.

"God's arms!" Rose swore, but Alice laughed, a quick, little, bitter thing of a laugh.

"Oh, Alice!" The March Hare greeted. "You're just on Time! He must have been in a quick mood today!"

"I know how to apply the lash and the whip," the different Alice stated. " Now, Princess Aurora, why have you come to this place?" She walked like Alice, sat like Alice, and as she began to drink tea from an empty cup, gracefully drank like Alice. Yet, it was not the young, innocent Alice she knew.

This Alice knew who it was before her, however, yet Rose had not taken her veil off, nor had the March Hare called by her real name the whole time, leaving Rose to accept the reality that who stood before must have known her by her voice; suggesting prior knowledge of Rose's traits. If that was not proof enough, the Hare seemed to be unbothered by the change in appearance, treating her with due respect as was custom, finalizing the issue that if the March Hare knew it was Alice, it was quite certainly Alice.

"If I am not being too forward," Rose began, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, "why do you look so…different?"

Alice smiled, and Rose suddenly felt more at ease, for she knew that kind smile well. "Simple, my friend. I am not bound by a singular form like you, so at times I find it in my best interest to shift to fit the situation I am dealing with."

Rose looked down at Alice's soiled apron, and nodded. "I can… see that."

"But, for you, I'll change." Alice replied. Slowly, she faded away, turning into a flock of the brightest blue butterflies Rose had ever seen. Then, just as she slowly faded away, the butterflies flew back together, and like shards of glass they fit snuggly into place until eventually they formed into a young girl, no older than 12, with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. No blood, no knife, just smiles and tea.

"Thank you…" was all Rose could say, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Taking a deep breath, she began to elucidate the events, all the while March drank tea and Alice listened intently. Not a surprise or a fear was portrayed, but a simple, understanding concern, and Rose was relieved to be able to tell her whole and unmodified tale to an old friend…even if that friend had questionable methods at time.

Upon finishing, Rose wiped the tear from her eye and smiled. "So, do you understand?"

Alice nodded thoughtfully, and leaned back in her chair, taking sips of her tea as she did. Despite being 'normal' again, she seemed so much more refined, more regal than the last time Rose had seen her, yet somehow all the more darker…causing Rose to wonder if that is how she looks now to her old friends.

"I agree," Alice said after a few moments of silence. "Wonderland would be the best place to put it. However," she said, pointing a finger at Rose, "I must tell you that I and King Mickey are at the tables talking over a few things." Rose began to ask about what 'few things' when Alice cut her off. "They are of no importance at the moment, I assure you, but there may be dark things on the horizon."

Rose sighed, a tired, old sigh that had never fully removed itself from her chest since day one. "We rulers never win, do we?" she said, taking another sip of her tea.

"No," was all Alice said, as she sipped her own tea.

* * *

><p>A magical explosion rocked the castle hall, and out of the mist came the Horned King, towering his fellow comrades as they too stepped from the mist.<p>

"Good God!" Hook coughed. "That's stuff is atrocious!"

"Do not mock the king's magic!" Creeper screeched.

"Shut-up or I'll turn you into something less than what you are already." Maleficent threatened. "If that is _possible_!"

The Creeper silenced, and Hook was not surprised to catch a glimpse of the Horned King smile.

"_Welcome_," the mighty necromancer declared, raising his hands above his head, "_to my almighty domain!_"

Suddenly, the castle tilted. No, not shook, trembled, or balked. Tilted, to the left.

"_All of you!_" The lich roared, "_To the right!_"

With no desire to do otherwise, the gang ran right, and the castle stabilized.

"What the Hell was that!" Facilier yelled, gasping and holding onto the wall in sheer fright.

"_My domain needs a few…repairs_." The king reluctantly admitted.

"A few costly repairs!" chimed a young English lady from across the hall. Descending down the stairs, and into the light, was a young teenager, a fair, blonde, blue-eyed girl. She was bold, she was stubborn, and she was prone to emotional outbursts that would send most men running.

She was Lady Eilonwy of Lyr, and she was _mad_.

"_Let me explain!_" The Horned King began, but it was no use. She was on a roll.

"No, let me explain, Mister I-Can-Do-Whatever-The-Heck-I-Want-And-Get-Off-With-It! I've been worried sick for almost a day now, wondering where you have thundered off to, leaving me no note or even Lloyd, and you, you expect me to just let you suddenly pop in with a band of your fellow miscreants!"

Everyone looked in horror as the almighty Horned King was chewed down to the size of a mouse. The Creeper began to sneak off, but her accusing eye caught him.

"And don't you dare sneak off, you little blighter!" she cried pointing an accusing finger at him. Slowly, the Creeper slunk back.

At least now Hook knew who held the Horned King's leash, though he himself was frightened into quiet submission.

"What do you have to say for yourself!?" she screamed.

"_Well, they_-" the lich started to say.

"No!' she said, sticking a finger in his chest. "For yourself!"

He bowed his head, and sighed. _"I am sorry."_

She took a few deep breaths, her eyes never leaving the lich. "Go the kitchen and help me prepare supper for our guests. We are having potato soup." Without raising his head, the Horned King shuffled off, Creeper in tow. Taking her eyes off the duo, she turned to the gang, and sighed.

"All these years later and the first guests I have back in my kingdom are villains." She smiled tiredly, and a shining light, her bauble, floated in from the darkness and swirled around her. "Welcome to the castle of the Horned King. Can I help you?" The bauble landed in her hand, and she giggled, and suddenly the stress of years disappeared, just for a second.

Hook stepped forward. "I am Captain James Hook, master of the Jolly Roger. My friends and I were promised aid in our quest from the Horned King."

"Oh," she smiled with crossed arms, looking back in the direction the king and his servant went. "So he did…"

It was obvious from there on who was the boss of the castle.

* * *

><p>Once out of city limits, Jafar and Frollo arrived at the castle through teleportation. Following them the Rose and the Hare arrived through mirror travel (which quite surprised Hook when, straightening himself up, the March Hare came leaping out of the bathroom mirror and unto Hook's face screaming "FACEHUGGER!").. What they found at the castle was an abysmal sight. The castle was just like it was in the movie, dark, gloomy, smelled of mildew and dirt, and had a feeling of dread to it.<p>

Naturally, Jafar and Maleficent loved it.

"Such fine architecture, a grand example of the gothic medieval style!" Maleficent admired the rising columns.

"Yes, and the towering spires to add to the aura, doesn't it?" Jafar added.

"Y'all just get weirder and weirder," Facilier said. Slinking off into the shadows, all that was left was the fairy, the sorcerer, and a hell of awkward silence. Right now, the two of them were idling their time. Hook was busy discussing a deal with Eilonwy and dinner wasn't ready. Therefor they had nothing better to do but investigate the castle's nooks and crannies. Now, with Facilier gone, they suddenly realized they were as alone together as they could get.

"So…" Maleficent asked, utterly fascinated by a crack on the floor, "How did it go?"

Jafar, also enraptured at a certain set of stones in the walls, replied nonchalantly. "Boring. I just bailed him out and left."

"Understandable," she replied, swinging her foot over the ground, "It is a dismal place...the penitentiary, that is"

Silence. More looking around and being utterly engrossed with the walls and floors.

"I must thank you, again," she said, "For healing Rose."

"It was," he replied, "No big deal. Just a friend helping out another friend."

She stopped. "No, it was big deal, and I want to make it up to you."

Jafar turned around to face her, a million thoughts running roughshod in his mind. He decided to play it cool...super cool. "I insist. It was a mere trifle act for someone of my power." He said with a bow and a courtly ring to his voice.

"Your power?" Suddenly, the fairy's tone changed, and familiar arrogance came right back in. "You could only do it with the help of a witch doctor!"

Oh, yes. They were slipping in their old ways. Let the games began…

"Ha, that street rat's genie is nothing to my arcane might!" He parried back, but it only made her laugh.

"Excuse me, oh mighty _sultan_," she hissed with a mock bow, "But if a pathetic girl with her hips could bring you down, I am assured that the doctor was more in-tuned with his spirits than you are with your own head!"

"Which is why…!" he began to shout.

"Which is why...!" She said, cracking her staff on the floor, creating an aura of all-powerful might. "I will be mentoring you on the ways to get connected with your any might that I know lies deep, deep, deep down in you."

Jafar's jaw fell. "I am not in need of a mentor!"

"Oh, then I can do this-" she hit him with a shockwave, sending him sprawling into the wall. Smacking on the wall, he almost sent his own blast back when suddenly-

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!The castle tipping again!" The March Hare screamed.

Quietly, somewhere in the kitchens, Eilonwy took a cup and placed it on the other side of the room. Instantly, the place stabilized.

"That was close," Maleficent said on her knees holding onto a nearby statue. Jafar, slumped up against wall, gritted his teeth. He wanted to get back at her, but that would probably lead to the castle falling apart and him dead.

He was loathed to admit it, for all his knowledge he was not as powerful as her.

Standing up (slowly), he walked over to Maleficent, who was getting up (slowly) and sighed a sigh of defeat.

"What are the conditions?" he inquired.

Maleficent's cold, red lips smiled. "Just a few hours a day, really. No charge, just _utter servitude_." She stressed those words as she walked away, purposely swaying her hips side from side.

"Damn you, woman." He thought.

* * *

><p>"And that is how the mighty fall," Hook said, teasingly. The captain's bum was firmly planted in seat at the dining hall's table, while the captain himself sipped a glass of wine. On the other side of the emotional spectrum, Jafar was pacing madly back and forth in the chamber, unsure if he had just sealed the deal or his death certificate.<p>

"I know it was a silly choice," Jafar said, rubbing his bald head as he paced back and forth. "But what else can I do! She is my superior, _in a few things_," he stressed to defend his honor, but Hook only smiled knowingly.

"For starters you can fetch that wig out of your pocket and put it back on. You're starting to blind me."

Jafar stopped, and stared his friend right in the eye, just as he produced the ponytail wig out of his pocket and put it back on. Then he went back to pacing, and Hook went back to drinking.

"Just remember," Hook said. "She's had access to places you never had the chance to get to," he reminded.

"Yes, I know!" Jafar came from a blessed _and_cursed generations of villains. They had the honor of being remembered for all time, yet by the time they arrived Walt was dead and many of his sacred texts he had left in Mickey's hands. The high king (metaphorically speaking) had them sealed away for good since then. However, when Walt was alive, he had allowed anyone responsible to study from them.

Maleficent was like a kid in a candy store.

However, the Mistress of All Evil would not be willing to share that information with just anyone. Perhaps, by serving under her, she would teach him the secrets of the highest powers…

"On the matter of hardheaded woman," Jafar said, changing the conversation, "how did it go with the urchin who plays queen."

Hook waved his finger at him. "She is royalty, make no mistake about that," he defended, "But she holds no power outside of Prydain, and what she does hold in it is bare minimum."

"Who are you kidding?" Jafar interjected dryly. He looked around at the faltering castle and frowned. "Prydain is not represented in the councils, and even that joke of a city-state Thebes has a spot." Jafar laughed. "She doesn't have the money to even fix her own castle!"

"How can she have it when there is little to be had in the first place? She does have a country to run. " Hook said, pinching his nose. "I suspect the only reason she hangs on to this castle is because it is there and because it is something from the movie she can still hold onto," he searched for the right words, "a symbol of her continual survival."

"Well, we must commend her on her ability to survive this long." A voice on the other side of the door said. Hook jumped straight into Jafar's arms.

"Brimstone and gall, woman!" Hook yelled at Maleficent. "I don't need a heart attack to aid to my growing list of ailments!" the dark lady laughed as Hook climbed out of Jafar's arms.

"You still have not answered his question, dear captain." She added, leaning on the wall and smiling like she had forgotten more than you could possibly know.

"As I was trying to say," Hook said, straightening his coat. "The deal went well. I merely told her that we are on a quest of our private undertaking and that we would do not harm to the kingdom or her estate in return for shelter. To seal the deal," he smile, "I even promised I would take the Horned King off her hand for extended periods of time."

Maleficent arched an eyebrow. "How come she is now kicking him out after all these years?"

Hook shrugged, picking up his glass and taking a drink. "I could hardly figure. I can only assume he has made himself useful in keeping control of her kingdom. Prydain is full of dark creatures you know, and a necromancer of his power has power enough to break whole regiments in his rotting claws."

Silence reigned supreme for some time, as the band let the moment sit. The day had been long for all, and no one was particularly fond of doing any more work.

"How did Eilonwy come to rule Prydain, anyway?" Jafar asked after a few minutes. "Or where Taran is, for that matter?"

"I know little on the matters of Prydain, mostly due to a lack of interest," Maleficent said, "but I suspect it was because of the power vacuum at the time."

"A power vacuum?" Jafar inquired. "Did not a king reign in Prydain in the books?"

"No, not in the end." Hook said. "There was a series of provinces or so in the book ruled by their respective kings, but since the movie did not define what Prydain was or where Lyr or anything else was! It all simply went into nonexistence." Hook rubbed his forehead in exhaustion. "At best, it imitates a backwater Welsh medieval kingdom with a swathe of Darklands near the northern coast. " He took a drink of his wine. "As for Taran, all I know is that the boy disappeared from history soon after the Kingdom came into existence. My only guess is that one of the occupying members of this castle knows what we do not."

"How do you know all this crap?" Jafar questioned.

"Simple, I read more than just spell books and the _newspaper_." Hook said with a sly smile.

"I hate you, codfish." Jafar spat.

"The feeling is mutual, towel head." Hook finished, pulling his hat over his eyes.

* * *

><p>V.I.P. is back and here to stay (come rain or shine or delays), sorry for the wait and the dismay. I love my readers and reviewers for all their patience, understanding, and enthusiasm; this is especially due to the fact I've said I'm not writing this story anymore…twice now.<p>

My life messes with me. 'Nuff said.

Disclaimer: The characters and settings are copyrighted by their respective owners…until I take over the world!


	20. Change of Plans

Change of Plans  
>by the March Hare<p>

All in all, things were going well. Alice was more than generous, they now had a place to hide out when things got rough, Frollo was not doing hard time, and they had raided a major palace and obtained one of the many crystals of infinite cosmic power; something no villain before had was pretty darn cool.

Until they realized they had no idea where to look for the next piece of the crystal.

"What the heck now?" the March Hare asked.

In the chambers of the Horned King, where many a foul spell had been conjured, the gang spoke by green, cauldron light. The Horned King was concocting a batch of healing potions knowing full well they would be needed, while the rest sat around smacking their head against the wall.

"It would be simple enough to assume they would be hidden in another castle, like the first one." Briar Rose mentioned, plucking on a guitar.

"Yet we lack detailed information on the other castles." Jafar added wringing his staff. "It will not be like last time."

"Let's hope not." Facilier said, leaning on a wall next to a few shelves of various potions. "Rosie almost died." He said, pointing to the archer. "We need to start being more careful or we'll be pushing up daisies."

"Or singing 'Folsom Prison Blues' till our butts prune." The hare added, sitting in a corner and stroking his chin in deep thought (or as deep as the March Hare's thoughts can be).

"I always preferred 'God's Gonna Cut You Down'," the judge noted with a sly smile.

"We also need to get more powerful." Maleficent added, with a smiled as she looked over to Jafar. "We do not know what we are getting into, even with my excellent sources."

Jafar was quietly steaming over having his "wisdom" rubbed into his face.

"But we are!" the hare jumped up. "I can now fight with two weapons, and Frollo can use holy lighty powers!"

Everyone turned to Frollo, who was quietly sitting in the corner. For some reason, he seemed to a have a slight glow to him, like he had been drinking uranium.

"The million dollar question." Hook said, never looking up from the newspaper he was reading. "How did _you_, of all the swordsmen I know, beat the Son of Zeus?"

Frollo was caught between pride and naivety.

"In all honesty, I don't have any idea. One minute I was preparing to meet my maker, and the next…" Frollo paused, unsure of what to say. "I got tired, of being pushed down, pushed around, told I would never be nothing more than scum." His hands started to shake. "And then I remembered. I was doing something bigger than ever before, and I knew that God was proud of me. Suddenly," he said, standing up, "I felt a mighty rush inside of me and…something beyond description." With that, his voice slipped into a quiet whisper, the kind so silent everyone could hear it. "A blessing, an assurance, from beyond."

Hook grinned at his humble friend. "According to this newspaper, you broke his sword, damn-near brained him with your hilt, and then shot him into the wall with blast of light from your mouth."

"I didn't want to go into details." Frollo smiled. "To be frank, I'm still surprised. I'm not sure I could replicate those results either."

Hook frowned, but was understanding. "Well, at least you have them, and that is what works for me." He returned to his newspaper, flipping around or so for further results of that night's actions.

"Hey, Marchie?" Hook asked, confused. "Did you eat the main article?"

"Not this time boss, though it did look rather scrumptious."

"Then why is it that I am looking at only a partial periodical?"

"Because it included something I felt would disturb your little, black heart, sir."

"To hell with my heart!" Hook barked.

"You're right. It's your liver that needs help." The hare quipped.

Hook groaned, while everyone else chuckled, laughed, or guffawed merciless. "Well, what was it about!" he yelled.

"Oh, something about Princess Melody getting kidnapped." The hare said casually.

Everyone looked at the hare, jaws wide open. "Say that again?!" the gang screamed.

The hare huddled into the corner. "Hey! I was just trying to be helpful!" He quickly reached into pocket and threw out the paper. Maleficent caught it and opened it in a huff.

"Princess Melody…disappeared while vacationing with family in Capital… kidnapping…parents distraught…Mickey orders his best on the case…villains are getting questioned." She looked up from the paper, his countenance pale. "Damn… we have a problem."

Rose jumped up and grabbed the newspaper. "How? We have bodyguards, magical wards, weapons of arcane might!"

"I did it." Facilier said meekly.

"Damn good point." Hook said sitting up. "We should organize a search effort immediately. If not to help out then at least to save our reputations."

Jafar looked at him like he had slipped off his rocker. "Save a princess! Hook, we have bigger issues at hand!"

"But this is a little girl!" Facilier yelled at him. "Where's your fucking heart, man?"

"But we would be wasting time! If we get distracted here we would lose possible time that could be used to find the crystals before something happens; which something _always_ does! What we are doing is bigger than a little girl!" Jafar finished, anger pounding off his face.

Maleficent stepped forward. She spoke sarcastically, sharply, as if she was not only angry, but disappointed. "I'm sure Nasira would agree with your line of thought, given the circumstances."

The room fell silent. The March Hare whistled in shock.

Nasira. Jafar's sister. A victim of abuse and manipulation at the hands of a monster. By Allah, the fairy knew where to strike.

Jafar's anger broke. The sudden shock smacked him into reality, and he stopped with his face as red as blood. Without a word, he backed off.

_"He is right, however"_ the Horned King interrupted, knocking his stirring stick on the rim of the cauldron and placing it to the side. _"The kings and queens have many scryers that could find her just as well as we could." _The king spoke softly, stating fact instead of opinion._  
><em>

"But if the kidnapper could get her, than he or she can probably _hide_ her." Rose rebuked.

_"The girl would be a __quest that could cause you to suffer greatly in __the future." _The Horned King pointed out.

"But it is a quest we must do." Hook stood up.

The king looked around. Everyone nodded in silence. The king looked around, and understood.

_"Once I am done here, I will begin to look."_ He said.

"I will help him also." Maleficent added. Everyone turned to Jafar. He looked up, knowing the stares were there.

"I'm in." He said, his eyes full of painful memories and regrets.

* * *

><p>A plan was conceived. The Maleficent and the Horned King would stay at the castle and search with their arcane arts, the rest would go to the scene of the crime.<p>

"Leaving already?" Eilwony remarked to Hook. She eyed the group of warriors gathered before her suspiscially.

"We need the key to the castle waypoint. _Now_." Jafar snapped.

Eliwony shot him a nasty look, but Hook stepped inbetween.

"Please." He asked, his eyes honestly pleading. "It's of great consequence."

She looked him over quickly. "Fine, but make sure your friend there knows he still talks to royalty." She reached into a pocket, pulled out a ring of keys, and pulled off a rather ugly looking key, graced with the face of a rotting man. "And whatever it is, do take care."

Hook nodded, and the gang raced past her to the basement where the waypoint sat.

As the mysterious, hooded albino passed by her, she suddenly smelled roses and tasted of sunlight.

* * *

><p>Waypoints. A tricky bit of business. A series of portals built to connect non-magic users to each other for emergency. Mickey had them set up for provide for fast travel for royalty and other important people. They had a complex set of rules and regulations, certain keys or codes allowing for certain ways or certain portals blocked from the average noble to go to and so on and so forth.<p>

Their use was not standard procedure, for they were for emergency use only, and repeated use of them created a rather nasty case of the-

"Clear the way!" the hare cried as he went running out the door for the nearest bathroom, almost getting torched in the process by a trap.

"Where are we?!" Rose yelled, nocking and drawing an arrow in surprise. The room they arrived in was pitched black save for a light from down the hall. Around them were stone sentinels, in the shape of dragons, each with a flamer in their open jaws. Pointed at them.

"The Vogue's waypoint, darlin'." Facilier pushed her bow down. "Nothin' to be worried about. Just no _sudden_ movements."

"The Vogue! Do not tell me you villains hacked into the waypoint and-"

Everyone stared at her blankly.

Rose rolled her eyes. "I should just stop putting things past your kind, should I?"

"Probably." Hook said with a smile.

Jafar moved forward. One of the dragons shifted towards him.

"The Left Eye of Hell." He said, enunciating each word perfectly. The dragon turned away.

"So, you also set a trap for trespassers." Rose said, not too surprised.

"Traps, you mean." Facilier said with a guilty smile.

Jafar outpaced the group, each other step saying a random phrase or word that would prevent him from being decapitated, shocked, torched, or impaled.

"He's mad." Frollo whispered to Hook. "You think he will calm down anytime soon?"

"Not until I smack him around a bit." Hook grumbled.

It took them 10 minutes or so at Jafar's pace to get through the black stone labyrinth, each hall full of devious devices , with only eternally burning braziers to light the way.

"Who made this place?" Rose inquired to Facilier.

"The man in front," he said pointing to the former vizier. "I heard he spent months workin' on the designs."

"So, he knows every nook and cranny to this maze?"

"I hope."

Jafar took a sudden turn, and the group followed, only to arrive to a dead end.

"What do we do-?" Rose began to ask.

Jafar just walked on through, disappearing through the wall without a single disturbance.

"Answers that." Rose shrugged. In line the rest of the group followed through the invisible hole, with the princess last in line.

The bright light burned her eyes. She raised a shielding hand, letting her sight adjust to the new wonders. Well, wonder would be a loose term here. The Villain's Vogue, in all its seedy crime-noir-like glory, was surprisingly empty for the most part, the massive form of the demon lord Chernabog sitting alone with a undersized newspaper. Despite the employers the only villain in the joint was Hades, smiling away.

"Hey, James, Faci, Jafar! How are things goin'? See ya not in prison yet!"

"Horrible, still." Hook replied. "Did you see the Hare run by?"

"He usin' the john." He took a sip of his margarita, and Rose saw something worm-like crawl in it.

"Good." Hook muttered. "Alright, Jafar, Rose, you two go and snoop around the crime scene. The castle on Sneezy Street, with the blue banners adorned with gold trim.   
><span>

"Heraldry?" Jafar inquired curtly.

"Fish and sea-bird."

The sorcerer and the archer rushed out the stairs, as silent as the wind.

"Facilier, you'll go with me and we'll question anybody we can." Facilier nodded and followed the two before him. "Frollo, you hang with-"

"No!" Frollo stuck a defiant finger into Hook's chest.

"I need someone to keep him in line!" Hook swatted the finger aside. "Plus, I want you two to snoop around the ports. If Melody ran away, that's the first place she would go."

"And go where ruffians and thugs preside?!"

"She's a half-mermaid, for God's sake! She loves the water!" Hook countered. "That, and no fool in their right mind would mess with a former inquisitor and his mad, hammer-swinging servant!"

Frollo looked him dead in the eye. "If he gives me so much as one bite, I will personally burn him alive."

Hook smiled. "No use, it would only tickle."

* * *

><p>Hook met Facilier up at the castle on Sneezy Street, a sort of summer retreat for the royal family. It was settled along the river, no surprise, and Hook remembered the many times he would pass by the place and gaze at it, for some reason beyond his current understanding. It really wasn't much, the family being more prone to outdoor activities than lounging around in a fancy-smancy spot. Perhaps it was the boats; they were always fine-tuned sailing ships. Or maybe it was the sight of people like him, more home on the water than the land. Or it might of been...<p>

Reality shook him awake.

Whatever it was, it kept him watching for something as he walked up the street. His first sight of the day was the massive mob of investigators, guards, and reporters looking for the scoop. No sight of the royal family; they must be hiding inside.

A black shadow crossed his path, and Facilier stepped out of alley way. Hook would have jumped, but he was expecting Facilier to watch from the darkness. He wasn't, however, expecting Facilier to be wearing a trench coat and sunglasses.

"What? Summer heat not good enough for you?" Hook quipped.

"It's got a purpose, mind you! Plus, it looks better than your leotards."

Hook held back his venom. "Where'd you go?"

"Went by my house to see if no one had been snooping."

"Clean?"

"As a whistle, but I moved it just in case."

Hook nodded, made a mental note to check up on his ship, and then began to look over the castle. A few guards, a wizard for two, but nothing more. He knew there had to be more than just walls to the thing.

"What do your eyes see that mine cannot?" Hook inquired.

"A magical ward, with not a scratch on it, just around the wall. Not even Maleficent could have left it untouched. Whoever did this was good. Or smart."

"What do you mean?" Hook looked over to him.

"If I was to kidnap a princess, I would have her do the work for me."

"You mean someone talked her into coming out?"

"Something like that. Can Jafar sneak into a place like this?" Facilier suddenly realized the Arab would have to get pass the barrier too.

"Why don't you ask him?" Hook pointed to the sight of a tall, dark man in a black suit, sporting a ponytail and snake eyes. By his side, a brute with biceps the size of Christmas hams. Slipping through the crowd, the man said a few words to the commanding officer, who let him and the thug walk by.

"I see he's got connections."

"I have yet to meet a scummier reporter." Hook smiled.

"Got an idea on how to get inside?" Facilier asked.

"You got any of that magic powder left?"

Facilier chuckled, turning his pockets out. "The spirits hung up on me a long time ago."

"You should go and apologize for not paying enough attention to them." Hook jested.

"Bah, the bad ones ain't worth it, and the good ones don't forgive or forget."

"Perhaps the good ones will if you let them. Frollo seems to be getting back to the basics. Maybe you should."

Facilier went to reply, but then an idea hit him.

"How do you feel about swimming?"

* * *

><p>It was a far shot at first, but with a little help from the reeds off the side of the dock for snorkels, the doctor and the pirate were in the river. The plan?<p>

Step 1) Wait in the water. When you see a funny looking fish, follow it. Chances are it is a royal messenger or reporter of sorts.

Step 2) Following it should lead to a secret passage way. Facilier assumed that Melody and Ariel had friends and family they would want to keep in contact with, so creating a way for them to come and play inside would be good if they needed to avoid attention or if the weather was bad. All they would have to do was wait for someone to come, which being as it was only the first morning of the kidnapping meant it should be soon.

Step 3) Sneak in. Quickly dry. Find anyone or anything that could help. If possible (and safe to do so), speak directly to the royal couple for the best info.

Step 4) Get the Hell out before anyone caught on.

Optional) Grab a few shiny things to sell for later.

"Facilier, we are not stealing from a family in their time of need!"

"Hey, just cause I got a heart doesn't mean I don't have brain! They're rich, they can afford it! Plus, we helpin' to find their daughter. It's called _compensation_!"

Hook was about to give up until an thought occurred to him. "And what would Rose think of that?"

_Optional_ was quickly scratched.

Fortunately, the rest of the plan worked like a bell. With his granddaughter missing (again), Triton was in a uproar. Naturally, he arrived himself with his personal guard, and with triton in hand he was escorted in complete secrecy to the secret passage way, a seemingly unmoving rock that shifted with the right words. Staying close to the shadows of the dock, the duo watched as the sea-king and his mermen went in.

"How are we going to get the password?" Hook thought as he looked over to Facilier. The witch doctor smiled wickedly at him. He pointed a little bit below the king, to his shadow. At first unsure of whether it was a trick of the light or something, he squinted his eyes.

Shadow was smiling back at him.

The royal retinue stopped at the stone, as Triton leaned in and spoke the magic words. The rock moved to the side, and the group swam on in. Just as the rock closed; Shadow darted back to his master. The dark thing whispered into the master's ear. Facilier nodded with a smug smile.

"Thank God for weird friends," thought the pirate.

* * *

><p>Jafar walked into the palace, the first location being a large, green courtyard that led to the gates of the keep itself. The sorcerer's snake-like eyes were already shifting around for any scent of evidence. While normally he would have been on the royal couple for interviews, this time his work was that of a detective. He was driven, his steps careful and steady as he observed the place. Fact-finding wizards and truth-searching investigators looked over the place for any hint or clue or hope. Jafar sneered, for he knew just by walking in that the place was clean.<p>

"Amateurs."

He looked over his side. His brute was by his side, a mountain of a man with a Neanderthal form and mood to match.

"Let's go to the keep." The brute nodded in response, following the reporter without word.

Jafar earned more than his fair share of glances as local inspectors caught sight of him. Despite his exterior image as a moral reporter of the highest caliber, the villain stigma that hung on him was always heavy when he had to walk with others of his career. They hated him for his skill, they hated him for his connections, they hated him for his past, but mostly they hated him just to hate him.

If he wasn't in such a bad mood, he would of inwardly smiled. However, circumstances as they were the sting still stung and Jafar was eager to get to the bottom of this event. Making his way to the keep's open gates, he walked in. The place was worse than the courtyard, packed to the brim with searchers. If there was anything here it would be hard to find without getting a few of these fools out of his way.

The massive brute by his side lightly tapped his shoulder and pointed at a stick figure in the mess. Grimsby, the royal family's head servant, was directing traffic and giving orders, making sure all was done properly and that none of the searchers got in the way of business. The stress of the recent events obviously weighed heavily on his face.

"He would be helpful if he wasn't so busy." Jafar thought. He turned to the brute. "Where is the girl's room?"

The brute pointed up the stairs.

"Should've of guessed." He strode across the floor, while his sidekick lumbered behind him. Making his way up the stairs and past the mobs, he stopped at the top. "Where to next?" he asked.

The giant pointed to the right.

The halls were no better than the rest of the place, but Jafar was driven. Making his way past hanging blue banners and portraits with shining gold frames, he saw where the hall opened up and the family's rooms split up. Unfortunately, in his way was-

_"Hello, Jafar."_

Phoebus.

* * *

><p>Another March has come and gone. Typical one actually. Lost all my underwear, and somehow I woke up with a wrench up my left nostril. Half the room looked like some maniac with oversized front teeth had just gnawed through it, again. Got to find out where he comes from. Fortunately, this time around I actually came out with something good. Thanks to some skillful use of rope, a small jar (with holes in it), a collection of Spanish Butterflies in a tea kettle, and a tinker fairy, I was able to borrow, use, and (apparently) return in (mostly one piece) a very precious item of importance to a dear character of ours. More on that later…<p>

Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. You may all be a bunch of ugly, fat, lazy slobs who will never amount to anything, but you'll always have a place in my heart (P.S. It's Opposite Day!). I do apologize about the delay; life can be such a pain. However, the show must go on!

Also, Nasira is real, unoriginal character from the video game _**Disney's Aladdin in Nasira's**_** Revenge**; her past however is a creation by Angel of Darkness 1959 in her stories for Jafar and Nasira. Read them now! You can find them in the Jafar chapter for "Genesis" and entire work of "Shattered".

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters and copyrighted items in this non-profit work of fiction. I'm too busy dealing crack fiction anyway to infringe into copyright issues anyway.


	21. Dealings with the Helpful and Not-So-Hel

Dealings with the Helpful and Not-So-Helpful  
>By the Marvelous March Hare<p>

Phoebus had been captain of the guard for over a decade now. He had served in Paris for a while after the fall of Frollo, but Mickey, seeing his effectiveness, asked him to serve in the most splendid (and second-slimiest) city in all the world*. Seeing the paycheck, and the fact his now wife Esmeralda was feeling like settling down for the first time in her life (away from the extended family of gypsies that had never left crime), it was a sweet deal.

He had a record as clean as the Holy Grail itself. Nobody could stop him, and nobody could escape him. He was to protect and serve the people of the Disney Capital, and he did it to his utmost ability. His only flaw?

He was friends with the Villains.

Actually, only a few of them, but that was enough to give him the connections he needed to outwit the common thugs and thieves of the Underworld. He was a social and wise man, and given the fact he understood what it was like to be an outcast, he quietly warmed up to the more decent villains. Clayton, Hook, and to some extent Jafar were some of his best allies and closest friends in the war against crime.

This time, however, he knew there was more to this than met the eye.

"Before you say anything else, I know nobody that was a part of this." Jafar said, the one time in his life that statement was true.

"I figured, but forgive me for being suspicious. Very _**few**_ people have the connections, power, and motivation to kidnap royalty."

Jafar and the Brute glanced at each other. "Can we talk in private, please?" Jafar inquired. "This many people around makes me…" he wringed his hands for a moment. "nervous."

Phoebus frowned. "Alright, but no funny business." He backed up, opened the door to the servant's quarters, looked around, and walked downward. The two glanced over at each over, looked around in caution, and followed.

The servant's quarter was empty; everyone that would normally be there were being interrogated. The place was common, humble, and possessing of that peasant charm that Jafar loathed. A few rooms with a few beds and a fire place or two, a chest or so to hold possessions, and nothing more than the necessary tools and a few art pieces of wood. Outside, a set of prized cows and a chicken coop provided the only sound. To others, it was simple beauty. To the sorcerer, it only reminded him of poverty.

"Talk." Phoebus said, slamming the door. "And make it good."

Jafar cleared his throat, and began. "We were hiding out when me and my friends heard of this dreadful deed. We decided to help, to make up for our recent… misbehavior."

"Yeah, good luck on that." Phoebus quipped.

"Anyway, we felt bad. I was sent here to investigate the crime scene. Hook and Facilier are looking are doing some (hopefully legal) interrogation, and Frollo and the March Hare are checking out possible routes the kidnappers took in and out."

"Why are you working with the that nut?"

"Hook thinks he is useful."

"I was talking about Frollo."

"So was I."

Phoebus shook his head. "And who's your friend here?"

"Hired thug, makes people think twice."

Phoebus looked the giant over. "Yeah, he would do that, but why would the almighty Jafar need back-up."

"True." Jafar admitted. "But since I'm forbidden to use magic, I need a little more help in the physical department."

The guardsman didn't buy it for one second.

"Look," the former vizier stated. "All I need is some time to look at the crime scene."

"But we've got it covered!" Phoebus countered, frustrated. "You guys need to trust the law once and a while, okay?"

"We've got a theory and a plan, plus the resources and a distinct lack of other cases and messes to solve (besides the beer feast at the Sultan's palace)." Jafar parried back. "We trust the law; that's why we still work with you guys. Now, you need to trust us to do what the law can't do…do it faster and _safer_ for the lost princess..."

Phoebus backed off and took a breath, taking off his helmet and running a hand through his hair. "God...why?" he moaned, looking up to the heavens for answers that never came. Closing his eyes, he thought for a second. "Alright, take the case." He then pointed a finger at Jafar. "But don't screw up. We **cannot** afford to lose another princess."

Jafar smiled. "Don't worry. We're experts on kidnappings."

* * *

><p>"This place smells as bad as a fisherman's dock." The March Hare stated, walking along with his glued-together hammer over his shoulder.<p>

"That's because it is a fisherman's dock." Frollo replied, frustrated.

The March Hare looked around in confusion, and then stopped and smiled stupidly. "Oh."

The place was downtown Disneyville, the Docks, where the all the dirty business went up and down the river but the smell stayed. Frollo had a feeling he was going to be stuck here for a while.

"Here's the deal, hare. If you can limit the amount of suffering I must experience when I am with you, I will give you a lollipop of your choice flavor."

"Only if the stick has the same flavor."

Downtown Disneyville By-The-Water was a rough place. It offered little kindness, knew little care. Business was business; don't get stupid and think otherwise. Things came in, things came out, what was done was done and the cops were left to clean it up. Frollo had avoided this place to the best of his ability, it held Death, Money and nothing more.

Their destination; The Blind Wolf.

Past the low-rent area and various establishments of vice, the duo walked by the river.

"Any thoughts?" Frollo inquired, hoping the hare would actually have something good to say.

The hare rubbed his chin and scratched his head with his ear. "Smells like fish."

"You mean the whole thing smells fishy to you?"

"That too." The hare replied. "If someone wants to frame you guys, stealin' a princess would be great. After all that's goin' on, I'm starting to get a hunch that someone out to bring the Villains down."

"A hero?"

"Probably not. Most heroes think that they have you under their thumb, though that is probably less true these days. A villain? I doubt it, too risky. Somebody in between with an axe to grind? Most likely, but let's not rule out the thing-a-ma-bobbers that serve one side or the other. Not many pay attention to the little guys."

Frollo was surprised. "That's rather perceptive of you, March…get off my leg! Get off my leg! GET OFF MY LEG!"

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the two were standing before The Blind Wolf, a seedy sailor's tavern (which one isn't?) that was made of old rotten blackwood. Above the door was a sign hanging on a post with a wolf writhing in pain with no eyes.<p>

The blind wolf…the sign of Big Bad.

"Let's go in." Frollo said as he rubbed his leg.

The air was whiskey, the smell was pain. The light was candles of old whale fat and gas lamps. Various knick-knacks and trophies hung on the walls from the many sailors that had passed through the place. A lone fiddler played slow, low sea shanties as the club seemed covered in a thick sheet of despair, further proving that only the lonely and wretched drink in the day. In the corner of the place, alone and desecrated with liquor, stood the small statue of Calypso, goddess of the sea. Only a few gold coins laid at her feet. Frollo wanted to grab the idol and toss it in the fire.

As soon as the door closed behind them, the whole world turned to stare them down.

"Hmm, reminds me of home." The March Hare muttered.

The two walked forward carefully, keeping an eye out for sudden movement. Frollo's hand on was his concealed sword, and March kept his teeth ready for a quick bite. The people feared them, but numbers were on their side, so that they looked at Frollo and March like wolves on a lamb. Frollo approached the bar first, keeping his icy cold stare on the bartender.

"Where's Big?"

"My pants." The bartender curtly replied.

A flash of metal burned in the dull light, and before a single man could move the bartender's mustache was on the floor. For second the crowd jumped, but the shock that the bartender was still alive stopped everything. That, and the March was giving everyone the evil eye to see who would make the first move and get a taste of his hammer.

The world stood still as Frollo pressed the tip of the blade to the man's throat.

"The only reason you still stand is because you still have worth to me. Do not disappoint."

Frollo and March were led to a hidden door behind the shrine, where after passing through a narrow hallway they were brought to an iron door. One of the two guards, a giant of a bear-man, knocked on the door.

"Hey, boss! That crazy stalker guy is here to see ya!"

Before Frollo could correct him, a voice on the other side laughed. "Why, let him in!"

The duo were led in. The carpet was scarlet red velvet, but ratty, and the walls were scarlet too. Various stains plastered the walls here and there, but the two knew better than to ask. The back wall had a small library stacked in a book case, while the sides had various pictures from Big Bad's life (His "achievements"). In front of them, the wolf himself sat in a large, black chair rolled and swirled with his every movement.

He seemed very pleased to see them.

"Brothers! How ya doin'?" He threw his hands up in the air and laughed. "Oh, but pardon me. I'm being a poor host." His massive paw slunk into the desk and produce three cigars. "On the house!" he proclaimed as he handed one to each of them, and then began to smoke the last himself.

"Ah, Maldonian cigars!" the March Hare proclaimed, snatching his gift and producing a match. He lit it and slipped it between his teeth. Take a few puffs, his eyes already began to glean over. "Good stuff."

"Forgive me, I don't smoke." Frollo said, passing the cigar away, in which it was promptly snatched up by March and stuffed into his jaw.

"What's with the teeth marks on your leg there?" the wolf inquired, pointing

"Why, the fine hare here." Frollo said sarcastically.

"Figures." Big Bad smirked, looking over at the hare who was flashing a giant grin. "What brings you to this neck of the woods. Ya ain't offerin' to paint houses for me, I figure*."

"You would be right there. For once, we are on the side of good." The March Hare said, took a giant drag out of the two cigars. The smoke floated out of his ears and out into the atmosphere, where Frollo accidently took a large lungful and began to cough tremendously.

"Let me guess," Wolf said, taking a pause himself to huff a little and blow it over to where Frollo was hacking his lungs out on the wall. "You want to know if I know the whereabouts of a certain princess."

"Only if you actually know where she is." The hare smiled back.

"It'll cost you." The wolf grinned back.

"You'd put a price on the life that could cost all our own? " March replied, playing the conscience card. "Normally, I'm cool where all of this stuff, but this bigger than you and me."

"I'm a business man, not a priest." Big Bad said, leaning back in his chair. "But this time I'll be generous."

"Well, at least you can be that." The March Hare thought.

Wolf cleared his throat. "I'll let you name an appropriate price, and if you can pay that I will provide for you the information you seek."

Inside, the March Hare rolled his eyes. Outside, he nodded with a thoughtful look on his face. A few moments passed as the two smoked away in silence and Frollo, whose lungs had finally settled down, crawled back slowly.

"Have we reached an agreement?" he asked, red-faced.

"I think we have." The March Hare replied. "I know the whereabouts to a secret shipment of loot that was recently seized by the Chinese from a bandit horde in the Northern Steppes. If you can take it, it's all yours."

"From who was it?" the Wolf asked.

"One of Shan-Yu's old lieutenants, Touman."

"Ah, that bastard had it coming in the end. Still, his loot should be a nice gain, and should get some attention on the black market." The Wolf stuck his paw out, the one that had made countless back-stabbing contracts, and said "Deal."

* * *

><p>Hook and Facilier, meanwhile, where gasping for air.<p>

"Sweet Jesus! I almost drowned!" Facilier managed to cough out between breathes.

"Better than actually drowning." Hook pointed out. He stood up, and shook his legs to get the excess water off. "Now, to find our way up and out of here."

"Right on it." Facilier said, creeping up to the side of the door and peeking out from behind the wall. With a point of his fingers, the witch doctor sent Shadow down one hallway, and then like a night on the run down the other path. The spirit came back with a smile.

"We got some good luck finally popping up for us." Facilier whispered with a grin. "Ain't sight or sound or hair of a servant or guard down here."

"Sounds good." Hook said, stacking up next to Facilier. "Lead the way, Shadowman."

"Aye, aye Cap." The witch doctor nodded his hat.

With Shadow far in lead to check for trouble, the trio dashed quietly down the halls, turning corners hard and fast. It then occurred to Facilier that while they were leaving a water trail that a drunk water witch could follow, King Triton and his entourage had not.

"Hey Cap, when did Mermen start NOT leaving water when they got on up land?"

Hook and Facilier stopped dead, looked at each other, and reached for their weapon.

They found themselves in the middle of a dimly lit 4-way passage way, back to back, and from each hall rang the dark chuckle of the Sea King.

"I thought you villains smarter than this. I should've of known that you were foolish enough to return and gloat over you're wicked deed."

"How did Shadow not see the goddamn King of the Seven Seas!?" Hook rasped under his breath at Facilier.

"He's the King! He's got some big-bad in his mojo, man! How can we compete with that?"

"You're absolutely right. You have such a little mojo!" spat Hook in frustration.

"The better question would be how you're going to survive this." Growled King Triton.

Suddenly, the sound of rushing water could be heard from the corridor they had just came from.

Facilier and Shadow threw their hands in the air. "Well, mother-"

"RUN!" Hook grabbed Facilier by the collar and pulled him forward, Shadow back in the lead. Facilier's feet caught up,and the two ran for their lives, as suddenly a mighty surge of water came roaring for them.

"So much for subtly!" screamed the witch doctor.

"Less talking, more footing!"

Down the corridors of the castle underground they scrambled, as the roaring waters gained upon them.

"Shadow, exit! NOW!" Facileir commanded, but the spirit needed little order. It raced ahead, and Hook panicked.

"Where's he going!"

"The way out!" Facilier cried, taking the lead. "Just follow me!"

Hook wanted better answers, but with the water damn-near lapping his heels he felt little need to waste breath.

Taking another turn, and suddenly they saw a glimmer of light.

"Don't stop to open the door! Just keep running!" Facilier cried, and true to his word they kept running, only barely avoiding smashing the door aside as Shadow opened it and the men kept going, bolting up the stairs, and to Louis' kitchen. Not seeing the French cook, and the massive feast he was preparing for dinner, the trio smashed right into him, sending everything airborne. Facilier sprawled out somewhere between the caviar and Danish pastries, while Hook managed to land face-first into the turkey, gravy, stuffing, and all.

"What is the meaning of this!" Louis cried, as the three men breathlessly scrambled their way out of the mess.

Hook, who had just removed his head from a cooked bird's nether regions, took one look and promptly knocked the cook over the head with his claw.

"What now?" Facilier gasped wiping himself off. Hook, brushing himself off and shaking his hat to get the stuffing off, was just ready to reply when he suddenly spotted the incoming water from the basement. Apparently, Triton was madder than he thought. Being an overprotective parent/grandparent can do that.

"Why, we keep running!" Hook said, and with not the slightest of hesitation the two bolted out the kitchen.

The two ran into the hallway, and realized that would not be as easy as it seemed. People ran to and fro, servants busy as bees, guards as mad as hornets, and detectives of the magical and non-magical sorts scuttling about like cockroaches.

The captain jumped back from the crowd. "Great Scott! Where to now?!"

Behind them, a very malevolent force could be felt, with a surging desire to skewer them like shish kabobs and cook them over a fire.

"No time to stop!" Facilier exclaimed. "When all else fails, join the flow."

The two men slipped into the mess, pass the guards and up the closest stairs. Sticking close to the shadows they snatched a set of caps from a clothes rack next to what may of possibly been the Men's restroom and continue up and through the castle until they arrived upon a empty hallway.

Breathless and tired, they stopped to catch themselves.

"Oh, mother of God!" sighed Facilier as he leaned on the wall. "I think we lost him."

"And ourselves." Hook muttered.

And that much was true. They had arrived on what must have been a upper level to the castle, away from the royal chambers, but not too far away from the dining room, leading Hook to assume this must be the guest area. It was nice enough, a blue wallpaper like the rest of the castle. Paintings of Eric's ancestors and busts of the same were set all around them, with the occasional flower vase to brighten the mood. It seemed to the captain, however, that the flowers seemed rather down themselves, as if they were crying. It was to his surprise, then, that the crying he heard was not from the plants, but from one of the rooms. To his left, down one in fact.

Facilier suddenly heard it too, his body perking up in interest. "You hearing what I'm hearing?"

"Yes, and I want you to watch for trouble while I go to check it out."

"Don't we have bigger things to handle, like the Queen Fishy's daddy?"

"You know that magical, odd intuition you get when you feel you are being drawn to something?" Hook asked quietly as he crept down the hall.

"Yeah," Facilier replied, "all too well of late."

"I got it." Hook slowly reached for the door knob, and looked back. Facilier was already hidden from sight, but the pirate captain knew he was as safe as he was going to get.

"I might be a fool for trusting my instincts too much," thought the elegant Captain Hook as he silently opened the door. "But I've felt this feeling before-"

As the door open, he espied a young woman, pale as a glimmer of light on the water, with fiery scarlet hair crying alone on a bed.

"And I know who this woman is."

There before him, her back to the door, was Queen Ariel, Lady of a Land and Sea.

* * *

><p>*In the Italian Mafia, someone "who paints houses" is actually a hitman. Also, do you want to know the slimiest city in the Disney World? Well, keep reading!<p>

I'm back! Dreadfully sorry for the hiatus, but life is life. We ride on the roller coaster, but we can't stop its ups or downs. Recently having gone through an massive down, and possible more downs in the near-future, updates will now continue on as (semi)normal. I want to thank all my fans, both old and new, for hanging in there for me, and I hope to honor this commitment with more (hopefully) beautiful work. I apologize especially to Angel of Darkness, who has always made sure to check out my Disney stories and who has been supportive of me regardless of the strangeness of my story. I only wish that you will fulfill all the dreams you heart desires, and that you may be truly happy with life. And, if that fails, I'll reserve you a spot in the Pit of Shame where we'll drink warm beers, grow fat, and laugh as others who failed at life (just like us).

MARCHIE OUT!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the original ideas presented in this fictional story. I have made no money off this creation and wish only to entertain and enlighten.


	22. Gathering the Storms in My Fists

Gathering the Storms in My Fists

by the Marvelous March Hare

There was no light in this chamber, no joy to be had. The light blue walls were, in the dimness, a miserable shade, and the gold linings on the walls a dull sheen. The one window had been drawn close, shuttered and blinds drawn. It was only Queen Ariel, Captain James Hook, and the darkness...

The pirate slowly entered, but did not shut the door. Once in, he stood to his straightest, even though the sight in front of him tore his heart to ribbons. A mother's pain is a sorry thing to see, but the loss of an only, dearly beloved child just the worse. Hook remembered another little fact too...it was the only child ever to be born of a Disney Princess to be lost to evil. Sad but true, no Disney Princess could have a child unless that child was created. To say Melody's arrival was a surprise was an understatement; everyone was talking about, even the most "esteemed" of villains. It had never happened before, and so far it had not happened again, though in their deepest of hearts every royal couple dreamed of it.

Now, it was that child's _loss_ that would be on everyone's heart and lips.

Hook, knowing that nothing he could do would make this easy, simply cleared his throat until the former mermaid, shocked to hear something other than her own tears, jumped to herself, spinning around wildly to catch sight of the intruder. Had it been a servant or one of her loved ones she would have been alright, but what stood before her was neither but something more akin to sea slug's droppings in her eyes.

"What are you doing here!" she screamed, the anguish in her face turned to shock and fear as she grabbed a nearby vase in preparation to bludgeon Hook to death if need be.

Hook, for his part, was hoping for a gentler response, but did the best with what he had. "My lady," he politely, if a little worriedly, bowed (his hook ready to stop a flying porcelain object if need be), "I've come not to harm, but to help!"

"I won't have anything to do with you, or any of your schemes, right now!" and at this she launched the vase, which Hook promptly blocked with his claw only to discover the momentum of the flying projectile knocking him to his rear. The next thing he heard was the sound of a dagger leaving it's sheath, so it was no surprise when he opened his eyes to meet the tempestuous blues of Ariel with the sensation of cold steel to his neck.

"A dagger!" he mentally remarked. "How womanly to hide one wherever they go."

"My lady, listen!" he chocked out, only to have the blade brought that much closer to his throat.

"No, you listen!" she screamed, her tears flowing again. "My little girl is gone, and if you don't tell me right now where she is I will stain the carpet with your blood!"

"That's a pity, madam," came the dark baritone of Dr. Facilier. "Yours too would soon ruin this fine rug if you did so."

Facilier had stepped out of the shadows, and without a sound had placed his ebony machete to Ariel's throat.

"You're not making things better!" Hook rasped.

"You're not doing too hot of a job yourself, cap'." Facilier remarked.

Ariel, for her part, was shimmering with rage, caught between killing Hook only to lose herself.

"Shut-up! Both of you!" she half-halfheartedly shouted. "Have you come to take me too?" the last part came out like a beaten dog's whimper, along with a certain amount of hope in that voice that sadden Hook; she wanted to see her daughter so badly that she was willing to be taken by those she hated most.

"No," Hook managed. "We've come to help find her."

The confusion on the queen's face was plain. "What?"

"We've come to help find her- will you put that blade away, Facilier!"

Facilier shrugged as he sheathed his blade. "Your blood."

Ariel kept the blade on his throat, but Hook could tell she was now listening.

"When we heard about her kidnapping, we-"

"Whose we?" she demanded.

"Me, Facilier, Frollo, Jafar, the March Hare; we all joined up and came here looking for answers. Jafar's checking out the crime scene, Frollo and the Hare are hunting for how the kidnappers may have escaped, and Facilier and I came to ask any questions as to who might know anything."

Hook took a breath, partially to breath and partially to see if his words had any affect. Fortunately for the arteries in his throat they did, as the queen slowly lifted her blade a half an inch to afford the pirate some space.

"And what do you want in return?" she wisely asked.

Behind her, Facilier mouthed the word "MONEY" over and over again.

"Nothing!" Hook said, causing Facilier to quietly curse. "Only that we may be able to help unhindered by the authorities."

"And why should I believe that this is not a trap?" she inquired calmly, her natural political instincts kicking in.

"We gain nothing from stealing your daughter, for we know by now victory in such matters is impossible. But by helping you get your daughter back, safe and sound, we will get some form of redemption in the eyes of the public, and that is victory enough."

"Allowing for bigger schemes in the future." she harshly replied.

"Look, I can't say we're clean as an admiral's whistle, but I can assure you that with our connections, we can find her, steal her back without any moral obligations to the lives of the captors-" this one especially caught her interest- "and get her back without wasting a single righteous life in the attempt."

"Only to ransom her back." Ariel put the knife back to Hook's throat.

"Sorry _chere_," Facilier said as he sat on Ariel's bed and quietly helped himself to her wine. "She gotcha beat."

"I will even, in trust of good faith, leave my very own diploma form Eton College in your possession to safeguard and hold as a possible threat until we return with your daughter."

You could have heard a silent character shout.

Facilier whistled. "College boy playing for the jackpot."

"Your college diploma for my daughter?" On paper, what Ariel had said was silly, but everyone knew, unless fresh out of the big screen, that Hook valued his days at Eton more highly than all the gold in the vaults of the Disney Kingdom.

"Deal," she agreed, "but I want that diploma in my hands **tonight**." And with that , she slowly lifted Hook to his feet and (keeping the dagger firm to his throat) marched him down the hall, to the main area where she handed him off to the guards. Facilier, for his part, finished a bottle off and followed the queen down step by step, accepting temporary custody so as to one keep Hook from a premature demise, and, two, relieve any potential worries that he was up to no good. Truth was, he was also pick-pocketing people all the way down into custody, finishing off with a pair of keys off one of the guards in chance of the need for a quick escape.

Soon, the men were brought into a dark room, where Ariel, Prince Eric, a couple of nasty looking guards, and a few servants answered to the best of their abilities what they had seen that night, while a very enraged King Triton watched on. He, unfortunately, knew nothing, but he wanted to keep an eye on them anyway, which frankly made the duo feel like they were in a oven while a madman held the knob that would turn it to inferno.

The details were as dreary as they were mysterious.

What was know as this: the night was cold, and a dark fog from the see had moved in. Ariel and Eric had tucked in Melody for the night, only for an hour later for the servants to see a dark figure shuffle out of her room with a large bag. The guards were called by the servants, who quickly took chase of the thief, only to lose sight of it as soon as it stepped off the castle wall, falling directly into the river, and out of sight.

The figure was described was humanoid in shape, standing 5 to 6 feet, but wrapped in magic so as to seem...formless, as if shadow. It had left no evidence, no trace of disturbance, save for a note on Melody's bed reading:

The Night is Still Young.

There was nothing more, nothing less. Nothing stolen, nothing left of the dear princess.

Hook left the castle with a shudder. "We're up against some foul magic." The two pushed through the crowd in disguise, only to throw it aside as they got out of sight of the crowd, but not the castle.

Facilier scratched his chin, thinking deeply. "She must've planned for days."

"She?" Hook inquired incredulously. "You think the princess kidnapped herself?"

"Mama always said that the caterpillar was the only one to decide when it got out of the cocoon."

"What makes you think this?"

"I've been in ivory prisons before, and they look just like that." Facilier turned around and faced the castle they just left, and pointing at the room where Melody would have resided. "Nice, clean,and perfect on the outside, but ugly as a gator's smile on the inside."

"How about some damn clues?" Hook stood along with him, looking up and down the castle. "We can't go theorizing mad schemes. It's not the good old days when people were lynched in the streets without a jury."

"I'll get you back for that." Facilier remarked, and then carried on. "Did you see the way Ariel and Eric stood away from each other, all locked up in their own little worlds."

"Yes, they did seem not to want to comfort one another."

"No' did they share any looks, besides ones of anger." Facilier pointed out.

"I didn't see that, but then again your eyes are better in these matters than mine." Hook twirled his mustache with his claw. " Your saying that this is all really..."

"One giant prison break from a broken family." Facilier finished.

"That would be hard sell to the courts, especially with our lack of evidence. But why wouldn't King Triton not know?"

"You read the papers. The big man's been dealing with some trouble down below. He hadn't had time to visit. This has been for some months now, mind you."

"Good point, and I hadn't seen much of the royal family on the river since...a few months ago."

The two looked at each other.

"I smell something fishy, and it ain't no bass." Facilier darkly noted.

"But where has the princess gone to?" Hook wondered. "We know the possibility of why she ran away, but we need to know the how and where so we can get her back safely and then figure this matter out."

"Sea magic, some old stuff." Came Jafar's voice. The shadowman and the pirate looked up to see Jafar and Briar Rose disguised as a mountain of a man coming down the path. "Common sorcery could not pick it up, so it was fortunate that we made it here before any really powerful magi showed up."

"How did you find out?"

"Some of her perfume bottles did not have perfume in them." Jafar said, opening his jacket to reveal a few glasses containers holding a glittering liquid. "I slipped them in before Phoebus could see it."

"Good, now we know how she got out," Hook added.

"Get out? You mean she ran away?!" Rose begged, as Jafar took the enchantment off her, her disguise melting off her to reveal her slim and hooded form. "They had always been the perfect family."

"The perfect people aren't always perfect, as you know all too well." Frollo sadly remarked, walking from a nearby alleyway with a grinning March Hare at his side. Rose seemed visibly distressed at this note, bowing her head in quiet pain.

"Good God, man, who savaged your leg?" Hook inquired. "A doberman?

"A doped-up man, but close enough." Frollo spat, glancing at the hare. "But that's not the best story to tell. A person wrapped in shadows and sea-mist carrying a large sack signed as a passenger to a ship heading to Thebes."

"That's not too bad." Rose remarked. "We merely catch up to her in Thebes, and bring her home."

"Who do you mean her?" Frollo stopped with a raised eyebrow, as did the March Hare but who would change eyebrows every other second.

"We believe Melody ran away from home, and covered it up by making it look like a kidnapping." Hook answered.

"That would make matters grave," Frollo said, growing pale, "for the person who signed on as passenger on that ship did not know it was the illegal slaving ship _Darkwind_, whose captain is Scroop of the famed (and cruel) Nathaniel Flint's original crew, that would often trick people into shackles by pretending to be a merchant's vessel."

Everyone's eyes shot wide as china plates.

"If what you said is true," the judge's voice grew very solemn, "then Melody just sold herself into slavery of one of the most darkhearted fiends to sail the oceans."

* * *

><p>Later than night, Hook paced back in forth in front of the castle gate, sweating nervously and wringing his hand and hook so.<p>

It had not been a pleasant affair today.

Maleficent and the Horned King did find Melody's location. The boat she was was on it's way to Thebes, halfway down the Timeless River and heading for the open waters. By the time they could respond with a force, they would be out in open waters. Hook had automatically offered the Jolly Roger for service, only to be told by the March Hare that while he had been out these past few days the Hare had taken his boat to get to some house "somewhere over the rainbow and made of syrup and milk chocolate" with a captured pixie, a lot of rope, and a couple dozen Spanish butterflies for good measure. He had then crashed said boat into the side of the mountain , whereupon he departed from it and made haste back to the Horned King's Castle through the use of some illegal teleporting portals.

Hook then promptly almost chocked the life out of him.

Maleficent found the remains, and was able to secure the surviving remains of Hook's belongings, including his beloved diploma, which had been in an iron safe all this time.

Now down a ship, the group was forced to make some recalculations. They could fly out, but the usual seller of flying machines to villains was chilling behind prison bars, and his resume of criminal activities did not make his bail easy to pay off. They thought of flying out on Maleficent, but then again the sight of a dragon flying over land or near the coast would send most people into a panic, and since Maleficent's dragon form as so distinct it would not do for any matter of subtlety. Teleportation could be used, but Scroop was a wily sea-scum, and knew how to defeat such attacks through magic, having survived such things during the Piracy Wars. Hook knew just how cunning he was from firsthand experience, having met the alien at the time while facing massive onslaught from the naval powers of the world, hell-bent on purging all pirates from the Seven Seas. He also knew how cruel the beast was, recalling the brutal tortures and slaughters Scroop had done to the captured and wounded enemy.

It did not please him at all, but they had to make do. The plan now?

Buy, beg, borrow, or steal a ship that could face the massive _Darkwind_, and recruit a crew brave enough to face such a monster all by tomorrow night, teleport to the coast, and catch the scoundrel before he makes lands and escapes with any measure of wealth he had wickedly earned.

The second half was the easy part. Finding a crew under such circumstances would not be easy, as they would be reluctant to serve under Captain James Hook, whose legacy of victory, remind you, is not glamorous. They would even be more reluctant to just pack up and go by the morrow, giving as they probably would want to drink, eat, and be merry before they left. Getting a boat would be easier, but it would require either a lot of cash, a really big favor that someone owes them, or the right circumstances to steal it and not get caught, which would only make the villains as a whole look worse.

It was all too fast, but time was of the essence. Hook knew they had the power and capability to handle Scroop and the _Darkwind_, but would they be able to save Melody?

The possibility of failure was all too high, as what would such failure would cost them...would cost Hook.

The gate guard from his tower shouted at the pirate. "The queen will have you now!" The call sent Hook jumping out of his line of thought, and he could only wave back as he caught his senses. Slowly, the gates opened, and Hook took a swig from a hidden bottle for strength. Then, he walked in.

The light blue interior was quiet this night, as all the investigators could find was nothing so they were dismissed by the royal couple, who wished to be alone in their misery. Hook frowned at the heaviness of the air; it was if sadness, no longer cloaked by the hustle and bustle, permeated everything here now.

Hook strode into the main hall, where the Queen was already waiting for him. She was alone, but Hook truly didn't count on it. Her eyes were still puffy, but she had been done up to hide the sorrow. She was still in the dress she had this morning, but instead of a dagger or tears it was a document in her hand. Puzzled, the captain approached solemnly.

"Good evening, my lady." he bowed nobly, taking his hat off. Queen Ariel acknowledged his manners with a nod of her head, and then extended her free hand for the diploma.

Hook stopped dead. He was just about to hand his greatest life achievement over to someone who would probably hold it over his head in some magical vault for the rest of his miserable life if her daughter was not safely returned. Everything he'd been proud, the tests, the tournaments, the teachers and life lessons, were forged into that piece of parchment, nay, his whole worth was almost there save for the remains of the Jolly Roger (which he was having transported back for repairs as soon as he could). To give this away was to sell his soul, which was somewhat funny given that the one he would give it to...knew the price of deals all too well.

He stood up, and looked her dead in the eyes. "I trust you." he said, and he let it go.

As soon as he did, it was replaced, in a flash, by the document in her hand.

"As do I." she said. Hook paused in awe, and opened the document, gold lettered and shimmering with magic. It was what he had always dreamed of.

"It's-" he began.

"The Royal Privateer's Charter. Forged by the magic of my people, it will serve as my voice for you wherever you go. No one will dare disagree with you as long as you have that. Also, once you complete this task, and you return my daughter, you will be allowed to keep it, for as long as you serve good."

Hook trembled. With this he could pursue all his wildest dreams unhindered, no, helped by the forces of good! No longer having to sulk in caves and hidden coasts, to be a man of prestige and praised by the people for the good he had performed, all the time sailing the seas securing treasure and glory for himself (and, of course, the royalty). All he had to do as sign it.

"But," Ariel added, "If you sign this, and betray me or the forces of good, I or my Father who helped forge it, will command the magic in it to destroy you _slowly_ where you stand, and trust me when I say I will not hesitate to use it."

Hook swallowed nervously. To sign this could be death, or glory eternal. It would fulfill his dreams, and allow him to sail once again. Once all this nonsense with the crystal was done, he would be free!But, if those who held the magic in thrall found him wanting, death, oh, painful death would be his! And, with all this nonsense with the crystal, it could very well his fate, to be found wanting!

Which is funny, because Hook knew that if he would die in any other way than age, it would probably be slow, painful, and not desirable for a gentleman such as himself in any way.

"I would gladly sign this, my lady, but I lack a ship."

"What about the Jolly Roger?" she inquired.

"The March Hare." and by the queen's reaction that was all that needed to be said. She turned and pondered for a moment. Suddenly, a small smile came to her face. Not a cute, little girly smile, but one that Hook found more fitting on Maleficent than Ariel.

"I have a solution." she replied, with a devilish look in her eyes.

* * *

><p>"Where is Hook!" Jafar ranted, for the millionth time in a row. He paced back and forth on the dock, gesturing madly as the entire gang, even Eilonwy (who had joined upon hearing of their quest to save Melody) , was there by orders of the Captain. The Timeless River was idling by on it's sweet time, and to be honest even Maleficent would had fallen asleep to it's gentle currents had not Jafar been complaining so much.<p>

"If ya care for him so much why don't you get married!" screamed Facilier.

"Do you want to be turned into newt? I gladly arrange for that!" replied Jafar.

"The next idiot who speaks loses his tongue, understood?" Eilonwy said, drawing her magical blade. She was not girded in her typical dress, but a modified form layered with leather padding. The sword she wield was Taran's, but why it was in her possession and not his was an enigma no one would dare ask... yet.

It was upon this time that the Horned King, who had been nearly asleep despite all this noise (he was use to screaming by now), saw the masts of a very, very large vessel coming down the way. The sails were black as coal, and the boat was made of some wood that resembled ebony, but stronger, like something from the Black Forests of Snow White's Kingdom. It was a galleon, heavily armed, with 32 split evenly on both sides, with 6 on the front and back for chase or flight. It would have been a standard, if dark looking ship of war, had not the Horned King, and all the magic wielders could see the dark magic that permeated it through and through. It was as if the vessel was made by sea demons, and Frollo could tell immediately.

At the helm, the elegant Captain James Hook was smiling from cheek to cheek.

"I'm not getting on infernal thing." was Frollo's final word.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!"Hook cried over to the dock. "Are you ready for adventure!"

"I wouldn't either if I saw that smile." Maleficent added, "but right now I'm (temporarily) blinded by joy. We have a vessel to which to pursue our course. Now, we need a crew.

"Well, at least this is a good reason for once.!" Jafar griped. "But, we still need that a crew!"

"That's easy now that we have this!" Hook shouted back. "And what more, our lady Ariel has offered to pay for all expenses that might be garnered on this voyage!"

"Time to rack up the credit cards." Facilier laughed.

"And what, in the name of all that is Holy, is that!" Frollo shouted back.

"The _Wicked Wench_!" Hook laughed. "Good folk, we are legal and armed for battle and glory!" He produced the charter from his coat and waved it around madly.

"The Royal Privateer's Character." Aurora shook her head in amused disbelief. "Hook is now a royal privateer for Ariel. The end is truly upon us."

"Sweet Allah, it's his birthday." Jafar bemoaned, putting a hand to his weary head. "I won't be hearing the end of this."

"And what does all this mean?" Facilier inquired, getting up to admire the dark sea-faring beauty before him. "We workin' for the Queen now?"

"Only Hook is, bound by it's magical spell." Eilonwy answered, though she sounded worried. Such matters were weighty indeed.

"Hook!" Jafar yelled. " Get down here so we can start recruiting!"

Hook, however, was ready. Kicking a plank down to the dock, the overjoyed pirate captain rolled down a little stand on wheels, with the words "_Signage onto the Dread Pirate Hook's crew in pursuit of the Fiends who stole Princess Melody_" on it.

"Wordy enough for Hook." noted Maleficent.

"No, Hook always finds a way to add another word or two." Jafar countered. "So, captain, where do you want to start?"

Hook looked over the little fellowship and pondered. "Alright, game plan. Huddle." he said, with a wave of his hands inwards. Everyone looked at each other, shrugged, and huddled.

"Alright, lasses, you go and hit up any establishments were the sailor-type would be. Lads, take these," and at this he grabbed a massive stack of posters, "and plaster them all over town. Jafar, you and I will stay here and wait for the newcomers."

"And why, pray tell, are we going to the bars instead of the boys?" Maleficent inquired.

Hook shrugged. "Sex sells."

* * *

><p>The morning was early, which was what Hook wanted, seeing how this would allow for time to gather a crew. To the captain's surprise, his first sailor was not scum, but hero.<p>

Hook was busy preparing the paper when suddenly the sound of hooves on pavement echoed in his ears. Looking up, he spotted several valiant chargers coming his way, 12 to be sure, and to stop right in front of his spot. Their leader?

"Captain Phoebus! How did you already know about this?" Hook exclaimed.

"Didn't you hear?" the knight smiled, girded in thick leather and cloak like the rest of his men. "Jafar and I had a deal. I let him in on the case, but I and my handpicked men would join him in the pursuit of the kidnappers."

Hook glared over to Jafar, who was sheepishly standing on the side. "I loathe you." Hook said, s. "We were this close," pinching his fingers together for emphasis "this close to not having a hero up our ends and now this!" he waved over to Phoebus.

"But it's Phoebus!" Jafar defended. "Surely he is more than the normal hero?"

Hook stopped short. "True. That is true." Turning back to Phobeus and his men, Hook extended a quill and a bottle of ink. "Welcome aboard, sir."

"Thanks, Hook." smiled Phoebus, taking the pen. "You always have a welcoming way about you."

More to Hook's surprise, in a matter of hours the line was stretching across the blocks. Not too many heroes or good people, but many villains who had just paid bail. Clayton joined, his best shotgun on his shoulder:

"I'll have a shot at the bastard."

The former Governor Ratcliffe, armed for war:

"For good and glory, count me in."

Honest John and Gideon, both packing large knives:

"Eh, the money's good."

Percival C. McLeach, carrying several cases of ammo, guns, and fishing gear:

"Might as well get some good fishing in before I die."

Gaston, carrying both his musket and bow:

"Never let it be said that Gaston did no good."

Huns, barbarians, weasels, thugs of all sorts, various former villainous warriors now mercenaries, even a few cards from Wonderland all joined in. And, oddly enough, the main theme was that all felt the End was near for them.

Hook pondered this as the day went on, wondering just what was going on in the criminal world to make them thing that. True, he had been avoiding it recently on purpose, but now that they would be on a boat together for a while it seemed best to sit down and see what was going on.

Just then, to break his line of thought, a slender, pale hand reached out and took the quill. Signing her name, Miranda Wright, dressed in jeans, a tank top, and a heavy leather jacket, said not a word, but merely walked aboard with a pack of clothes, and a shotgun, two revolvers, and a automatic rifle all strapped or slung to her along with all the ammunition she would need in a pack on her back.

"Did you just see that?" Hook whispered in astonishment.

"You haven't seen it all yet." Jafar stated, pointing back to the line. Hook looked back over, and nearly jumped.

The Colonel stood there, dressed impeccably as he was always, mustache trimmed, and his own set of weapons polished and ready for war.

"How do you do?" and he too took the pen from Hook's hand and signed aboard.

"Fine, thank you," was all Hook managed as the marksman walked up the plank and onto the Wicked Wench.

"I've seen it all now." Hook muttered, only to look up and see Tigger and Vidia standing there in line. They were the same as they last saw them, dressed to the 9 and packing some heavy firepower. What was different was that Vidia was still suffering from her impalement, her movements slow at times and other jerky. The pirate could only assume that it was sheer heart and health potions that had kept her alive to this day.

Hook looked back over to Jafar. "I'm seeing things, right?"

"Not this time." was all Jafar could muster too.

This time however, Hook held the pen back. "And what makes you think we can trust you?"

"What makes you think we can trust you?" Tigger replied, his normal lighthearted tone grim as the Horned King. "We need the money, and that's it. So, what'll be? You gonna let us on or what?"

Hook held the pen out, but snatched it back as soon as the feline reached for it. Leaning forward, he growled. "You will be paid and taken care of as one of my own, but if you dare straiten my steps to victory I will have you both disembowel you both."

At this, Vidia made a light laugh and a grin, but that was all was said. Hook handed the quill to Tigger, who grabbed it roughly and signed him and his buddy on board. As they walked to the ship, Hook sat back down, scratching his chin. "Don't tell Facilier...yet. I will do so. Keep an eye on them, and show no mercy if they do otherwise than my orders."

"I think you made your point to them clearly," Jafar stated darkly.

"You make sure they know!" Hook barked, pointing a finger. "I will not have treachery on my ship! Especially when so much is on the line..." he rasped.

"Then," Jafar replied, "why did you let them on?"

Hook said nothing, but merely returned to the matters at hand.

* * *

><p>Briar Rose looked over the motliest crew of men and woman she had ever seen from the quarterdeck. "I do believe this is a most devious invention." she said, leaning on the rail next to Facilier..<p>

Facilier smiled. "As long as I'm not paying for it, ya know?"

Rose let out a faint smile, but it took no skill to tell she was bothered.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? We about to go do some good, and you all down in the dumps?" Facilier moved closer to her, but she did not move or smile or anything. Just...stared out...unto the ocean.

"I miss my old life, Facilier," she confessed. "I miss my husband, and my family, and my friends. Now, I sit at the sidelines while they all worry about me, and with all this..." she faded off.

"Hey, hey, hey now," the witch doctor crooned, taking her hands into his. "This is just a bad time, you know that. The heroes will win," he said that word reluctantly, "and all will be right in the world. Isn't that how it always works out?"

Rose nodded slightly, and then sighed. "But, will I be alright?" she looked him in the eyes, and the pain damn near broke him there. "Will I be alright?"

Facilier smiled, the best one he could muster. "Things change, darlin', but what's in here," he said, pointing to her heart. "That never does. Even if a 100 years had gone by while you were sleeping, do you not think Philip would had still come for you?"

At this Rose smiled, a bright one that Facilier, or anyone for that matter, rarely ever saw these days. "Yes, your quite right." And then she let out a little giggle. "Everything will be alright." and with that she launched into a hug, enveloping him in her arms. "Oh, thank you, kind doctor, thank you so much."

The passion of the embrace threw him off, but he returned it gently, enjoying this moment for all he could. It was over too soon for him, as she let go, pecked him on the cheek, and went down to the deck, where Hook was calling the crew to meeting.

Facilier sighed, a lonely, cold sigh. "And you just friend-zoned yourself, dumbass."

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I ain't nothin' in this here story but me own ideas and interpretations, and you can't make me!<p>

Thank you, everybody, for your reviews and readings. Your continued support is what makes Vip continue onward.


	23. Monsters of Flesh and Blood

Monsters of Flesh and Blood  
>by the Marvelous March Hare<p>

It was the most accursed sight he had ever seen. Bilge-rats, muggers and thugs, criminal masterminds, men of Corona and Grecian hoplites, heroes bold, trolls, maidens fair, murders, Arabs and sons of Arendelle,veteran sailors, nobles of breeding, thieves, beastmen of both paw and hoof, scoundrels, Chinese warriors and Scottish Highlanders, rum-runners, slit-throat and cut-purses. It would go down as one of the most varied masses of men and woman ever gathered to sail a ship into dark waters.

Hook couldn't have been happier.

"Men, woman, beasts, and anything else gathered before me." he shouted, high on a recently placed platform. "You have all signed on this voyage, the reasons your own and so I leave them be. But, you serve me now, and my cause is to rescue the stolen Princess Melody of the Merfolk and return her to her rightful place. Her kidnapper is none other than the dread Pirate Scroop, of who I am sure you know of."

And that much was true, for upon the name Scroop a hush fell over those gathered. His power; formidable, owing a small armada somewhere off one of the many coasts. His brutality in war, remarkable, his men composing of even a worse lot than what laid before Hook. His tortures to those who face him and failed, dreadful, spoken in fearful whispers even among the lowlifes of the sea.

"You have already signed your lives away, so until my target is claim your continued existences are negligible to me if you try to flee now. But, for those of you who fight by my side, then not only we will be claimed as heroes, of which wine and women will be a-waiting for us aplenty-" at this there was a loud shout from the crew, "upon returning, but we will also lay claim to anything that this pirate Scroop may have stolen as our own!" At this there was another shout, for wine and women can be bought with gold. "So, as the wind is to our backs, and King Triton himself having blessed this voyage, we set sail for the glory, god, and gold!"

At this the men moved with a clamour and a cry, and Hook fell into an array of orders that set the ship in motion. The sails unfurled, the ropes were untied from the dock, and the anchor lifted from the depths. The wind pushed, and Maleficent could tell they're was a force pushing them that was not of man or the natural cycles of nature. But she was powerful too, and would not be outdone by a mere merking. Raising her hands, the winds shook the boat, and the massive barge moved forward at a pace well described by Hook as astonishing.

Soon, they were free of Disneyville, and the initial joy of the departure sank into a dull routine. Hook called an officer's meeting, and even invited several of his villain friends and heroes to join. The captain's quarters were impressive, fitted with the best money could buy. Red velvet furniture, gold trim, master-crafted cabinets and desk made with ebony wood and ivory. It would have been a thing for admirals, but it fitted Hook quite nicely. The pirate captain – now privateer to one of the most powerful naval kingdoms to exist - sat at his desk while a table had been brought in for his companions to sit at and discuss the matters over dinner, a delicious chicken with gravy.

"It's now night, and we are in full motion," Hook said. "We know that Scroop is almost to sea by now, but at our pace we should do well." He looked around. "But, I admit," he said, taking his hat off and placing it on his desk. "I am in need of a officers to help maintain this risky venture. The list is as follows:

A first mate: my second-hand man to watch where I can not.

A second mate:a navigator to guide us through this journey.

A third mate: a watchkeeper, to maintain that all watches are done orderly and on time.

A boatswain: to maintain order in this crew at all times.

A head surgeon and doctor: to maintain health and comfort in and out of conflict.

However, since this is not a democracy nor an actual pirate vessel I am in complete charge here, and have already picked the ones I need. Many of you will be playing dual roles, so will be working shifts that you may get the rest you need to carry on this mission."

He pointed to Jafar and Maleficent. "You will both be my second mates." He looked over to Briar Rose, who by Hook's orders was to be referred to as Thorn till the matter at hand was handled, and Eilonwy. "You two will be my physicians when the time comes. Until then, continue your daily routine as seen fit." He looked over to Phoebus and Miranda Wright. "You two will be my boatswains." He pointed to Horned King and Facilier. "You will serve as my first mates." Finally, he looked over at Colonel, who was off quietly smoking and drinking whiskey on his own. "Colonel, you will be my third mate from the crow's nest."

He looked around with a curious look. "Any questions?"

"What about me!?" the hare jumped from his seat, eyes burning with a fiery passion.

Several curses were spat with varying degrees of volumes, but Hook had planned for this. "You, good hare, will be my official ghost hunter."

The March Hare's face fell into pure ecstatic joy. "A ghost hunter?"

"Yes, Marchie," Hook beamed with pride. "You are to keep daily watch for any supernatural activities on this ship, and to destroy it with great relish upon discovery!" pointing at the hare with a sense of grave authority, he said. "Are you able to perform the great burden ahead of you?!"

The hare could only squeal, and faint, with joy.

"Good!" Hook chimed, grabbing himself another drink. "Now, let's have some fun, shall we?"

In truth, there was not much fun to be had. Card games were popular, as so was drinking, but most matters were soon to be found most wretchedly a bore as they sailed up the Timless River, the only relief being the sights and sounds around them. Even then, save for the rare cry of "Ghosts!" from the March Hare, all became frightfully dull. Jafar was beginning to wonder why Hook loved this business so, as it seemed to be a most nauseating experience unless something went wrong, where it became a most terrifying one. Fights were common, especially among the mixed batch of men, but Phoebus and Miranda soon proved their mettle for the task. Miranda was especially harsh, as one morning's incident proved.

It was during this silence that Hook took it upon himself to inform Facilier of certain shipmates before he discovered them and tried to slaughter them...again.

He was led by eye-witnesses to the cook's kitchen, where he found the Shadowman working along the ship head cook, Long John Silver. The laughter that greeted him as he came down was most ear-wracking, and Hook was caught off-guard momentarily.

"Seems to me you two are having fun." Hook said as he recovered with a smile, entering the massive set of chambers that was the ship's kitchens.

"Now why wouldn't we be, oh Captain?" Silver said with a laugh, his own mechanical eye dancing around. "I was just telling Faci here how this one time-"

"You scuttled 12 ships of the royal armada before being captured, only to escape by seducing the jailer's daughter?" Hook replied with a smile.

"Now, how did ya know that?" Silver eyed curiously.

"You've told me it a thousand times." Hook laughed. "It's so old it could be you!"

"Now that might be true," the cyborg said with his own laugh, "but it doesn't mean it ain't true!"

"Sure, it doesn't." Hook nodded sarcastically.

"What brings you down here, cap?" Facilier asked finally.

"You did, in truth." Hook admitted, somewhat reluctantly. "We need to talk, and you will not like it."

Facilier suddenly tensed up, but nodded anyway. "Sure," he said, getting up.

"Pardon us, Silver," Hook said with a wave good-bye, "But this is a private matter."

"So be it," the cook said as he continued on his work, cleaning a few spare pots and kettles. "Take care, lads!"

"We will!" Hook shouted back, as he and Facilier ascended from the glowing caves of fire and into the open air.

"What's this about?" Facilier interrogated with crossed arms.

Hook paused, collected himself, tried to talk, failed, and collected himself again. "It's about...that night...in Agrabah."

Facilier's eyes squinted in confusion. "What about it?"

"Well..." Hook began, until suddenly a roar interrupted him. It came from the main deck, and Hook immediately stopped and turned towards it. "What the devil?"

Facilier and Hook ran to the scene. In the center of the boat, the crew was halting their work and staring at a man, a Grecian man of Thebes to be precise,who had attempted rape on a fellow crew-woman this morning and was caught in the act. He was tied to the mast by two huge brutes, screaming innocence all the way. Out of the mass, with two knights at her side with hands on swords, was Miranda Wright. The woman was paler than usual, and if not for the anger flushing her face would've have been thought a ghost.

"You asked me, after the first meeting we had, why I had a dying woman placed in charge of such a precious position as boatswain." Hook said quietly, as the two gazed the sight before them. "Especially in regards to this lot." He waved his hand forward with a slight smile. "Here's why."

The pale boatswain did not say a word, did not make an official decree or challenge, but left that to the knight on her right. As the man read off the man's crime, Miss Wright merely pulled a cat-o-nine tails out and whirled it around for all to see, to build suspense in the crowd and terror in the bound Grecian. The whip had been made courtesy of Jafar, Maleficent, and the Horned King to commemorate the voyage, and had a bit of each's dark magic in it.

Maleficent's blessing; a _wail_ came from it each time it was swung.

As the tails swung, that they did, a banshee's worth of shrieking and mourning came from it, and all mortal men who watched it shook.

Jafar's blessing: that the wounds produced by it would not, for a season, grow cold or numb until the punishment had passed and was well over.

The tails came down, and the first scream was by the far the loudest one. Then the second blow, then the third, and the fourth, and so on.

"Did that man ever say how many lashes he was going to get?" Facilier asked Hook.

The captain smiled and simply said "No."

The third blessing, that of the Horned King; that the pain would sink deeper into the bones and organs, and the resulting infection would, while not be fatal, last for 7 days, each one as terrible as the next. It was only upon the end of seven days that wounds would close miraculously, and the survivor would be forced back into work.

Even from here, the wounds on the Grecian could be seen glowing red and pussing up.

"Charming little display, isn't it." Hook grinned. "See how she takes her time between strikes? She doesn't pace it out, but merely surprises the man every now and then with a pause or two longer."

"It does have it appeal." Facilier admitted, somewhat sickened. "The kind people like you enjoy."

Hook grinned, his teeth bared like a shark. "Well, to each their own, and better more pain to the wicked than the just?"

Facilier nodded, and though he knew the man deserved it, it was not a pleasant thing to watch, and made him think of all the lynchings and beatings he had seen.

Miranda Wright dragged it out for over 15 minutes, a 5 additional for the man cursing her. Covered in flicks of blood from her head to feet, worn to the bone and tired, she had the man taken down, and quietly returned to her cabin (scourge in hand) to let Phoebus take over while she rested.

"So, you picked her cause she's got nothing to lose, and all to give?" Facilier said with a slow smile. "Impressive. So, what were you going to ask me?"

Hook began to speak, before another interruption came. This time from Jafar.

"Hook! We've got a vampire problem!"

"This guy's sucked up like a juice pack," noted the March Hare as the fellowship gathered round the remains of weasel. A single puncture wound ran into his throat, and he was completely – completely – dry.

"This is no vampire," said Frollo. "Vampires come in many varieties, but none have the piercing weapon like this."

"Then we have a monster?" noted Facilier.

"Not for long." stated Maleficent.

"Jolly good point." replied Hook, joining the gang that gathered round the husk of a corpse. "Maleficent, Jafar, you start scrying the ship for any sign of this beast. Facilier, you and Frollo keep an eye on the boys and make sure none of them turn into dinner. Marchie," he said, turning to the mad hare.

"Yeah boss!"

"Sans explosives and weapons of mass destruction, find me the demon, and slay it with thee utmost authority."

The hare cackled in joy.

* * *

><p>A short chapter to make up for my absence. I have been a busy bunny in real life, and for a while lost interest in the story I so loved. Now, however...I have this one rampant fan...who came begging for me not to quit...so here I am...trying to write a story I have no idea will go really.<p>

I am a confused author.

I will also be soon starting a real, more in-depth work of fiction that I will soon be publishing here, so you'll know it when you see it! That does mean, however, that I will be dividing my time between the two, with VIP more for fun, and the other work a more strenuous work of love for me.

Disclaimer – I do not own any of the character mentioned in this story, nor am I making a profit off it.


End file.
